As part of my layoff package I received access to employment counselling. Three months of free work with a big, fancy company downtown. I sort of waffled back and forth for a while on whether or not I would do it. Finding childcare, driving downtown and paying eleventy-billion dollars an hour for parking just didn’t sound that appealing. On the other hand, why would I turn down something that might prove useful?
In the end I decided to give employment counselling a try. After all, what’s the worst that could happen? So I called and made the appointment, and argued with the receptionist about whether or not I should do their week-long course. I was definitely not up for the course. Finding childcare for a few hours is one thing, finding it for 5 days in a row is quite another. Eventually, I was exempted from the course and matched up with Lovely Counsellor who specializes in career transition.
The day of my appointment was sort of a nightmare. I got turned around while driving to the office because of construction and some awful one-way streets. I really, really hate one-way streets. Eventually I did manage to secure parking and make it up to the office 10 or 15 minutes late. Thankfully, everyone was very nice and Lovely Counsellor hadn’t taken the opportunity to blow off the hour and go for a manicure.
After talking, Lovely Counsellor and I arrived at a similar conclusion. Basically, I am in a good position, and I am on the right path. Between my severance and my freelance gig, we agreed that I could step away from more actively pursing my career for a couple of years while I gather skills and lay groundwork. We also decided that I could go through their materials on their own and do some personal assessments, which I could then call and discuss with Lovely Counsellor.
I left the office feeling good. Feeling like I had a plan and I was not sacrificing my entire career by changing direction. I was energized, and ready to do the assessments. Except, I didn’t do them. At one point I started a few, but I didn’t finish. And then I didn’t bother calling to discuss the tests I did complete. I guess I just had other things on my mind and on my to-do list. Eventually, about three weeks ago, I had the big talk with my husband.
Me: I haven’t done my employment counselling.
Him: Do you want to do your employment counselling?
Me: Well, maybe I should? Isn’t it a bad idea to turn down free employment counselling?
Him: Forget what you should do, what do you want to do?
Me: I don’t want to do the counselling. I have too much to do already.
Him: Then you don’t have to do it.
Me: But! But! But!
Him: But what?
Me: … I don’t know …
The truth is, that I didn’t want Lovely Counsellor to think badly of me. Because, you know, she really cares, I am sure. Either way, I found myself yet again, trying to be the Perfect Student. Yet again, I am trying to do praise-worthy things so that others will praise me. Even though I’m pretty confident with the direction I’m on, I don’t feel totally comfortable unless I have Lovely Counsellor’s stamp of approval.
My access to free counselling expired four days ago, and I didn’t finish. The roof did not fall in. I am still here to share the tale. And I am also pretty sure that it’s going to be OK. I might not get a gold star in my counselling binder, but I took something off my plate and brought myself a little sanity. And that’s sort of more important, don’t you think?
What about you? Are you an employment counselling dropout? Or maybe just a beauty school dropout? Please share!
As a retired employment counsellor (among other things) I hereby give you your gold star. You have done a great deal of soul-searching about your life, your skills, your current situation and what is important to you. You have a pretty clear idea about the direction in which you want to go and you're taking steps to get there.If you were my client , I would be thrilled at your ability to do the work. So, Here's the star: *
Well, I was supposed to be done my thesis a year ago. I had grand dreams of writing a stellar paper, all done on time, leaving my advisers aghast and bestowing me with honors. But, it hasn’t really worked out that way. I was madly in love, so I moved to another town to be with my man and I got a job so I could fund said move. I was just going to work the summer so I wasn’t so penniless and then complete my thesis. Then I was offered a full time job, which I took. I figured I was lucky to have a job in this economy. Then my computer died, had troubles at work, all while living in a new town, trying to squeeze in a little bit of leisure time and writing in the evenings and on weekends. And then, I completely and utterly burned out. I finally asked for time off work to finish my thesis, something I was very ashamed to do. The paper is still not done and no matter when I get it done, it will still be a year late. It all makes me feel like such a failure. But then again, I get to come home every day to someone who loves me, my health is much better once I took the time to reduce my stress and I’ve met a lot of wonderful people in my new community over the year. Would I give that up just to have a piece of paper? No. Of course, that doesn’t make the failure less sour, but there are so many other important things in life. I guess the trick is to figure out what’s really important, then do the best you can with the rest of it. Good luck!
I’ve totally been there! I am a German-school dropout. When I was in Germany for my husband’s work, I was able to study German full-time at the university — for free! It was awesome … for about 9 months. But as our year there was coming to an end, and my fellow classmates and I were boning up for a big college eentrance exam, I wondered, why am I doing this? I’m not going to enroll in a German university like my friends. And this is stressing me out. And I want to ride my bike through Bavaria and sit in riverside cafes and read novels and take photos and scribble in my journal. So that’s what I did, and it was the best time of my life, and I’m so glad that I didn’t miss that rare opportunity to just be a free spirit for a few months. Life is full of school and work and deadlines. If you have the opportunity to do something else for a while — for yourself and your family — and you feel the overwhelming urge to just do it, don’t pass that up. It’s rare.
i “dropped out” when we emigrated to Canada i suppose. left behind a possibly on-the-up postdoctoral research career in a subject i was passionate about (obesity and cats, go figure) with (finally) a mentor who cold have opened doors for me …..
… but at what price? academia is a real fighting pit for funds, grants and promotion. the pay is awful and having my son in the middle of it all? no thanks
i’m incredibly frustrated right now with my SAHM/mompreneur status but i know it’s just a phase. i’m carving out some kind of paying gig which will fit round my family and that’s OK with me. i still intend to seize on passing opportunities once i’m out of this winter blahs fug but i’m content enough to be able to kind of set my own agenda right now (and i’m not too unhappy at never being ‘professor’ ..)
.-= pomomama aka ebbandflo´s last post ..volunteerism – at home and away =-.
No, but I never went to grad school, which according to my family was a “waste.” I graduated summa cum laude in the honors college, having done an honors thesis that one of my advisors said was better than some she’s seen from graduate students. I mostly did all this because, like you said, I crave approval. It meant a lot to me when people admired my work.
Then the time came for me to graduate and I was so weary of keeping everything PERFECT that I was just relieved. I wanted to find a job and be done with it, and I was also ready to think about starting a family. Everyone tried to talk me into getting my masters, but I didn’t know what I wanted to study. They (especially my dad) thought it was a waste for me not to get it. Strangely, I didn’t notice any of the people pressuring me opening up their wallets to help pay for 2+ more years of school. I would’ve been in debt.
In the end I found a job, had a baby, went part time, had another baby and quit. What I’m doing is important and I love it. I’m so glad that for once in my life, I didn’t just do what would get me approval from others.
Sounds like you are experiencing something similar, and I hope your decision to “drop out”–something we are culturally made to feel extreme guilt over no matter what we are dropping out from–makes you happy. It’s not like you’re quitting, you’re just veering off in a different direction, and if it feels right to you, it’s probably a better direction
.-= Jenny´s last post ..What to put on a Christening cake =-.
I did the employement counselling when I was laid off pregnant with my first. I enjoyed it. But then again, I did not have the wee one to worry about yet.
I did land a temporary job from that “course” and that was a waste of time. The only thing that kept me going to that hopelessly ridiculous farse was that my E.I. had subsidised it and daycare for my infant son was included! Thankfully it only lasted 3 months… the money was absolutely necessary, and it was a very painful struggle finding more work after that (and affordable, decent infantcare too). I really did not enjoy that time of my life, you think I would have been happy being a mom, but my whole life was so unstable, even my husband’s work was not regular enough. Somehow we endured, and baby survived infancy, and mommy managed to not go all the way insane, and hubby stuck around even though it wasn’t fun, and life just improved after that!
Wow, not much of that had anything to do with employment counselling, except the timing….
.-= *pol´s last post ..Positive Influence =-.
Your post has reminded me that Mike was offered some of that wonderful employment counselling…I don’t think he plans on doing it either.
While it’s nice that there are people out there whose entire job is to help people like you transition…meh, we’re all adults. You managed to find the job you were laid off from, you’ll find something else to do and be passionate about. And along the way, it seems you are learning more about yourself which I think is worth WAY more than the free counselling
Besides, dropping out of anything is Bad Ass. Your coolness factor has gone up about 10 points
.-= Carrie´s last post ..Eventually, you have to go back to your bed =-.
Wow, totally there with you on the teacher pleasing.
Ways I have failed my family & friends:
We told them we were moving to Seattle so that I could go to seminary. It’s been 8 years. I haven’t taken one class. We haven’t moved back.
Every teacher told me I was such a good writer that I should write for a living. My parents took this to heart as well and are waiting for my Oprah’s Book Club selection. I have as yet not produced the fame-rocketing novel they are all waiting for. When I wrote a mystery (genre! novel! horror!) last year for NaNoWriMo and let my parents read a sample that I thought was particularly funny, their reaction was kinda like, meh (to borrow Carrie’s word from above). I think they’re questioning their choice to pay for college for me.
.-= Lauren @ Hobo Mama´s last post ..Leaving her behind =-.
You seem to have a really good idea of where you are going. I think we could all use some career counselling from time to time. Maybe you can go back to those exercises when you need them.
.-= Capital Mom´s last post ..I wish I could promise you this is my last post ever on sleep but that is highly unlikely =-.
I never even made it that far before dropping out.
.-= Emily R´s last post ..EST =-.
You’re on your own path, and if you need employment counseling at some point in the future, I’m sure you’ll find a way to get it. In the mean time, keep enjoying what you’re doing!
.-= Lady M´s last post ..And Now I Understand Kate Gosselin’s Hair =-.
I am so an achievement whore. Seriously! If it is a game or anything with items to earn, I am ON IT! (I am sure I will have a blog about this one day) So, I totally get that whole idea of teacher pleasing… it is very much related. It can be difficult to tear away and realize that missing this or that achievement won’t kill me, hurt who I am, or make me less of a person. However, all I could be missing out on in life very well could.
Good for you for putting your own needs first!!
Crystal
The first time I was offered counselling I didn’t even meet with the lovely counseller.
The second time around I completed my counselling. But then again I was trying to figure out what to do next, how to promote my best features to prospective employers. And frankly I needed the help to figure out who I was … so that I could figure out where I wanted to go next.
Sometimes you need a little help, sometimes you don’t. The smart people are those who know the difference. And you are smart not to waste your time.
…and your husband rocks for knowing that too. (plus what everyone else said)
.-= Allison´s last post ..**************Labels =-.
You didn’t finish jumping through the hoops and you think you should because you’ve been jumping through hoops all your life. Guilt is exacerbated by the fact that the government is involved and if you don’t jump through government hoops, they put you in jail.
That’s my armchair psycho-analysis.
love, a fellow hoop-jumper.
As part of my severance package, I was offered the services of a career transition company. I could have gone, but it wouldn’t feel right to tell them I really wanted to lose my job and was counting down the days until it happened. Why? I wanted severance and wanted to find a new job without having to come up with a good reason as to why I left my former employer. Now I can just be one of the countless victims of the Great Recession
Your husband is a smart man who gave you excellent advice.
.-= Maria @ Conversations with Moms´s last post ..Sunday Jokes – Thanksgiving humor =-.