Grocery Store Allegiances
I recently changed grocery stores. This is probably not of much interest to you unless you market grocery stores, but I did it for a number of reasons. The new store has more products I like, it’s smaller and closer to my home, and it’s in the same shopping plaza as a liquor store and my bank. (Note to Americans – In all Canadian provinces except Quebec you cannot buy wine in the grocery store, or anyplace outside of the liquor store. Pain. In. The. Posterior.) If I forget my re-usable bags they use paper instead of plastic, and the staff is very smiley.
Deciding that I like one grocery store better than the other is hardly earth-shattering. However, I feel a little guilty. I shopped at my old grocery store for over 6 years, from the time that we first moved into this house. I took my newborns there, and the staff knew them and commented on their growth. I had a relationship with that store, in many ways. But their parking lot is awful and the store is big and overwhelming and the don’t carry large jugs of organic milk.
Photo credit buck82 on Flickr.
It’s funny how wrapped up my identity can become in the place that I buy toilet paper. I feel almost as if shopping at Store X instead of Store Y says something about the kind of person I am. The store I choose is about the food I eat and the community I live in, and both of these are extremely important things. It’s also about my money and what I choose to spend it on. While I know that store preference is subjective and not values-based, it still implies something to me.
Photo credit steev-o on Flickr.
Grocery stores vary with where you live. In urban areas stores are small, but you can find a wide variety of specialty stores, too. Places that sell only nuts, but the best nuts you’ve ever eaten, or exotic foods without a single recognizable letter on them. Here in the suburbs the stores are big and the parking lots are bigger. A single grocery store is outfitted to look like a bunch of smaller specialty shops all put together, with a ‘cheese shoppe’ and a ‘butcher’ and a ‘patisserie’. One-stop shopping is the aspiration, but we like the illusion that it’s somehow fancier than the massive barn it really is. In rural settings the stores get smaller, again, and people may have to make long trips to stock up on certain items.
Photo credit Tim Murtaugh on Flickr.
If stores carry different food in different packaging for different prices, doesn’t that say something about a place? The way that people acquire and handle food is fundamental. The value that we assign to what we eat, and our relationship to it, is reflected in our grocery stores. For example, do we buy something that looks like a chicken, or do we buy chicken nuggets? Is there more store space devoted to pet food than vegetables? If we are what we eat, then our grocery stores matter.
Do you apply special weight to your choice of grocery store? Or, do you think I am blowing the significance of grocery store allegiance way out of proportion? Please share!
Furtive Snacking
When you have little babies you can eat whatever you want in front of them. They are not at all interested in food at first, and when they do become interested they don’t yet know that chocolate pudding tastes much better than mashed peas. It’s a lovely time, really, feeding the baby squash while you have a bowl of ice cream. So lovely.
Unfortunately, this time does not last forever. Eventually children have their first taste of sugar, eat a cookie their grandma gave them, learn the difference between a chocolate chip and a black bean. They start to recognize what is ‘good’ and what is ‘not so good’ on sight. They may even memorize handy information like where you keep the marshmallows. Knowing where the marshmallows are is practically a toddler’s number one responsibility.
Jacob sees something he wants
Once your kid knows what a treat is and what it looks like your world is never quite the same. You start indulging on the sly. You cultivate ’secret hiding spots’ for the good chocolate, the expensive ice cream, the baked goods. You refer to pop as ‘daddy juice’ and tell them that dark chocolate is ’spicy’.
I reached this stage years and years ago with my daughter Hannah, of course. I got used to eating my treats after she went to bed, or at work where no one would demand in screeching tones that I share. You adapt, you figure out work-arounds, you learn what you can and can’t get away with right now. Recently the kid has started smelling my breath, forcing me to raise the bar even higher. By the time she’s 7 I’ll have a PhD in furtive snacking.
Jacob points out the thing he wants
Jacob, just shy of 18 months now, is far more advanced at sniffing out the treats than his sister ever was at this age. I am at home full-time with him, so I have fewer options for eating chocolate on the low-down. He is a second child, so I was less dedicated to keeping him away from the sugar when he was little. Plus he has a big sister who wants the occasional treat, and unlike me can’t be expected to down it in one gulp with her face hidden by a cupboard door.
These days, Jacob shrieks when I open the cupboard that holds the chocolate chips. Unfortunately it also holds our crackers, nuts, raisins, vitamins, honey and all manner of other foods. It’s a cupboard I open frequently. I could move the chocolate chips, but I’m not sure where as our other cupboards also hold food and I’m short and not able to reach the ones that don’t. Once again, being 5′ 2″ limits my options.
Jacob attempts to scale the cabinetry to reach the thing he wants
I could give up the treats, but I have so few vices already. I don’t like coffee, and I rarely consume alcohol. I’ve never smoked and I don’t even own a television. I need an outlet, and sugar is the one I’ve chosen. If it means I need to eat it in the bathroom while the children pound on the door and call for me, so be it. I might feel a little bad while they wail for their mother, but not bad enough to open the door and share.
Kindergarten Registration
On Tuesday I registered my baby for kindergarten. My daughter, Hannah, who was born 6 weeks early, and who at 4 days old weighed only 4lbs, 14oz. The child I feared would never learn to walk, or talk, or use the bathroom on her own. The child who made me a mother. I am so, so not ready for this.
I loaded the children up and we trekked the 3 blocks to the school. It’s not far, but it does involve a fairly steep hill, not fun with a toddler in a stroller. I think that walking to school and back twice a day, 5 days a week may turn out to be good for me. Hannah wanted to bring her bike but I talked her into riding her scooter, since the scooter is lighter and hence easier to handle if when she gets tired of riding it.
Hannah riding her scooter to the registration. Watching her ride away felt very wistful.
There is, as it turns out, a whole lot of paperwork involved in kindergarten registration. The form is short, only two pages of large, well-spaced font, but you need to bring documentation. For instance, you need a rental agreement, home-buying contract or property tax assessment to prove your residency. An electricity bill will not do. Your driver’s license will not do. You also need to provide verification of citizenship for your child and yourself. Does the school district really need to know my age? Apparently so.
No surprise to me, Hannah wasn’t up to riding the scooter the whole way.
I sort of wonder about the necessity of these documents. I understand that they want to make sure that kids aren’t providing fake addresses, but how much of a problem is this really? Local enrollments are declining as the population ages and the birth rate declines. I needed less in the way of documentation to register to vote, for Pete’s sake!
Checking out a hallway display.
Thanks to our fastidious record-keeping, we did in fact manage to find our house purchase agreement. Good thing, because we don’t have a paper copy of our tax assessment due to my husband’s habit of scanning and destroying all of our documents. You’d better believe that when it’s time to register Jacob I am keeping a copy of the tax assessment. And maybe knocking 5 years off the age on my birth certificate with some white-out and a pencil. Or, if I’m feeling really wild, I’ll knock off 10.
Posing in front of the school.
Hannah talked the secretary’s ear off while we registered. She shared all sorts of personal details, and let her know that she’s feeling a little shy. She also let her know that her baby brother isn’t ready for kindergarten, that she is 4 3/4 and will turn 5 soon, and that kindergarten starts in a really, really long time after baby Jacob’s birthday. Having a 5-year-old teaches you to watch what you say, let me tell you.
They are implementing full-day kindergarten here in British Columbia, but not at our school. After much hand-wringing we opted for the afternoon slot. I’m hoping that Jacob will nap while Hannah’s at school and I will have actual time to myself. It could happen, right? (Please say yes.) Or, just share some kindergarten survival tips with me, because I think I’m going to need them.
On Having No Time
It’s Thursday and I’m Crafing my Life! Today I am lamenting the fact that I have no time. Join me, won’t you?
Back in late August I talked about our culture’s Cult of Busy-ness. Money and status come with Important Responsibilities, and Important Responsibilities mean you’re busy. Having Too Much To Do is almost like a religion for us, and productivity is how we measure our value as people.
As the mother of a two young children, I feel as if there will never be enough time in the world for everything that I need to do, let alone half the stuff I merely want to do. I have been at home full-time, I have worked outside the home and I have worked at home, and lack of time has remained a part of my reality regardless. There are upsides and downsides to whatever choice you make, but as long as you have little kids you are going to be hard-pressed to find the hours in a day to do it all.
Having ‘no time’ and being ‘busy’ are relative. I thought I had no time when I was a single university student, and then I thought I had no time when I worked full time and did some volunteer activities, and then I thought I really had no time when I had my first baby. These days, my friends with more than one child and I say to each other, “Do you remember how we thought we were busy with one? Yeah, we really didn’t know from busy.” Your definition of ‘busy’ changes, along with your definition of ’sleeping in’ or ‘getting out the door quickly’.
As my life has gotten fuller I’ve discovered that being busy is less about having stuff to do, and more about how you choose to spend your time. I complain to my husband that I can never finish an article in the paper, yet I read dozens of blogs every day. I used to complain that I had no time to work in my garden, and now I find that time more easily because I am home during daylight hours and my kids like to be outside with me. They help me water and we kill two birds with one stone, but I don’t get through my email inbox. And even in the middle of the lost socks and Jacob peeing on the floor and trying to get dinner on the table and do some freelance work, if something really important comes up I do it. I find the time.
In the place I’m in now, trying to build a new life, I do not have the luxury of long, uninterrupted stretches in which to work. While I write this post I am holding Jacob, who is napping in my arms because that’s the only place he sleeps during the day. The cat is on my desk, the dishwasher is running, and the room I’m sitting in is a terrible mess. I have to set my priorities, though, or I will not get any writing time at all. By necessity, I have gotten better at seizing the time I have and pressing through, because it’s the only choice I have, the only way I can get work done.
There are lots of ways to manage your time and become more efficient. But the best way that I know is this – recognize that you are never going to have ‘more time’. Waiting for the magical day when you do is fruitless. So in the little time that you do have, set priorities and do what needs to get done. If that means turning off the computer and writing with a pen and paper so that Twitter doesn’t call to you, so be it. If that means setting a timer and saying, “OK, I have 15 minutes to clean this room,” then so be it. And if that means that you need to take a little downtime so that you don’t fall in a million pieces, do it and do it unrepentantly. The only time you really have is right now, so you’ve got to make it work to your advantage.
How do you combat the reality that just aren’t enough hours in the day? Or, have you managed to overcome that feeling? Please share!
February’s Crafting my Life series is about time management. Exciting? Debatable. Important? Absolutely. On the last Thursday of the month, which just happens to be the 25th, I will include a link up. To participate, write a post on this month’s theme and add yourself to the list. Then go off and read everyone else’s ideas and thoughts and be inspired! Check out January’s link up to get a feel for how it works.
Big Boy Bed
Our crib is no more. It does still exist, in pieces in our crawlspace, but it is no longer the intended sleeping place of our babies. Hannah used it for a time, and Jacob used it pretty much not at all, but I still cried when I took it down. I’m a mom, I cry over every little thing, it’s all part of my charm. Plus Jacob was listening to his favourite CD (it’s a long story) while we did the disassembly, and it was playing this song about how quickly children grow up. Totally, totally unfair.
Last shot of the crib in one piece
Hannah jumping on the crib mattress
We decided to take down Jacob’s crib and replace it with a double bed because our bed was getting too crowded. We did the same thing with Hannah at around the same age. Both kids reached a point where they weren’t sleeping well unless they were in our bed, but they were also reaching a point where they were sort of sprawly and kicky and taking up a lot of space. By moving them to a bed in their own room an adult can join them as needed, and the other one doesn’t even need to wake up. With two kids this is especially critical. So I bought the bed and the bedding and the mattress and we set to work building furniture.
Jon doing some bed-building
Completed bed and bedding, just waiting for a mattress
Jacob likes his new room, especially the lamp we bought. He climbs on the bed and turns it on and off, on and off. Still, the first night in the new digs were sort of rough. I was with him, but he was restless and out of sorts. We got through it together, and things have improved significantly from there. I am hopeful that the new bed will continue to grow on Jacob, and I look forward to the day when he sleeps in it all night long, all by himself. Although I know that may not be for some time yet, and I’m OK with that – it’s why I chose a nice mattress.
The mattress arrived!
Hannah testing the bed out
I realize that at not quite 18 months our kids are on the young end of the spectrum to have a big kid bed, and especially one that could comfortably sleep more than one person. It works for our family, though, and I learned a long time ago that’s the only criteria that really matters, especially when it comes down to getting enough sleep.
The whole family on Jacob’s new bed, excited at the prospect of better rest
Do you have any big kid bed stories to share? Please do!
What I Learned in January 2010
Monthly reviews are my favourite tradition. Here’s how it works – every month I come up with some things I learned. Then, I ask you all to join in with some recent revelations of your own, and we all learn and grow and what-not. Or at least share a laugh at our own expense, because some of these lessons are both hard-fought and funny. Sound good?
So, without further ado, here are some things that I learned in January.
Things I learned in January
1. I discovered the beauty of dried ground cherry husks.
2. I learned that I can still climb a tree rather well, even after a 20+ year hiatus.
3. I choked on my objections and realized that Jacob doesn’t mind being on a leash, and in fact in certain situations it’s a lifesaver.
4. I discovered the hard way that SimplyLinked is more reliable than Mr. Linky for all your link-up widget needs.
5. I found out that many Canadians from less temperate climates get jealous when I post photos of green grass in January.
6. I learned to check the weight before buying large, imported fruit.
7. Thanks to some bad planning, I learned that not-quite-5-year-old Hannah can push a full cart through the IKEA warehouse, but she can’t really steer. Or see over the top, for that matter.
8. I found that life is much better if I’m not so self-critical, and that perceived flaws become less noticeable with time.
9. I joined Ravelry and discovered a whole new way to waste time online. But, oh, the fibery goodness!
10. I learned that being an expert is in the eye of the beholder, and that we all have areas of expertise that we don’t credit ourselves with. One of mine is maternity leave.
What about you? What did you learn in January? Please share!
Maternity Leave Eligibility for the Self-Employed
Today I am revisiting Mat Leave Monday, because I have some very important information to share. If you are a self-employed Canadian who would like to be eligible for maternity or parental benefits, then you need to act now to opt into the EI system. (Note – If you live in Quebec you are already covered under QPIP as a self-employed person.)
Late last year the Fairness for the self-employed act was announced and passed in Canada. Under this act, self-employed Canadians who earn at least $6000 per year will be eligible to receive special benefits through EI starting in 2011. Special benefits include compassionate leave, sickness leave, maternity leave and parental leave. If you do not collect benefits, you will have the option of opting out at the end of any calendar year. Once you collect benefits, however, you must contribute to EI for as long as you remain self-employed.
How does one opt in? Service Canada’s information on special benefits for the self-employed states that the opt-in period began on January 31. To sign up you need to register for a My Service Canada Account. If you want to be eligible to receive special benefits beginning in January, 2011 you have to opt in by April 1, 2010. You can still opt in after April 1, but then your eligibility will take a full calendar year instead of happening next January.
Once you’ve opted in, you will pay your premiums, which are $1.73 / $100 of insurable earnings, with your 2010 tax return. You only pay premiums on the first $43,200 you earn annually, since that is the maximum insurable income level under EI for 2010. Premiums and maximum insurable earnings are typically re-examined annually.
If you’re self-employed and you think you might like to start a family in 2011, this is the time to opt in and sign up for benefits. It’s a good idea to think ahead as much as possible since you need to pay premiums for a full year before collecting, so if you’re holding a positive pregnancy test in your hand it may already be too late to receive your maximum benefits. However, even in that situation you may be eligible for some portion of maternity or parental leave, as you remain eligible for a full year after the baby arrives – so keep that in mind!
On a personal note, I am thrilled that the self-employed and small business owners are finally eligible for maternity and parental leave in Canada. While they undoubtedly face special challenges in taking time away from work, they are no less deserving than any other parent.
I’m Sorry I Don’t Have a Better Title
The other day I was at a mom and baby group that I volunteer with and some people started smoking outside one of the windows. Technically this is illegal here, as they were also right beside the entrance and no smoking is permitted within 10 feet of any door or air intake. It was rainy and wet, though, so I can understand why they stood there, huddled under the awning. All the same, smoke was getting into the room filled with pregnant ladies and newborns and that wasn’t so great. In spite of my resolute staring at the floor I was elected to go and ask the smokers to move.
Me and the Calgary Tower
It’s hard for me to objectively evaluate if Canadians really do apologize more than other folks, since I am accustomed to the apologies everywhere. For example, if someone bumps into me on the street we both say ’sorry’. It’s just the done thing. Is that weird? I don’t know. Would I see the same behaviour in, say, Scotland? Again, I have no idea.
With Canadian icons Tim Horton's and the Bluenose II
You don’t really notice the quirkier aspects of your own regional dialect until you travel. In the US, for instance, when I buy an ice cream cone and thank the clerk they respond with, “Uh huh,” or sometimes, “You’re welcome.” Both of those sound odd to me, because here the clerk would must usually say, “Thanks!” right back. It seems to be the norm to thank each other here, but I couldn’t have told you that until I experienced a place where it wasn’t the norm. That’s the same way I learned that some (clearly misguided) people use ’soda’ when I would say ‘pop’. Tomato, tomahto and all that jazz.
Showing my colours
I will continue to pre-emptively apologize to random strangers, as a way to smooth over any possible confrontation. It works for me, for the most part. But still, I wonder. Is this a particularly Canadian trait? What do you think? I’m sorry to put you on the spot, but I’d love to hear your opinion. 
Breastfeeding Acrobatics
Jacob is currently 17 1/2 months old. His main interests seem to be climbing things he shouldn’t, pressing buttons and playing outside. Oh, and breastfeeding. While my toddler eats a wide variety of food now, he still relies on nursing to soothe him when he’s hurt, to lull himself to sleep or just for a quick snack on the go. Having breastfed his sister until she was almost 3 years old, I am in no rush to end Jacob’s time at the breast.
While our nursing relationship is still working well for the most part, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Toddlers, as it turns out, are not that considerate of others. They are hooligans, if you will. It’s not malevolent, really, they just don’t understand that you have feelings and can be hurt, and so it doesn’t occur to them that pulling your hair just to see what you’ll do is unkind. And so, it also doesn’t occur to them that performing daring feats of acrobatic skill while breastfeeding is kind of, well, rude.
The little monkey, dressed the part
If you have ever breastfed a toddler, some of Jacob’s latest tricks while nursing might sound familiar to you.
We are slowly working on some nursing etiquette. My current boundaries are that I won’t nurse him at the table or in the bathroom. He seems to be getting the message on those fronts, so we will gradually expand from there. I expect that he will also naturally develop more consideration as he gets older, children always do. But for right now, I will admit that occasionally when he makes the sign for nurse I offer him a cracker instead. Because as committed as I am to breastfeeding, sometimes I need a 5 minute reprieve.
So, tell me? Have you breastfed a toddler who could put Cirque du Soleil to shame with their handstand-back flip-double pike while nursing move? I would love to hear that I’m not alone.
Re-evaluating Your Dreams and Desires
It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! This month I’m writing about deciding what you want and going after it. Over the last few weeks I wrote about figuring out what you want, the practicalities of goal-setting and the value of asking for what you want. Today I’ll talk a little bit about re-evaluating your dreams and desires.
I’m going to offer a little bit of music to put you in the mood again. That Carrie has the best ideas. Music lifts the spirits, even if we can’t always get what we want.
I can be a little, um, tenacious. Or maybe strong in my convictions. I stick to things, even if I shouldn’t. Some people might call it obstinacy, but I don’t really like that word, though I will concede it’s probably accurate. Anyways, the point here is that if I’ve written a list of the things that I want to accomplish I will usually accomplish those things even if they all turn out to be somewhat ill-advised on closer examination. Because I’m not a quitter, man! I see things through!
There are advantages to tenacity, I will say that much. Persistence is often rewarded in life. When you’re pursuing some goal, whether it’s a big huge life-altering one or just preparing dinner, obstacles inevitably arise. The ability to stick to it and overcome those obstacles is valuable and it has served me well.
Life requires balance and moderation in all things, including the pursuit of your dreams. If you really, really want something, and you know that it can work, stick to it. But if you find that you hate what you’re doing and you don’t even know why you’re doing it anymore, that’s another story. As you’re making plans and imagining what you want your life to be like, you need to give yourself the freedom to say, “OK, this is not what I really wanted after all and that’s OK.” Because it is. There is just as much value in knowing when to walk away as there is in being able to see things through.
I studied karate for 5 years, throughout my time in university. I was pretty good, and I earned my first kyu, which is the highest level of brown belt. I planned and practiced for my black belt test, which was to take place in June. And the whole time I did this, I realized that I wasn’t enjoying karate anymore. I had a moment of clarity one day during a tournament when I was sparring with someone and I thought, “This chick is trying to hit me and I don’t want to be here!” I knew that I didn’t want to continue in the karate class, but I thought I should at least plow through until the black belt test. Because I am not a quitter.
Then something happened. For a number of reasons they postponed the exam by 6 months. I had spent ages preparing for the test in June and now I would have to wait until December. And this is a physical test, it’s not like I could just walk away for 6 months and then brush up again a few weeks in advance, I would have to continue seriously training if I had a hope of passing. And so I made the decision to quit. When I tell people that I was within a few weeks of my black belt test and I quit, they’re often surprised. Why would I do that? And the answer is, I did it because I saw that my happiness mattered more than this goal.
As I work to craft my life, I try to keep that in mind. The whole point of this exercise is to create a lifestyle that is better for me. Perfection isn’t possible, I know that. I also know that sometimes I may have to do something that’s not super-fun while I get my ducks in a row or make ends meet. But if I find that my dreams are turning into my personal nightmares, then I give myself permission to lay them aside. There is no room in the life I am creating for abject misery in the name of never quitting, I say. And I think I even really mean it.
Now it’s your turn. Have you written a post about figuring out what you really want and pursuing it? Or, for that matter, choosing not to pursue it? If so, enter the details below. Please, I’m beseeching you, don’t leave me hanging!
