Blinking Lights and Beeping Reminders

Blink, blink, blink.

The light on my phone is blinking, letting me know that I have a voice mail waiting. My call display tells me who it’s from, but I’m feeling a little bit overloaded at the moment, and I’m not ready to have another conversation that may bring me more work, so I ignore it.

Blink, blink, blink.

There is so much psychic weight in all the little electronic notifications I receive on a daily basis. Numbers telling me how many unread emails I have, how many unread items in my feed reader, how many unseen Facebook replies, how many messages I haven’t heard or replied to. Sometimes, I’m tempted to just wipe the entire slate clean. Delete all the emails, and the voice mails, and the messages. I want to just declare email bankruptcy, mark all as read, and be done with it.

Blink, blink, blink.

The problem, of course, is that resetting the current counter wouldn’t close the floodgates. The electronic communications would keep flying at me. Soon enough, I will have fallen behind again, and be right back where I started, staring at the blinking light, not ready to add yet another message to the pile of messages I need to respond to.

Blink, blink, blink.

These blinking lights, email counts and beeping reminders are nagging me, demanding response. They distract me with their seeming urgency, demanding an immediate reply even though I honestly have other things that are really far more important that I could be doing. But those things don’t come with blinking lights and beeping reminders. If I don’t set aside time to handle the things that truly matter, turning off the reminders and ignoring the blinking lights, my own needs and desires and dreams and mental well-being will get lost, left behind somewhere in a dusty corner of the world wide web.

Cherry blossoms help me forget the blinking lights for just a moment

I have a debate with myself. It’s true that sometimes I need to turn off all the reminders and focus on the task at hand. I can set aside time to handle those blinking lights later. However, it’s also true that just dealing with that voice mail would probably take less mental energy for me than stewing about the blinking light. Which is better – setting clear boundaries around my time, or just dealing with the little things as they arise so that I don’t feel as distracted? Where does that perfect balance lie?

Blink, blink, blink.

I could turn the reminders off altogether, but then I fear I would miss things. We all know people who don’t reply to us, no matter how we try to reach them. It can feel pretty frustrating to be the one trying to make contact, only to be met with constant silence. I don’t want to be unreachable. I just want it all to stop for a little while. Call it a little vacation from all forms of communication.

Blink, blink, blink.

I have this fantasy. In it, I’m living in a small cabin on a remote beach somewhere, by myself. I spend my days writing with a pen and paper, walking on the beach and preparing food, which just sort of magically appears. I know that whenever I need to I can return to my life – my children, my husband, the little reminders of everything I’m supposed to do. And then when I need to, I can return to the cabin, for a few hours or a few days or a few weeks. It’s my retreat, a place to step outside of my life and outside of time. A place where the blinking lights cannot reach me, and everyone who’s trying to reach me will understand why I’m not replying.

Blink, blink, blink.

For now, I have no cabin on a remote beach. I have only my life, just as it is. Connected. Interconnected. Full of beeping reminders and blinking lights. Always moving, always full. I navigate it as best I can, forging a path that honours my own need for stillness and quiet in the midst of the din, and my need to be a part of something bigger than myself. Something that brings emails and voice mails and text messages and appointments on my calendar – and fantasies about a solitary cabin where none of it can find me. Always, it brings more questions than answers, and lots and lots of little blinking lights.

Blink, blink, blink.

Be Sociable, Share!

•