Comments on: Don’t Rain on my Parade

By: Francesca

Francesca — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 12:46:29 +0000

I don’t know. Here’s my (unpopular) opinion: I believe there’s a nice way of saying almost everything and with respect. Why should we say our opinion in the first place? Perhpas you’re right, the real issue is that ‘why’.
I’ll have to come back to this post later, it’s a lot of food for thoughts, Amber.
.-= Francesca´s last post ..Christmas pizza =-.

By: Lady M

Lady M — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 10:44:25 +0000

I have been continually learning when to actually give feedback and when to just offer support. Still figuring it out . . . .-= Lady M´s last post ..James Cameron, a Better Sense of Humor Than One Would Think =-.

By: Kirsten

Kirsten — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 05:21:33 +0000

I have this reflexive reaction to go ahead an apologize, in case I did this. I do this. It's a flaw. I'm a whole lot better than I used to be, but I do this. If I did this, I'm sorry. .-= Kirsten´s last post ..Work continues apace =-.

By: Allison

Allison — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 04:49:04 +0000

Great post, but now all I can think about is Glee. I was a little worried about our kindred spirit-ed-ness when I found out you didn’t like peaches, or snow. I was afraid to ask if you liked Glee .
.-= Allison´s last post ..************Who’s On First? =-.

By: Alyssa

Alyssa — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:14:13 +0000

I wish I could get more feedback from people, period. Positive or negative. I don’t even care. I just want to know people are listening, reading, looking, etc. In the absence of any feedback, I tend to rain on my own parade. I assume my work is uninteresting and not worth people’s time.

By: Christine LaRocque

Christine LaRocque — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 18:06:30 +0000

Great post! I used to be that person who just spoke about everything I felt strongly about, out loud, spontaneously and with a conviction that bordered on ridiculous. With age came a sense that really who am I to judget the decision of others and the wisdom to know that while I can offer my opinion I don’t need to offer it in a way that is meant to try and change someone else’s. I don’t NEED people to change to see things my way. I like to tell it how I see it and that’s enough for me. I think (hope) it makes me easier to get along with. The point is, I’ve learned it’s better not to “rain on someone else’s parade”.
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last post ..The "spirit" of the season =-.

By: *pol

*pol — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:27:54 +0000

“If saying something is going to get someone out of trouble, that’s helping. If saying something is going to get someone into trouble, it’s not.”

I have never heard that before…. I LOVE it! It makes the decission so much clearer!

I have always had a problem where to draw the line between constructive honesty and honesty for honesty’s sake (not always sunshine and roses). My friends have learned if they want a 100% objective opinion with no sugar coating, they ask me. Just the other day a friend asked…. “How’s my hair” and I replied, still shiny and smooth, except this small bird’s nest back here — let me get that”.
Then another friend says “hey! It’s looks fine!”
And the first friend said; “I asked T on purpose”.
I felt mixed feelings of horror and pride that I was so predictable to these people. I guess I have never been a “yes friend” and that’s probably why I have only a few serious friends and no casual ones!
Since entering adulthood I have learned that it is destructive to give people advice if they don’t ask for it, and I have even learned that some of my friends don’t want advice even if they choose to share a dilema with me. They just want someone to listen and a shoulder to cry on…. that is the hardest for me, but I have made a real effort to hold my tongue for them…. Even if they wail “what should I do?!” because I have learned that it is rhetorical.
.-= *pol´s last post ..Added Enjoyment =-.

By: Mel

Mel — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:26:13 +0000

“If saying something is going to get someone out of trouble, that’s helping. If saying something is going to get someone into trouble, it’s not.”

Print this on cards and hand it out! Best ever!
.-= Mel´s last post ..Best of 2009: Word or phrase =-.

By: @childbearing

@childbearing — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:20:54 +0000

So my husband has this little rule of thumb he follows all the time: If someone starts asking him questions about what he thinks of something they are doing, before he answers he says “Are you asking for my honest opinion?”

Sometimes people aren’t. Sometimes they are just talking and like you say, they already know the flaws and they don’t want to hear them again. Sometimes when they say “What do you think?” they are actually inviting you to support them and pump them up.

So my husband clarifies what they are looking for and only offers a negative opinion if he’s been given the ok to be honest.

The other option is to just be interested. Ask questions and reserve judgment. Afterall, you never know, the Doomed One may just be the one to defy odds and why should I be the one who stopped them?

Lots to think about from you today Amber. Thanks.

It’s a strategy that seems to work pretty good for him and I always forget to use. :/
.-= @childbearing´s last post ..Wordless Books: 1001 Things to Spot =-.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:47:23 +0000

Great post, Amber. Definitely something I need to keep in mind when giving oh-so-helpful advice to friends and family — and even to myself.

And, I confess, I’m a gleek, too. Rachel’s performance of “Don’t rain on my parade” totally had me tap-dancing around the house all last week!
.-= Sarah´s last post ..Santa Baby =-.