See you in September (2009)

on July 31, 2008 1 Comment

Today was my last day of work before maternity leave. I am using some vacation time now until the middle of August, or whenever this baby decides to arrive, whichever is first. I’m hoping it’s the baby (speaking of which, make your guess as to when this little one will drop here).

I know that I’ll be very busy really soon. At the moment, though, I’m feeling sort of nervous. What will I do with my newfound free time? How will we cope with the drop in income while I’m off? I can’t remember what I did last time I was on maternity leave. I remember that all my days were occupied, but I don’t really remember how. Plus, I had only myself and a 4-month-old to entertain, no preschoolers in tow.

I also feel a vaguely unsettling feeling leaving my job behind. Will it be there waiting for me? As I cool my heels over in baby land for 13 months, will they decide they don’t need me anymore? And then what?

I hope that this kid arrives soon and saves me from my pregnancy-induced delusions and anxiety. Then I’ll be too busy changing diapers and attempting to load up the car and the kids to worry about how I’ll spend my days.

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Home Stretch

on July 29, 2008 Leave a Comment

I am finishing up my last week of work, and I am eager to be done. We’re also finishing up Hannah’s swimming lessons this week, and Jon’s finishing up his big work project at the moment. We’re all completing the things that we need to complete so that we’re not scrambling when the baby comes.

Speaking of which, I am very ready now for this baby to come out. I’m full term, and I’m sort of tired of being pregnant. So, while I am thrilled that you’re all responding to my little baby guessing game, I would like to remind you that babies do sometimes come early, especially second babies. And your positive thoughts and predictions in that direction are appreciated.

Because I will totally blame you all when I’m 5 days overdue and can no longer make it upstairs to my own bed. ;-)

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36 Weeks

on July 22, 2008 Leave a Comment

I am now 36 weeks pregnant, which means that I have just under a month to go. And I’m feeling it. Carting this baby around is becoming increasingly difficult. Heartburn, aches and pains, out-of-control crying jags, this whole process is just one beautiful miracle. OK, really, it is a miracle, but it just isn’t always all that much fun.

We had another midwife appointment today. The little guy’s head has dropped into my pelvis, and the midwife today said that he would be not too big, ‘a good size’ for me. His heartrate is now 140 beats per minute, and my fundal height is 34 cm – it gets a big shorter once the baby’s dropped. I was sent home with my medical records so that I can take them to the hospital and the midwives don’t need to track them down if things progress quickly. By all accounts, I’m in the home stretch, although this could still go for 5 for weeks.

That’s the latest update. Now that you have all the latest news, make a prediction in my little on-line baby pool. Seriously. Because the lack of participation (other than a certain brother-in-law angling for prize money) is causing my hormonal self to feel rather unloved. I’ve put my guess out there, now it’s your turn!

Otherwise, I’m actually doing pretty good. I’m down to my last few days of work, I’ll be on leave starting August 1. Hopefully, I’ll get at least a few days to rest at home and gather my resources before Jacob makes his appearance. And, as is customary we’ve taken a snapshot so that you can see what I’m looking like these days:

36 week belly

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Hazard a Guess?

on July 21, 2008 21 Comments

Does anyone want to make a prediction about baby stats? We already know that this little one is a boy, but we obviously don’t know when he will be born, or how big he will be. If you want to throw your hat into the baby pool ring, leave a comment and I’ll add your vote. Read on for some details to help with your predictions.

It's a boy!
It’s a boy!

My due date is sometime between Aug. 15 (based on the standard dates) and Aug. 19 (based on the 8-week ultrasound, confirming what I’d already suspected). Of course Hannah was 6 weeks early due to an amniotic infection, and so that pregnancy offers no help with your predictions. Hannah weighed only 5lbs, 4oz at birth, but was around 9lbs on her due date. My midwives estimate she would have been around 8lbs 8oz if she’d gone to term. I weighed 7lbs 5oz and Jon weighed 8lbs 4oz. And for those of you who aren’t familiar with Imperial measurements (as I wasn’t until I had a baby myself), there are 16oz in 1lb. ;-)

Here are the predictions to date:

Laura – Aug. 6, 7lbs 5oz
Amber – Aug. 8, 8lbs 11oz
Hannah – Aug. 9, 8lbs
Ted – Aug. 14, 8lbs 4oz, 21″
Amy – Aug. 15, 8lbs 1oz
Lisa – Aug. 15, 4pm, 7lbs 11oz
Danny – Aug. 16
(Danny’s the master – he predicted that Hannah would be 6 weeks early)
Heather – Aug. 17, 8lbs 2oz, 19.5″
Margaret – Aug. 18, 8lbs 14oz
Christy – Aug. 20, 7lbs 15oz
Gretchen – Aug. 20, 8lbs 8oz, 20″
James – Aug. 21, 8lbs 9oz
Laurie – Aug. 23, 8lbs 13oz
Jon – Aug. 24, 9lbs 2oz
Ludi – Aug. 25, 8lbs 6oz

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What if it Hurts?

on July 17, 2008 1 Comment

I’ve never really worried much about the pain of childbirth. The first time around, I sort of told myself that it shouldn’t last all that long in the grand scheme of things, and then it would be over and I would have a baby for a very long time. In fact, I was vaguely baffled when many of the women in our childbirth class expressed fear about pain in labour. Wasn’t the baby that came afterward a much bigger deal, all things considered?

Of course I gave birth really early on the first go around, and I didn’t really have time to worry. I didn’t expect to go into labour, I hadn’t given it much thought. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition and all that. I do remember feeling as if I had completely deluded myself when things started to get uncomfortable. “What was I thinking when I got into this mess?” I asked myself. I sort of changed my mind at that point, but it was too late.

This time around, I’ve concerned that I would go into preterm labour. I’m almost 36 weeks now, though, and this baby shows no signs of going anywhere. Those fears have vanished, we have all of the gear set up and ready to go, and now I’m suddenly concerned. I remember that labour sort of hurt, or was at least pretty uncomfortable. I remember other women on the delivery ward wailing and screaming and carrying on. I remember thinking that I didn’t want to do that again in the days and weeks that followed. And now I have to.

The only way out of this mess is through it, I’m afraid. The alternative to labour is major abdominal surgery, and I surely don’t want that. Even knowing that I still feel afraid of the pain, though. I have become that woman that I so arrogantly felt was worried about the wrong thing. I keep tellling myself that once I’m in the situation, my fears and concerns won’t matter, I’ll just do the work I have to do. That’s probably true. But right now I’m having second thoughts, and I’d like to reconsider this whole pregnancy / baby deal.

Although, maybe I will get lucky. It feels as if Jacob is attempting to make his escape through my belly button. Maybe he’ll finally do it one of these days. A girl can dream, right?

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Consumption

on July 13, 2008 Leave a Comment

I try not to go overboard buying stuff. I try to avoid communicating to Hannah that consumption is the road to happiness. I do not indulge in retail therapy as a means to get through my days, being more of a compulsive saver than a spender.

And yet, my 3-year-old owns 3 bathing suits. I bet that a minority of children in the world even own one bathing suit, and my child has 3. It’s a little bit embarassing.

It’s true that I also own 3 bathing suits, although one is a massive black maternity number, and one is a large post-baby suit. The go-to bathing suit, the one I generally wear when I’m not pregnant and/or recovering, is the same one that I bought for my honeymoon. So, at least all of my swimsuits are different sizes. Although that’s a bit of a justification, too.

And don’t get me started on the number of plastic buckets my kid has. Or the pairs of shoes. Or stuffed animals. This preschooler comes with more stuff than whole villages in the developing world. What the answer is, I don’t know. Hannah has lots of people who love her, and so her material needs are met amply, and then some, even by the standards of our culture. At moments, though, I feel overwhelmed and concerned about the message my little one’s getting. Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

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Ask me About Breastfeeding

on July 9, 2008 Leave a Comment

Today, I got big news. After approximately 18 months of work, I have been accredited as a La Leche League Leader. What does this mean? This means that I know more about breastfeeding than I could have imagined there was to know, before I tried it myself. It also means that, on a volunteer basis, I will be leading meetings and helping moms over the phone. Basically, I will offer information and support so that other women, and their babies, can have successful nursing experiences.

As part of the training I’ve done a ton of reading in the past 6 months or so. On a personal level, I feel like I’m very well-equipped for the new baby phase this time around. I’m hoping to make it to term this time around and avoid the Special Care Nursery, which should make it easier to get off to a good start in any case.

Speaking of which, I’ve passed the 34 week mark, so I’ve officially made it farther in this pregnancy than I did with Hannah. At my midwife appointment yesterday the little guy was riding high, showing no signs of going anywhere soon. My fundal height was 33.5 cm, and the heart rate was 140 bpm. Here’s how I’m looking these days:

34 week belly

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Childcare Choices

on July 7, 2008 Leave a Comment

We’ve had some childcare-related upheaval this year. I think we’re through it (for now), but it’s been really eye-opening for me.

We found a great daycare centre when I returned to work back in 2006. The facility was brand-new and opened only a month before Hannah started, and so we had our pick of spots. The company that ran the centre also runs two other preschool-aged centres, and we just assumed that Hannah would move to one of those facilities when the time came. We thought we’d found a space for our child that she could stay in until kindergarten.

Last summer, amid warnings that there were long waiting lists at the two preschool facilities, we toured some other daycare centres and put Hannah’s name on some waiting lists. We even found an opening at a neighbourhood Montessori school, which we took as a backup plan.

As Hannah’s 3rd birthday approached no spots were open with our original childcare company, or any of the waitlist facilities, so we
enrolled in the neighbourhood Montessori school. I was interesed in the Montessori method, and the facility was within easy walking distance. However, when we visited with Hannah she didn’t seem to like it. Having no other options, I ignored my concerns and Hannah started there in January.

The transition to Montessori was rough. However, we did get through it, and Hannah did adjust. She learned a lot at school, too. In fact, the Montessori school was extremely academic in focus. We participated in school activities, and immersed ourselves in the new environment. I never really felt that Hannah was all that happy, though.

Finally, in late May we got a call from another daycare centre letting us know that Hannah had a spot for July. It wasn’t a Montessori school, and it wasn’t one of the preschools connected to Hannah’s original daycare centre. It’s actually attached to a local college. We had loved the centre when we toured, but I never expected we would actually get in there before we got into one of the other preschools.

We were left with a choice. Either we could keep Hannah at the Montessori, knowing that it wasn’t exactly what we were looking for, but that she had settled in. Or we could move her, risking another rough transition, at a time when my due date is rapidly approaching. Either way, there are 2 years left until Hannah starts kindergarten, and so wherever she is, she will remain for quite some time.

We asked Hannah what she wanted, and she told us that she wanted to go back to her old daycare. That wasn’t an option, so we made the choice for her and decided to move. Then we held our breath.

The transition has been great. Hannah seems to really like her new school, her new teachers, and her new friends. She likes the toys and activities. She likes all of the new school supplies that we bought her. She likes the small kid-sized toilets in the bathroom. She goes willingly, sometimes eagerly, and we’ve had no complaint. I realize that it’s only been a week, and the other shoe could still drop. I realize that the novelty will wear off, and that may change things. But I also feel vindicated. I feel like I know my kid, I could see the sort of school that she would like, and I made the right choice.

It’s hard, making these choices. Every kid is different, every parent has different goals, and I would never suppose that my experience is the same as everyone else’s experience. Montessori works very well for some kids, just like Waldorf, or French immersion, or homeschooling work very well for some kids. I’m glad that I’ve found a spot where my child fits, and is happy, at least for now. It makes it much easier to head off to work in the morning, knowing that Hannah is in the right place. Now, hopefully, we’ll be better able to navigate this system when Jacob is ready to head off to daycare.

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Feeling the Fear

on July 6, 2008 Leave a Comment

I am right around 34 weeks pregnant now. I am big, I am cumbersome, I just want to find a comfortable place to sit and stay there. Getting up off the couch feels like a pretty big effort.

I am also scared. You see, something big happened at 34 weeks last time – 6 full weeks before my due date. My water broke in the early morning hours and I had a baby, a very early baby.

Hannah did fine. She did better than fine, actually, and we all know that she is a healthy normal 3-year-old today.

All the same, when your baby is taken away from you immediately and admitted to the Special Care Nursery it’s difficult. Seeing your tiny baby in an incubator, getting the constant warnings about all the things that could go wrong, leaving the hospital without your newborn in your arms, it’s upsetting. And it stays with you for a long time. No matter how it works out in the end, those early days do leave their mark.

Right now I have no reason to believe that this baby will be anything other than right on time. I’m not having contractions, I feel fine (other than the fact that I’m as big as a house), and my midwives aren’t concerned. I am going to have a checkup on Tuesday to confirm that my cervix is as it should be, and then after that I guess we’ve done all we can and I go home and wait to go into labour in the middle of August. But I am feeling the fear. I am noticing every twinge. And I’m holding tight to Hannah, remembering how things turned out last time around.

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Growing Up

on July 2, 2008 Leave a Comment

Hannah is living through an interesting dichotomy at the moment. We’re currently setting up the baby’s room, and stocking up on baby gear. In response, Hannah is going through some regression. She wants to wear diapers, she asks to sleep in the crib, and she wants to eat all her meals in her high chair. As I understand it, this is pretty normal, and I’m doing my best to take it in stride. Where I can accomodate her need to be a baby herself I do, and I try to acknowledge this big change going on at our house.

On the other hand, our little girl is moving out into the world on her own. Yesterday we went to IKEA (see baby’s room) and Hannah went into the kid’s play area all by herself. She was probably the smallest kid in there, barely reaching the 37″ height requirement, and she was a little shy so Jon and I stayed to watch. As soon as she was inside with all the toys and equipment she took off and didn’t look back. We were able to make it through the whole store, buy our stuff, and load up the car with time to spare.

Then, yesterday afternoon was Hannah’s first Swim Tots class. These are her first swimming lessons without one or both parents in the water. When her teacher came up she was a little shy but gave me a big hug, held the teacher’s hand (there were only 3 students), and headed off into the kid’s pool. From my vantage point it looked like Hannah listened and participated and did pretty much everything that the teacher asked. When the class was over she was sad because she wanted to do some more swimming in a different part of the pool.

And then, this morning came the final straw. It’s Hannah’s first day at a fabulous new school. We’ve visited 4 times in the past month or so, and so far she’s seemed to like it. We loaded up her little backpack with all of her supplies today, and Jon and I took her there together. We set up her cubby, and found her an activity (she liked the water table this morning). Then, we each gave her a hug and she said good-bye and we left. There were no tears, and no obvious display of anxiety. She really took it in stride, and went about her splashing. Outside I asked Jon how he was doing and he said OK with a sniff to indicate that he’s a little choked up. I was too – I think that we took the new step harder than Hannah did.

There it is – Hannah’s really growing up and doing things on her own. She’s interacting with other adults and participating in activities without her parents. On the other hand, I’m working to convince her that she can play in the crib during the day, but that it’s not a great place to sleep, and certainly less comfortable than her own bed. And I’m letting her try on our one-size cloth diapers, while she tells me that she can wipe herself now and she doesn’t need my help on the potty. The thing is, I know how this will all shake out and in the end it will not be the diapers and crib that win – she’ll need her parents less and less, and develop her own interests and pursuits completely outside of ours. And I will never know how that little baby in the incubator whose weight dropped below 5 lbs turned into her own person.

I’m glad, though. At the end of the day all of the benefits of a kid who sleeps all night and wipes her own bum outweigh any of the parental losses that I’m feeling. Hannah’s independence is bringing me independence as well, and I’m loving it. At least for the next few weeks, until Jacob comes along and we start all over again. ;-)

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