Hannah started daycare right around her first birthday. My maternity leave ended, and I went back to work 3 days a week. The centre that we chose was bright and cheery. The staff were excellent and the ratios were low. They followed the babies through their own routine, and the babies were happy. It had all the things that one looks for when choosing a childcare arrangement.
I hated it. I hated the colourful padded climbing wedges, the rainbows, the collages of family photos that lined the entrance way. I resented the way that Hannah came home smelling like the daycare. I knew that she was cared for, and I knew that she enjoyed parts of it. But I also knew that I didn’t want to be apart from her like that.
Hannah at age 1
Gradually, Hannah settled in and I settled in. We both got our new routines. I came to enjoy the chance to get away a few days a week and flex my mind in different ways. I got to know the teachers and the other children. Hannah learned baby signs and action songs. She made friends and played outside and went on walks.
Eventually, Hannah’s 3rd birthday loomed, which meant that she would need to move on to a new daycare. I cried. I was newly pregnant and a bit of an emotional wreck. We had come to feel at home at Hannah’s daycare. It was harder than I expected to find another place that felt as good. I didn’t want to leave.
Hannah and Jon try skating, the day after she left her ‘little daycare’
We moved Hannah into a Montessori school near our house. We knew that Hannah would be well cared-for, but we didn’t fall in love, and neither did Hannah. But I needed to continue working to qualify for maternity leave, so I soldiered through, put Hannah on other wait lists, and decided that I would take her out of the Montessori when I went on maternity leave.
Fatefully, Hannah secured a spot in a preschool-aged centre that began on my last month of work. We decided to move her. If it didn’t work out, we could just take her out when I went on leave. But since I was planning to return to work, we would have to secure a spot for her somewhere, and the preschool-aged centre was sort of our Dream Daycare. Luckily, Hannah loved it as much as we did from the word go.
Hannah, just before she moved from the Montessori to the preschool
We ended up leaving Hannah in the preschool-aged centre part-time after Jacob was born. It was a chance for her to be with other kids her age, doing stuff that other kids her age did, when I wasn’t in a position to do much but sit around and breastfeed her brother. Plus, as I mentioned, I planned to return to work. Only that didn’t work out, since I was laid off at the end of my leave.
By the time that I was laid off, Hannah had been at the Dream Daycare for a year, and she had a year left until kindergarten. We wanted to keep her in preschool of some sort, and we didn’t want to move her yet again, so we kept her in the Dream Daycare part time. Until last Friday, that is. Kindergarten starts in September, and Hannah wanted a summer break. And so this August will be it.
A recent photo of my 5 1/2 year old, ready to move on to kindergarten
It was a bittersweet feeling, picking Hannah up on that last day of daycare. I packed her spare clothes into a bag I’d brought. I checked the lost-and-found. I signed her out for the last time. She hugged all of her teachers and they gave her a memory book. I remembered the day that I dropped Hannah off at daycare for the first time, hating every minute of it. I couldn’t have imagined then that I would be sad to see it end.
Jacob has never been to daycare, and he may never go. I don’t think that daycare is all sunshine and roses all the time. But I also feel, watching Hannah over the past 4 1/2 years, that there are upsides to the childcare relationship. Hannah has had a community of children and teachers who have cared for her immensely, and she has cared for them in return. Hannah has learned things from them that I wouldn’t have been able to teach her myself. Like how to say ‘good morning’ in Turkish, and what it’s like to have a best friend.
We’re moving on to new adventures now. As I consider kindergarten, it feels sort of the same as the first day I put Hannah in daycare. I’m not sure I’m ready. I’m not sure I’ll like it. I fear the transition. I hope that, as with daycare, Hannah will settle in and so will I. I need to believe that. I really need to believe that. So, tell me, have you used daycare or preschool? What was it like to transition from that into more formal schooling? Please tell me it will be all right!
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Twitter: mustang_sabby
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Oh! You’ve made me teary remembering the first day I dropped our son off at day care, the day I went back to work. He was only 7 months, and even though I loved the day care we found, was excited to have some me time, it was still really difficult. The second and third days were harder actually, because by this point I was having withdrawal pangs, and discovered that pumping at work was far from enjoyable. I can remember crying all the way to work in the car.
Now, when our son walks into the day care every day, he bounces at the excitement of a day playing and singing and reading and all the fun things they do. He knows all his colours. He is learning to count. He has friends, he names them, and he has learned to share, say please, thank you and excuse me. We’ve been part of the that journey, but without his day care, I don’t think he would be as sociable a child.
I have to work, we could not make ends meet without my salary. Even if we cut back and lived simpler, it wouldn’t be enough with just my hubby’s wages. But, I am thankful every day that we found a day care that is so wonderful for our son. it has made it easier by far.
Strange the way things work in Canada. My son is in a home day care and will be 3 soon, but he can stay at this home day care until he turns 5 and is ready to start kindergarten. Even if he were in a regular more institutional day care, you don’t have to leave the program at any given age. They usually separate the children by room. So your kid is in the baby room until age 1 or so, then they go to the toddler room. The toddler room is significantly cheaper as well. Then one your kid turns 4, your day care will probably participate in what is known as “voluntary pre-kindergarten” which is free (subsidized by the government). So the portion of the day your kid spends in the VPK program is deducted from the weekly fee, at which point day care becomes almost affordable! We are looking forward to it!
Twitter: AmberStrocel
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My experience is not universal for Canada. There are age ranges for care: 0-36 months, 3-5 years, school age. Some centres cover all age ranges and kids move from room to room. Hannah’s infant-toddler centre actually had affiliated preschool and school-age centres in other buildings, but we couldn’t get a spot in time. Not every child has to move at 3, it’s just how it worked for us.
I will say that locally, there are far more preschool-aged daycare centres than infant-toddler centres. I think this is because the licensing requirements and staff ratios are lower, so it is easier to run a centre for older children. It is also less expensive to pay for it.
Aww, so bitter sweet. My middle is in daycare and we actually love it. Mostly because it’s not a center, it’s a sweet older woman with a few kids of all ages. It’s going to Grandma’s house with cousins. Except better, since his real grandmas and cousins are not an option at all. He’s going to really cry when it’s time to stop.
Summer’s last post … Fathers Are Parents Too
I’ll reassure you if you reassure me! My youngest goes to kindergarten in less that 2 weeks. I’m excited for this milestone for him, but also a little nervous as the day approaches. He’s really excited about it and so ready to go to his big brother’s school, I’m hoping his enthusiasm will ease my nerves on that first day…
Twitter: AmberStrocel
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It’s going to be so totally fine. For both of us. I’m (almost) totally sure.
i feel like you wrote this just for my heart. oh, my aching heart.
we *love* jude’s daycare like crazy. he does in-home care with an awesome attachment parenting mama, her kids, and 2-3 others. i admire her so much and he learns and plays and has little friends. not that i don’t miss him every day, but… it’s a really awesome place.
the day he has to leave i will cry and cry. and cry. but things will be good, right?
the grumbles’s last post … mish mash
I have been sooooo lucky in the area of daycare. My two incredibly talented “mompreneur” girlfriends designed, built, own, manage and teach at a beautiful daycare facility here. http://www.platypusplaycentre.com. Its got a room for 1-3 year olds and also a 3-5 yr old preschool program.
When I went back to work 3 days a week after Kamille, I didn’t even flinch at the thought of putting her in daycare. I was that confident and happy about where she was going. I am very lucky to have that. She still goes 2 days a week right now and LOVES her days there. I can’t relate to the Kindergarden experience yet, but I had similar feelings when she graduated to the “downstairs” room with the preschoolers. Oh, my girl was growing up!
I look forward to hearing all about Hannah’s new adventure and know that you are supported by your online community! ; ) We’ll be holding your hand as you walk away from that first drop off! ; )
Kristin’s last post … Me vs The Muffin Top
Hi, just found your blog from twitter (following #blogher10 tweets and being jealous). Your daughter is soo cute. And can I just say I totally know how you feel about daycare. Although we eventually found out things weren’t as great where my older boys went as I’d thought when they went back for a day when they were old enough to really talk to me about their day. They’ve know been home with my husband for 4 years because of it!
The first day of kindergarten was HARD, but then so was the first day of 1st grade. I can’t imagine what it will feel like when my ‘baby’ goes!!!
Lisa Noel’s last post … Take Me Out To The Ball Game
Twitter: pomomama
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We were really lucky pre-school and found a great family daycare for the one day per week the Wee Guy needed. I’m not sure whether it’s a different mindset, but with having a singleton I’m always on the lookout for extra socialising opportunities. Child care is one of them. He made friends, played with little people his own size and learned a heck of a lot. Nancy was wonderful and I would have no hesitation in recommending her again and again!
My only feelings on leaving him there were of a slight redundancy (I wasn’t needed so much by him) and an amazement that there was now a part of his life which he got to experience all by himself. He really thrived and we were both ready for kindergarten.
I think, as mentioned above, I do have a different attitude to external childcare options. I see them as a way of getting extra socialisation for my Wee Guy singleton, and have always been able to look at them positively for this reason. It’s been done for his benefit, though I do gain from some free time around the house. This year, after a rollercoaster ride with dreadful after-school care last year, I’ll be carefully looking for part time childcare for when he finishes his school day. It’s partly for socialisation with his schoolfriends and will also let me make some steps with what I want to do but the facilities available for his school are on massive waitlists so I’m not too hopeful. I’m also proceeding with extreme caution after our last experience.
pomomama aka ebbandflo’s last post … crafty take aways
Your story was very familiar to me…. but my first was in daycare from 3 months old (EI ended painfully early) and though it was only 3 days a week, it was still very hard with nursing full time. Then when we moved to a different neighbourhood we had a hard time finding a good fit with childcare, so we ended up commuting our toddler son to his old family run daycare until age 4, by which time his younger brother was born so I was on Mat leave anyways (a full 10 months that time!). We decided not to return to work because of childcare costs and the agonizing reality that there we no spaces available in any nearby family daycares (no centres around here) that would take #1 to kindergarten and #2 as an infant!!! Montessorri wasn’t even an option.
I wanted #2 to have some practice at socializing before school so I enrolled him in 2 mornings a week with the local boys & girls club chapter. They were FANTASTIC!!! The preschool group was great, the kinder-prep was excellent, and he made some lasting friendships.
Now #1 is heading off to highschool (((shudder))) and #2 is heading to grade 4. Daycare is a distant memory.
Every day I am thankful that my job can be done at home! The sick days are not paid, but at least I can be there if the school calls. Though I loved the structure of an office environment, I did not like dealing with the weird nuances of another person raising my babies (even though she was FAR more qualified!!!), nor do I miss the expense. I can’t begrudge the experience though, my kids had friends, activities and consistancy of routine that they could not have got from me at home. They thrived in their daycares!
*pol’s last post … Im back! and so is my computer
So I realize this is totally not the point of the post, but I love your kitchen, and whatever Hannah is eating looks delicious!
Child care where I live is a nightmare (so I hear, anyway). The wait lists are enormous. Actually just getting kids into preschool is a bit of a gong show too – and those preschool programs are not exactly childcare – only a couple of mornings a week.
Nicole’s last post … Travelled down that road and back again
We haven’t reached preschool yet, but we’re experiencing some troubling daycare days. I have him set to go into a ‘new school’ in October but needed a quick fix now because the in-home care turned upside down. Needless to say, I now send him to a great daycare and we’re still battling with the morning goodbyes. I know we’ll fight with this again in October. As much as I don’t like daycares, I too can see the benefits like Hannah has gone through.
You mention the daycare smell lingering on her when you bring her home. Just yesterday I was smelling my son and thinking ‘gosh you smell foreign and school-like’. I hate it. I hate that my smell has been removed from him while at school.
I’ll be thinking of you and Hannah during this month for ‘vacation’… enjoy!!! =o)
Sara’s last post … Tent
I’m feeling like you described at the beginning. I don’t want to go back to work because I don’t want to be separated from my little man. It SUCKS. I hope that years from now I’ll love it like you do. But right now I’m in denial and it’s the only way I’m managing.
abbie’s last post … Sunflowers
Twitter: Wendy_Irene
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Have a great August with your beautiful little girl!
Wendy Irene’s last post … What is the Meaning of Balance
How bittersweet! We had Elizabeth in day care for a short time after I went back to work. I ended up taking her out, because my mom wanted to look after her instead. I was glad I did as the last day when I went to pick her up, I got there early and the childcare provider was inside reading the paper while the kids were outside on the other side of the house in a semi enclosed backyard! I was shocked, and happy it was her last day. For weeks after Elizabeth would ask me if we could go back sometime, but I knew we couldn’t. Not only did we no longer need the childcare, but I didn’t trust the woman any longer. Elizabeth missed the friends she made though, and that made me sad. There’s something to be said for the socialization they get in child care. By the time Cedric was born we had decided I would stay home with them. Not only was it too much for me to ask my mom (who has MS) to look after both of the kids full time, but after we did the math for both to be in a local daycare I would only be bringing home about 50$ a paycheck. To combat Cedric’s lack of socialization I have put him in a bunch of ‘ready set go’ gradual entry classes so he could adjust to mommy not being there and playing with friends before he enters preschool in the fall.
Oh the stress of parenthood! The fall scares me too. Not only is Cedric entering preschool, but Elizabeth is starting Kindergarten! My head may explode!
Laura’s last post … We interupt this Wordless Wednesday for some big news
Twitter: fuoriborgo
says:
I wrote a meaningful comment three times last night, and every single time I lost my connection before I could push post. In a word, I’ve had the same feelings at each transition. And the worse part was trying to fake my confidence so that my kids would not fear the new chapter in their lives.
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My daughter did surprisingly well going into Kindergarden. Especially since she has social anxiety issues. You may have an even easier time since Hannah has already been to preschool and daycare. She knows the routine already whereas mine had no clue what to expect. It is a heart-warming and yet gut wrenching experience to send your firstborn to school for the first time. Just take lots of photos. Everything will be all right.
Melodie’s last post … Vegetarian Foodie Fridays- Summer Fruit Tarts
I understand why you’re freaked about the start of kindergarten. I am so not ready for my baby to go to kindergarten next month. Next month! Uggh.
But, just as the adjustment to daycare took a little while, so will the adjustment to kindergarten, probably. But both of our daughters will be fine. And so will we.
Twitter: ladymrules
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Q-ster starts kindergarten next week. I can’t believe they’re getting so big! I definitely want Buster to attend a preschool next year, for 2-3 mornings a week. I’m not worried about academics – it’s more about having regular playmates in a school setting, taking turns and sharing (in theory, anyway), practicing sitting still during circle time . . . that kind of thing.
Lady M’s last post … Must Go To IKEA Now!
I don’t have any wise words or any personal stories to offer (as my Hannah is in part time daycare again this Sept and is still a few years away from kindergarten) but I do want to say that I feel the same way. I hate the way she smells like daycare when I pick her up from school even though I see how happy she is when she’s there (she comes home telling me about the things she did, the stuff she learned).
Not to worry! Many moms before you and many moms after you will have to go through the dreaded kindergarten dropoff. It’s just a few days of tears and then you’re back to normal