Everywhere I go these days people seem to think I need help. There’s just something about a mom with a baby and a preschooler that just says, “Disaster in the making.”
Part of me thinks it’s sort of funny. I’m not entirely new at this motherhood thing. Most of the time I can easily manage a baby, a preschooler, and an armload of stuff without breaking a sweat. So I just smile and shrug off the offers of assistance. I know they mean well, but I’ve got it Together. No need to be alarmed on my account.
Sure, I’ve had my moments. I remember one trip to the library when Jacob was still pretty new, and Hannah really just needed me to pay attention to her. To read her the books she’d picked out without it becoming all about The Baby. Of course Jacob was fussy and would have none of it, and no amount of jiggling or shushing or nursing would do. A librarian came over and asked if he’d been hurt after he let out a particularly plaintive wail. I ended up crying my way through the self checkout process that day.
But those moments are becoming increasingly rare. At 6.5 months and 4 years I can generally take the kids out in public without causing a scene. Neither of them are prone to temper tantrums or running at the moment. Still, disaster can strike at unexpected moments. Like on Friday, when I had Jacob in the mei tai and I was carrying my tray of food through the IKEA restaurant. He managed to crane himself around and grab the salad bowl, spilling its contents across the floor.
An employee saw me, and told me she’d clean it up. Then she offered to help me get my drink and find a table. I declined politely. Then she insisted. I believe her exact words were a firm, “Ma’am, I’m going to help you.” I guess that cleaning up lettuce is one thing, but cleaning up meatballs and root beer is quite another.
Who, me, rain destruction wherever I go?
So, yes, maybe I do need help from time to time. Maybe all moms do. It’s a hard job we’re doing, and sometimes by insisting that we do it all ourselves we’re making things much harder than they need to be. For ourselves, for our kids, and for the poor people working at IKEA.
hmmm? curious (and i’m directing this at myself as your post has got me thinking inwardly)
at first read i thought, stick to your guns and accept help on your terms!
and then (partly cos of some discipline/behavioural issues ongoing right now) i thought, accept graciously and model positive behaviour to your child. maybe it’s a good idea to show that accepting help is A Good Thing for both sons (might train them out of the manly ‘never asking for directions’ thing) and daughters (no more Superwoman – we cannot do everything)
i have no idea! i’ll try both and thoroughly confuse the populace
I think it is great to accept help whenever and whereever it is offered. As a mom, a wife and women in general, we tend to take on so much that, having a helping hand is really nice sometimes…if we let it. Besides, I wipe alot of buts and pick up alot of crap off floors and wash alot of clothes and cook alot of meals, so if someone is offering me a hand, I am gonna darn well take it and say thank you. My grandpa always used to say – never look a gift horse in the mouth!
What I’ve been learning lately (especially from gathering support for a sick colleague) is that people really want to help. I’m not generally of the wanting-help nature, so it’s constantly surprising me and making me realize that it makes them feel good to help. Wins all around.
I always have trouble asking OTHER people for help, but I am the first to jump on the Partner if she isn’t helping me when I need it. Irony at its best!
I try to consider it a personal growth exercise to say “Yes, thank you, that would be great!” It’s not easy for me, although the more I practice, the easier it gets. I agree with the above comment, a lot of people are genuinely interested in helping, it makes them happy to do so. Women whose kids are older but who still remember how much there was to juggle in those early days, they especially love to help.
My idea is this. I say yes. I say thanks. I smile and demonstrate that the help that is being given is making that moment of my life easier (assuming it is, of course). And then, when I’m that mom of older kids, or even much older kids, or (possibly faraway) grandkids? I will be the one offering young, tired-looking moms that extra helping hand, whenever I can.
Second phase of personal growth, still a work in progress but getting better all the time: actually uttering the words, “could I have a hand?”
This is interesting amber- I have become a lot more acpeting of help in recent times with alex i was like NO i can do it!
Now I feel that it takes a village to raise a child and allwoing my community members to help out is more than just the help- when we help others it starts to increase our face time and that increases our involvement with each other and their abilty to reach out to others- holding a door might seem like a small thing- but a random act of kindess is waht it starts with!
Plus i think our kids are so dang cute that people are drawn to them! lol