Since I had kids, I’ve developed a few looks. I have the You’d Better Stop that Right Now or Else look, which often works even if no one’s exactly sure what the ‘else’ would be. I have the Trying to Look Serious and Failing look, because often kids are hilarious even when they’re doing something they really shouldn’t be – like, say, stripping naked for visitors and doing a little dance. And who could forget the It’s Okay, Mama’s Here look. That one gets pulled out for every wound, physical and spiritual, that my children endure.
In parenting I haven’t only honed looks that I direct at my kids. There’s also a look I pull out on a regular basis for my husband. It’s okay, though, because he pulls it out for me at least as often. It’s the Have you Seen What Your Child is Doing? look. Or, to put it another way, it’s the The Kids are Wild Things and I Can’t Handle Their Antics Please Deal With It look. Either way, it’s part accusatory and part informational, with a heaping helping of parental exhaustion on top.
Jacob got into my mascara just before a CBC reporter arrived – I pulled out a look
Right now Jon and Hannah are both at home for Christmas break, and Jacob is finishing off his last week of daycare, which is only part-time. While family togetherness over the holidays is lovely, it also increases the rate of looks that I find myself giving. And at the end of a long day that the whole family has spent together, indoors, Jon and I are shooting daggers at each other, and honing our own special, non-verbal language. But you don’t have to be an expert in linguistics or even human relationships to understand it. The complete fed-up-ness would be evident to anyone.
The funny thing about parenting is that you’re always pining for what you don’t have. When you’re working and your kids are at school or daycare, you think that there’s nothing you want more than to be at home with them, finger-painting and making playdough sculptures. When you’re all at home, all that you can think about is how you want a little bit of personal space and three minutes of quiet. When you’re out on a date night, you find yourself talking about nothing but your kids. When you’re with your kids, you find yourself talking about nothing but how you really need a grown-up night out. So often we’re too busy living in our fantasies and our memories to live in the moment.
The view from the hotel balcony where Jon and I spent our 10th anniversary – talking about our kids
It’s kind of understandable that you’d struggle to savour the moment, really. After all, the moment often involves a lot of messes, crying and accusatory looks from your partner. It’s not always that easy to savour. It’s why we take pictures – so that we can savour later, when it’s not so loud and sticky.
This is why I’m working on my next look. I call it the Where did the Time Go? look. I imagine that one day Jon and I will shoot this look at each other, like we currently shoot the Have you Seen What Your Child is Doing? look. We’ve already laid the groundwork on a few occasions – like Hannah’s first day of kindergarten and Jacob’s first sleepover with his grandparents. But there will plenty of opportunities in the future, I know. Both children will attend (and hopefully complete) school. Both kids will probably get their driver’s licenses, and have romantic relationships, and maybe even children of their own. And then, oh then, we will be all about Where did the Time Go?
Hannah feeling sick – I pulled out my Mama’s Here look
Right now, though, I’m busy dreaming of a tropical island someplace, where attractive young men bring me drinks, and I never have to remind anyone that we don’t draw on the floor. And where all of my looks fall into disuse, on account of the balmy weather and quiet. Family togetherness is lovely, and I truly adore Christmas, but I could use a little bit of alone time. I’ll spend it perfecting pensive looks that wordlessly communicate how very much I miss my family.
What looks have you perfected since having children? And what looks are you working on for the future – other than Magnum?
By the time I got to the end of this post, I was wearing my, “Now you’ve turned me into a blubbering mess!” look.
I know well every single look you’ve described here. And I’m sure my children and my husband know those looks well too.
I also know well the effort to savor more and to wish away less. I try and “breathe in” at least one moment with my children each day. (And sometimes, those moments only last for a single breath–HA!)
With that being said, I hope that I am perfecting the “I’m savoring this moment” look.