Strocel.com | Random Awesomeness

Little Boxes, Full of Me

Amber on May 17, 2013 2 Comments

I keep my life in little boxes inside my head. This box contains my multiplication tables, which I learned in elementary school, standing beside my desk and clapping out a rhythm. Five times six is thirty. Five times seven is thirty-five. Five times eight is forty. Five times nine is forty-five. That box contains advertising jingles. Another box contains old locker combinations and computer passwords. It’s a little dusty, and sometimes hard to find. A small opalescent box contains barely conceived fragments of dreams, which I’m not quite ready to give voice to.

Sometimes, a trigger I wasn’t expecting causes me to trip over a box, and long-forgotten feelings and memories come spilling out. Like yesterday, when I heard Garth Brooks singing The Dance.

In 2001 my only cousin died. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that he was murdered. He had just turned 21, and his life had taken several wrong turns, until he found himself in a place he couldn’t get out of. He was shot, and after spending a few days in the ICU he passed away.

At his funeral my uncle stood and shared some memories of his only child’s early years. Lying on the grass, looking at clouds, asking questions. Playing together. Full of life and full of promise. And then my uncle played The Dance, which is of course the perfect choice in so many ways.

I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance

When the song came on, I was standing in my kitchen washing dishes. As the box that contained all my memories of that June day 12 years ago opened up, I started to cry. I thought about my cousin, four years younger than me, and what he’d been like as a child. I recalled sleepovers at my grandmother’s house when we were kids, and I pulled him and my sister along in a wagon. I thought of how happy he was then. And then I thought about my own children. Can I save them from the same fate? Can I keep my own happy little boy from taking too many wrong turns?

Life is funny, though, and people are resilient. I’m resilient, too. I know how to bend and not break. So I shed my tears, and remembered the people who I loved and who aren’t here anymore. The people who helped me become who I am. The people who got lost, and the people who just couldn’t bend anymore. The people who lived good, full lives, and then moved on. And then I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my hoodie, and rinsed the pot I was scrubbing, while the memories disappeared back inside their box, and the box receded back into its place in a small corner of my mind.

So many boxes, so many pieces of me. Big pieces and small pieces. Happy pieces and sad pieces. Old pieces and new pieces. All of them just waiting for a cue to open, and remind me of what this particular piece means to me. How it contributes to making me the person I am, full of life and full of memories.

Filed Under: Random Awesomeness Tagged With: Memories, Navel Gazing

The First World Problem of Choosing a Tablet

Amber on May 15, 2013 2 Comments

My husband is an early technology adopter. This means that he had a CD player before I did, a computer with internet access before I did, a DVD player before I did, a cell phone before I did, a smart phone before I did, and a tablet before I did. He had his first-generation iPad for well over a year before I even considered dipping my toes into the tablet waters. For the longest time, I just didn’t see what all the fuss was about. I liked paper books, I preferred to type on my computer, and my iPhone offered me lots of apps if I wanted to play. Why did I need a tablet?

After watching Jon’s love affair with his tablet, though, I slowly started to come around. I could see the convenience of being able to keep a whole bunch of books, magazines and even newspapers on a single small device. Plus, I could see that it would be easier to do things like surf the web, look up a recipe while I’m cooking or answer email on a tablet vs. a smart phone or computer. So, last Christmas I asked my husband for a tablet. I couldn’t decide between a Google Nexus 7 and an iPad Mini – a thoroughly first world problem, I’ll concede – so I left the ball in my husband’s court. As an iPad devotee, he stuck with Apple, and I’ve really enjoyed it. However, I’ve always wondered.

When the folks at Staples.ca got in touch with me recently and offered me a complimentary Google Nexus 7 for review purposes, I admit that I was intrigued. I wanted to see what it was like, and how it compared. So I seized the opportunity, and then eagerly awaited my new tablet.

When it arrived, I tried my best to clear out all of my previous tablet experiences from my mind, so that I could evaluate the Nexus 7 on its own merits. My first impressions were that it was very pretty, packaged in a box like a present. It was already charged when it arrived, so I was able to play with it right away. Since I am already on the Google bandwagon, with my email provided by Google Apps, my life driven by Google calendar, an active Google+ account, and so on, setting up my tablet was as easy as logging in. I actually have two Google accounts – one personal account and one work account – and it was relatively straightforward to add both, so that my whole life was on the tablet within a couple of minutes.

My first order of business, once the tablet was synced to my Google IDs, was to check out Google Play. This is the app store, where you can download books, music, movies, games and so on. I found almost all of my favourite apps were there, and many of them were free. I was able to get all the tools I use without shelling out. I decided to buy a book, just to see how that worked. I chose The Painted Girls by Cathy Marie Buchanan (aside – I really enjoyed the book). Since I already have Google Wallet set up, the purchase was very easy.

The truth is that while I tried not compare the Nexus 7 to the iPad Mini, it was impossible not to. In fact, even if I were to purchase one, I would likely be comparing my perceptions of the two products. What I found, though, was that there were both upsides and downsides to the Nexus 7. After using the Nexus for more than a week, I honestly can’t say which one is better. I think it comes down to how you want to use it. So, if you’re facing your own first world problem and choosing which table to buy, I’ll lay out my experiences for you.

What I loved about the Nexus 7:

It easily supports multiple user IDs. I created a separate ID for my daughter Hannah with her email info and some apps that she likes, and added a simple password to my ID. This means that if my kids are using my tablet they’re not messing with my settings, and I can remove access to apps I don’t want them using. This is a big upside.
The app icons are smaller, and you can place them where you want them. I’ve always found the app icons to be oddly large on the iPad, as compared to the iPhone. With the Nexus 7 you can fit more icons on a single screen, and they’re still more than big enough that I can see them. Being able to place them where you want on the screen, with gaps in between, also allows casual grouping on a single page.
The free e-book reader Aldiko is better with PDFs than iBooks. I’ve been reading some books on the Google Nexus 7 rather than the iPad for that reason.
It auto-updates software and apps. As someone who likes to stay up-to-date, this is easier for me than having to take the step of upgrading.
Google Maps! I love Google Maps, and while there’s an app for the iPhone, I was really sad when they removed it as the default map app for my phone. The Nexus 7 still uses it, obviously.
Google’s voice search works well, and is better at understanding my children than Siri.

What I would like to change about the Nexus 7:

Since I have an iPhone, integrating my two platforms is challenging. For instance, I can easily sync text messaging and share apps between my iPhone and iPad. If I had an Android phone, I could easily sync text messaging and share apps between that phone and my Nexus 7. However, I can’t easily share and sync between an iPhone and Nexus 7.
I don’t love the native books app, which only reads books you purchase through Google Play, and doesn’t allow you to download those books to your computer. To read other books, you need to get a free e-reader app, like Aldiko.
The Nexus 7 has a narrower screen than the iPad, and is a little heavier.
I miss FaceTime. While you can use Google Hangout or Skype on the Nexus 7, since the rest of my family is all on the Apple bandwagon, this would present a challenge for me if I wanted my kids to be able to chat with their grandmothers on Mother’s Day using the Nexus 7.
The Nexus has only a front camera. I don’t take a lot of photos with my tablet, but if you want to take a photo or video of anything other than yourself, you’d have a hard time doing it with this one.

See? Upsides and downsides.

My final verdict is best demonstrated by the fact that I’ve been using my Nexus 7 heavily for the past few days, since I’m reading a book on it right now, and I haven’t touched my iPad since Sunday. I’m not giving up either, which is a little ridiculous when I’m carrying around one smart phone and two tablets, but I can live with being ridiculous. I’ve already conceded my first world status, after all.

While Staples.ca gave me the Nexus 7, the thoughts and opinions expressed are strictly my own, and no other compensation was received.

Filed Under: Random Awesomeness Tagged With: Google Nexus 7, Reviews, Tablet

The Contents of my Purse

Amber on May 14, 2013 Leave a Comment

They say that you can learn a lot about a person from the contents of their purse. Actually, they say you can learn a lot about a woman from the contents of her purse, and to be fair, few men carry purses. Of course, male clothing almost always has pockets for holding things like wallets and keys, while dresses and skirts rarely do.

In fact, back when I was an engineer I went rogue with my ID badge. When I originally got my ID badge from my employer, it came with a company-issued lanyard. And then, one day, we got a message saying that we shouldn’t wear the lanyard anymore for safety reasons. The lanyard could get caught in something and choke us. Instead, we should use the belt clip that we were also issued. For my predominantly male co-workers, this wasn’t an issue. They clipped the thing onto their jeans and went on about their days.

For me, however, it was a different story, especially because I was pregnant at the time. I still wore jeans a few days a week, but they were maternity jeans, with massive tummy panels and fake pockets. I kept using the lanyard. Luckily, my co-workers had the good sense not to call me on it or report me to the health and safety committee. They may have been a little bit scared of me. Given my rampant mood swings, I wouldn’t have blamed them.

This is not actually my purse – mine is WAY BIGGER

Back to the point of this post. Supposedly the contents of your purse provide some massive insight into who you are, gender issues notwithstanding. So I thought it would be fun to share the contents of my purse with you. Here’s what you can find in mine right now:

Band-Aid blister cushions.
My daughter Hannah’s wallet, which she asked me to carry for her the last time we went shopping.
Coupons from Great Clips.
My own wallet.
Four old receipts, for pizza, a local cafe, gardening supplies and Mother’s Day gifts.
Four reusable nylon bags.
Two pens.
A small red plastic recorder that doesn’t really work.
Business cards – mine and others.
A packet of crackers, which has been completely crushed to the point that the crackers are more powder than cracker.
Random assorted garbage – an old lollipop stick, a crumpled napkin, an empty cellophane packet, a sticker that’s lost its sticky.

That’s it for now – normally, I’m carrying a lot more. I’m not sure what that says about me, either way. But if you want to prognosticate on my personality, I’ve given you all the tools you need.

What would I find in your purse, diaper bag or coat pockets?

Filed Under: Random Awesomeness Tagged With: Navel Gazing

Finding Abundance on Mother’s Day

Amber on May 13, 2013 4 Comments

I’ve had a mixed relationship with Mother’s Day since I became a mother myself. While there are lots of things about this particular Hallmark holiday that are lovely, there’s also a whole lot that’s not. Mother’s Day can easily devolve into an occasion that’s all about guilt and unrealistic expectations and overly-flowery poems that don’t actually reflect what it means to be a mother at all. However, yesterday may have been my best Mother’s Day to date, and I have former British Columbia Premier Gordon Campbell to thank for it.

The way provincial elections used to work here in British Columbia – and the way federal elections still work in Canada – is that they’re called when Parliament dissolves. This can happen either at the pleasure of the Prime Minister (or Premier), or when Parliament fails. While there’s a maximum term for a Parliament to remain sitting, there isn’t a minimum. What this means is that Prime Ministers who’ve had the ability to do so have tended to schedule elections for times when their parties are enjoying a surge of popularity. If it’s been three years and three months since the last election, but things are looking good, they’ll dissolve Parliament and begin a five-week sprint to an election. While there would be a whole lot of speculation about when the next election would happen, you’d never really know until it was called.

(If I’m getting any of this wrong, I trust my more-informed Canadian readers to correct me. However, I believe I’ve captured the essence of how federal elections work in Canada.)

Things changed here in British Columbia in 2001, when former Premier Gordon Campbell instituted fixed election dates. Since that year, provincial elections have happened every four years, on the second Tuesday in May. If you’re doing your math, you know that this means the election is happening here tomorrow. What this also means is that my husband, who works in TV news, has been spending the past week or so working long hours, building graphics packages and rehearsing and whatever else goes into preparing for an election broadcast. Because of this, I knew that Mother’s Day this year would be a bit of a dud.

Paper Mother’s Day flowers

The surprising thing, however, is that yesterday may have been my best Mother’s Day so far. Given my husband’s work commitments at the moment, we had absolutely no plans whatsoever. The kids woke up, and I set them up in front of PBS Kids so that I could get an extra hour of sleep. Once I was up, I fed everyone the last of our cereal, which will all too soon be a thing of the past as I seek to cut down on our sugar consumption. The kids gave me their handmade gifts from school, and the card they bought with their father. My husband gave me chocolates and a card. We headed to the first farmers’ market of the season. When we got home we ate leftovers for lunch and the kids and I cleaned and vacuumed, while Jon went to work.

I had absolutely no expectations of the day, and in the end it was lovely. In reflecting on it, I realized that I usually get caught up in what isn’t going well on Mother’s Day. I get annoyed because I have to get up with the kids since my husband isn’t a morning person. I get caught up in the guilt trip of worrying that I’m not doing enough for all the other mothers in my life (my own, my husband’s, our grandmothers, and so on). I feel sorry for myself because all of my Facebook friends seem to have been on the receiving end of breakfast in bed and gorgeous floral arrangements and spa treatments, while I’m refereeing fights and cleaning up spills.

By having no expectations, I was able to focus on the good parts of my day. The sweetness of my four-year-old’s pride at having glued sparkly decorations to a cardboard picture frame. The way my daughter came stayed up late on Saturday night to make me two extra gifts. The gorgeous local greens that I bought at the market and ate for lunch alongside leftover pizza. The fact that my kids helped me to clean, and afterward I just felt better.

Perhaps the secret to happiness – not just on Mother’s Day, but every day – is to spend less time focusing on what we don’t have and more time focusing on what we do. At the risk of going all Pollyanna on you, life’s abundance is all around us, if we only look for it. Yesterday, I found mine, in two little people who mean the world to me, sticky hands and all.

Happy belated Mother’s Day to you!

Filed Under: Random Awesomeness Tagged With: Mother's Day, Navel Gazing

Just Write

Amber on April 29, 2013 12 Comments

For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling that lost feeling when I sit down to write. The cursor on my screen just blinks at me, exuding impatience, while I struggle to come up with something to say. Nothing brilliant comes to me, though. The cursor blinks, I feel progressively more lost, and I wonder if I should just cut myself some slack and take a break.

After all, we all need a break sometimes, right?

While I don’t dispute that taking time off can be beneficial, the truth is that when it comes to myself, I’m pretty much a tiger mom. For my kids, I’m fairly easy-going. After all, they’re only kids. I’m an adult. I believe that if I want to get better, I have to do the work. That means showing up and writing whether I want to or not; whether I have brilliant ideas or not; whether Game of Thrones is waiting for me on my PVR or not. I need to sit in the chair, put in my 10,000 hours, and just write. It’s not easy, though, and the results aren’t always brilliant.

I know that if I look around, there’s inspiration. I see little plants in my garden growing bigger every day. I see Canada geese flying in giant V-shaped formations overhead, reminding me of childhood lessons about cooperation and perseverance and the rhythm of the seasons. I see my children learning and growing and becoming increasingly awesome every day. I see the routines of my life that nurture me and stifle me simultaneously, shaping my days and my experiences. I see opportunities to say yes, and opportunities to say no, and the ways that both of those answers can be either soul-killing or life-affirming. I hear jokes and read news stories and run my hands over stones warmed by the sun. I think about how a rock is formed and how it’s so strange that this particular rock should make the journey from prehistoric molten magma to a small object I can hold in my hand.

Sometimes, though, the inspiration doesn’t take hold. I can’t easily transform that wisp of a thought into a coherent piece of writing. I try and try, typing and back-spacing and copying and pasting, but my words are like clay that is too dry, crumbling to bits before I can create anything meaningful and solid out of it. The muse isn’t with me, no matter how much I try to conjure her through sheer force of will.

This is the way that life works, I think. Sometimes you have to just sit down and write (or paint, or sew, or map out an event, or draw up plans), even when it isn’t easy. There will be struggle. But in the struggle you have a choice. You can focus on the pain and the difficulty, or you can focus on the meaning of what you’re doing. By showing up even when it’s hard, and enduring the impatient blinking of the cursor, you’re wading into the murky waters of life itself. Sometimes, your feet get stuck in the quagmire, and the going is slow and difficult. But still, the important thing is that you’re going. The only way to get there is to go through it, even if you’re not entirely sure where there is.

And so, I sit here in this chair, feeling lost. But still, I write. Because I am a writer, and that’s just what we do.

Filed Under: Random Awesomeness Tagged With: Crafting my Life, Navel Gazing, Writing

Seeking a Not-so-Sweet Breakfast

Amber on April 26, 2013 16 Comments

I am currently a little more than halfway through Michael Moss’s fascinating book Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us. If you’re at all interested in food issues, this one is worth checking out.

The first third of the book – and the one part I’ve completely finished so far – deals with sugar. One of the concepts that Moss discusses is the “bliss point” for sugar. This is the point where the sugar level in a food is perfect for you. Take sugar out, and it won’t taste as good. Add more sugar, and it won’t taste as good. The bliss point is, well, blissful, and it varies from person to person. I can pretty much tell you, without even subjecting myself to any testing, that my bliss point is very, very high. I am the sort of person who will eat a sugar cube straight up, and then still want more.

I’m somewhat concerned about my gigantic sweet tooth, because I don’t believe sugar is all that good for you. If you’re eating it in moderation, that’s one thing. But given studies that show a link between drinking sugary beverages and diabetes, and added sugars and heart disease, for example, I’d rather not be eating it in excess. And yet, the truth is that I do. I know this for sure because some time ago I signed up for My Fitness Pal, a free app that tracks food and exercise. While I come in below the recommended amounts of fat and salt, I regularly consume two to three times my personal daily recommended allowance of sugar.

In fact, I generally consume my entire daily allowance of sugar with my first meal of the day – a bowl of cereal and a banana. Breakfast cereals are high in sugar. Plain milk is surprisingly high in sugar. And banana, being a fruit, has rather a lot of sugar. When you add it all up, my day is off to a really sweet start. But it’s not just my day that’s super-sugary – my kids are eating the same sorts of food that I do.

I’ve given up sugar before, and didn’t notice any particular difference in how I felt. But the truth is that I only gave up sugary treats, like candy, ice cream and baked goods. I didn’t stop eating fruit or all breakfast cereal. Knowing what I know now, after reading Salt Sugar Fat and tracking my own sugar consumption, it’s a pretty safe bet that I was still getting plenty of sugar in my diet. Probably more than I needed, in fact.

I’m not about to go completely sugar-free. I love carbs entirely too much for that. However, I really would rather not eat so much. I’d really rather that my kids didn’t eat so much. But I’m also torn. Our mornings are not exactly what you would call leisurely. Cereal or granola is just so easy. And my go-to easy alternative of sweetened yogurt with fruit is really high in sugar, as well. I know lots of people swear by smoothies, but smoothies gross me out, so I’m not going there, especially not early in the day. The only non-sugary breakfast my family regularly enjoys is scrambled eggs, but I just can’t see making those every day. And so, I’m facing a conundrum.

I’d like to reduce the amount of unintentional sugar I consume, but I’m not sure how to do it in a way that won’t make my mornings difficult. I’m hoping that you can help. Do you have any easy breakfast options that are low in sugar, and that your kids will happily eat? I need suggestions.

I’d also love to hear your thoughts on sugar. Are you concerned about how much you – and your kids – consume? Have you ever tried to give it up? I’d love to hear!

Filed Under: Random Awesomeness Tagged With: Food, Navel Gazing, Parenting

A Perfect Moment

Amber on April 23, 2013 8 Comments

I’m sitting at my computer right now on Monday evening. Tuesday is garbage day in my neighbourhood. While the compost and trash have to stay inside until the morning lest the smell attract the local bear population, the recycling is now out beside the curb awaiting collection. I guess bears just aren’t that interested in well-cleaned tin cans and last week’s newspapers.

As I finished cleaning out the kitchen this evening, I gathered up some recycling that hadn’t made its way into the bin before the bin made its way to the curb. I headed out the front door to drop off the empty cans, so they wouldn’t have to hang around my house for another week. As I did, I experienced a perfect moment.

My feet were bare, and the pavement of my driveway felt surprisingly cold beneath my feet. It was a warm spring day today, but as the darkness descended there was an undeniable chill in the air. The cold had a grounding effect on me, drawing me out of my head and into my body, reminding me of where I was and what I was doing. As my awareness shifted from the to-do list I was running through in my head to the world around me, I took a deep lungful of air. The world right now smells of springtime – a heady mix of flowers, sweet green grass, rich earth and resiny sap seeping out of newly-awakened branches. It’s the clean smell of a world made new, and I love it.

The sky overhead was deepening to a purple-blue, still lighter around the edges. The last remnants of the sunset had almost completely died away, but the light hadn’t all disappeared. The streetlamp that stands directly over the spot where we leave the recycling bin glowed yellow in brilliant contrast to the colour of the sky. Taken together, the two shades spoke of light and darkness, and that magical time of day that is neither day nor night, and yet both at the same time.

While I dropped my cans in the bin, I took it all in. The colours, the smells, the cool air, the sound of a bird singing out its good night. And just for one moment, I forgot about all the millions of little thoughts that normally fill my head. The things I have to do. The things I regret not doing. The plans I make and the shopping lists I compile. Those things that normally jostle around all together, reminding me that I am never fully done. For a moment they were gone, and it was perfect. Standing there, bare feet on cool pavement, feeling the spring evening all around me, full of life and beauty and something bigger than all my petty cares.

And then I headed back inside, and the thoughts encroached again. But somehow, having had that moment eased my burden, even if only a little. And it reminded me that really, that perfection is always there, just out of reach. Even in the most mundane moments, as I run the recycling out to the curb on a Monday evening.

Filed Under: Random Awesomeness Tagged With: Navel Gazing