I’m 34 years old. I’m still pretty young. With any luck, I have more than 50 years of life ahead of me. And yet, I feel certain things slipping away from me as I age. I’ll never make it to the Olympics, or be named to a ‘Top 30 Under 30′ list. When I show up at my local high school to talk to some students about blogging, no one is going to mistake me for one of them. With each passing year, time takes on a different quality. It is no longer something I can afford to waste without a second thought.
I have two children. I love my children very much. and I would love to have more of them. But my husband Jon isn’t so sure. The timing isn’t good for us right now. I understand where he’s coming from. He wants to make a careful, measured decision. He needs to know that we can provide a good life for a baby before we jump into anything. He’s just being responsible.
But remember what I said about not being able to waste time? I feel this most acutely when I think about babies. If we put this off for a few years, because this isn’t a good time, will my window have closed? Will I be prepared to undertake another pregnancy when I’m 37, or 39, or 41? And even if I am, will it work? The odds decline all the time. I’ve read the articles. And what’s more, my body is telling me this, loud and clear.
If there was ever any doubt I had a biological clock, my age has put it to rest. I hear that clock ticking all the time. My 2-year-old does something cute? I want another baby. I talk to a new mom about breastfeeding? I want another baby. I lose my car keys? I want another baby.
My nephew plays surrogate 3rd child – it looks good, right?
This babylust is not rational. It’s not like I’ve weighed all the pros and cons and decided that having a baby would be the logical decision. No, the babylust is much more primal. I want another baby in the way that I want a sandwich when I’m hungry. I just … want it. And any rational arguments don’t really sway my longing.
My kids aren’t any help, either. My sister’s son is now 3 months old. He’s a very happy, healthy little guy. And Hannah and Jacob fall all over themselves in his presence. They pat his head and clamour to hold him and make all kinds of declarations about his sweetness and smallness and cuteness. Looking at them, I can see how another child would fit into our family. I like the picture.
I tell myself that if I had another baby, I would be done. I would gracefully move on to the next chapter of my life. But I’m not really sure that’s true. I look at people like the Duggars, who have 19 children and said they would gladly welcome a 20th. Michelle is a full 10 years older than I am. Perhaps I will always feel like I want another baby. And if that’s the case, then I can’t rely on my babylust to guide my decision.
For now, no babies are on the horizon. I continue to hope that will change. But until it does, if you see me looking wistful at the bank one day, it’s just that I realized I forgot my bank card. And I want another baby.
Is your family complete? How did you make that decision? And were you and your partner on the same page? I’d love to hear!
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Twitter: earthycraftymom
says:
HI Amber,
Tricky question for me, personally. Of course I’d love another baby (maybe even a girl if such a thing is possible;-) For us though, I think we’re done. Not because we don’t want more children, we all do, it’s that we don’t want to go through another heartbreak if it doesn’t work out. Steve is turning 50 (yikes!) next week, and that realization has really slapped us in the face recently. So, we’ve made our decision, and will hope & pray for many grandchildren someday– you know the ones you play with & knit for, but don’t keep you up all night;-)
Best of luck figuring it all out! Three definitely is a wonderful number:-)
Michelle’s last post … Beach Blanket To Go from Handmade Home
I’m 38 and would love another baby but it isn’t going to happen. For one thing I’m single. Secondly I don’t feel ready to change my single status any time soon. If ever I feel ready I’m thinking I will be far to old to be making babies. I would be terriefied to be pregnant in my 40′s. I was paranoid the first time I was pregnant and I was 25, I was certain there was something wrong with my baby and I constantly thought I was miscarrying. I was even worse when I was pregnant 4 years later. The doctor even told me my “risks” were higher because I was older. This wasn’t something I had expected to hear at 29. I don’t think I could handle it in my 40′s.
I don’t think that there’s ever a really good time to have a child. You could always have more money saved up for whatever or pay off more bills first, but if you keep on waiting to do that then the chance at that other baby goes out the window. I am pregnant with our third. My DH & I agree that this is our last pregnancy. When I went for my first prenatal appointment I made sure the Dr was aware that I want a tubal ligation. I told her if by some freak accident they need to do a c-section I’d be fine with them just taking the uterus out while they’re in there too.
Amy’s last post … Decorating for Fall
We are done having kids and my hubby did a snip, snip to ensure it. If I was younger, I would have wanted a third. But at 39, two is enough.
Although me wanting three is more my heart talking than my mind. Because I know for us a third would have meant needing a bigger place to live, a bigger vehicle and the list goes on.
Before we had kids, I always said I wanted two. But once the second was here, that is when the thought of three crept into my mind.
Lisa’s last post … Wordless Wednesday
Our decision to have a third was not an easy one, both on getting both partners to agree and on committing to the tremendous amount of work a third represents. She is now 27 months and we love her to pieces (Of course!! We never had any doubt about that!) and know it was the right decision. That said, just the other day my husband and I were discussing the fact that if we’d waited just a few months longer to start trying, we probably would not have gone ahead (due to surprise family illnesses and lack of family support).
Now I know we are done. With my first two, this was about the time (toddler’s age) I’d start wanting another baby. Not this time around! I know in my waking hours because I am so exhausted from the sleep deprivation — my toddler still wakes 2 times a night. And the other night I had a dream that I was unexpectedly pregnant with #4 and in my dream I sobbed and sobbed. So yeah, I think it’s clear.
I hear you loud and clear, Amber. My son is 21 months and boy, do I have babylust bad. Fortunately, my husband is on the same page with me about how large we want our family to be. He’d even be open to #3 or #4 down the road. But we’re taking it one at a time (hopefully). It’s amazing how much work just one can be.
The one thing we do know is that we want to have our children while I am on the younger side. I’m 29 now, so that only leaves us a few years. With that in mind, any time in the next few years is a good time for a baby–whatever our other circumstance might be. It was a terrible time for us to have a baby when we had our first (I had just started a new job), and it would be a terrible time for us to have another baby now (we’ve both got jobs that are in flux), but it seems to be there’s never a good time to have a baby. There’s never enough money, or a convenient time at work, or there’s that vacation you really, really wanted to take. But that’s family life for you. Fortunately, it has its compensations.
Sarah’s last post … The Single Womans Daybook- Day 3
Twitter: bitterindigo
says:
This is so painfully on point for me right now. I have so many friends that had two and then were certain they were done. I turned 40 this year and for so many reasons it seems right that we didn’t have more, but I have never stopped yearning/mourning that we didn’t. All last night I dreamed of telling people that I’m switching medications at the moment and lately I can’t stop thinking that we really need to have another baby, which I’m sure is just the medication talking. I think this is the first time I’ve dreamed of telling people something I’ve actually really been thinking. This morning I was showering and suddenly I was crying ridiculous loud face-contorting sobs — you know, because of the medication. But also because I want another baby.
allison’s last post … Book Review- Far to Go by Alison Pick
Hmmm, babylust and planning is a tricky one. I had my first child at 34, so of course I would tend to think 34 is totally young and you have plenty of time! But now that I’m 37 and have had 2 miscarriages trying for a second child, and may be forced to reach a conclusion that my family may very well be done with one, my perspective is changing. I don’t believe there is a right answer on whether or not you should have another child now, or later, or at all. There may never be a “perfect time” or even a “right time” to expand one’s family. I think of the phrase ‘life happens while you’re making other plans’ so I think if you have another baby now you would find a way to manage, even if you need to cut out a few expenses (assuming financial responsibility is what is holding your husband back). Good luck with whatever you choose!
Shana’s last post … Happy Blogiversary to me!
I definitely had the babylust after our second was born. My husband was already certain that we should stop at two, but the idea of three had always been in the back of my mind. But logically/financially we knew that two was good for us. Still, once the decision was made, I was pretty blue. I remember seeing a wee baby in a infant car seat on a Weather Network commercial, gazing up at his daddy, and I just bawled! After the snip, I kept on hoping that maybe it wouldn’t take. But now, two years later, I know it was the right decision. I have two healthy, amazing kids, and I don’t have to get up fives times every night, and the prospect of being done with diapers soon is REALLY APPEALING. I think that with three, I would have felt really stretched.
Twitter: pomomama
says:
age, maths, world population dynamics, a tricky 48h around the birth, an amazing first baby ……. i’m still in awe of us having one baby at 37/38y
i can say, hand on heart, i’ve never had babylust … but i’m pleased with the one we’ve got
(and we’ve called an official halt at 45y)
pomomama’s last post … hoobloodyray
I had twins at 28 and I was done. They’re now four years old and neither my husband nor I has had babylust. We’re both from families of two; we have a boy and a girl; and the delivery was difficult. Not sure if any of these are the reason.
wow. I haven’t been there for 9 years! After #2 was born I just knew I was “done” and made the plans to make the decision permanent (though that took nearly 2 years to get done). My husband said he wouldn’t have been completely upset if a third baby came along, but that idea completely horrified me… which basically confirmed my “done” feelings. The funny thing is he WAS upset when I told him I was pregnant with #1 and #2… go figure!
Not to say I never have a sweet ache in my uterus for another baby… when I see a cooing sweetypie at the breast of a loving mommy, or here that gleeful gurggly squeal from a delighted infant!!! Ouch! It makes me long for the pink new baby smell in my arms ASAP. But more often than not, the feeling is short, and I think about how much more fun it will be to have grandchildren in 10 years or so…..
I lie.
I miss breastfeeding.
But having more kids is much more than just getting to breastfeed again. I remember all the other stuff still so acutely that I am comforted by the fact that it would be a medical miracle if I conceived again! I love my children as they are growing into people that I love more every day. I feel blessed with the challenges they bring every day and my plate feels full.
Even though your babylust is not something I can relate to at this point, I do remember it well! And I think YOU know what you need…. I say go for it!!!! LOL
*pol’s last post … New books
We always said we’d have two, but now that we have a baby (she’s 19 months old) we’ve talked about the idea that our family might be complete. Childcare is outrageously expensive in our area and we simply cannot absorb another tuition expense, nor can either of us afford to quit our jobs. We also learned recently that my husband will likely be laid off next year, so that kind of sealed the deal for us having another baby anytime soon. We are both 33, so if we do have another it would be several years down the road and I’m not sure I’ll be willing to put my body through that again at almost-40. Sometimes I think how great it would be to have another; then on massive tantrum days I think one is plenty.
We are hoping for lots (like maybe 6+ if I’m physically capable of it!) of kids! For us, part of it is our Catholic faith, which has a really positive view of babies, and basically says you should only avoid getting pregnant if you have a serious reason to do so-like the default is to have more kids, instead of what seems to be the default in most of society, which is to avoid kids unless you’re super duper sure. Part of it is that we love babies & big families, and that Hubby worked his butt off in school to make sure he could get a job that’ll support a big family!
Anyway, I’d say pray about it with your husband and hopefully you’ll both feel the same way about it afterwards-whether that’s to have more babies or not!
Maman A Droit’s last post … Announcing- the NewsMommy Blog!
My family is DONE. I was definitely sure when my youngest was born. I only ever wanted two. BUT…that doesn’t mean I don’t love snuggling with my two month old niece….
Nicole’s last post … Conversation at the Breakfast Table
As someone above said, this post is painfully on point for me. My son will be 3 in a few weeks and man do I want a second baby. I dream of babies and birth almost every night, it is all that is on my mind. I miss breastfeeding, too, and holding a warm cuddly newborn. I want to experience birth again, only this time at home and with everything on MY terms, unlike it was the first time around. I want my son to have the siblings I never had. I’m not getting any younger either and as is, if I have a 2nd he and my son will be about 5 years apart in age. I feel in many ways like it’s now or never. I REALLY want a baby!
I have to agree with what Angela said about wanting another one when your youngest is a toddler – about 2-3 years old. That’s when I remember needing to have a second child. Your baby is on the cusp of babyhood and toddlerhood and they are so dang cute and – relatively easy at that age – compared to a baby anyway. I think it’s convienient how nature has you forget about birthing pain and lack of sleep. lol But I never felt that pull after having my second child. She is almost 4 and I still fawn over her cuteness and littlness, much to her dismay. People have asked me if I’d have another – just to try for that boy – and I tell them “only if you could guarantee it’s a boy!” Thankfully I have a nephew who is two and a friend with a baby on the way so I can get my baby fix through them – and then sleep a restful sleep at night. We are done.
Tanya’s last post … To dream a dream
Twitter: kellynaturally
says:
Sometimes. Like when both of my “babies” are cuddled up with me, reading, quiet, sweet and I remember how much I love breastfeeding an infant or babywearing in the first year…
But most times, I look at my life, how much I’ve chosen to take on, how much MORE I’d like to take on – and realize another child would require so much more of me (and Adam), not just time, but more of ME. Babies are tiring, and draining (not just figuratively… breastfeeding, for me, is a several year committment), and while cute and cuddly and lovely to dress and diaper and breastfeed and wear, they grow into toddlers who need guided and taught and disciplined. And children who need schooling (we choose private school) and given lessons and travel experiences (again, all choices) and direction and… ATTENTION. They deserve my attention. Which means, that I’d be further splitting my attention given to my two children already living, and needing me, and my husband, and my job, and my house, and my hobbies (which are more than hobbies really they are a part of who I am, you know?).
And then there’s the consideration of age (I’m 35) and two previous c-sections and the very likely potential of a third section (or a whole pregnancy wringing my hands over what could have been what might be with regards to natural vs medicalized birth) and the even more likely potential of a third baby born with ABO incompatibility – which means extra days in the hospital and the newborn weeks spent in grave concern over a little baby who is very yellow, getting heel pricked every day, and struggling to wake up every 2 hrs around the clock to nurse…
I realize that what I HAVE is so precious. That we are so lucky. And also that as much as I’d love to hold a tiny baby and have a family with many children – siblings that can love & play with each other , and be there for each other for the rest of their lives, after I’m gone – that my patience – my ability to be the type of mother I want to be AND the other things I want to be – is pretty much at its limit with my two awesome kids. Being realistic, truthful to myself, I love the thought of more children, but I love the ones I have even more. I love the life I have.
So for all those reasons, two is right for us (and saying this even after admitting to having been in tears in the OB/GYNs office for a routine physical seeing all the tiny newborns and realizing that no, we’re not having anymore) .
kelly @kellynaturally’s last post … Have a Magical Day
I knew I wasn’t done moments after Cedric’s birth. My baby lust hit instantaneously. I chalk it up to a couple things. I lost a pregnancy in between Elizabeth & Cedric, even after I had Ced I felt like I was still missing something. My universe was still out of balance. Add to that a close family member was having fertility issues. I was distinctly aware of the fragile nature and preciousness of being able to have babies, it was not an ability I wanted to waste. So we had Penny.
I do get the odd joke here or there about when #4 is coming. It’s not happening.
We are so done.
The moment I had Penny I knew. The door had closed, and my clock stopped ticking. I am content and happy with my family. I have no need or urge to make it any bigger.
To that point, the husband has already been sent to the doctor
I understand Jon’s concerns, but remember that no one can ever afford children. If you wait for the ideal moment, you may find it’s too late. Having met you and your kids, I would think you would fit quite nicely into a family of 5. Your so very laid back and soothing, just the right type of personality to take on the hairy mess that comes along with three kids!
Laura’s last post … Good Morning Cabos
Our third was a surprise and now that we’re here I’m glad we are and I’m almost glad I didn’t have to make the decision consciously. It’s a little crazy, but I think we’ll be on our feet.
I am also having deep, deep emotions about being done as a pregnant mama. It feels like I’m on the other side of something huge and as I pick my head up to look ahead (once in a great while) I’m sort of shocked. *That* was it! My baby making years! How did 7 years just pass? When?
It’s all so nostalgic.
I definitely don’t have that Done feeling, but rationally we should be done. I still hold on the that idea of having one baby that is mine to be home with since I was working full time when the others were babies.
victory’s last post … Im home
Twitter: jennrobhall
says:
Well I’m pregnant with my second and already longing for a third. Maybe its because I know I’m having another boy and I keep thinking we should try for a girl? Maybe its because I chat with so many women on twitter who have 3, 4, 5 children and somehow I can romanticize it all in my head? But I’m 35 now, and financially I don’t think we could swing it. And besides, my hubby is more than satisfied with two, he doesn’t even want to entertain thoughts of a third. So I guess once this belly baby shows up my pregnancy days will be done. But hey, I’ll have 2 beautiful boys-who could ask for more?
Jenn’s last post … Just another typical morning
Wow, it sounds like someone may get another visit from the stork, lol,
As for me, I’m not sure what I think about adding another babe to the family. On the one hand, I would love to have a baby again, but on the other, I want to focus on my work and building a career. What I think will happen is once I feel that I have a hang on the work situation, and my two small ones are school age, I will probably want another baby.
What a question,
Phew!
I’ve had this discussion with my husband. We originally thought we wouldn’t have kids. Then we decided two would be nice. We tentatively decided to start trying for #1 at a time when the maths said we could only just afford it. Instead, we got pregnant with twins! Maths went out the window – but we’re still coping. A little part of me has always loved the idea of a big family – I liked the thought of buying a big old mansion and creating a home for orphaned kids. This may have been more fantasy than reality. When I read Anna Maria Horner’s blog with her six children, and Amanda Soule with her four, I love the idea of a rambling property in the country with all these gorgeous kids running around. But, again, maybe it’s the fantasy I’m in love with?? My husband is far more based in reality and doesn’t think he could cope with more sleepless nights – it took us a year to get the twins sleeping through. We’re only 31, so I guess there’s still a window, although if we are going to do more sleepless nights I’d rather we did that, now, rather than later!
)
Stephanie’s last post … 364
I’m only 29 and I’d love another baby but poor husband does not. I’ve been trying all sorts of ways to convince him and sometimes I think that I’ve got him convinced but then he says the big N-O and I start going through the grieving process for my one-day baby. I don’t feel ready to hang up my baby mamma hat, but it wouldn’t be fair of me to pressure him into having another either…so right now I’ll declare us ‘on the fence.’
Jenn’s last post … Wordless Wednesday
Wow everytime I think about something, you write about it the next day. This is getting weird! Then again maybe I should get off my butt and write something. I don’t have baby lust at all but I do have large family envy – meaning those with 3 or more kids. But it’s the idea I like more that the reality. I feel a bit badly that Theo will be an only but we’re all going to have to make the best of it! That all said, I see a third in your future…!*
* (Don’t worry I’m not a certified soothsayer).
harriet Fancott’s last post … Theo in point form
our fourth is not quite 4 months old and I told myself that after this one, I’d be done. I told myself while he was being born ‘never again, no more’. I tell myself daily how tricky things would get if we had more. I tell myself that logically I know this should probably be our last – not that we couldn’t make 4 more work, just that to do everything we want to do it would be better if we stopped at four… but then…. maybe just one more????
I am not sure if this feeling will ever go away. I am not sure I will ever feel 100% sure that I am done. I am moving more towards being ok with what a future full of older kids looks like… whereas before I was depressed to think that my babies would grow up and not be babies any more… so perhaps that is progress?
katepickle’s last post … Some Days
Sometimes I want another baby but then the feeling subsides. I pretty much knew I was done after #2 though. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to get pregnant the second time around. I thought for sure I might crack. Thankfully that wasn’t the case but three? Well….if I did want another one the time wouldbe now. I can feel it in my body that I would probably be okay if I got pregnant again. (I think!) But since my husband got the old “V” sugery, it is not likely to happen. Although one day recently I was mooning about the idea and he asked “Should I get it reversed?” The mooning went away immediately. I think that’s how I know. It *is* bittersweet though. I am finding there is something very special about these early years and we don’t get them back!
Melodie’s last post … Wordless Wednesday- Mountain Mama Breastfeeding
Twitter: ladymrules
says:
Lately, the micro dude has been so darn cute that I’ve been tempted . . . but we’re done.
By the way, I was 34 when I had my first,
Lady M’s last post … Capn Jack
Twitter: fuoriborgo
says:
I wanted a big family, but I’m grateful and thankful to have “only” three kids after so many years of trying to have our family complete. “babylust” sucked a lot of energy out of me, and now I’m so happy to be where I am, with all the pregnancy and babyhood behind me.
Francesca’s last post … Corner View holiday photos
We don’t plan to have any more. Honestly, with an 8-month old and a 2 1/2 year old, there are days when I just want to cry out of sheer exhaustion. I don’t know if I could do it again. I love my girls to death, but I just don’t see a 3rd child fitting into our family. Hubby agrees. Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t look wistfully at babies all the time. It just means I don’t want to take them home with me
Chrystal @ Happy Mothering’s last post … There is No Excuse for Poor Customer Service
I think two children in sufficient in these days of overpopulated world
Nipon Bharali @tospider.com’s last post … Monitor Google PageRank from WordPress dashboard
sometimes i want another baby and then i remember that i’m 49, and the first kid took 3 IVFs and was born when i was 42, and i live in a two-bedroom house. so, i’m done. circumstances made it happen.
For me, it was weird…between Thing One and Thing Two, I was thinking, naah, I don’t think we’ll want to do this again, we started later and this is probably it…and then one day I held a friend’s baby and I swear my womb twitched. And I knew. (My husband already wanted a second one, I was the one balking.) So along came Thing Two…but 18 months after SHE made her appearance, I was holding another friend’s baby, and it was like, nope, no babylust here, guess I’m done.
In retrospect, I’m grateful that it was so easy for me to know what I wanted and was ready for, and that my husband and I were more or less on the same page about it. I know that’s not always the case. And being older (having gone through one post-35 pregnancy, where even my lovely midwives seemed determined to scare the crap out of me every visit) also made it easier…now I’m 42, and I think seriously this is it.
Honestly, I’d love to have more children, but my body just won’t manage it; I had rough pregnancies both times, and fairly serious PPD also both times, though the birthing and nursing parts were a breeze for me. The only times now I want another baby are when I hear about a nurse-in somewhere and wish the Girls weren’t retired so I could go join in.
Have you guys talked about not actively planning, but just sort of…letting nature take its course and seeing what happens? That’s what we did with #1, both of us not sure we were ready for a child yet, but knowing we weren’t young and that we had no idea how long it might take if we DID try, made us just kind of take a deep breath and go, “Okay, let’s see what happens.” In our case, seeing what happens was discovering that my husband could practically blow a kiss at me across the room and I’d get pregnant…but having decided THAT way left us both comfortable with whatever happened, and relaxed about where life would lead. (If you’re married to Mr. Measured Decisions guy, that might be tough, though…not to dis that quality, it’s actually a great one to have, but just maybe not suited to this kind of mode of decisionmaking…)
I suspect you’ll know when it’s right.
Jenn
Twitter: MarilynBelsham
says:
Our family is complete. You’re already familiar with my pregnancy stories. I just couldn’t physically manage to go through another pregnancy. There’s no way at all.
Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)’s last post … Diva Training- Wednesday of Few Words
Twitter: BirthingKristen
says:
That primal part of me has been feeding me the “I want a baby” message even before *I* even wanted another baby. (And I love the way you describe it here–”I want a baby” the same way that I want a sandwich when I’m hungry. Cute, funny, and SO TRUE (for me)!)
As I keep telling Tim, I just *feel* as if there is one more member of our family–one who isn’t born yet, one that we’ll (hopefully soon) conceive. It’s totally non-rational. It’s tapping into I-don’t-even-know-what. But it is what it is.
Something tells me that after the next one is born, I may miss breastfeeding and baby-cuddling and all of the other stages and milestones that will be “the last” with the last child…but I’m not sure that I’ll really want to have *another baby* just to have all of those experiences again.
At least that’s what the semi-rational part of my brain tells me.
I just feel done. I didn’t feel done after one. Rationally I did feel done, but there was that voice there that wouldn’t go away. Now I really do feel done. At least I hope. Baby is only one. I might be singing your song in a couple years.
AmberDusick’s last post … Acorn Bread Recipe & Acorn Processing
I’m still not at the point where I look at another baby and want one. In fact I happily hand it back. But I still hear the hands of the clock ticking.
Capital Mom’s last post … Travel companions
Amber, I loved your honesty in this post. Not that you aren’t typically honest, but this one really struck a cord with me. I think its because I relate. In my marriage, that was falling apart and not financially secure enough to welcome another child, I insisted my then-husband get a vasectomy. But the night before, I freaked out – because the truth was that I really wanted another baby – just not under those circumstances.
Now I’m single again and the idea of another baby has started to come back to me… Maybe I’ll meet a new man that doesn’t have kids? Maybe he’d be financially secure? Maybe I could stay home and quit my job!!! Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t care if I got fat and hormonal and stayed that way for two years? Wait…. that’s where the fantasy stops.
Anyhow, thank you for sharing. You aren’t alone. At all.
Missy’s last post … Dairy and Egg Free Lasagna for Food Allergies
I could almost have written this post, except my husband is 99% (if not 100%) sure we’re done, and I’m back and forth. On my “I want another baby” days, I feel exactly like you, and have had the exact same Duggar conversation with myself about whether I’ll ever NOT want more babies. Sometimes, though, I think of how much more money we’ll have when I can work full-time again, and how much sleep I’d be giving up to start over again with a newborn…and then I think maybe we ARE done.
I started a family rather late, I was 35 when I met my husband, 36 when my son was born and 38 when my daughter was born. When we found out our second child was a girl my husband and I decided we were going to stop with two. It was a very easy decision since we had a boy and a girl. I’m 43 now and another pregnancy, while not out of the question, would not be worth the risk to the baby and myself, so we are definitely done. I have a feeling we would have tried for another if our second child had been another boy.
Fran’s last post … Stroller Recall Prompted After 4 Infant Deaths
I am catching up on the posts I’ve missed so I’m a little late commenting, but just wanted to say I know what you mean. I have had the babylust too. For some strange reason I wanted another baby pretty much RIGHT after my first was born. I asked how long we should wait, in a serious way, at my six week postpartum checkup. Obviously that would’ve been a bad idea for health and other reasons, and our two girls ended up being 2 years and 3 months apart, but I definitely felt that pull to have another one and age wasn’t even a factor. I felt that longing again around the time I got my period back after #2, but we really were going to wait. We were shocked to find out we were pregnant with #3 when our baby wasn’t even one yet, but once it sunk in I was actually glad. It’s weird. I knew it wasn’t sensible to have another baby so soon, but I still wanted one, and we’ll be fine. Now we can just focus on meeting the challenge and stop agonizing over the decision. We want a large family (although not Duggar large) and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel “done.” It’s not that I can’t imagine how nice it would be to have several older children and no babies and be able to travel, go to cultural events, have extra money… It’s totally sensible to have two or three kids and stop and I get why people do it. But I’m pretty sure that won’t be us.
Jenny’s last post … My breastfeeding relationships: Hospital vs. Homebirth
Twitter: Hobo_Mama
says:
Randomly popping into your archives…
I’m pregnant with my second, and I’ve been wondering about a third. Sam says no way; I used to say the same. But the thought of putting it all behind me and closing that chapter — it seems so final. That said, I’m 34 as well with no infertility coverage, and I do plan to pass along the maternity clothes and baby things after this birth, to regain our storage space. It’s the practical thing to do. But I still wonder.
Lauren @ Hobo Mama’s last post … Why I love cosleeping