Jacob is 4 months old today. I took him to the doctor yesterday for his checkup and vaccinations. He now weighs a whopping 15lbs 13.5oz, and is 25.5″ long. He is a very outgoing little man, and didn’t even cry for the first shot. Mostly he was angry that he couldn’t make eyes at the doctor while she was administering the injections. It looks like he is the very picture of infant health.
I feel lucky to have Jacob in my life. Having a boy has changed the way I view the world. When I was pregnant with Hannah I started looking at everyone differently. I remember thinking that every person I saw, everywhere, no matter how inconsequential, had a mother. And that mother went through pregnancy and childbirth for them. I was struck by the miracle that is every single human life, the wonder of each one of us.
With Jacob, I’m looking at teenage boys and young men differently. You see them on the street, clad in hoodies and falling-down pants. Shaggy hair in their eyes, sort of sullen. Sometimes they’re in packs, sometimes on their own. In the past I didn’t give them much thought, but now I know that one day I will have one of those boys. I will be the one nagging him to get a haircut so that I can see his beautiful eyes, I will be the one trying to draw the sullen young man out of his shell.
Jacob and Hannah last weekend
This is new territory for me. It was the ladies who ran the show in my youth. I had a single mother and one younger sister. I was active in the Girl Guides. Nothing in my experience has prepared me for raising a son. I think of young men as a mystery, an enigma. Luckily I have an amazing husband who was also once a teenage boy, so I am not completely without a male perspective.
Before Hannah was born I might not have thought that gender mattered so much. I’ve certainly tried not to communicate gender messages or expectations to my daughter. But whether it comes from within her, or from the culture around us, Hannah embraces all things feminine. And so I know that Jacob will also have his own identity and ideas, regardless of my influence (or lack thereof). I can try my best not to pass along my pre-conceived notions of what it means to be male, but Jacob will likely have his own.
So, yes, one day this sweet little creature will grow into a fully-fledged adult male. Along the way I will learn some things about boys, and a lot about myself and how I view gender. Until (God willing) one day I will look at Jacob in amazement, knowing that this person came from me. And that I helped him to grow from that teeny-tiny baby into the man he will become.
I love comments! If yours doesn't appear immediately, it was caught by my spam filter. Since spammers love me as much as I love comments, I can't always search through all the spam. So get in touch, and I'll rescue your comment.