My reading tells me that the baby is now 5 1/2 inches long crown-to-rump, and weighs in at a whopping 7 ounces. That means that the baby’s body weight has increased by 40% over the 5 ounces he or she weighed last week. I can definitely feel the difference, too.

The baby’s movements are stronger all the time. I find myself distracted frequently, because in the middle of whatever I’m doing I feel a little jab or kick. The movements are moving up higher in my abdomen, as my uterus grows. In fact, I just felt a little poke right below my belly button, whereas earlier flutters were about 3 inches lower. So far they’re not uncomfortable, and they’re not strong enough to wake me up at night, which is good.

My ‘bad mom’ confession is that prior to my pregnancy, the idea of a living being moving around inside my abdominal cavity kind of freaked me out. It’s all so very Alien, you know, something gestating inside of your body. But now that I can feel the movements, I really like them. They make me smile, and give me reassurance that everything’s all right. I enjoy feeling how my baby’s getting bigger and stronger all the time. Grow, baby, grow!

When I got pregnant, there were some symptoms I expected. For example:

- weight gain
- mood swings
- morning sickness
- food cravings and aversions

But, there are a bunch more symptoms that I have that I didn’t expect. For example:

- nasal congestion
- memory loss
- nosebleeds
- super-sensitive taste buds

Any and all of these, it turns out, can be normal. However, I fail to see what purpose nosebleeds serve for my health, or the health of the baby. I suppose that pregnancy hormones are like any drug, and they have their side effects. Some of which, as it turns out, are truly bizarre.

Since I’ve been pregnant, everyone’s been saying:

People will give you lots of advice, and tell you lots of horror stories. Just ignore them.

The same people frequently go on to say:

You really should (do such-and-such). When (I/my wife) was pregnant, (this horrible thing) happened. I would hate to see it happen to you.

I have come to the conclusion that what everyone really means is:

Everyone out there is full of baloney, except for me. So, you should ignore them, because they’ll just scare and confuse you. But I, I will show you the light, and share valuable cautionary tales.

As for me, I realize that people are trying to help, and for the most part I’m genuinely interested in their stories. What I’m not so interested in, though, is input intended to change my mind. I’ve carefully considered my decisions, I really have, and insinuating that I haven’t isn’t helpful. However, telling me how great your kids are, or how everything you encountered in pregnancy and childbirth was totally worth it, is very helpful.

Now that I’m feeling the baby move more and more, and I’m getting bigger, I’m also talking to the baby more. I often tell the baby what ‘we’ are up to, or ask the child to lay off my bladder until I can make it to the bathroom. The problem with this is that people occasionally overhear my quiet comments, and ask what I just said. I generally tell them I’m just talking to myself, but I’m not sure if that leaves a better or a worse impression than if they know I’m talking to my baby.

My reading tells me that the baby is now 5 inches long, crown-to-rump, and weighs about 5 ounces. I understand that the skeleton is hardening, and hearing is developing. I am still not really showing, I’m mostly just bloated. I think that in the next few weeks that will change, though.

Since I got pregnant, my tastes are no longer my own. The former Amber, who enjoyed chocolate and ice cream, has been replaced by the pregnant Amber, who just loves french fries. Not that I didn’t like them before, but I don’t know that I’ve ever really craved them.

For your non-pregnant pleasure, here are my recent food cravings and aversions.

Cravings
Chicken McNuggets (only mechanically-separated chicken for me)
French Fries
Mashed Potatoes
Peanut Butter and Honey
Grapes
Refried Beans
Bacon

Aversions
Green Beans
Chicken Grills (from M&M Meat Shops)
Leafy Green Vegetables (unless it’s a caesar salad)
Rice
Roasted Chickens (the kind you get at Safeway)
Meatballs

This weekend, Jon and I went to Birch Bay. I figured that it would be a perfect chance to take advantage of the high dollar, and bought some maternity clothes. I got 3 shirts, one skirt, a pair of tights, and a 4-pack of underwear for $100. Not too bad.

However, everything fell apart when I got my purchase home. It seems that I chose the underwear solely on colour, and neglected to check the size. I was the proud owner of 4 pairs of maternity underwear, size XL. I left the box unopened, hoping that they would understand my plight (in spite of the ‘no underwear’ return policy).

The next day, Sunday, Jon and I returned to the store on our way home. While they were very understanding of my plight, and felt that I could probably exchange the offending garments, they required a manager’s approval. I would have to come back tomorrow. I explained that I was a Canadian, and I would be leaving the country inside the hour. They suggested that I take my underwear to a Canadian store, and see what they could do for me.

At this point, I decided to cut my losses. After all, the underwear was cheap in the first place. Also, I was skeptical that I could do a straight exchange back in Canada. The pricing is most likely different, and they frequently carry different products on either side of the border. So, I bought a fresh 4-pack in a smaller size, and I plan to donate the unopened XL panties. So let this be a lesson to you: underwear is not one size fits all.

If you want to see how I look these days, I’ve added a new photo here.

Painting with a broad brush, here is the difference between men and women. When I tell women I’m pregnant, they say, “I thought so.” This is because, after being married for 3 1/2 years, and after buying a house, most women are sort of expecting it. Also, I am gaining weight, wearing maternity clothes, and carrying small snacks with me wherever I go. The signs are all there.

Men, on the other hand, are always surprised. I guess they just don’t think about pregnancy, because it’s not the same sort of issue to them. Sure, when I’m 7 months along and waddling around, I bet men will notice. But they’re just not tuned in to the earlier signs, and they don’t engage in speculation on this front.

In other news, the baby is 4 1/2 inches long from crown to rump, and weighs about 3 ounces. Apparently, it is the size of an avocado, but not so green or tasty. The baby may already be sucking its thumb in there, and toenails have started growing.

I have the Pregnancy Bloat. This is a condition that causes you to look 7 months pregnant, when you’re really only 3 1/2 months. You get a nice round stomach, but it’s well above where the baby’s hiding. It’s caused by a combination of gas, and body fat. Some people look at the Bloat, and I can tell that they think I’m really showing.

I detest the Bloat, and who wouldn’t? There’s nothing cute about it, from where I’m sitting. Nobody wants to be the pregnant lady that gains way too much weight. We want to gain 15 pounds of pure baby, no matter what we say to the contrary. At this point, the Bloat is doing nothing to help me feel better about my changing body.

I think this is one of those things that nobody likes, but that you just go with because you have no choice. Women who have had babies before try to reassure me, but their words ring hollow. Because I know that they hated the Bloat just as much as I do, no matter what they say years later.