I contend that toddlers are the cutest people on the planet. Yes, babies have a certain incomparable something, and older children can be very charming, indeed. But for sheer adorable-ness, you can’t beat a toddler. The way that they mimic you with little mispronunciations, insist on dressing themselves in the most outrageous outfits, and display their fledgling personalities is really endearing. And you know what? I think it has to be this way.
I think that nature specifically designed us to think our toddlers are unbearably cute, because they’re so difficult to live with. Let’s take my own 2 1/2 year old son, Jacob. In the past three days I have carried him kicking and screaming out of two stores and one elementary school. Wait, counting back it’s been more like four days – there was a grocery store in there. Oh, make that five days, he didn’t want to leave Maplewood Farm, either. Suffice it to say that there has been a lot of kicking and screaming lately.
In a calmer moment, Jacob very sweetly poses in front of a totem pole
Jacob’s behaviour is normal and age-appropriate. I distinctly recall carrying his big sister kicking and screaming out of stores, libraries and swimming lessons. And across many, many parking lots. This is where I am with Jacob right now, in fact. Little Dude wants to run. In stores, libraries, banks and, most especially, across parking lots. Something about the expanse of pavement really appeals to him. I can’t allow him to do this, as it is phenomenally unsafe. And so, after spending several minutes offering him choices and fruitlessly reasoning with him while everyone else waits, I have no choice but to hoist him up under my arm and undertake the walk of shame as he flails for all he’s worth.
I don’t know what everyone else thinks of me as I wrangle my wailing and writhing toddler. At this point, thankfully, I have honestly ceased to care. I avoid taking Jacob out in public as much as possible, do my best to smooth the transitions when I can’t avoid it, and then I accept the consequences. If someone else can’t handle my kid’s meltdown, they should just thank their lucky stars that they don’t live with him and vacate the area.
My boy
Putting myself in Jacob’s shoes, I see that he doesn’t enjoy the meltdowns, either. I ruin his fun at every turn. In response, he experiences a lot of frustration, and he’s not sure how to deal with it. It can’t be easy, containing all that emotion in such a small body. No wonder it spills out in loud and socially inappropriate ways.
Eventually, Jacob will get a better handle on his emotions. He’ll learn that I’m not stopping him from running into traffic just because I’m mean. I’ll be able to take him to such high-class establishments as the grocery store without it turning into a fiasco of epic proportions. But until that day comes, all I can do is avoid difficult situations whenever possible and wait my kid out. And, maybe, revel in his cuteness when he’s not screaming.
I could really use some commiseration. Share your own toddler tantrum stories, please! I know that I can’t be the only one who’s carrying her screaming child out of every building she enters. Can I?
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I’m right there with you! My son is almost 2 and I am getting a real taste of the tantrums lately. I wrote about our first public episode at the library a few weeks ago: http://ifoundmyfeet.blogspot.com/2011/03/me-aself-and-mine.html. The whole time I couldn’t help but laugh though. I couldn’t believe it was my child and I felt as though I was watching another family.
I can definitely relate, but now you’ve got me worried! Screaming and having to be carried out of places is a regular occurrence with my toddler, who is also fond of using all her strength to free her hand from my oppressive grasp so that she can run across parking lots. It sounds like we have a long road ahead of us, as mine is only thirteen months. I’m off to see about having groceries delivered to the house from here on out!
Melissa @ The New Mommy Files’s last post … Whats New Wednesday- On Kisses and Misses
I think toddlers are cute as a survival mechanism. Because honestly, if they weren’t, I don’t think we would have survived as a species.
The Poptart is pretty good out in public (so far, crossing fingers, eyes and toes), and I only had to carry her like a sack of potatoes once out of Zellers (while also lugging a bag of stuff and an xbox). It was after that I went to the aquarium and got her an otter backpack with a removable leash. Not that I drag her around, but if I let her walk more when she wants to (Like in parking lots) she’s more apt to be nice.
Now lets talk about the meltdowns at home. Oh. My. God. We usually just ignore them and she’ll eventually (within a minute or so) come to one of us for a hug and some quiet time.
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I’m so glad I’m not the only one. My just-over-two year old is the same way: tearing across parking lots, refusing to sit down in strollers or high chairs when we have to go out, refusing to leave a store, refusing to share–oh, it can be embarrassing! But I agree with you completely that, as moms, we do our best, we minimize the possibilities for disaster as much as possible, and so if people get offended–well, they should just be lucky it isn’t their toddler.
And yet, they should be so lucky to have such a toddler. My son was woke up full of sunshine this morning, just talking, talking, talking about everything he saw, and it was so delightful to see the world through his young, fresh, sunshine-y eyes. It more than compensates.
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I always hear people say things to toddlers like, “oh, it must be sooooo hard for you” sarcastically. I think it probably is very hard for them. They don’t like feeling frustrated, powerless, and upset. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have someone follow me all day and make so many choices for me. Given the circumstance that toddlers are in, I think their behavior is probably pretty reasonable.
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Oh yes I’ve been there. I rarely took my kids out when they were younger except to the park. I eventually got around the whole fiasco of leaving by having Tegan say “good bye” to the park. My trouble now with my 4 year old is that all she wants to do is leave stores, so I guess I have the opposite problem.
I don’t think those meltdowns always stop at the toddler years. Last week was spring break for us and our local pool offered a week of free swimming (thanks to Tim Hortons). The girls and I partook in this a few times over our week off. Who wouldn’t jump at the chance to swim for free when it normally costs us 20$. The first day we went to the pool was horribel. The girls didn’t want to leave. They were having so much fun. Alot of friends had joined us. There was a waterslide! I was the destroyer of all their fun. But we stayed until it was just about over and then made a hasty retreat to the change room to avoid the 200 and some other people that would be soon leaving the pool and needing to change. Both of the girls, 5 and 4 years old cried almost the entire time. I ignored them. I got myself dressed. Helped them get themselves dressed. Outside I told them that we wouldn’t be coming back this week. They stopped crying immediately. They understood!!! The next two visits they were perfect angels. No fussing. No crying. Smiles all around.
Hannah at four is much more capable of not having a melt down than her big sister Emma who is five. Emma has always been this way. When she was a toddler the mood of the day was set by how that little girl got out of bed! I admit, I was afraid of her and her moods for a couple of years. Now though, she is getting better. Way less often does she loose it. But last night she missed dinner because she lost the rock. papper, scissors match with her sister and lost the chance to have the blue plate at supper….the yellow and green plates were not wanted by her! She cried it out in her room for an hour and then managed to come to the table just fine….but ate alone.
I know this wont last forever…at least, I hope it doesn’t. I have faith that this too shall pass.
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You would have felt better if you spent time with us yesterday. We played at the park for almost an hour after my daughter finished pre-school and of course when it came time to go, my son (turned 2 on March 23) did not want to leave. I gave him the 5 minute warning, the 2 minute warning. Still when it came time to go he would not leave. He ran away from me. But when I started to walk away from him, he ran after me. This little toddler dance continued until finally I grabbed him kicking and screaming to the car.
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sooooo cute, so terrible
*pol’s last post … Crazy days are here again
Oh yeah, I have a tantrum-thrower too. Recently we saw friends who we hadn’t seen since our son was about 2, and she asked, “Is he still screaming and throwing all those tantrums?” Now, she’s a nanny, so she was asking out of professional curiosity, but it really made me think about the impression he was giving to outsiders. I had learned over time to deal with it, but others must really be judging, especially the childless. Yes, they are lucky they are so cute.
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A phrase often heard around my office when I’m complaining around a co-worker – “Kid, you’re lucky you’re cute and I love you… ’cause there’s a wolf pack with your name on it”.
I don’t actually say this to my son, but venting to others who have been there is oddly theraputic.
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I think your toddler and mine are pretty much exactly the same age (Lina is 3 at the end of May)… and YES! I was out with another mom a few weeks ago, and she was kicking and screaming and it took both of us to get her in her carseat! I don’t even remember where we were leaving. Transitions are the worst.
I already hate 3 years old.. and we’re not even there yet.
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My 2.5 year old is usually OK. It’s my 4, almost 5, year old that causes me so much trouble. I literally have to grip onto his hand anywhere we go, because if I don’t and he gets away from me, it’s all done for. It’s hard to get him back until he wants to come. Which tends to leave me flailing and screaming across parking lots, because there’s not much else I can do, or our front yard as he unlocks and darts out the door into oncoming traffic. It’s embarrassing for me and he thinks it’s a game. Yay, fun, wheeee! Not really.
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Thank you for the reminder. They truly are so cute and sometimes so emotional. I try so hard to empathize that mine feels out of control when the emotions get overwhelming. I am highly sensitive to sound and with three kids under 5 now, I’m going to invest in some earplugs. I’m not getting them so I won’t hear them, but just to take a little edge off the sound so I can parent more calmly when they most need a little calm.
Twitter: mustang_sabby
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My son will drop to the floor wailing if you ask him to do something he does not want to do, like take off his boots or coat, put them away in his cubby, or go sit at the table for dinner. Then, once ensconced on the floor, he will push himself, on his back, as far away as possible, dragging dust bunnies with him, all the while saying “No, mommy, I swimming.”
If he does not want something for breakfast, he will wail for all he is worth, lie on the floor, and say “NO! I no like it!” until we relent, and he is on someone’s lap, eating what we made.
He has also dropped into a meltdown in the middle of a parking lot puddle because I asked him to hold my hand while we walked into the store. Yay.
Asking him to go potty after his nap also created a meltdown, on the bathmat, crying for all he was worth. So I left him there, sitting just outside, waiting for him to calm himself down. I listened as he stopped crying, stood up, pulled down his pants and sat on the potty on his own. I poked my head around the corner, did not say a word, and he looked up, saw me, and began wailing “NOOOOO” for all he was worth, flailing off the potty back onto the bathmat. I surmised that perhaps he got caught doing what mommy wanted him to do, and was upset by it? Seems rather complex association for a 2.5 year old, however, so I was stumped.
You are not alone, my son is quite possibly the most stubborn toddler on the face of the planet. If he does not want to apologize, he will become mute. Asking him for a hug after time out elicits a stony glare. Telling him to stop doing something will make him do it more. His ears turn off when we ask him to clean up, or put something back, or not touch something. I hate yelling, but it happens… *sigh*
Being two is hard, I get it… All these emotions and desires are right there at the surface, but your poor wee hooligan doesn’t know how to deal with them. Whining becomes an outlet, because he doesn’t know how to use words to express how he feels. Meltdowns are when the emotion bubbles over.
In fact, I just carried Theo kicking, screaming and wailing out of the park, our standard exit. Thing that gets me is the louder the screams, the higher the likelihood that he’s exhausted. It took two of us to get him back in the stroller, and ten minutes later we was passed out snoring loudly.
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At the pool each week, since I have both kids, on the way we agree on a set of rules:
1. no screaming in the shower(!)
2. no running on the pool deck
3. no toys in the hot tub (pool rules)
4. we hold hands when we walk
Every week one of these rules get broken (not always the same one) and I am met with dealing with a soaking, slippery, writhing child while I try to keep the other from following suit! And then the pool acoustics amplify not only the screaming, but also my barely-controlled attempt at logic with said child (i.e. ‘The dive tank is too deep for you, honey!!!’). And this usually happens while a bunch of new mamas are in the pool with their happily cooing newborns as onlookers – on a bad day, these women are often my clients! It’s taken me until now to undertake the pool with two, and I feel like I have a pretty good handle on it even though it NEVER goes smoothly. But… whatever. I stopped caring about what people think about this stuff long ago!
Twitter: GreenSAHM
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My two year old is going through this phase right now too. This morning I had to take her screaming from my son’s kindergarten. She wanted to play on the playground and the school doesn’t let siblings play. Yesterday she was screaming because she wanted out of her carseat and into one of the regular seats.
She regularly kicks as I take her up for naps, and has started screaming every time I don’t put on her favorite YouTube video, which is the French version of a song called “Funny Bear.” I have my dear husband to thank for that obsession.
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Twitter: bitterindigo
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My kids just weren’t that tantrummy in general, but god knows it’s not because of anything I did right. I’ve seen my sister’s son throw himself down and smash hishead on a stone patio more than once, and we had the same upbringing and parent very similarly. I was also a stay-at-home Mom and didn’t have to do grocery shopping or go to IKEA when it was crowded and the kids were hungry – which some peope do have to. I never judge people with melting-down kids.
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Twitter: joyellebrandt
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We had to drag Gabe out of Chapters last week after he threw himself on the floor and started kicking everything in reach. And he’s almost 4. I feel your pain!
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It’s starting for us too…
I have to say that I have far more respect for parents that carry their kid out kicking and screaming than the ones that either a) stand by being completely ineffective and launching empty threats at their child while the child throws an epic tantrum or b) allows their child to run when it is completely inappropriate (I once witnessed a three-year-old run through our parking lot where I work, out onto the sidewalk, and get most of the way down the block before his mother was able to catch him. And it all started because she allowed him to run in the parking lot in the first place – then it became a game for him.)
Carrying a kicking and screaming child is just par for the course as a parent, as far as I’m concerned!
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Laughing at the “walk of shame” oh boy, do I know that one. We call it “maximum cuteness” in our household, as in, “it is a good thing he is approaching maximum cuteness” and yeah, the cuteness peaks just when the crazy peaks.
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Twitter: thejaninefowler
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You are such a phenomenal parent! Seriously, I love this post. The understanding and working to get his point of view – You seriously rock for that.
Twitter: pomomama
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it all started later with our wee guy … and it’s still ongoing, now that he’s too heavy to carry
(note to parents not to be too smug – #itcouldhappentoyou)
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Twitter: jennrobhall
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Oh my goodness Amber, my bambino currently has at least one meltdown every.single.day. Seriously, and it can be over the silliest things. The day before last it was because I wouldn’t go into the laundry room with him and close the door because his baby brother was in the living room. complete and utter meltdown for a good 15 minutes. I just keep trying to breathe and remembering that this too will pass. as you said, its a good things he’s so cute
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Twitter: ladymrules
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Oh yes, we’re well into the tantrum stage now too. He looks so much like Jon in that second picture!
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Great post on toddlers. I just LOVE two-year-olds, not only for their cuteness, but also because the are so curious and full of wonder. They are constantly learning and never complain of being bored. It’s very inspiring to me.
Sure, the tantrums and messes that they make are no fun, but the joys outweigh the annoyances by far!
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