It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! April’s theme is dealing with negativity. When you decide to go in a new direction you can encounter a lot of it, from yourself and others. In the past few weeks I spoke about that pesky voice inside my head and how I’m learning to understand it. I also discovered who I think I am, anyway. Today I’m discussing rituals that help me deal with negativity.
Talking and reasoning through fear can be really valuable. Sometimes. Once in a while, by using logic I even have a big epiphany that changes the way I view the world. And who doesn’t love an epiphany? But rare epiphanies aside, logic isn’t always effective because fear is not always logical. My fears most often stem from irrational thinking on my part, or that primitive part of my brain that is dead convinced I am going to starve or be eaten by a large predator. It’s awfully hard to reason my way through that.
When I am worried or afraid, I find that rituals can be comforting. They can bring me out of my head and re-ground me in reality. My rituals aren’t always elaborate. They can be as simple as making myself a cup of tea and drinking it, or taking a few deep breaths. Meditation, prayer, walking, kneading bread, knitting or exercising can also be calming rituals. Most of us have at least a few of these that we engage in without even thinking about it.
Once in a while my simple rituals don’t cut the mustard. When I’m really worried about a lot of things, I like to expand my repertoire a little. I was feeling that way at the beginning of April. And so, when we were in Birch Bay I crafted an impromptu ritual in which I cast my worries out to sea.
I walked on the beach and picked up a couple of stones, holding one in each hand. I held out my right hand and said, “This stone is …” and named one of my worries. Then I held up my left hand and said, “This stone is …” and named another worry. I squeezed those stones good and tight, filling them with all my fears. And then I threw them into the ocean. And I repeated the process, again and again, until I couldn’t think of any more worries.
When I was done, I felt much lighter. I didn’t feel worried anymore, at least for a little while. It didn’t change my life forever, but it did help me to regain perspective for the moment, and that’s all it had to do. My ritual got me out of my head just long enough to examine my situation with a better frame of mind. I’ve heard of many other, similar, rituals that other people use. Like writing all your fears on little slips of paper and burning them. Or burying objects that remind you of a bad time in your life.
I think that the physicality of rituals can be very valuable. Fear is a very physical thing. Even if I’m not afraid for my physical self, I have lots of physical symptoms. For me worry is sweaty palms, wobbly legs, a cracking voice, a racing heart. And so literally throwing my fears away carries a certain power. It’s like I’m meeting that part of my mind on its own terrain, and sending it a message it can understand. I’ve slayed the beast, and I don’t need to be afraid that it will eat me anymore.
Now I’d like to hear from you about rituals you use. Do you have big or small actions that you take when your fears overwhelm you? How do they work for you? I’d love to know!
April’s Crafting my Life series is about dealing with negativity. On the last Thursday of the month, which just happens to be the 29th, I will include a link up. To participate, write a post on this month’s theme anytime in April, or track down a post you’ve written on the subject sometime in the past, and add yourself to the list. Then read everyone else’s ideas and thoughts and be inspired! Check out the link-ups from January, February and March to get a feel for how it works.
the stone casting sounds like an excellent concrete visualisation ritual to practice.
i’m not sure i have fears though, except at night when i have really vivid nightmares just before i drop off to sleep (it’s been happening ever since i became a mum http://pomomama.blogspot.com/2008/07/night-terrors.html) and then my ritual is to imagine my way thru them to a good outcome. since most of these involve the Wee Guy in peril i have to imagine myself as supermum – sometimes it takes a lot of creative imagining cutting well into my sleepy time!
in my former professional life (oh my) i had to deal with ‘terrifying’ situations on a weekly basis – there’s a limit to what you can actually do even when well prepared so i guess i just learned that i can only work to my optimum, my own best, and to let go if it’s “not good enough” and to try learn from the situation to be better prepared in the future.
now i “just” have worries – i’m working on being as nonchalant and smooth about them.
.-= pomomama aka ebbandflo´s last post ..wordless wednesday: crazy hair mismatch day at school =-.
I like your idea with the stones.
I find that if I have a lot on my mind I’ll take a drive during my lunch break. We’re minutes to the ocean and looking out there seems peaceful and makes me realize how small I am on this world and how my problems aren’t as bad as they seem.
If I don’t have time for a drive, I try to read, even if it’s 15 minutes. It forces my brain to take a break from whatever is stewing and I’m able to focus with a fresh mind.
.-= Sara´s last post ..Playdate with Hubby =-.
I love that idea with the stones.
I use prayer, reciting Bible verses to help me. Sometimes I’ll pray for people I know who need prayer and it takes my mind off my own problems.
And other times I panic, but you know…those are the bad days!
Anyhow, I’m glad I found this post today. My little one is having some surgery next week and I may need this stone idea then. Thank you.
Fresh air is always the best way for me to calm myself down and refocus. So I typically default to going for a walk, which is especially nice when the cherry blossoms are blowing their pretty petals over the sidewalks.
The worst things are hanging around online, watching TV aimlessly or having another coffee.
Love your Thursday posts. At some point I will join in.
.-= harriet Fancott´s last post ..Open adoption, the unfolding story =-.
As I am very afraid today, I might have to try this.
.-= Mel´s last post ..Writing out loud =-.
Throwing fear is a good idea and totally something my kids would get into, which led me to the thought: one my tasks as a parent is to teach my kids how to deal with the hard stuff in life.
When I am feeling totally overwhealmed I drive down to the lake with the kids and while they play I take a few deep breaths and stare out over the water. I find that the waves, as they continually come to shore, are a comfort to me. It reminds me that no matter what is happening, life goes on.
If I’m overwhealmed with To Do’s I write lists. I also find that reading a book before bed get’s rid of any worries so I can sleep.
And if I just need to unwind, I sit in my backyard with a cold beer
.-= Tanya´s last post ..My house =-.
Honestly, I often find the ritual thing kind of cheesy, but I love this one. I go for a walk and listen to music. Or eat something. The walking usually works better.
.-= allison´s last post ..*****************Good thing they weren’t testing my emotional stability =-.
Love this, as long as my kids don’t see me throwing rocks…we just had a rock throwing incident yesterday that has caused me even more worries!
.-= Jill´s last post ..My Baby is One! =-.
Thanks for this. I will definitely give it a try one day – and I’m inspired to write a post on dealing with negativity. This makes me think of the Guatemalan worry dolls we have – where you assign a worry to each one and put them under your pillow, so you can be free from them and have a good sleep. A lot of times those worries in your mind really aren’t there with you on the beach (or in your bed) and you could free yourself to think about something else.
.-= Susan´s last post ..What’s it like on the Art Express bus? =-.
I like this idea, I think I will give it a try.
I like your idea lots.
I probably wouldn’t end up using it because I can’t throw very far and might end up more annoyed with myself than freed of those fears.
.-= Lady M´s last post ..More SCIENCE =-.
I don’t think I’ve ever handled big fears very well. First of all, I’ve never really recognized them as such, and never given them names, I’ve always just taken them as they came, and tried to charge ahead. Fears were a lot easier deal with when I used to smoke:)
.-= Francesca´s last post ..Bunny-ness =-.
Have you read The Wishing Year by Noelle Oxenhandler? They do something similar in there. I thought it was beautiful in the book and I love your version too.
.-= BluebirdMama´s last post ..Stop The Cycle – Cry It Out pt. 2 =-.