I have a cat, and her name is Dorothy. She has a bad attitude. An ‘I could take you all out and I wouldn’t even break a sweat’ sort of attitude. In spite of the fact that she doesn’t make it easy, we do love Dorothy. She is funny and playful and she has the good sense to keep away from the babies. Since we love our pet, and we are responsible caretakers, we make the annual visit to the vet. It’s quick and easy, and we want only the best for our feline companion. And so, in an effort to promote the health of our furry friends everywhere, I present this to you now:
How to Take Your Cat to the Vet in 15 Not-So-Easy Steps
1. Receive a reminder card from your vet, stating that your cat ‘Dorathy’ is due for a check-up. Mutter about spelling briefly, and then move on.
2. Ignore the reminder card, even as you write a post about how you should just do these little annoying tasks right away, because putting them off wastes time and energy.
3. Call and make an appointment. Cross that item off your to-do list. Feel slightly less hypocritical professing the virtues of getting things done on the internet.
4. Getting out of the shower at 11:37pm, remember that the vet appointment was that morning. Say bad words. Cry about how you can’t remember anything anymore.
5. Call the vet again, apologize profusely, and make another appointment.
6. Dig out the cat carrier and some towels to put in it, because no one wants a cat loose in the car. Well, actually, my 5-year-old Hannah wants a cat loose in the car, but I’m driving so I make the call.
7. Wrestle the cat into the carrier. I recommend putting the carrier on its end so that the open door is at the top, and stuffing the cat in feet first so that she can’t see what’s happening until it’s too late. If need be, you can wrap one of the towels around her to make this easier.
8. Get the children dressed. Realize you probably should have gotten the children dressed first.
9. Decide not to argue with your daughter about her choice in clothing, because you are running late and while it is February, you live in Greater Vancouver and it’s unseasonably warm anyways.
10. Be thankful that it’s only a 3-minute drive to the vet, so that you arrive a mere 4 minutes late.
11. Wait in a very small room with a skittish cat who was removed from her carrier for weighing, and two small children, for approximately 7 minutes. It will feel more like 387 minutes.
12. The vet will arrive, and examine your cat. You will discuss exciting topics such as hairball medication and cat food. Your 5-year-old will talk non-stop, revealing embarrassing personal details including the time that you yelled at her and then apologized, or how her brother accidentally scratched his boy bits and they bled. The vet will say, “There are no secrets at your house, are there?”
13. Thankfully, the cat will get right back into her carrier when the appointment is over, because she is just as eager as you are to get the heck out of here already.
14. Pay the vet bill, and listen to your 5-year-old reveal yet more embarrassing tidbits to the receptionist. Why won’t that kid just stop talking already?
15. Head for home, satisfied with yourself for your excellent pet care. Consider how much quieter your life was when that pet was your only child.
Here’s to pets! And to at least a year of their continued health, so that you don’t have to show your face at the vet’s office again until they’ve forgotten who you are.
lol your writing paired with photos was absolutely hilarious! A wonderful laugh in the middle of my day : ) I must show this to my husband he seems to find cat humor very funny. I have a little one that likes to tell our entire family history as well, you never know what is going to come out when!
Cute. Reminds me that I got one of those post-card reminders in the mail the other day…
Amber…you rock….you made my day
Ahhh, the visit to the vet. Always exciting times at our house!
See, I schedule these things so I DON’T have to drag the kids along. Makes it less entertaining or blog worthy but not so stressful…except maybe for the cat.
Hmmm…should possibly check when our kitty is due for boosters.
BTW, not sure if you saw my blog but you should…just sayin’
.-= Carrie´s last post ..Shame on me… =-.
best. post. ever.
thanks for the laugh.
.-= robin´s last post ..sunshine, nature, snow, friends, sledding =-.
I’ve been visiting the vet way too often lately. Thanks for some laughs about it for once…
.-= the Grumbles´s last post ..lady, lady! there’s a bear in your car! =-.
that had me howl with laughter. I have three cats. Three trips to the vet with a toddler. Now pre-schooler… Our next round starts in May (I stagger it May, June, July to regain my sanity in between)
.-= Mel´s last post ..A few things that make me happy this morning =-.
I was just muttering to myself yesterday about how I have to take our cat to the vet. (We missed the wonderful adventure last year.) But I am in awe that you took so many photos! My palms were sweating for you
.-= Sara´s last post ..Vanilla Oatmeal Bar =-.
My sister owns a rescued cat that no one can get near enough to touch (and they’ve had her for over ten years). To get Boo into the cat carrier is a fascinating endeavour indeed (sort of like turning the whole house into a maze designed to lead the cat into the carrier, whereupon the door slams shut. Hopefully. Sometimes they have to hit the ER on the way).
.-= allison´s last post ..************Under Where? =-.
This cracked me up!
epic! loved it and it brought back some happy memories.
here’s to cats, kids and good tempered vets (and the mums who get them all together)
.-= pomomama aka ebbandflo´s last post ..date night =-.
This is so very real to me. I could imagine going through a scarily similar experience with one or both of my two cats and my son. I was internally laughing to myself each time I read each step.
One of the best was number 4. and especially “Cry about how you can’t remember anything anymore.” I totally relate to that one.
Also the squeamish children in the waiting room!
.-= Old School/New School Mom´s last post ..The Writing On The Wall =-.
This post was very entertaining. I love all the pics. Hannah – dashing in her poses as always and the cat, looking like my cat’s long lost sister scampering through the vet’s examination room. Been there, done that. Glad to see a post reminding me of all the fun (cough cough) that I always have there. Don’t you just hate it how the vet can do things to your cat that you would never be allowed to do?
.-= Melodie´s last post ..The Things I Didn’t Expect When I Was Expecting =-.
Those pictures are awesome:) Keeping it real indeed.
.-= Josh Hanagarne´s last post ..How To Be As Confident As This Pig =-.
Aw love the pictures, thanks for sharing!
Also I have an award for you on my blog- http://www.retrohousewifegoesgreen.com/2010/02/i-won-three-awards.html
.-= Lisa @Retro Housewife Goes Green´s last post ..I Won Three Awards! =-.
PEEING MY PANTS. Seriously. I think I might have– I’m laughing so hard. Just took both dogs (DUMB PLAN) to the vet with all three kids– It was like a bad, bad movie.
So sorry to say, cats are NOT my favorite!
You got some wonderful shots to go with your funny vet story.
.-= Francesca´s last post ..Evolving trivets =-.
Oh dear, we are due for a vet visit also, thanks for the laugh!
oh thank god you didn’t have to chase all over the vets to get her back in the cage!
.-= Heather´s last post ..What Makes A Good Blog Post? =-.
wow. your dorothy looks remarkably like our edgar.
.-= smothermother´s last post ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Hi-larity!
And you are a much better kittymama than I. *hangs head in shame at how long it’s been since Kimchi saw a vet*
.-= Dou-la-la´s last post ..Like Mother, Like Daughter =-.
I really enjoyed the photo’s, especially of everyone going haywire in the small office. Too funny!
.-= Tanya´s last post ..Perspective =-.
Thank God I don’t have pets! I need to take both boys with me tomorrow when I take my husband to physical therapy, but at least no one will be trying to dodge a carrier!
.-= Lady M´s last post ..Bedtime, When the Server Status Really Matters =-.
so cute! and this reminds me … need to make vet appt.