Trick or Treat!

Today is Halloween, and we are devoting ourselves to all things spooky at our house. Halloween parties, carving jack-o-lanterns, roasting pumpkin seeds and trick-or-treating are all on the roster.

Speaking of trick-or-treating, I recently learned that there are places that have official ‘trick-or-treating’ hours. For example, the fabulous Feminist Breeder told me that her town allows trick-or-treating only between the hours of 10am and noon today. I’ve heard of other places that have trick-or-treating times set up on weekends when Halloween happens to fall on a weekday. Both of these rules seem sort of wrong to me – trick-or-treating in my world happens on Halloween night.

Here in Metro Vancouver, the only place I’ve ever ‘done’ Halloween, there are no official Halloween rules. But there definitely are unofficial rules. Trick-or-treating generally runs from about 6-8pm. Most folks eat dinner and then head out, and the little kids tend to come before the big ones, since they go earlier and don’t visit as many houses. In order to signal that you have candy, you leave your porch light on and maybe set out decorations like your jack-o-lantern. And when it’s done you’d better bring that pumpkin in if you don’t want it smashed in the street.

What about you? How does Halloween happen where you live? Now that I know that there are geographical variations, my curiosity demands to know more!

While you think about the trick-or-treating rules, here are a few not-so-spooky seasonal photos to get you in that Halloween-y frame of mind:

Happy Halloween!

Trying out the Ergo

A few months ago I became the proud owner of a Beco Butterfly II baby carrier. I tried it out, and wore it all over. And while it had many upsides, in the end I preferred my mei tais. The poor Beco never stood a chance.

Recently, though, I got my hands on an Ergo. I have a friend who loves her Ergo, but is expecting a baby any day and she hasn’t had much luck with Ergo’s infant insert, so I loaned her my Beco. In exchange, she lent me her Ergo. And I have been wearing it here, there, and everywhere to see how I like it, and how it compares to the Beco and my beloved mei tais.

Trying out the Ergo on a family outing

So, what’s the verdict?

Here are the things I like about the Ergo:

Here are the things I don’t like so much:

Now that I’ve tried both the Beco and the Ergo, I am more on the fence than ever. I found the Ergo generally easier to understand and use, but I found the Beco to be a more well-thought-out carrier. If you are going to be using the carrier with a newborn, or if you feel less comfortable with back carries, I would go with the Beco. If you are going to be using the carrier with a slightly older infant or toddler, you like to breastfeed in the carrier, or you just don’t want to spend the extra money, an Ergo may be the way to go.

As for me, in honesty, I am going back to my Kozy. Like I said, I love my mei tais!

PS – I’ve got a new post up today at API Speaks – so head on over and read When Attachment Parenting Speaks for Itself.

Finding My Tribe

It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! Today I am talking about something that is near and dear to my heart – finding my tribe.

I am a pleaser by nature. I think that many women are. I want people to like me, and sometimes I refrain from voicing my honest opinion for fear of what others will think. Sometimes I find myself agreeing to do things I’d really rather not, in order to gain brownie points. Other times I do this thing where I agree with someone, as a way to disagree more gently. “That’s a really fabulous idea! But I wonder if it will really work…”

I have discovered lately that stating your Truth is sort of paradoxical. On the one hand, when I talk at length about breastfeeding or maternity leave or refurbishing my shower curtain I am not going to appeal to everyone. I may lose a few folks along the way. But – here is the big one – I attract new people in the process. People who share my thoughts and concerns. People who are in the same place as I am. And these people are what Havi would call my Right People. They are my tribe.

While I’m in the process of crafting my life, I’ve taken a number of leaps. To me, these leaps felt huge. Things like talking about my dreams and giving voice to what I really want to do continue to be a struggle for me. I am really afraid of what people will say. When you’re starting something new you feel kind of vulnerable, and the last thing you need is for someone to rain on your parade. I am full to the brim with self-doubt already, you know? But at every step of the way I have been totally gobsmacked by the support I have received. You folks, as it turns out, are my tribe.

I have found my tribe by stretching myself, and by being myself. Or, at least, as much as I am able to be myself in this space, or even in daily life. When I respectfully say what I think, when I reach out to others, and when I set priorities I find folks who feel the same way. There are 6 billion people on this planet, and I am bound to run into more than a few kindred spirits along the way. But when I hide they can’t recognize me, so I’m not hiding as much.

Aside: Originally, I wrote ‘trying not to hide as much’, but then I heard Yoda and decided to commit.

There have been times in my life when I’ve felt out of place. When I’ve been in a room full of people who are all saying one thing, while I feel totally another. I’m not sure that I would seize that moment to speak my Truth. There is a difference between sharing your views and being confrontational. But I am learning how to avoid that room in the future. If it’s not my place, that’s OK. It doesn’t have to be. If I can accept that and move on, I am far more likely to find the place that’s right for me, filled with fabulous people like you.

Next week I am going to talk a little bit about how I see my tribe. Who I think we are. In the meantime, I’d like to hear from you. How do you find like-minded folks? And how do you find the courage to speak your Truth?

Rehabilitating my Shower Curtain

I’ve always bought vinyl shower curtains. I like the fact that there are many translucent styles that let the light through. I don’t enjoy a dark shower. Sadly, there are some downsides to the vinyl curtain, though. For one thing, vinyl is sort of toxic. And for another, the little holes at the top are really prone to tearing.

In my less-environmentally-friendly days I didn’t really sweat the short-lived nature of the vinyl shower curtains, because they are so cheap. Spending $15 for a new shower curtain every year was hardly breaking the bank. But now, I feel bad about using what is essentially a disposable shower curtain. If I need a new shower curtain in the future, I will opt for something sturdier and non-vinyl. For now, though, I am committed to making my vinyl curtain last as long as possible.

So, I undertook a little shower curtain rehabilitation project. At the outset, my shower curtain was dirty and mildewy, and 5 of the 12 holder holes were ripped through. The first step was to clean it, and for that I used the washing machine. I put in a small amount of soap, I added vinegar to the rinse, and I washed it using cold water on the gentle cycle. Then I repeated the process, and finally I let the curtain air-dry in the sun.

Shower curtain drying on the grass

Now my shower curtain was clean, but it still wasn’t hanging right. I considered my options for dealing with the holes. My first idea was to cover over the top of the shower curtain with clear packing tape, and then poke through where the holes should be. I opted against that, though, in case I need to run the curtain through the washing machine again at some point. Instead, I decided to use my trusty hole punch.

I folded the shower curtain over about 2″ from the top edge, so that I would have a double-layer of vinyl to support the curtain. Then I punched holes about 1″ above where the old holes were. Once I had punched all of the holes, I folded the shower curtain again so that the old holes and the new holes lined up:

New holes punched above the old one, and then all 3 holes lined up together

The idea is that the holes that weren’t torn through now have many, many layers of vinyl supporting them. My theory is that the more ’stuff’ that is keeping that shower curtain up, the less likely it is to tear, since each hole experiences less direct stress. I think it’s a sound theory, based on the many, many physics classes I’ve taken in my time. Either way, though, my shower curtain is holding up so far, and no new tears have occurred to date.

I am pretty happy with my rehabilitated shower curtain, I have to say. I hope that I will get much more use out of it by taking care of it and repairing it as-needed.

Have you ever repaired a shower curtain? Or do you have shower doors, allowing you to avoid the problem altogether? Inquiring minds want to know.

On Having No Life

My name is Amber and I have no life. I haven’t seen a play in living memory. The last movie I saw in the theatre was Wall-E, with my then 3-year-old. I occasionally brave lunch in a restaurant when I have only one kid with me, and I eat more take-out than I’d like, but I’ve had precisely one dinner in a restaurant in the past 14 months. And, during that lone dinner, someone complained about being seated near my children. In short, I live a very typical lifestyle as the mom of two small kids.

I didn’t plan it this way. When I was pregnant with my first child I had visions of how I would retain my independence. I would start by leaving the baby for half an hour to run out on a quick errand. Gradually, I would work up from there, until I could do something really crazy like take a class in the evenings. In my mind I thought that the time apart would be good for both of us. It would give my child a chance to bond with Jon or the grandparents, and it would give me a chance to have some time to myself. Win-win, right?

Real life didn’t work out the way I’d planned. When I was a brand-new mom I kept thinking that I would take my child out more ‘later’, when I was less nervous. Only, by the time ‘later’ came she was mobile and sort of loud. Plus, she screamed if I was out of her sight, at all, ever. And then I went back to work, and the time that I wasn’t working was spent with my kiddo. Along the way I found that previously straightforward activities like getting my teeth cleaned require Herculean feats of planning. And even when you finally get the plans in place your child cries through the whole appointment while your husband desperately tries to entertain the little angel in the waiting room. It just all adds up to not much in the way of ‘me time’.

When Hannah was a toddler the whole situation reached a point where it really started to grate on my nerves. Someone would invite me out for coffee and I would have to decline because I couldn’t leave my kid. And if I brought my kid I couldn’t enjoy the outing while my 2-year-old was bent on destroying everything in sight. I really missed my freedom. I missed the way I could just pick up and go at a moment’s notice without a diaper bag and a change of clothes and 15 snacks and the right music for the car. And I didn’t see how I would ever get that freedom back.

But you know what? In spite of my doubts, my first kid got older. She eventually reached the stage where she pushed me out the door when we dropped her off for sleepovers at her grandparents. These days, my husband handles bedtime, and I just kiss her goodnight. She handles her own bathroom trips and she prints her own name. Sure, I’m still her mom, but she doesn’t have the same intense need for me at 4 1/2 that she did at 1 1/2.

Jacob is now 14 months old and I am once again in the thick of it. If my toddler can’t see me he wails so pitifully the very heavens weep. Once again I receive invitations that I must decline because I can’t bring my kid, and I can’t enjoy myself if I know he will be at home crying for me the whole time. Sometimes I’m disappointed that I have to turn down something fun, I’ll admit it. But overall it’s much easier for me this time through, because I know it will end. Soon enough Jacob will also be pushing me out the door so he can enjoy some quality time with someone much more fun than me.

So if you invite me out someplace and I decline, you can rest assured that it is not you or your event. It is simply the space that I am in right now, and I would love to take a raincheck for another year or two from now. Hopefully the world will still be out there waiting for me sometime in 2011.

Field Trip to Dad’s Work

The other day Jon forgot his wallet when he went to work. He called me in a panic and asked me to look and I found it, right where it should be. These things happen, sometimes I think I would forget my own children if they weren’t so gosh-darned loud. Anyways, a forgotten wallet is a mild inconvenience for adults, but for kids it is happy-happy-fun-time! Because a forgotten wallet means we have to go on a field trip to Daddy’s work to return it. Visit the bathroom, put on your shoes, and let Mom spit wash your face, because we’re setting out for that magical place where Daddy spends most of his days!

The forgotten wallet

Jacob samples the wallet while we get ready to go

In fairness, Jon works at a local TV station, so his office is sort of cool. Other people line up to tour the place during annual events. Several of my husband’s co-workers could be considered local celebrities. Their faces grace local magazines and that sort of thing. My kids aren’t the only ones who think that Dad’s office is a great place to visit. So you can imagine that when we arrived and Jon met us in the parking lot, the wee ones were clamoring for a very special tour of their own.

Jacob was pretty impressed by Jon’s office. Here at home he likes nothing more than to try to climb up to his dad’s computer so he can press all the buttons. Buttons are Jacob’s number one most favourite thing. So, you can imagine how tempting the work desk with many screens and keyboards and pieces of television equipment appeared to a toddler. So! Many! Buttons!

Would you look at all that gear!

But the really, super, amazingly exciting thing was the big green screen area, all lit up. Some of the on-air folks were taping some promo shots that day, although not while we were there. This meant that we were free to take a close look ourselves. The kids thought that it was just amazing. Would you believe there was even a traffic cone right there to play with?

You’ve got to love seeing your every day world through the eyes of small children. The stuff you walk by fifteen times an hour can seem amazing to them. Hannah, especially, can’t wait to return to Jon’s work for another visit really soon. In fact, I might have seen her hiding his wallet last night, now that I think about it.

Do your kids have a favourite ‘ordinary’ field trip? Someplace that no one except a 3-year-old would think is cool? Please share in the comments!

A Bicycle Built for Me

One of my dreams is to have a cool retro bicycle of my very own. Something with a big, low seat, wide handlebars, and lovely bright colours. It would also have an inspired retro-cool wicker basket, which I would fill with produce from the farmer’s market and library books and craft supplies. I would ride it around town, getting exercise and saving the planet, and my bike and I would look simply fabulous. People who saw me would say to themselves, “Who is that gorgeous person, and where did she get that fabulous bicycle?” Together we would be like good-will ambassadors for cycling and sustainable living.

Photo credit – Ard Hesselink on Flickr

But there are obstacles to my bicycle dreams. We are now entering the rainy season here in Metro Vancouver, and there is just no way I am going to ride my bicycle everywhere in the bone-chilling downpour. The wicker basket would be soggy, my books would become waterlogged, and I would be miserable. I know that some people do it, but I haven’t ridden a bike since 1995, so starting small seems to be in order. But that’s the least of it. The bigger obstacles in my path are named Hannah and Jacob, and they are adorable but unable to keep up with me on bicycles of their own.

A possible solution, courtesy of Scott Jolliff on Flickr

If I wanted to ride my bike around town, I would need to cart one or both of my children with me. Collectively, these kids weigh about 60 pounds. So, let’s say that I wanted to go to the library. There is a hill between my house and the library, which means that I would have uphill portions going both ways. The idea of tackling that trip with two children in tow, plus whatever books we are returning and/or borrowing, is highly unappealing. Highly. Unappealing. Yes, I could do it, but it would raise the difficulty level significantly. So much so that in honesty, I probably never would cycle to the library with both children.

Photo credit – Bernat Casero on Flickr

So I wondered, how do other people do it? If you have a couple of small kids, do you just give up on the bicycle until they’re old enough to ride along? Do you reserve it for child-free outings? Or do you get yourself a trailer and a toddler seat and cycle away, because you have commitment to the cycling cause? I would love to hear any and all solutions, because I still cling to the bicycle dream, even if I can’t seem to make it practical for me.

The Annual Pumpkin Patch Extravaganza!

On Tuesday we took our annual trip to the Laity Pumpkin Patch in Maple Ridge. This is the third year in a row that we’ve gone, and unfortunately Jon wasn’t able to make it this time. But I loaded up the kids and headed out myself, crossing my fingers for smooth sailing. We visited at around 2:15pm, and that was a great time to go because the school groups were gone, but the after-school rush hadn’t started yet. We had a great time, and we found some wonderful pumpkins.

And, of course, I took many photos.

Jacob playing on a ‘tractor’

Hannah playing with the wooden sheep

Watching the ducks

Jacob was blown away by all the small pumpkins

An old-timey pumpkin family

How will we choose from so many?

Me holding our selections (framing courtesy of Hannah)

Hannah does her princess pose amidst many pumpkins

Do you do the annual pumpkin patch trip, too? Or do you have another go-to pumpkin source?

Money and Dreams

It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! Today I’m talking about the financial planning and pitfalls that go into pursuing your dream.

I’ll admit right up front that I feel more than a little uncomfortable talking about money. It can be a touchy subject, after all. I’m concerned that I will somehow manage to offend every single person reading this, maybe even including myself. So let’s have a big group hug right up front, and promise not to judge each other, OK? OK.

In spite of my discomfort, I know that this is an important subject to broach. We don’t live on air, after all. I have two kids and a house and all the financial obligations that come with those sorts of things. I do have a husband who is still gainfully employed, and that does make a big difference. But, all the same, I am not currently in a position where I can go without income indefinitely. And even if I could, there would likely still be financial considerations, such as what I’m willing to compromise on in order to be at home full-time. Money is relevant when you’re deciding what you want your life to look like.

In honesty, I am able to take some time off from earning money and pursue my dreams because I am in a secure financial position. We have no debt, other than our mortgage. We are incredibly risk averse people in general, and this has served us well. It also means we have no fun, but we’re cool with that. In addition, I received a pretty reasonable severance package when I was laid off. So, for right now, the wolves are not at my door. If I were paying off student loans and credit cards and wasn’t receiving a pay-out, I would probably be pounding the pavement looking for work right now instead of crafting my life.

Starting a new life as a freelancer or small business owner is not going to pay off right away. You’re building a clientele and a reputation. You’re laying groundwork and learning new skills. You might even be investing in space and inventory and PR. This is OK and expected, but it’s important to know up front that you may not make much money in the early months, or even years. Financial planning may not be the most exciting way to spend a Saturday night, but taking the time and keeping on top of things will also help you to keep the lights on, because you will know what you have and where it’s going. This is what I’m trying to do right now – just mostly keep on top things.

Knowing that I am not going to be raking in the big bucks right off the bat has affected the way I’ve handled my severance money. I have not spent it. I have not bought myself a new outfit as a consolation prize for losing my job, or splurged to make myself feel better. I’ve occasionally felt tempted, but I know that if I start spending my savings on stuff it will add up quickly and the money will be gone. Plus, and this is the real kicker, it won’t actually make me feel better. Stuff, as it turns out, is not what I really want at all. I really want the love of my family and career satisfaction and all that jazz. The thrill of acquisition is fun, to be sure, but it doesn’t last.

I haven’t completely altered my lifestyle with my lay-off. I suppose we could start living on ramen noodles and turn off the heat to save money. I’m not really willing to make those kind of concessions, though. At least not yet. There will come a point when I’m going to have to make hard decisions. When I’m going to need to start earning money as a freelancer or go out and find a J-O-B. But that time isn’t yet. For now I would prefer to live the generally simple lifestyle I enjoy and seek out ways that I can earn money by writing.

Money. It is hard, but you need to think about it. And hopefully by thinking about it, you can make sure you don’t run out of it. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for all of us and our collective financial futures, if you’ll do the same. Now, let’s have another group hug. And, please, share with me how you’ve arranged your finances so that you can do what it is that you really want to do. Or, how you can’t do what you really want to do right now because of money. Like I said, there’s no judging here.

I am an Artist

Last weekend Jon and I loaded up the kids and attended a Family Day event at this really great local arts centre. The point of the day was to expose everyone of all ages to art in a fun, interactive and non-threatening way. I have to admit, I wasn’t sure what it would be like to bring Hannah the non-stop-talker and Jacob the non-stop-mover into an art gallery for the afternoon. Hannah, on the other hand, was stoked. As we were driving there she told me, “I am a great artist!”

Hannah had to do the princess pose with the bear before we went inside

The event opened with an interactive portrait-painting session. Local artist Eleanor Hannan was on hand, while professional portrait model Monique posed for us all. Let me tell you, I had no idea how much skill is involved in portrait modeling. Monique held poses and dramatic facial expressions for more than 5 minutes at a time, not moving a muscle. It was pretty amazing. Eleanor created a portrait of Monique using a sewing machine (so cool!) and we all created portraits using paint, crayons and pencils. I haven’t done anything like this in a long, long time. I bet that it’s been in the neighbourhood of 20 years since I tried to draw a portrait. I really enjoyed it.

Monique is on the left, and Eleanor’s on the right

Hannah and me, creating art

Hannah hard at work

Here is our family’s little photo gallery. If you click on them you can see the full-size, including the embellishment Hannah added to my portrait. I love that kid’s sense of style, she’s all about colour.

After the portrait session, we headed into the dance studio for theatre games. This is something else I haven’t done in well over a decade. As an earnest 13-year-old with theatrical aspirations, though, I loved this stuff. Sadly, Jacob was losing some patience and he and I played in the hallway while Hannah and Jon pretended to walk through pudding. But the bits I did see were great, as these little kids threw themselves full force into performing.

Michael Fera leads theatre games

Finally, to round out the day Hannah created a puppet with a lot of glitter. When she was done she gave me a little performance. More drama, but the good kind, for sure.

Hannah’s puppet show

I came out of the day feeling empowered. I encourage my kids to explore their creativity. I know that Hannah loves to paint and draw and needle felt. I would hope that she doesn’t stop doing those things that she loves, even if she’s not a professional artist. Because they’re great things. And yet I don’t extend myself the same courtesy. So what if I can’t really draw hands? Does that mean I can’t take pencil to paper and make my own art? Not at all.

What about you? When’s the last time you drew something just for fun? Join me in raiding the crayon box, won’t you?

PS – I am now contributing very couple of weeks over at 5 Minutes for Going Green! You can read my first post today, Returning Food Packaging for Reuse.