Crying Like a Baby

Babies cry. We know this. If you have ever spent 30 minutes in a public place, you have heard at least one child wailing to high heaven. Fear of infant crying is what makes everyone on an airplane clench when you bring your precious cherub on board, or causes people to sigh audibly when your young family is seated next to them at a restaurant.

Even though I totally knew that babies cry, I wasn’t really aware of just how much some babies cry, or what effect it would have on me, before I had a baby of my own. Add it to the long list of rude parental awakenings, I guess. I sort of expected the crying to be annoying, but I thought that I would learn to read my baby’s cries, and answer them, and life would be smooth again.

The reality was not so peachy. When my firstborn Hannah arrived at 34 weeks gestation she really didn’t cry much. Preterm infants don’t behave the same way as full-term infants. She was pretty quiet and sleepy until she reached her due date, and then it was like someone flipped a switch. Hannah found her voice and it was loud. It was insistent. And it was not really related to any obvious issues that I could solve.

I never did develop that magical ability to understand my baby’s cries. Hannah’s cries were either ON or OFF. There was no working up to the crying and there was no discernible difference between any of the cries that I heard. She started out crying at a full-blast wail, and continued until I had solved the problem or distracted her sufficiently or she was tired of crying. There was no ‘wet diaper’ cry or ‘hungry’ cry or ‘tired’ cry.

I tried all sorts of cry-calming tactics. My routine went something like: (1) try to breastfeed, (2) use loud white noise, (3) try to breastfeed in a different position, (4) check her for any obvious physical issues like a dirty diaper or snap pinching some skin, (5) put her in the sling, (6) try to breastfeed while standing on my head, (7) cry myself. Sometimes one or all of them would work, sometimes none of them would work. For one 3-day stretch she only wanted to nurse while I stood up, then for the next 3-day stretch she wanted to be nursed any way but while I stood up. And she totally failed to respond to reason. Babies!


Hannah at 3 months, letting me know she’d had enough of the photos

I got a lot of suggestions from different people about dealing with the crying. It was something I ate. She had a gas bubble. Maybe her diaper was too tight? Maybe she was too hot? She must be too cold! She’s just exercising her lungs. She’s overstimulated. She’s hungry. She’s tired. She’s working out past-life trauma. I read and tried a lot of things. A lot of things. And I can tell you that pretty much the only thing that solved the problem was doing the best I could in the moment to calm my child, and allowing her to outgrow that stage.

Here’s the thing: babies cry, and it’s not your fault. It’s also not your job to stop the crying. I don’t leave my kids to cry by themselves as a rule. When they are upset, I try my best to calm them. But sometimes, I can’t. In spite of my best efforts, they are going to cry and scream and maybe even rage a little. I try to guide them through to the best of my abilities, but I can’t always make my kids happy. I’m not sure that expecting happiness is in my children’s best interest, anyways.

In the darkest days of Hannah’s crying, when she was 2-3 months old, I lost it a few times. I found myself crying along with her. On a couple of occasions, I yelled at my baby to, “JUST STOP CRYING! I NEED YOU TO STOP!” When I was alone once I had to put her down and go in another room to breathe for a few minutes. The crying felt like a form of torture. But slowly, slowly, we got through. Looking back, the crying days weren’t that long. And today I have a lovely 5 1/2-year-old, who still lives at full volume. It’s just who she is. It’s not because I ate something spicy or didn’t change her diaper promptly enough. It’s not that I’m a bad mom, or that she was a bad baby (as if there could be such a thing).

There is a local campaign working to raise awareness about early infant crying, which they call the Period of Purple Crying. They want to let people know that crying is normal. They also want to let people know that while you may be frustrated and angry and worn down, you must never shake a baby. Because you, too, want to come out the other side and see that lovely 5 1/2-year-old who is still a little bit too loud. You don’t want to lose that chance because of an impulsive action in a low moment.

One of the facets of the campaign is knitting or crocheting purple caps, that will be given to new parents in British Columbia the week of November 15. If you would like to participate join the Facebook group and get to fiber crafting! I will be making one myself. Because I have been there, and I came out the other side, and I want other people to know that they can, too.

Now, tell me. How did you get through the crying days? I would love to know.

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Comments

  1. Nicole Hampton says:

    Nice, Amber! I had a Colicky one- Just kept moving worked for him. As long as he was in motion, it was OK. That meant no sleep for me. My mom even came over a few nights to walk him through the night so that I could get a few hrs of sleep. In 6 wks, he slept 45minutes in a row at his longest stretch, and otherwise he cried. He is a very loud, energy-full 27month old now, with plenty to say and do, to everyone's delight! Both him and his sister were 37wks gestational age, and both were under 6lbs, with no obvious medical issues. And they are night and day different. They both cry, but Cole cried all the time, and NOTHING I did changed the quality or quantity of the crying… With Raena, I can change the tone of her crying, but I do remember what it was like to have no cure for the crying! And I felt like the baby was "bad" and misbehaving as if the baby could consciously try to lash out at me by crying… Ridiculous, but sleep deprivation makes you make no sense… Walking away and putting earplugs in for a few minutes helped. And I am sorry to say- drinking helped too… With a shot of Bailey's in my coffee, or a G&T in the afternoon, my shoulders would drop a notch, and I would sing and walk – "you can cry all you like! We can cry together, my baby boy!"

  2. Amber Krause Strocel says:

    I don't think Hannah's preterm birth caused the crying. I think she's just kind of a loud kid. But I do think it caused the quieter first weeks. In her case, she really wasn't ready to be born yet. I contracted an amniotic fluid infection that put me into early labour (although we didn't know that until after). So she definitely needed to "cook" longer, but my body protected her by getting her out of the infested swamp of my uterus. ;) I really think the sleep deprivation contributes, too. When you're really tired it's just hard to cope with ANYTHING. I was definitely more tired the first time, with fewer resources. No fun at ALL.

  3. Nicole Hampton says:

    agreed agreed! I guess my point was that both kids were relatively cooked the same, yet black and white different. It's so hard to explain to people that baby's cry and that sometimes (a lot of the time) there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to help them, except keep your cool.

  4. Amber Krause Strocel says:

    So true. Even though my kids were born at different points, they still taught me that what works for ONE kid, might only work for that kid. It made me much less smug, let me tell you.

  5. Jenn says:

    My son, the second born had colic. It was awful, at 8pm nearly on the dot he would start and wouldn’t quit until about 11-11:30pm. It lasted about 3 months and that was the worst times during his life. All I could do was to offer to breastfeed, but he’d just cry with a boob stuck in his mouth. I was a very patient person during those times.
    Jenn´s last post ..Menu Planning MondayMy ComLuv Profile

  6. Tanya says:

    I read about the Period of Purple crying through my Yummy Mommy newsletter. I also filled out a survey about PPD. Both your post and filling out that survey brought back a lot of memories from when my oldest was a baby. It was a hard time because I felt the same as you – that I should be able to calm my baby. We were so naive…lol. I remember we had to hold Madelyn until she went to sleep…and she would cry and cry. My arms would ache, I would cry and just pray for the crying to stop. I would feed her, bounce her, put her down, play white noise and sometimes I’d try the Shhhhhhhh noise. And yes, I yelled at her too and felt like a terrible mommy for it. Crying is not the fault of the mother or a reflection of her skills as a mother. Babies cry. Period.
    Tanya´s last post ..ChoicesMy ComLuv Profile

  7. Jenny says:

    We are still experiencing teething crying (mostly, we think) with our 11-month-old, although it’s gotten much better. It hasn’t always been pretty, and it was even less pretty when our three-year-old was a baby. Back then we even tried cry-it-out and we wish we hadn’t. Sometimes it feels (to me, anyway) like a crying baby is saying “You suck! Why can’t you fix this problem I am obviously having, you dummy?!?” Babies’ crying can feel like a personal attack, especially when we’ve done all we can think of. I find it helpful to visualize an older child crying and verbalizing what is wrong–for instance, my three-year-old crying and explaining to me how her feelings got hurt when a friend wouldn’t share with her. In that case, I’d hold and comfort my three-year-old whether or not it stopped the crying, and that’s the same thing we should be doing with babies. I agree that the myriad suggestions from others of all the things that are probably bothering your baby can be extremely discouraging.

    And about the “bad” baby thing–with both girls, people kept asking during their first couple of months if they were “good” babies. I hated that! Sometimes I just wanted to say “no, she’s actually horrible. We’re sending her to reform school next week.” All babies are good, not just the ones who sleep through the night and rarely cry. I think phrases such as these perpetuate the idea that if a baby cries, something must be wrong with either the baby or the parent. It’s not helpful.

  8. Hillary says:

    My first son had colic or in other words cried every day from 4 pm-10pm until he was three months old. There was no soothing, we were first time parents and it was seriously a horrible and stressful experience.

    sigh. I’m just so glad it’s over.
    Hillary´s last post ..hillaryboucher- guest post w- @organicsister RT @hillaryboucher Radical Courage http-bitly-bgOELrMy ComLuv Profile

  9. radmama says:

    My first didn’t cry in the first 6 months unless actually injured or when he had a vaccine. he didn’t cry ever in the first 2 months.
    My second cried a lot- mostly gas related due to a squeaky latch, I think. There did seem to be a reason
    My third had a regular period of crying almost every night from week 1 to 10 weeks. Going outdoors and walking her in the sling worked when we remembered through the daze. She had severe thrush during that period, to complicate things.
    None of them cried for “no reason” thank goodness.
    While talking about baby’s who cry “just because” is important as is the message of NOT LOSING IT for parents,
    the language around sleep on the PURPLE crying website disturbs me. There’s a lot of good stuff, but the message coming through seems to equate “healthy, normal” baby waking with sleep “problems”. And 2/3 of babies sleep through the night by 12 weeks and if they don’t breastfeeding, co-sleeping are the cause?

    • Amber says:

      I should clarify a few points. First of all (shame on me) I didn’t read the whole website, and I’m not endorsing their information on sleep. My 2-year-old still breastfeeds and co-sleeps and wakes up at night.

      Secondly, the campaign that I’ve seen locally is not a direct replica of the website. I received a booklet and DVD when my second son was born, which is what new parents receive. It contains information about crying, and that’s it. It’s a campaign meant to let parents know how to cope, and to reduce Shaken Baby Syndrome. So, if you do decide to send off a hat, it will be packed together with that DVD, and it will not contain any of the questionable sleep stuff.

      While this campaign did inspire me, my real aim at sharing my story was to let other parents know they’re not alone. And also to let them know that it’s not their fault. That’s a message that I think is often missing in our culture. If your baby’s crying, it’s either because of something you did or something you didn’t do. And frankly, I found that message really hurtful and it made it that much harder for me when all of my attachment parenting tricks failed. I don’t want other people to feel that way.

      • radmama says:

        Thanks for the clarification, Amber. I think the message some babies cry and nothing helps is an important one. You can console them and try to stay sane. Looking at as trying to understand the world from the baby’s perspective (an attachment parenting idea, imo) but being realistic about whether you as a parent can “fix it” is a good place to be, I think.

        Probably doesn’t help, but someone told me something was wrong with my baby because he didn’t cry. Um.. thanks?

  10. i can’t remember – it’s a long time ago and i think some of my neurons became detached.

    there! a good reason for just accepting it as a normal phenomenon – amnesia :)
    now he just whines
    pomomama aka ebbandflo´s last post ..friday forte- note to selfMy ComLuv Profile

  11. We got through our purple crying days with research, patience, and me time. We researched all the things that could be wrong and tried to fix it and when we couldn’t we knew that there was nothing we could do because it was normal. Knowing that really helped us calm down. I’m already very patient but it was hard to be patient while sleep deprived and hungry all the time too. My husband is worst. He had to put the baby in the crib one time because he almost lost it. I never had to do that. Luckily, during the first three months he was able to take a total of 6 weeks off for his parental leave so that I wouldn’t be alone. Those three months were the worst for crying. Sadly for my husband, the three months was also a time where the baby didn’t like him much either. As a result, I had to jump in where I could since it was just more peaceful that way (i.e. me time). I remember those days where I would run to shower and run back because once I handed the baby over to my husband it was non-stop crying until I came back. So horrible! :( And thank god that is over! :)
    mommyingaround´s last post ..Hello Strangers Our toddler is a BOYMy ComLuv Profile

  12. Kelly says:

    This is such a good post and such a good reminder. I don’t think we are raised in such a way to understand that Yes, babies cry, and to respond appropriately. If people were less ignorant and understood infant behavior and needs I think parents and carers would feel less pressure to MAKE THE BABY STOP, pressure I remember feeling both in public and at home alone.

    One thing I wasn’t prepared for is just how hard-wired I was (and I think my husband was too) to our baby’s cries. It is distressing in a way that other people’s kids’ crying is not. Ralph and I still joke about being in a restaurant and someone’s newborn is screaming and the parents are tense and upset and doing their best (sometimes while bolting the food). To those parents their newborn is SO loud. To us, it is not. We try to smile at these parents to let them know, Hey, it’s OK, you’ll be OK…

    @radmama
    I haven’t read the site but your points are well-taken and that DOES sound like some problematic stuff.

    Thanks for this post, Amber – I’ll be RTing it.
    Kelly´s last post ..alimentary- my dear WatsonMy ComLuv Profile

  13. Caroline says:

    Oh my… the crying. I can remember being so distraught the first few weeks, wanting my son to stop, and just holding him and feeling completely useless. There were times I just put him down and walked away so I would not lose my temper on him, and other times I would cry too, great gasping sobs. Sleep deprivation + crying baby = no patience.

    Things we did to soothe, which worked wonders on our son:

    - The 5 S’s. Read The Happiest Baby on the Block. Simply put, it works. Very, very well.
    - Bouncy seats and swings for naps and distraction. I would not have made it without that particular coping device, which was a swing that you clipped your bouncy seat into.
    - Checklist for crying, which I went though in order, based on my son’s temperment (you can change it up to suit your own kid): 1. Check diaper. 2. Check time since last feeding. 3. Check time since last nap. 4. Check clothing. 5. Check temperature if not hand-test hot.

    I’ll admit I used to nurse to calm my son, a lot. It worked, and kept us both happy, and him fat :) . I also was blessed with a very, very happy child, who when he did cry, there was a reason other than simple overstimulation or need to get air into his lungs. He was also not ear-splitting loud, like some children. As I said, we were lucky.

    He didn’t have distinct cries for what he wanted, so I never deciphered them either. I just learned the checklist, used the 5 S’s, nursed, and hoped I was doing it right.
    Caroline´s last post ..She’s Got LegsMy ComLuv Profile

  14. I just learned how to knit and crochet this spring via YouTube…guess I’ll be picking up some purple yarn.

    I laughed when I read the line about people’s reactions when you get on a plane with an infant. I flew to Toronto from Vancouver with my then 2-1/2 year old and 10 month old by myself. The business people seated around me looked at me like I had just boarded the plane with a petri dish of ebola virus.

    Your post is so reassuring to parents who are at their wits’ end over crying – great job!
    Jill (and Gavin)´s last post ..I must be doing something rightMy ComLuv Profile

  15. Joy says:

    Oh, my oldest was “that baby”, too. I’d walk and walk and walk, and walk some more, and sometimes he’d fall asleep quickly, and there were days when I had to hold him all day long, so that he would stay asleep, and then to not cry when he was awake. I’m glad he outgrew that stage. And yes, I yelled, too. And put him in his crib and walked away. I get it. I’m so glad the next two weren’t like that. So very glad. :)
    Joy´s last post ..A drive in SaskatchewanMy ComLuv Profile

  16. Francesca says:

    I learned about the “purple crying” (which sounds like an odd sickness, more than just a baby phase) from Marilyn the other week. I think all the relevant knowledge is out there, and most mothers subconsciously or consciously know about it all, but – still – it’s hard to be a first-time mother (or even just the mother of a newborn) and be alone coping with it all. And most mothers nowadays are alone. That loneliness (plus the fatigue, the hormones and all the rest) is a major factor in a lot of reactions, I believe, and is what should be addressed in the first place – more than the physiological baby crying. This is at least my experience in this country.
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    • Amber says:

      I agree with you completely. I think that the isolation a lot of new parents feel is at the root of many problems, not just struggles with infant crying. I firmly believe that we are not meant to live alone as we do.

      • Heather says:

        Ditto!!!

        I think we should live with families (or with them closeby!) and with neighbors we know. I know I would be richer and happier if my parents lived close. We would have a garden and my child would not feel so alone all the time. We were NOT meant to live so isolated. I believe this why we are so depressed, etc.

  17. AJ says:

    I was pretty blessed with 6 kids who weren’t big on wailing at me, thankfully, but on the days they did, it was a bit grating on my nerves to say the least. I think I coped differently depending on my mood. Some days it was the sling, some days it was dancing with them to 99 Red Balloons, some days it was rocking them to soft reggae music, some days I would simply hand them off to my husband and breathe, and when there was no one to hand them off to, sometimes we would simply go for a long, quiet drive…
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  18. AmberDusick says:

    oh, the crying days. I didn’t have too many of those, and none with baby number two but I distinctly remember having to nearly throw that baby at my husband when he walked in the door, “Here, catch! Take this screaming baby!” and running of to get a few moments of quiet alone time in the bathroom and just breathing. So glad those days are over. What color would a knitted cap be for an organization that gets us through the whining YEARS? Should be a cap for adults to wear that includes ear muffs. The whining is much harder for me.
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  19. Heather says:

    I had a crier. Even the nurses at the hospital said he had a temper. He wouldn’t sleep unless it was completely dark. He had to know what was going on all the time. He was a handful! But a blessing too.

    For about 5-6 weeks my milk was also too plentiful. Too watery and too forceful for him. On top of that the child cried when he had to pee. Thankfully I learned how to decrease my milk supply and I started putting my son on a potty as a newborn. Yes a potty! He normally cried halfway through nursing, sometimes sooner. I had read up on Elimination Communication and Natural Infant Hygiene which both deal with pottying a baby. But I didn’t realize my son would be so forceful in his cues to tell me he had to pee and did not like doing it in the diaper. He even bit a hole in my breast as a newborn (no teeth yet!!!) cause he had to pee. So crying and biting were his signals. I was blessed knowing about the fact alot of babies do not like to pee in their pants. Turns out the crying was forever if I let him cry until he went in his pants, then cry because he was wet, then cry due to having his diaper changed. If I just took him to the potty and found ways to soothe him so he could pee sooner, he stopped crying MUCH faster. Which meant he cried only 1/4 as much. I mention this so others may find the blessing of this too. It helped my sanity alot but truth be told, it was very tiring, esp. nighttime pottying. But I still got more sleep than if I let him cry it out… so to speak.

    But with all that knowledge I still had a VERY Loud crier and loud child. I thought I was going to get kicked out of a restaurant once. The kitchen staff were sending messages via the waistress, saying they had never heard a baby be so loud. So not only did I have a child who cried, ALOT, I had a loud one and it wasn’t just me who thought so!!!! And on top of that he did not like anyone else, not even his father. He wanted me, and only me. Thankfully he got better around 6 weeks when my milk got better but he never slept through the night – ever! (we b/f til 2 and co-slept until 5).

    I am a VERY patient person myself and was a nanny. My mother babysat and I helped take care of my nephew. I worked in nurseries since being a little girl. Babies took to me. I was use to them, but when mine came along it was a whole nother story! People don’t tell you it can be that way. I loved him so much that I did not want to leave him alone, crying with my hubby or mother, but I should have done it more! I would not have been so worn out and depressed. So my advice to anyone, is do what you can, and know it will get better, accept as much help as you can and only listen to those who are make you feel like a good parent (not the naysayers!).

    PS. I did find swings and slings VERY helpful too but my child was never happy even in the car. He would cry until he threw up. He is a super sensitive and spirited child. He did not stick to schedules and NO baby books worked for us. But I am here to say I wouldn’t regret a simple moment and it does get better, eventually.

  20. Wendy Sprangers Slane says:

    My 4 yr old son was also colicky as a baby, cried every night from 6pm until midnight for the first couple of months! He is now a loud, energetic little boy, who, as his preschool teacher says, "has a zest for life." Nothing I did really stopped the crying….he would just cry to the point where he had to go to sleep, he was so exhausted. Now he is one unstoppable, athletic, charming little guy…still exhausting some days, but hopefully nothing a little soccer(or any sport) won't cure!

  21. Kimberly says:

    This was my experience with Emma, so eerily and exactly the same. I love the message of this post. It’s the sort of thing that just doesn’t get talked about enough.
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  22. Wendy Irene says:

    I love your list of tactics! In fact it made me laugh because I think it may have been almost identical to mine. Breastfeeding was always a tactic! :-)
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  23. harriet says:

    As an adoptive parent, I spent most of my time preparing for adoption-related issues – birthfamily visitation, getting necessary items together in time for the baby’s arrival, announcements, showers (not until after the 30-day revocation period is over please! ;) , paper work and more paper work. We kind of forgot we’d be parenting a screamy newborn! Hello! Shock of the century. It did help to know that crying peaks at 2 months and that you need to soothe the baby whether they stop crying or not (!). And it did get easier. To this day though, babywearing always works like a charm.
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  24. “Working out past-life trauma”. I sort of love that. I’m going to use that for a giggle when I can’t handle crying in my own life.
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  25. Betsy says:

    Mine never cried without some reason. Sometimes the reason was terrible, like she didn’t want me to stop singing “The Ants Go Marching” even though I was on the 70th verse. But they never really just cried for no reason. That would be very, very, very hard to get through. So hats off to you, mama.
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  26. Kristin says:

    When Kamille came along I had no idea that a baby could cry THAT much. She cried a lot, and I wanted to believe that there was an excuse like colic or something, but in hind sight, there was nothing wrong – she just cried because that is what babies do. No one told me that they cry that much. I was totally caught blindsided. I eventually made a list of all the things I could do to calm her and get through the “witching hours” of every day.
    We made it through, but not without many days and nights of my own tears, frustrations and walking away. I have never been so challenged in my life.
    When Karis came along, I left the hospital with the Purple Cry video. Its mandatory for all moms to leave with now, and I could not be happier about that. I feared the crying again. I feared it but I know that I was also prepared for it. I popped that video in right away. I was reminded of the normalcy of all the crying and the feelings that it would bring up.
    It is so important that moms and moms to be have this conversation – to understand how emotional it can be and to be given the tools right away to deal with it. Babies are so precious ….and so is a mother’s peace.
    Thank you for this post Amber. Thank you for creating awareness and allowing us to share our ideas!
    My go-to’s were my sling, breastfeeding and a good snuggle in bed together.
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  27. Lady M says:

    Buster is two, and I’m starting to forget the baby-era crying already. Soon, I’ll think he was a perfect baby and will start giving cloying, aggravating advice to new mothers (kidding! I hope that never happens!) The forgetting is probably a survival mechanism designed to lure us into having more children . . .
    Lady M´s last post ..Preschool Follow-upMy ComLuv Profile

  28. Nicole Hampton says:

    Wendy – thanks for that – I think that pretty much describes my zestful, energetic, charming, ENERGETIC Cole now too!! I agree – SPORTS! ;) My guy turns a lot of heads with his quick wit, and is soooo exhausting too…

  29. Lisa says:

    With Sarah the cuddly wrap saved our sanity. Bouncing on the exercise ball, while holding her tight also usually soothed her.
    But there were still days that would call my husband, in tears, asking him to come home from work early because I was at my wits end.
    Great post.
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  30. Amy Wicks says:

    This is a great post Amber. You have done a fantastic job of describing the frustration many of us can relate to and your section of the post relaying the Period of PURPLE Crying message is perfect.

    The Period of PURPLE Crying program gives more explanation to the characteristics of the period of time that is often referred to as colic in otherwise healthy babies.

    Thank you for spreading the message and promoting the purple baby cap knitting project.

  31. Jennifer says:

    This is totally awesome, and kind of ironic timing ;)
    I really want to participate, only I can’t knit- or crochet. But I know a certain bloggy someone who can. The logic is clear. You should teach a course!
    Jennifer´s last post ..HolesMy ComLuv Profile

  32. katepickle says:

    ah yes the crying… my girls were the same as your Hannah.. they were silent for the first eleven weeks of their life. For a while I thought I was going to cope just fine with twins till some silly nurse in NICU told me that prem babies don’t cry till they get older. They got older. They cried. A LOT!

    Back then I coped by putting them both in the pram and walking around the block, for some reason the crying didn’t seem so bad when we were outside and moving.

    We are back in the crying days now and while this one doesn’t cry much, when he does it is momentous… but I think I accept it more now and just knowing that he will cry every now and then seems to make it much easier to manage.
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  33. Thy says:

    My first born had the loudest cry. He never fussed or whimpered or cried softly. For his it was the bloody murder cry or happy gurgles or silence. Also he only cried for two things: milk and to be held – never due to a wet diaper or any other identifiable reason. And really 99% of the time it was for nursing. Once i figured that out he hardly cried at all, but getting to that realization was noisy indeed.

    My second born was different all together. His cries were more varied and in many ways he was more easily distracted. BUT he did these bouts of crying that were absolutely terrible. They lasted for a couple of hours and I could do nothing to soothe him. It went on for months. That was very hard. I think there is supposed to be this feedback loop where the baby cries until we fix whatever needs fixing and then we feel competent and content. When this does not work it is very stressful. I was probably less responsive to my second born because of this. I mean he was going to scream anyway, so I might as well provide comfort and support in a way that was more, well, comfortable for me. When he started screaming I went through this routine of attempting to nurse, rocking, checking diapers and clothing and looking for any physical discomfort, then I would just settle down on the couch or in bed with the, still screaming, baby in my arms. I was there for him, staying calm and offering the boob every now and again, but I had given up trying to actually comfort him. It was both a relief giving that up and a defeat.

  34. Ambria D says:

    When DS was first born I quickly caught on to what cries meant what. It was mostly just hunger that made him cry. But he started to get REALLY bad gas pains and at the time I didn’t know what to do. I went out and bought gas drops and I thought those would fix it. Nope. After a while I just threw the bottle away because it didn’t do a thing. There was nights that he would cry for over an hour (sometimes close to 2 hours) because of gas. I did the bike pedals, rub his belly, try to burp him, anything and nothing helped. I would just hold him and sing to him even though it wouldn’t help and he would still cry. It was so hard to hear my baby cry and not be able to do anything about it. I eventually switched him to gentle formula (once I found out about it) and it helped his gas pain. I just had to start a strict burping schedule. Now that he’s older it’s much better.
    Thanks for this article!

  35. Ambria D says:

    P. S. I forgot to add that now when he cries and I can’t stop it I carry him around and change the scenery and show him new things to try to get his mind distracted. If nothing helps then I change his diaper and take his clothes off and lay him down on my bed and I lay next to him. That really helps for some reason. He’s almost 5 months old now.

  36. Djrianna says:

    We’re still in the crying days. Sometimes I have to put him in his crib and leave the room for a few seconds, most times I hold him close and beg him to stop. Of course I try nursing, check the diaper, rock in the glider, sing. So far one of them will work. The newborn nights were the worst though. Some nights there was nothing we could do to calm him. Now at almost four months the crying has improved, but I know I have a lot of tantrums to look forward too, I just hope I Canberra as patient when he’s two as I have been thus far.

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