It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! Today I am talking about something that is near and dear to my heart – finding my tribe.
I am a pleaser by nature. I think that many women are. I want people to like me, and sometimes I refrain from voicing my honest opinion for fear of what others will think. Sometimes I find myself agreeing to do things I’d really rather not, in order to gain brownie points. Other times I do this thing where I agree with someone, as a way to disagree more gently. “That’s a really fabulous idea! But I wonder if it will really work…”
I have discovered lately that stating your Truth is sort of paradoxical. On the one hand, when I talk at length about breastfeeding or maternity leave or refurbishing my shower curtain I am not going to appeal to everyone. I may lose a few folks along the way. But – here is the big one – I attract new people in the process. People who share my thoughts and concerns. People who are in the same place as I am. And these people are what Havi would call my Right People. They are my tribe.
While I’m in the process of crafting my life, I’ve taken a number of leaps. To me, these leaps felt huge. Things like talking about my dreams and giving voice to what I really want to do continue to be a struggle for me. I am really afraid of what people will say. When you’re starting something new you feel kind of vulnerable, and the last thing you need is for someone to rain on your parade. I am full to the brim with self-doubt already, you know? But at every step of the way I have been totally gobsmacked by the support I have received. You folks, as it turns out, are my tribe.
I have found my tribe by stretching myself, and by being myself. Or, at least, as much as I am able to be myself in this space, or even in daily life. When I respectfully say what I think, when I reach out to others, and when I set priorities I find folks who feel the same way. There are 6 billion people on this planet, and I am bound to run into more than a few kindred spirits along the way. But when I hide they can’t recognize me, so I’m not hiding as much.
Aside: Originally, I wrote ‘trying not to hide as much’, but then I heard Yoda and decided to commit.
There have been times in my life when I’ve felt out of place. When I’ve been in a room full of people who are all saying one thing, while I feel totally another. I’m not sure that I would seize that moment to speak my Truth. There is a difference between sharing your views and being confrontational. But I am learning how to avoid that room in the future. If it’s not my place, that’s OK. It doesn’t have to be. If I can accept that and move on, I am far more likely to find the place that’s right for me, filled with fabulous people like you.
Next week I am going to talk a little bit about how I see my tribe. Who I think we are. In the meantime, I’d like to hear from you. How do you find like-minded folks? And how do you find the courage to speak your Truth?