I’ve been feeling a little bit sheepish about my lack of blogging. I’ve been meaning to come back here and give an update on what’s happening in my life. I want to tell you all what’s happening with my return to school, my running, the continuing renovations on my house, and just how much tea is in my tea cupboard right now. I will do all of those things, soon. Right now, though, I have something very important to discuss: the pizza crust pandemonium that is sweeping the continent.
I remember that day almost 20 years ago when I first sampled a stuffed crust pizza. At first blush, the idea of putting more mozza inside a pizza crust sounded like genius. I love cheese. The world can always use more cheese. However, when I actually tasted the pizza I discovered that the world did not need this cheese. The stuffed crust cheese did not taste good to me. It tasted different than the cheese on top of the pizza, and the texture was all wrong. I resolved to avoid it in the future.Sadly, in the nearly two decades since that day, the world has not come to its senses. Stuffed crust pizza was followed by a whole lot of different kinds of pizza crust. The worst – and it literally caused me to vomit in my mouth a little – was the hot dog pizza crust, in which weiners are baked right into the crust of the pizza. All that I can say to this is why? I am not above eating a hot dog. I adore pizza. However, because I have good sense I understand that these two foods are best enjoyed separately. Adding two good things together doesn’t necessarily make them better. Sometimes it just makes them wrong. This? Very wrong. Some people may be willing to try it, but I am not one of them.
Yesterday when I was watching TV I saw a commercial for the pretzel crust pizza. Apparently, it’s America’s newest fast food twist. And while it doesn’t hit my buttons nearly as hard as the hot dog pizza, once again I’m asking myself why. What is it about our culture that causes us to take something that is perfectly good, or even great, and try to optimize it? Why can we not just say that pizza is great, and we can accept it for the wonderfulness that it is without constantly trying to mix it up and take it to the next level? Why can we not just be satisfied with awesome, cheesy goodness of pizza?
Some innovations are great, I’m sure. While I haven’t tried a cronut, I’m sure people love them for a reason, and I bet I’d enjoy them myself. And brunch really is the perfect fusion of breakfast and lunch. I also concede that I spend a lot of my time telling my children that you can’t know whether or not you’ll like it until you try it. Sometimes, though, I think can really can know before you try it. Chocolate sauce just doesn’t belong on lasagna. Hot sauce just doesn’t belong on waffles. And crazy crusts do not belong on my pizza.
Perhaps it’s a sign of my advancing age that I am suspicious of these pizza innovations. Or perhaps it’s just that I’ve tried some of them, and I prefer a regular slice of pizza. Eaten with my hands, of course. Because knives and forks are all well and good, but they should never touch pizza. Whatever the reason, I’m a traditionalist, and I’m not afraid to admit it. Pizza is great as it is, so keep your paws off my crust.