Today, at 4pm Pacific time, my daughter Hannah turns 5 years old. 5! How did that happen? I don’t know, I’ll tell you that much.
I have been waiting for the feeling I’ve felt on Hannah’s previous birthdays to kick in. I call it Preemie Birthday Sadness – the feeling that February 19th should not have been Hannah’s birthday. The feeling that someone made a terrible mistake, and we should be celebrating sometime in early April when she was due instead of mid-to-late February when she was born at 34 weeks. Because the truth is the day I gave birth to Hannah was not an entirely happy day, it was a very worrying day, too.
So far this year I have not felt the Preemie Birthday Sadness. While I will never be able to look back on the day of Hannah’s birth without some wistfulness, I have finally shed the extreme worry. I have made my peace and I know that we will be OK in spite of it, or possibly even because of it. We have come through some rough patches together, and I wish they hadn’t happened, but I know that we can persevere when we need to. I do not need to carry the fear around with me anymore.
Today I celebrate my daughter, who is an amazing 5-year-old and a fabulous person. She is defiant and stubborn and compliant and kind and full of contradiction. She loves dresses and sparkles and Barbie and me. She sings and draws and dances and runs, and she wants to live with me forever. And me? I’m inclined to say yes, because I can’t imagine a morning when she doesn’t wake me up by jumping on me, uncomfortable though that may be. This is the kid who made me a mother, and I don’t really want to let her go anymore than she wants to let me go.
Happy birthday, Hannah girl! You are the coolest 5-year-old I know, and that’s no lie.
Happy Birthday To You! Happy Birthday To You! Hannah!! A beautiful post …
What a beautiful little girl and what a beautiful post, Amber! Thanks for giving me my first good cry of the day! Enjoy the day with your precious daughter!
Happy Birthday Hannah!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey and you smell like one too! (Happy big day to you, Hannah, from Karen and Miranda)
Happy Birthday to your little Hannah.
Happy Birthday to dear Hannah and congratulations to you, Amber and Jon, for your thoughtful and loving parenting. Your girl is a wonderful example of what we send into the future, full of hope and sparkles!
amazing! what a girl!
HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Awww, she’s delightful! Happy Birthday Hannah!!
(I loved this line: “She is defiant and stubborn and compliant and kind and full of contradiction.”)
.-= DaniGirl´s last post ..Facebook fan pages? =-.
Happy birthday Hannah…and a special happy day to momma too. When I was growing up my dad always took me to buy my mom flowers on MY birthday….just to say thank you!
.-= Heather´s last post ..Just How Much Does It Cost? =-.
Happy Birthday Hannah! I adore the preemie pic…awwww.
.-= Tanya´s last post ..Perspective =-.
Happy Birthday Hannah!!
Check it out, you got some smiles-with-teeth shots
And the 3rd pic…I swear Amelia had those overalls too LOL
.-= Carrie´s last post ..19 months: Toddler Tantrums =-.
I completely love this and everything you write! Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday to Hannah, and you. I never thought about the preemie sadness that some parents might have. I’m also a little ashamed that I haven’t done Eve’s birthday post yet (the day of her actual birthday I was too baked after her party the day before, and then I got blogcked). Then again, it means I have something to write about today
. Hannah is gorgeous, and spirited and full of life. Clearly you have nothing to worry about.
.-= allison´s last post ..**************Odds and Ends. Mostly Odds. =-.
happy birthday Miss Hannah! and happy birth-day to her mum
.-= pomomama aka ebbandflo´s last post ..date night =-.
Happy Birthday to Hannah! And Happy Birth Day to you too Mom.
.-= Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves´s last post ..The Pros to Being Sick and A Study in Doughnut =-.
Happy birthday Hannah! Neat to see the progression of photos of such a cute girl!
.-= Angela White´s last post ..The Golden Age =-.
Happy Birthday to you Hannah, and a big celebration for everything you are and have yet to come.
Beautiful pictures – I hadn’t realised how much her and Jacob resemble each other!
.-= Josie @Sleep is for the Weak´s last post ..Falling snow =-.
Happy Birthday Hannah! What a sweet, loving post Amber. Happy brith day to you.
.-= Francesca´s last post ..Evolving trivets =-.
What a lovely sentiment!
I dish up my well wishes with everyone here.
(Both my babes were preemie too, but even at 36 weeks, they were healthy and strong enough not to have too much worry, they slept next to me right from the start… I fretted about them until their expected due dates, and then pretty much let it go after that — I had other worries like sleep deprivation! At the start they were just so SMALL compared to the other newborn babies I saw, and were born without butt-cheeks… skinny little baby boys, but everything worked and they got happy-baby rolls and creases fast enough on my mega-supply of milk)
Funny how we hang onto those memories and old anxieties long after the danger has passed.
.-= *pol´s last post ..Staying Accountable =-.
Happy Birthday Hannah, I hope you are having a great day!
I love these photos! Happy Birthday to you Hannah!
Happy Birthday sweet wee thing!
aww, happy birthday Hannah! what lovely photos!
.-= Heather´s last post ..Will You Get Your DNA Tested? =-.
Happy Birthday dear Hannah, Happy Birthday to you!
.-= Melodie´s last post ..How and Why I Became Vegetarian =-.
tell me about it, my son turned 10 last month. Ouch. It just gets faster and faster
Happy birthday Hannah! A beautiful post Amber. Brought tears to my eyes because my Hannah has almost the same story.
What a beautiful daughter you have!
XO from Ontario!
.-= Cheryl´s last post ..5 things I’ve learned from working at home =-.
What a sweet, sweet post! I’ve been following you on Twitter for some time, but I don’t recall ever stopping by your blog. I’m so glad you were feature over at @marfmom’s blog. It gave me the opportunity to pay you a visit. I’ll be back for sure!
Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud
@TweetingMama
.-= Kristi´s last post ..The Message Behind My Blog Title =-.
I am sending a bunch of birthday wishes her way.
.-= Capital Mom´s last post ..The three of us =-.
I’m so glad the trauma of that day is starting to fade… maybe trauma is too strong of a word, but I imagine it must have been a scary day. Sounds like all the great memories are pushing the bad feelings away. (Not the memories, and not the feelings you felt, but I guess I mean your guilt and fear have lessened. God it’s tough being a parent huh?)
.-= FC Mom´s last post ..Teaching as a Mom =-.
She was a cutie as a preemie and now she’s a gorgeous, clever girl! Happy Birthday, Hannah.
.-= Lady M´s last post ..Bedtime, When the Server Status Really Matters =-.
Happy Birthday Hannah! Hope you all had a fun day
.-= Sara´s last post ..Can we really live CHEMICAL FREE? =-.
Wow, what a progession in those photos! Hope you had a great birthday, Hannah!
.-= Delia´s last post ..What a difference a century makes! =-.
Happy Birthday Hannah!
.-= Old School/New School Mom´s last post ..Saturday Mayhem =-.
This, “She loves dresses and sparkles and Barbie and me,” is one of the most precious things I’ve ever read. Congratulations on having an amazing 5 yo little girl
Yay!
.-= Jessica – This is Worthwhile´s last post ..A worthwhile post #3: Bored Mommy =-.