It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! Today also happens to be my 10th wedding anniversary, which may not be strictly relevant, but I just thought I’d throw it out there. The first half of May is very special-event rich for me, with my dating anniversary, birthday, Mother’s Day and wedding anniversary. I’m honestly happy that this is the last of the big events for a while. If you want to take pity on me and offer me a break in the form of a guest post, drop me a line.
I hate cleaning. I’ve always hated cleaning. Cleaning is the worst. It’s mundane and awful and incredibly futile, because whatever you clean just gets dirty again. This is especially true when you have two little kids living in your house. Kids do not place a high premium on maintaining order, in my experience. Sure, they may kind of like tidiness, but they’re not going to lose sleep over the fact that the laundry didn’t get folded.
But what if this wasn’t true? What if I didn’t view cleaning as a mind-numbing, soul-sucking, one-way ticket to a place I didn’t want to be?
I’ve been thinking about that a fair bit this week. As I told you all yesterday, we painted our living room last weekend. You know what painting forces you to do? Clean. And once I got started, I kind of grooved on it. I got halfway to my goal of getting rid of 100 things this year by donating exactly 50 books, pieces of kid’s clothing and DVDs still in their wrapper. I felt lighter all over, and it was surprisingly pleasant to walk into a room and not be struck by just how incredibly messy it was.
We all have stories in our heads that we tell ourselves about who we are and the way the world works. We create these stories over time, based on our thoughts, feelings, experiences, hopes, biases and values. Many of them (maybe even most of them) have some basis in reality. Like, say, my story about how I don’t like corn. I’ve tried corn many, many times. I’ve watched other people gush over how fabulous the corn on the cob they were eating was and sampled some myself, convinced that I must be missing something. But time and time again, I confirm what I already knew – I don’t like corn.
But there was a time in my life when I didn’t like candy canes. And then when I was about 14 I decided that eating candy canes would be my ‘thing’. I’m not even sure why, but I got it into my head that it would be cool if I was that girl who ate a candy cane every day during the Christmas season. And so I started eating candy canes. At first I sort of had to choke them down, but after not too long, I came to like them. 20 years later, I still really enjoy candy canes, and I’m something of a purist. Only traditional, peppermint canes for me, please – anything else is an abomination.
My point here is that we are the authors of our own stories. And if we want to, we can often change those stories. I could, for instance, change my story about cleaning from, “It’s a horrible and futile waste of my energy that would be better spent doing something fun,” to, “Cleaning gives me a chance to improve my living space and can even be a meditative practice.”
At some point, as I cleaned the house to get ready for painting, I decided that I needed to change my attitude about cleaning. I needed to view it as a chance to do some thinking and dreaming, an opportunity to create a liveable space, and a way to demonstrate tidying up to my children. And you know what? It actually kind of worked. When I thought of cleaning that way, it felt less burdensome and more intentional.
I wonder how much more smoothly my life could go if I could change my perspective on all of the little tasks that niggle at me. It’s an idea worth considering.
I wonder what you think. Have you ever tried to deliberately change your ideas about whether or not you enjoy something? And how do you make cleaning less burdensome, and more satisfying? I’d love to hear!
I’m one of those weird people that love cleaning. If I had three hours to myself at home, I’d likely be cleaning the kitchen and re-arranging the basement. It’s sad, I know. To make it less burdensome I play music, light some smelly candles and get the kids involved.
For me, the one thing I’ve always had to convince myself that I like is exercising. And the funny thing is that it’s always been a part of my life. I’ve been a gym member, tried kick boxing, running, yoga, pilates, Curves and power walking. And with every activity I’ve had to tell myself “Just do it. You’ll feel better afterward. Really. Just go. Get off the couch. Put the baby in the stroller. Go go go!”
Congrats on your wedding anniversary! As for cleaning, I also hate it and haven’t developed any tricks for changing my mindset about it, except that I clean a little every day instead of spending hours cleaning the whole house in one day. It seems to make the task bearable.
Holly’s last post … Watching wasp tv
cleaning – it has to be done but i know a clean house really lifts my mood. currently, mr ebb is on bathrooms duty so i’m having to ‘learn to live’ wit the results and infrequency. luckily it’s hayfever season so my sense of smell is helping out by being absent.
re: changing attitude
there’s some interesting research on brain plasticity, remodeling neural connections and brain-derived neurotrophic factor which provides the science behind practicing gratitude every day, thinking positively and changing mood. in summary, changing the way you think about something really does work. i’m speculating it might take the 21 days test to make it into a habit? but it’s worth sticking with
pomomama’s last post … friday forte- young and perky- not
I seriously thought I hate indoor playgrounds. Once my kids ran and weather was awful we went. I played too! Plus the outlet for their energy helped naps every time!
Congrats!
Danielle’s last post … Pixie Dust Wonder
Happy anniversary!
I learned that if I smile through an exercise which is particularly hard for me, instead of grimacing, it actually make the exercise physically easier to do. Whenever I am struggling now in a yoga class, I remind myself to smile and it makes a huge difference.
Joyelle @ An Artful Endeavor’s last post … the beautiful world
This is total wicked and amazing inspiration, Amber. And I too think you’re onto something.
This is the way I talked myself into drinking lattes when I was 16; now,14 years later, I am a near-addict. Does this mean that, some day, cleaning (and, more important for me, DE-CLUTTERING) my house will become an addiction for me? Hey, with all of the cleaning and de-cluttering that I need to do, I’ll settle for it becoming “just a part of my day that I adore.”
Kristen’s last post … A Friendly PSA to Help Your Very Pregnant Friends
Absolutely! I think of my thought being the problem, not the activity or situation. Thoughts are the only thing we can control. The great thing is they hold the most power, so changing your thoughts gives you more power.
Wendy Irene’s last post … Master of Your Mind
I LOVE this post! I’m going to try this when cleaning my house tonight when I get home
Thanks for the great and positive ideas on how to fashion our lives to be the kind we want to live.
Big thumbs up!
I know I would be much happier if I could change up the story in my head. I think I should work on that
As for cleaning, I don’t like it at all but like you, if I get into the groove I can go go go.
Yes, absolutely! I found that flossing was so much easier to make time for when I wanted to do it. Forcing myself through 10 minutes of , “Ug, I hate flossing so much!” to get my teeth clean was really discouraging.
Rewriting those stories takes lots of time and repetition, but it’s totally worth it. I never used to like cleaning either, but I notice now that there are days when I just have to clean so that I will feel better. And then I do!
Michelle @ The Parent Vortex’s last post … Playful Self-Discipline- Communicating With Eye Contact
One of my high school teachers taught me how to reframe a problem when I said that ‘I HAD to give a speech’ at graduation. He said, ‘no, you GET to give a speech!’
I’m trying to get mh six year old to think of piano practice as a privilege but, um, that’s not going super well.
Lady M’s last post … Lemur-ball
i wish i could change my perspective about ironing shirts, and washing dishes …
Francesca’s last post … headband in the wind
I love cleaning, it’s the lack of time to do it that gets on my nerves… Though, I, like your kids, do not lose sleep over unfolded clothes – lol. I just blast some upbeat music & dance through the chores.
I totally get that attitude or perception can make or break you. If you begrudgingly do something, you’ll lack motivation and will inevitably find it harder to do. It’s one of those self-fulfilling prophecies. This is true for most things in life, waking up to nurse a baby in the middle of the night, or going to exercise, or writing a long essay for a class. It’s all about our perception/attitude… the mother that cannot understand why her baby is [still] waking in the night will have a much harder time than the one who fully accepts that babies are supposed to wake at night to feed.
Nadia @ Red, White and GREEN Mom’s last post … Why I Went Grey