It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! June’s theme is money. Which is hard, but important. In the past few weeks I explored my money issues, the ins and outs of sharing finances and dealing with an unpredictable cash flow. Today I’m talking about embracing simplicity.
While I was on vacation I went to the spa. I got a mid-week deal that included a whole bunch of things, one of which was a non-stop tapas lunch. I was especially looking forward to that – eating in a robe and slippers, by myself, with two hands. It sounded lovely. And it really was. They offered me a selection of the most popular menu items to start with, and then as much as I wanted after that. It sounded good, so I agreed and my food started arriving.
The food really was amazing. I watched the birds in the trees out the window, sipped my tea, and feasted on snack-sized portions of this gourmet cuisine. The only thing is that it just kept coming. All of it was amazingly good. I ate every bite. Around the 8th dish I was starting to feel full. When the last of the chef’s selection came, I had eaten 15 or 16 plates of tapas. I was more full than I have been in a long time, possibly ever. So full that I didn’t feel good anymore.
When we have a full plate of food in front of us, many of us feel compelled to finish it. I feel that way myself. If I give myself a half serving of food I am totally satisfied, but I am unlikely to stop eating a big plate half-way. When it’s in front of me, I eat it. Because there are starving children in Africa. Or something.
Money can be very similar to food. If you have a lot of it, you somehow magically use it all up. Many of us have found that as our incomes rise, our expenses seem to rise, too. And it can be hard to know when to say ‘enough’. There are so many lovely, lovely things that we would like to have. Handbags and shoes and smart phones and fabulous vacations. In the non-stop tapas meal of life, there is always something to catch our eye and make us say, “Maybe just one more bite.”
One of the biggest shifts in my life was realizing that what I had was already ‘enough’. I am speaking from a total place of privilege here, I know it. But I think that a lot of people in our culture are in the same place. We have everything that we need, and a lot of stuff that we don’t really need, too. Having more things, while they might give us a temporary thrill, will not really affect our overall happiness level. It won’t bring us satisfaction.
As I try to create a new lifestyle for myself, simplifying plays a large part. That means learning to tell the difference between a need and a want. It’s not easy, not by a long shot. I can convince myself that I need all sorts of things – like a spa day, for example. Or some fancy cheese. But the truth is, these things are luxuries. If I can understand that my life is very full and I don’t really need more stuff, I feel happier.
I’ve learned that the mall is not the place to find to financial security or personal satisfaction. There will always be another Thing to buy there, and another, and another. This doesn’t mean that if you like to shop from time to time you’re doing anything wrong. I see nothing wrong with making mindful purchases of frivolous items that you can afford. A good lipstick can turn your day around, for sure. But it can’t turn your life around, or make your kids better behaved, or your house bigger. Understanding that is the key.
If the mall isn’t the place to find satisfaction, where is? I think it’s the places I go every day. When I look around and see the simple abundance of my life I feel joy. They always say it’s the little things, and they’re right. Things that cost hardly anything are what really make me happy. Picking a strawberry from my garden, or watching my kids blow dandelion seeds to the wind. Racing my 5-year-old across a field. Reading a good book. So even if it isn’t always easy, I work every day to remind myself that I have everything that I need already. I don’t need to go looking for it.
Making this choice for yourself is the key, I think. When a simple lifestyle is imposed on you, it’s not much fun. But when you embrace simplicity of your own free will, it can be awesome. That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to mindfully choose a life that involves more time and less stuff. I think it’s the right choice for me. Especially with the occasional spa day thrown in once every few years for good measure.
What brings you real happiness? And how do you know when you’ve had enough? I’d love to hear. And I’d also love it if you would link up any posts you’ve written on money this month. Or just read the other posts, and feel inspired!
I admit that sometimes I try and get personal satisfaction from the mall. It is not something I am proud of, but going to the mall and buying something new used to be my go to activity. Bored? Buy a new shirt. Sad? Buy a new cream or a pair of earrings. Avoiding things? Check out the jeans.
Working part time, I have been forced to curtail this little habit. But I also realize I get a lot less satisfaction out of shopping than I used to.
What makes me happy? Taking my kids to the park. Doing something fun with my whole family. Being outside. Walking with a friend. Connecting with others. Reading a good book. Teaching.
Thanks for the great post.
Lisa
Lisa’s last post … Wordless Wednesday
Great post. I’m totally with you on this. Stuff doesn’t bring happiness.
Francesca’s last post … Pesto season!
Didn't have a second to comment this morning–but great post!
So true…I found it fascinating to see so many sahms and sahds at Wal mart the other day just wandering around. I see tweets all the time about 'getting the kids to this and that and getting out.'I like being home..or outside. I like parks and walks and sitting in my back yard…It helps that these activities also save me money.sure retail therapy is great..but it can't be all…you have to find joy in yourself first before reaching to your wallet
Very thoughtful post! I am trying to embrace this lifestyle as well – the “I’m not going to purchase frivilous items on a whim just because I have the money to do so….lifestyle.” It’s a very conscious decision and every time I go shopping I remind myself of my needs and my wants. I don’t go to the mall, I don’t look at flyers and I look for bargains. I don’t buy expensive shampoo or creams, we don’t go to the movies, I don’t go for expensive hair cuts or waxing like I did in the past. And I don’t miss any of these things – I’m happy just being me. What brings me real happiness? My kids playing together nicely in the backyard. A cold beer on a hot summer day. Nature. Sauna’s. Not having an agenda for the day.
Tanya’s last post … A story about patience
Sigh…I think I need to embrace a life of simplicity, it will probably make everythign that has happened lately that much easier to deal with. But oh, the possibilities that were suddenly there and are now gone…well, it’s depressing.
I am very lucky with what I have. I really need to sit and take a look at everything and try to come to terms with that. I don’t NEED the new laptop. I don’t NEED the fancy new cell phone….
yeah, this might take some time
Great post as usual Amber!
Carrie’s last post … An Open Letter to Time
I’m with Carrie on this one. I should be embracing simplicity and be happy with what we do have – but I admit to spending a lot of time dwelling on what we HAD but is now gone. I know my husband is finding the massive drop in our income levels difficult to adjust to as well. In our case I left my job just as the economy took a huge dive. Living on commission is not much fun in a bad economy. We were used to LOTS of STUFF. And now we are just getting by. If I am not selfish and think of others who have less I know I should really suck it up a bit better than I do.
Marilyn’s last post … Battlefield
Me too. Same as Hillary. Since I'm here and not there I just wanted to say 1) I can relate and 2) Fabulous post.
we’re already, and have been for some time, frugal. that is frugal from a position of privilege so we’re not deciding food vs rent etc on a weekly basis. but we don’t splash out or spend frivolously IMO.
it’s been going on for a good few years now that the main problem is spending on the occasional treat. my mum warned me not to be too frugal as sometimes you lose the knack of enjoyment, of treating yourself, and boy oh boy, she was right. it’s very easy to talk yourself down even when the money is available and what you think you want is a more necessary treat anyway.
but back to me (!). i recently took a week off (yes, as a SAHM it’s not a complete oxymoron) and i would have been stumped for ‘treats’ had i not written down a good list. amazingly a lot of the treats (apart from the Aldo shoes) were thrift store or low cost goodies. it is still fun to live vicariously thru upcycling and keep the costs down.
so true happiness? simplicity is a good one – simple pursuits; the beach, an impromptu picnic, my Wee Guy when he’s feeling proud of himself (last night’s tae kwon do demo by him was a quick burst of utter happiness), views of perspective, symmetrically arranged eggs in an eggbox, ballet, falling asleep, sunshine …..
i recommend guinea pigs and chocolate too, though not in combination
pomomama aka ebbandflo’s last post … self portrait thursday: when i grow up i would like to be …….
I am there right now too….
“enough” is my mantra for the last year or so, and it is working beautifully on my state of mind and satisfacion out of life. I don’t need “more” I just need “enough” and most of the time that’s what I already have! A very liberating realization.
Simplicity and being present are amazing gifts if you can find them underneath all that discontent and pressure from the outside forces (TV, Family, peers, etc).
sigh…. I feel like taking a moment to just “be” … I think I must go walk my dog in the woods now.
*pol’s last post … June’s Mission Update
The best things, times, experiences are almost always a serendipitous, unplanned random combination of people, nature, and usually some food.
Beautifully said.
This subject has been on my mind a lot lately. Our family does fairly well. My husband is an Optometrist and owns his own clinic. We’re comfortable, and in future as loans are paid off, we’ll become more so. This terrifies me as we already spend far too much on silly things. We need a huge paradigm shift in our home, and I’m desperately hoping it’ll be easier, simpler, than I’m expecting it to be. Thanks for the extra kick of inspiration.
Kimberly’s last post … The Excess
I heart this post. It speaks to where I’m at this year. When 2010 arrived, I decided my Word-of-the-Year was “Enough.” Not that I’ve ever adopted a word for a year. But “enough” works in many ways, from affirming (I am good enough) to simplifying (Enough stuff already).
Thanks for reminding me about this. Words and ideas often get lost in the day to day.
Ironic Mom’s last post … Reasons I’m Not Nominated for Parent-of-the-Year
Very timely post…I’m wrestling with the topic as well. I’m a very simple person and really don’t need many things to keep me amused. But I grew up being told that you have to make money, acquire things, etc to be successful (you know, embrace capitalism above all else). I recently took a job only because it came with a great salary, even though the job itself isn’t something I wanted…or even liked doing. The only thing appealing about it was that it paid enough that I could afford to buy whatever I want. That sounds great, but I really don’t “want” anything. Very frustrating
Of late, this kind of simplicity has been imposed on us by a serious drop in income. However, I already had 5 years of practice by choosing, quite on purpose, to live in a converted school bus. We did not have space for my 17 pairs of shoes so I wittled it down to about 3. We didn’t have space for a tv. We didn’t even have walls for hanging art or framed photos of our family/friends. We didn’t have bookshelves for the books I love to hoard. For one year we only had a bar sized fridge so I had to even grocery shop differently. Those years really taught me a lot about simplicity. Thankfully, those lessons have served me well now that simplicity is a financial necessity.
Nice post as always Amber. I’m glad you got a day at the spa!
BluebirdMama aka @childbearing’s last post … The New Home School
Great post. And so true. I’m trying so hard to get out of the ‘spend it if you got it’ mode, but I come from a home with very little money and no role models as far as saving went, so I have to carve my own path here. I’m trying.
I love the idea of simplifying my life, because it seems like things are only getting more complicated all the time.
Lady M’s last post … Fruit Snobs