In our culture keeping busy is almost like our religion. You can speak a different language, go to a different church and vote for a different candidate and that’s OK. But you’d better not have too much free time on your hands, no sirree. That would mean you lack status and importance, because we all know that someone’s standing in society is in direct proportion to how busy they are. Status comes with lots of responsibility, after all, and lots of responsibility means you’re busy.
At times in my life I have knelt at the altar of Having So Much to Do. I have cited how very, very busy I am as an excuse to cover all manner of shortcomings. I have also used my busy-ness to claim status. I’m no different or better than anyone else, and if I can possibly find 5 minutes I’ll tell you all about that.
When I was in university I learned that being busy is something of a paradox. In my second semester at school I was taking more than a full course load. I was in 6 classes and I was still adjusting to the university setting, as were my classmates. We were seriously overloaded, all of us. People were pulling all-nighters in the lab and sleeping in the student lounge in an effort to get their work done on time. Some students even suffered breakdowns under the strain. As much as we worked, we just got further and further behind.
One night at 2am I was working on some homework with my friend. We both completed the same problem, and got different answers. We tried again, and this time each got two completely new different answers. I was forced to admit that my efforts were futile. I went to sleep, and in the morning completed the problem easily. The lesson I learned that night was that taking a break, taking some time off to relax and recharge, made me more productive. The loop of go-go-go that I was caught up in was half the problem.
I’m glad I learned that lesson when I was 18 years old, because it’s served me well. When I’m stressed out and overworked and busy-busy-busy taking time off actually helps. Very few of us function well when we’re overtired and hungry and highly anxious. It’s difficult to be creative and focused when you’re falling apart.
In reality being busy or not is about making choices. When I was single and newly employed in my full-time job I was very ‘busy’, but I watched 4 hours of TV most evenings. I couldn’t possibly find time to exercise, or cook, or sew because I was just so busy. I defended my TV time to the death because I needed it. I needed the decompression it offered me. Fair enough. But it wasn’t true that I had no time to take on other activities. I was just making a choice about how to use the free time I had.
Now I’ve stepped off of the career track, and I’m suddenly not busy at all. Oh, don’t get me wrong, motherhood keeps me hopping. I can barely get a second to myself some days. But I also have nothing particular to do on any random Tuesday. I have no meetings to attend or deadlines to hit. This lack of ‘productive busy-ness’, I think, is one of the reasons that being at home with small children is stigmatized. We’re operating outside of the culture of keeping busy-busy-busy.
I’ve decided I’m really happy making that trade, though. I’m tired of being busy, or pretending to be busy. Any loss of status that comes with that is fine by me. I’ve made my choice about how to use my time, and I’m happy with it. Although I would appreciate the option of showering alone once in a while. 
What about you? Do you feel you’re busy? And do you thrive on busy-ness, or find it panic-inducing?
Amber, why don't you send this to the Vancouver Sun? They print blog/online offerings once a week. It is really, really good. Sure created an aha! moment for me, Ms Busy herself.
I will absolutely consider it. Do you know where I can find more info about submitting something?
It should all be in the paper, front section. or just e-mail it in and see what happens.I think they should print it in the op-ed section. And maybe send it to Homemakers mag, as well, which has very well-written articles. You go, Girl!
I absolutely know where you are coming from. My days are hectic due to being a mom and a freelancer…I often get this busy, buys attitude from friends, like: sorry, we cannot come to the park, we are busy… and when you ask with what then it’s cleaning the house or something similar.
My days are full and I rarely have a moment to myself (like just now) but I am never too busy to make my choices…
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I’m caught in the busy, busy cycle and want out so badly. I long for a time with less busy-ness.
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As always you make some excellent points. But it hard to get off the busy train. My hubbie sees me sit down and watch tv at night and says “I wish I had time to do that.” That is his culture – always have to be doing something. It isn’t mine. I need time to decompress. TV is the easiest way for me – no complex planning required – just plunk your butt on the couch and put on your PVR. I’m still coming to accept that a SAHM busy is okay. But I don’t think I’m ready to wear the t-shirt yet.
One of the reasons I moved west was because ‘busy’ was even more of a status in TO. I had just reached 31 and it seemed everyone had to one up each other on how busy they were. “Oh you are so busy you are working on Saturday.” “Oh well, I had to work until midnight yesterday.” Then we’d go for drinks and complain about how tired and busy we all were. I was tired from all the talk and pressure to constantly be busier than your friends. Out west people seem to accept almost expect that you have some sort of hobby or interest outside of work. Of course this really is just a busy of a different type.
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Can you believe I’ve never actually pulled an all-nighter through college? I knew it wouldn’t do me good, I really can’t function on no sleep!
I would rather get up earlier, or better yet, plan my work so that I wasn’t so last minute… which often didn’t work… ok, so I skipped a few readings here and there lol
But I know what you mean – I did take on too much during my last year too, and burned-out in the last semester. Ugh.
It’s weird how “free” you are when work commitments just disappears, huh? We are busy, kids can be a handful and then some! But it’s nice that they don’t come with meetings and deadlines. I love it!
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You are right. The stigma comes from the lack of “productive busyness”: there’s no monetary result in the kinetics of a stay at home mom.
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I remember lying as a child in a field of grass and looking for shapes in the clouds. To me, that remains the ultimate use of ‘free’ time and I, like you, am just beginning to remember how important that time was to my enjoyment of life and am starting to recognize my choices. Most evenings now? No TV. Sometimes, no book. Just sitting on the porch or a walk at the lake, watching dusk fall and listening to the world tuck in for the night. Time well wasted!
This is why I always take time to sit down and eat lunch at work, because I’m so much more productive when I do take that break. I know teachers who run around crazy, and they don’t realize that they really could take time to relax for 30 minutes and get so much more done afterwards.
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I love this post. You’re absolutely right. There is a stigma around leisure, around free-time, and especially around idleness. I walk around with the guilts a lot that I’m not working hard enough. But the truth is, the value of our life and the value of who we are cannot be measured by what we accomplish or how busy we are or how many responsibilities we have. Giving yourself permission to slow down, breathe, be aware, and simply live your life the way you want too, is a very important choice, and a wonderful choice to make. Too often we assume we “have to” live a certain way, without even questioning whether it’s something that we really want.
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I’m too busy to leave a comment – haha, just kidding! I find that I actually get more done when I am “busy” – when I have longer periods of unstructured time, I can lose a few hours browsing the web, instead of focusing on tasks – bill paying, grocery lists, or whatever.
Unstructured time with the kids is fabulous though. That’s when we invent new games and costumes.
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i’ll agree with Lady M – i get much more done when i’m ‘busy’. i focus a lot more efficiently on what needs to be done
howver busy-ness at this stage in the game is built on the frantic cramming of jobs into the odd 20 minutes here or there when i don’t have to answer to the demands of my wee guy. when he’s in school of 2.5 hours or at the childminders for a day i’m not ‘busy’ aka frantic, but steadily getting thr my ‘to do’ list.
i’m really lookin forward to the fulltime schooling coming up in less than 20 sleeps!!
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I remember seeing somewhere a mantra to live by…
“Are you BUSY or are you PRODUCTIVE?”
It’s an excellent point, I can be busy all day long and not produce a stinkin’ thing, but sometimes being productive is by being still and letting go so that you are better prepared to see the solution present itself.(note I said SOMETIMES — after all waiting for stuff to come to you isn’t productive either!)
In college, I always got great marks when I was enrolled full-time and frantic, but part-time classes always left me with too much time to get distracted and my grades suffered. Go figure.
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Ironic isn’t it? So busy taking care of the baby but have absolutely no plans or anything particular to do during the week.
I totally understand. I went from crazy busy with tons of multi-tasking on projects at work to well, this. I try to cram in work here and there but it’s a bit useless. Glad to have had the time off and love spending time with my little guy right now but I miss being “work busy” too. I feel like it was a great break (if you can call it that) and now I am even more determined to work hard. I’m craving for deadlines but that’s just me
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Amber,
You hit the nail on the head with this one! I’m laughing and nodding my head as I read this . . .
We make our own “busy-ness” and we chose to be busy, that’s for sure. I see what you mean about our busy-ness being a status symbol, too. So true. Once we give something up, we think we will have so much free time, but something else always takes it place!
I am so busy now, by choice, I’m sure, as I take on more and more and still feel I need to take care of everything at home as I did before I worked full-time. But the most fulfilling “busy” time I ever had was when I was home full-time with our three growing children. I wouldn’t have traded that precious, busy time for anything else in the world!
Love your thoughts! Thanks for sharing!
Everydaywoman (aka Abbie’s Mom!)
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I love this post. You are so right and said it so well.
I am ‘busy’ but it’s different busy. I don’t have specific deadlines (usually), meetings, a set time to be somewhere, home again etc. Most days I have a bit of a plan, but it’s quite flexible with the kids.
And I love it. I’m happy. I feel less stressed. And you are right, there are days when someone asks what I am doing or what I did and quite frankly, the answer is nothing more than playing with the kids, going to the park, eating, napping. Go to bed.
When I was off for a few months with my son, I told a girlfriend, in a serious response to what my day was like the next day, that I was ‘busy’ beacuse I had a play date planned, were getting groceries and registering for something. She laughed, how is that busy? Well, for me, it was, but it was GREAT busy!
Thanks for this post. Have to go be busy on Twitter
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I got here via Twitter, so didn’t know this was a SAHM-focused blog… but if you’re interested in another perspective – it might be just as hard or maybe even harder to justify to society not being “busy at work” when you don’t have kids (as I do not). I have lots of hobbies, spend hours doing nothing particularly productive and take naps almost daily, and people are weirded out by that. It seems like “Are you busy?” has replaced “How about that weather?” as the starting point of small talk. I do a lot of business networking (I am a solo-preneur) and get various derisive or confused looks when I answer that “busy” question with “No!” and talk about all the non-busy stuff I do (or don’t do, as the case may be).
As Amber said, it’s all about choices. I think nearly everyone who is overwhelmed by busy-ness has created that for themselves in some way or another. It’s hard sometimes to go against the grain of society, but in the long run, it’s better to be true to thine own self.