It’s Enviro-Mama Thursday here at Strocel.com, and today I’m thinking about environmentalism and etiquette, and how the two collide and inform each other.
Human beings are social creatures, there’s no two ways about it. As social creatures, we spend a lot of time and energy working to get along with each other. We do things like wait our turn at the bank, bite our tongues when casual acquaintances express political views we disagree with, and say please and thank you. Those of us who are parents spend a lot of time trying to teach our children good manners. I’ve been known to say, for example, “I’m okay with you having a cookie, but I need to hear you ask nicely, because it makes me feel better about the whole thing.”
When it comes to displaying good etiquette ourselves, environmentalism can cut both ways. On the one hand, as many green choices become not only respected but expected, our desire to get along with others reinforces green options. An example of this would be recycling. Where I live recycling is just an accepted part of everyday life. If you saw someone throwing a recyclable container into a trash can, you’d probably shoot them the same sort of dirty look you’d shoot someone who littered or failed to clean up after their dog. There are many other examples of green living that are becoming a normal part of modern life, like carrying reusable bags to the grocery store or not leaving your car idling in a long line-up.
On the other hand, there are many situations when our desire to get along and our desire to make more sustainable choices can collide. Let’s say, for instance, that you feel strongly about reducing your exposure to pesticides. What do you do when your neighbour’s out spraying weeds in her driveway? And what do you do when you’re on a playdate and someone serves you (and your kids) conventionally-grown apples, even though you know they have the highest pesticide residues of any fruit or veggies? How do you make the best choices for yourself, without becoming preachy or imposing your values on others?
I don’t think there are easy answers on this one. To be perfectly frank, this is something I constantly wrestle with. I’m not likely to sweat the conventionally-grown apples, but I do run into many situations where my desire to live as sustainably as possible collides with my desire to get along with others. And this doesn’t only happen outside of my own home – I live with other people. While I would say that everyone in my family holds sustainability as a value, we differ on what matters most to us, and where we’re willing to draw the line between convenience and the planet. No one’s the “good guy” and no one’s the “bad guy”, but that doesn’t mean we always see eye-to-eye.
As more and more people make more and more sustainable choices, the balance between good manners and green living shifts. I think that’s a good thing. But I don’t think it will ever be super-easy. Change almost never is. And so I try to respect my personal values that say values like kindness, generosity and consideration are important. I also try to respect my values that say I want to live lightly on the earth. And sometimes, I think, I maybe even get it right.
What about you? Do you ever struggle with balancing your own environmental choices with your desire to get along with others? And does pushback from the people around you ever make it harder for you to live sustainably? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
amberstrocel
amberstrocel
amberstrocel
amberstrocel
amberstrocel
amberstrocel
amberstrocel
amberstrocel
this is an interesting post.
Something David Suzuki said in one of his books (I think it was ‘A Sacred Balance’ or something like that) has always stayed with me. He told the anecdote that decades ago it was socially acceptable to spit in public. Public tram cars, streets, shop stores were often covered in spit, and it wasn’t anything to blink about if someone spit right in front of you. Fast forward a few decades and virtually NO ONE spits in public.
I like that thought, that quietly, through small actions (not preaching like you said
), it will just become socially unacceptable to act unenvironmentally. We’re almost there with litering (in Halifax anyway), recycling and composting (again, in Nova Scotia perhaps because it’s the provincial law).
EcoYogini’s last post … DIY Customizing Beauty Oils: Easy Cold Infusion
**clarify- I just reread my comment and wanted to make sure- “(not preaching like you said”) I meant, I agree with you that we need to find ways to be ourselves and work towards a healthier planet and people without preaching.
EcoYogini’s last post … DIY Customizing Beauty Oils: Easy Cold Infusion
Twitter: AmberStrocel
says:
I totally understood what you meant.
I totally get it. I have had a son who is allergic to MANY things. Regular normal things. Like windex, pinesol, and dryer sheets. I think it is important to make better choices for many reasons for your family. But some do these better choices for different reasons. When I see someone using “not the best” products I want to say something, but I remember not to judge. Sometimes I try to sneak in a comment about the benefits of a smarter better product or sometimes I say nothing. Its like before we had kids, remember the picture we ALL have? Or what you “think” co-sleeping looks like, and what it REALLY looks like? You do the best you can, with what you can. I know for me certain products I can’t wait to change to, but even financially I am not able to at this time. Or my son protests b/c homemade bread tastes different so I cave sometimes.
Twitter: thejaninefowler
says:
I struggle with some of that as well. Luckily I’m pretty tight-knit with the people I spend time with – Not a lot of time spent with acquaintances at all – so they know I’m looking out for them and not preaching if I do feel the need to open my mouth. The food issue is one where I just bite my tongue and accept it. Even when my son ate the ENTIRE container of non-organic strawberries at our friend’s place recently. I feel like the reason I make the choices I do at home, is in part to protect from the inevitable toxins he’ll face when he’s not at home. I’m also good at seeing the bright side – Better non-organic strawberries than fake fruit snacks!
I agree with EcoYogini – Leading by example is key. Recycling is very mainstream here in Oregon as well. All of the apartment complexes I’ve lived in have offered free recycling along with trash.
Ashley – I wouldn’t call those allergies “Regular normal things.”
Janine’s last post … Sunday Link Love
Twitter: RachaelNevins
says:
I don’t eat meat and haven’t eaten meat for seventeen years. Maybe longer. I can’t keep track anymore.
After all this time, though, I’ve been thinking about adding a small amount of meat to my diet — maybe once or twice a week, only at home, and only purchased from the local farmers’ market. However, if certain people learned that I’m eating meat again, they might start expecting me to eat meat when they serve it in their home. But I won’t eat what Barbara Kingsolver calls industrially-produced feedlot meats, which is what I’m likely to be served in these homes. So, in the interest of etiquette and good family relations, I’m still not eating meat. It’s easier to stay a vegetarian than to have to navigate the waters of I’ll-eat-only-certain-kinds-of-meat-and-not-yours.
Twitter: TheParentVortex
says:
I struggle with this too. I made a few comments about the container of Roundup I found in my parent’s basement, but I had to accept that I can’t force them to change their choices. I was happy that my mom decided to buy an organic CSA farm share last summer though. It’s all small, gradual steps, and we all find certain changes easier or harder than others. My parents certainly care more about a lawn full of weeds than I do!
Michelle @ The Parent Vortex’s last post … 10 Ways to Stop Losing it With Your Kids