Before I start this post, I’m going to give some background. Girl Guides are the Canadian equivalent of Girl Scouts of the USA. Or, more accurately, Girlguiding UK. It’s a girl’s organization that emphasizes leadership, the outdoors and co-operation. And also? They sell cookies.
I first joined Girl Guides as a 6-year-old Brownie in 1982. My mother decided to sign me up – probably because she thought it would be fun. And it was. I made friends and learned songs and wore a cool brown uniform. I earned badges and went to camp where I cried the whole time. I made survival kits and Christmas ornaments that I’m pretty sure my mom still has.
Me as a new Brownie in 1982
I was a natural fit for Girl Guides. I like structure and rules and ritual. I can be socially anxious, so it’s awesome to have an organization to break the ice for me. I also love achievement and gold stars and nice red check-marks beside my name. The badges, insignia and program work of Guiding gave me all of that in spades.
I attended Brownies, then Guides, then Pathfinders, then Rangers. I signed up for the full meal deal, starting in grade 1 and finishing in grade 12 (in 1988 Guiding added Sparks for 5-year-olds, but that was after my time). I camped in the snow (miserable), in the rain (slightly less miserable) and in the sun (hardly miserable at all). I travelled internationally and helped out in other units and planned events and led campfires. Guiding was something that played a fairly significant role in my youth.
Making my Brownie promise on enrollment night
Once I graduated from high school and moved away to university my involvement waned. But when I finally finished engineering school I called the Girl Guide membership line and volunteered as a leader. I became a Brownie leader, and also a part-time Ranger leader, and immersed myself back in the world of Girl Guides. This time I was the one who took the girls to camp and taught the songs and awarded the badges. It was fun. The girls were awesome and I loved seeing them every week.
I was a Girl Guide leader for 5 years, continuing throughout my pregnancy with Hannah. In fact, I was supposed to take my Brownies swimming on the night that she was born, 6 weeks early. It was to be my last hurrah before I stepped down for a while. I got to make some frantic calls to other leaders from the hospital to make sure that all the parents would know not to come. Fun times.
Earning my All-Round Cord as a Girl Guide in 1988
With a newborn my involvement waned again, but I continued to pay my member fees. I knew that when Hannah was 5 and ready for Sparks I’d be back in it. So this summer, once again, I called the membership line and offered to volunteer. I bought uniforms and a program book and badge scarf. I got a call from a Sparks leader and I met with her and we made plans for our group.
And then the whole thing fell apart. There were a few reasons, but what it came down to was this: I have way too much on my plate. And really, so does Hannah. She’s starting kindergarten and soccer 2 days a week. That feels like more than enough for right now. Add in my work and other volunteer commitments, my book project, Jon’s work and an active 2-year-old and our family is way, way too busy. Even without me volunteering as a leader, another activity for Hannah would be too much right now.
Buying roses on a Guiding trip to Mexico in 1991
But I felt a lot of conflict over my decision. I’ve spent almost 30 years as a Girl Guide. I knew I couldn’t do it, but I also couldn’t pull the trigger. It finally came to a head when I melted down at a meeting with other Girl Guide leaders. It was so, so intensely embarrassing, becoming yell-y and agitated because of all the pressure I was putting on myself. As I walked out of the meeting, I knew I had to bite the bullet. But even as I knew it, I wrestled with it.
I had been planning to share Guiding with my daughter long before I was even married. How could my daughter not attend Girl Guides? How could I pull my kid out of this organization that I spent so much time in myself? What would the mosaic of girl-hood look like without uniforms and cookie sales and enrollment nights? And how could my inner joiner and my inner giver make peace with backing out?
Atop the Pyramid of the Sun in Mexico (Aside: how did that girl have body image issues?)
Once I finally worked up my courage and resigned, I discovered that Hannah was more than happy to pass up Sparks as long as she could keep her uniform and program book. And the other leaders completely understood where I was coming from. My stuff is my stuff, and (surprise surprise!) not everyone else shares it. A huge weight was lifted.
Thankfully, behaving badly in public is not the only legacy of my brief re-entry into Guiding. I learned that I do not have to overextend myself in the name of providing an experience to my daughter. In fact, it’s better for her if I don’t – a happy mother is a whole lot more fun to live with than a frazzled one. Any kid can tell you that. Now I can tell you that, too. I feel like I broke through the barrier of needing to ‘do’ and ‘please’, and that’s a powerful thing.
Maybe I’ll come back to Girl Guides at some point. Maybe I won’t. I’m cool either way – and that’s the part that matters.
Admitting that it’s time to walk away from something that you’re so passionate about is hard. Hopefully one day you’ll be able to go back.
I, too, signed up my daughter because Guiding was a huge part of my life. Your journey is the same as mine…Brownies all the way through to Rangers (I blogged about it here: http://mapsgirl.blogspot.com/2010/09/three-for-them-some-for-him-one-for-me.html)
But as for sparks, I’m not going to be a leader (at least not right now) as I need that 1 hour to myself.
So neat to find a blogger who were as involved as I was.
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Wow, that’s amazing! And such a great story! It’s so great that you still have those photos to look back on! I was a Brownie, but honestly I didn’t really enjoy it. I tried to quit twice. They convinced me to come back. So I finished my stint as a Brownie, but I decided not to “fly up” to Guides.
My daughter, however, would make a GREAT Girl Guide! She loves crafts and songs and I think she would love to earn badges. It is really hard to find any groups around here in my community, but I think I finally did find a Sparks troop. They meet on Monday nights, which works for us so I think I’ll do it. I know it will be a great experience for her… She is not me and I was a weird kid!
I’m glad you were able to acknowledge that this would be too much – for you and for your family. Sometimes you just have to know when enough is enough. Good for you!
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I promise that I will do my best
To do my duty to God
To serve the Queen and my country
To help other people
and to keep the Brownie/Girl Guide/ Ranger Guide law
I saw that picture of you as a Brownie, and the promise (at least the UK version of it) rolled off my tongue. It has been 22 years since I was involved in the Girl Guide Movt. I left at 19 when I came to the US. Oh happy times.Did you have a brown bobble hat as part of your Brownie uniform?
Sorry that you weren’t able to reentry yet. I wonder if we will even take our daughter. My husband was a scout. I know nothing of the Guide/Scout movement here other than the religious aspect which doesn’t marry with our humanist perspective. Letting go of it, at least for now sounds like a wise decision. There is so much pressure to have your kids enrolled in lots of activities. Thankfully, I have a little longer to think about it as my daughter is only 3.5 years old. Right?
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No brown hats of any kind, sadly. They used to have them, but they got rid of them maybe 10 years before my time, I think.
I’ve got nearly 10 years on you so that would make sense. Must dig out the pictures.
Tepary’s last post … Super Duper Crunchy Eco Beer
Awwww Amber you are so cute.
I never did Girl Scouts. Piano was my bag. (ugh) And it was a heavy one.
I struggle though… seeing how musically inclined BOTH of my children are… yet, my now 6-year old doesn’t want to take piano lessons. So how can I, who was forced into lessons for years (even though in retrospect, I wish I’d taken it more seriously, and love that I can play now), possibly make her take lessons if she doesn’t want to?
She’s in drama class (which she uber-loves and oh gosh it fits her personality to a T) and swimming lessons. Which, combined with brother’s swimming lessons, and school for both, and my work (and our business), and keeping our house livable, and the occasional time I might get to myself to blog… putting piano on the table doesn’t seem like such a hot idea.
But she’s good at it. And I always thought she’d play piano.
It’s a weird thing, this mothering. Sometimes, I wonder, as I observe my kids’ Montessori class & wish I were in it myself – a kid again. I experience them loving their swimming lessons, and remember back to swimming myself… I wonder, are we getting a second chance at life again through our kids?
I know they are their own people. They are themselves, yet we have so much influence on them. Its hard sometimes to know where my desires and hopes end and theirs begin… is it that I want everything to be perfect – just for THEM? Because I know it wasn’t perfect for me – so I want them to have the option, but is it in some way wanting them to do it right – for ME? Know what I mean…?
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I was in girlscouts for a few years, but moved in 7th grade and didn’t find a new troop. I only have a son so far, but I don’t think I’ll put him in boyscouts. Around here boyscouts tend to be geeky pyros. Based on Hubby and I’s personalities, our kids will probably tend towards geekiness naturally, so I think we’ll try to encourage them towards extracurriculars that balance that, not exacerbate it. Although we’ll let them do whatever activities they want probably!
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Wow, that’s an impressive guiding career! It sounds like you made the right decision to not enroll Hannah, you have to do what makes you happy. I was a girl guide but only for a couple of years. I really enjoyed the time I spent there. My daughter will be joining Brownies this year. I can’t believe you posted about your experience today – I just called to register her yesterday! Brownies in Ontario is for girls aged 7-8. I’m really looking forward to introducing her to the experience.
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I was heavy into guiding too – although I never made it to Rangers. I too have also been planning on my kids involvement with guiding/scouts from way before they ever existed. And now that they’re actually here in the flesh, I’m not so sure I can manage it. Yet another pre-child parent thing. I’ll have to see what happens. I still have a bit to think on it.
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Bobs & I first met at a Girl Guide camp! I stayed with the organization until Pathfinders – basically because I REALLY wanted to go on the week-long horseback riding trip!
I often wonder how my childhood experience will play into whether or not I try to steer my own kids into certain activities. Enjoyed reading about your experience…and seeing all the pics!
Glad to hear that you did the best thing for you in the end. It is easy to take on too much.
I am slightly jealous of your involvement in Guides. It was much too organized for my parents to allow me to particiapate but I kind of always wanted to.
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I didn’t get to do Brownies. And my Guiding was short. And my 4-H was even shorter. But oh how I wanted to to those groups! I loved the badges, the uniforms, the crafts, the camping, the events! I loved the being prepared, being knowledgeable thing! BUT my parents didn’t share my enthusiasm and inevetably there would be a conflict with one of THEIR events and I’d have to drop out. Painful but true.
More recent history though, my sons. I wanted to enroll them in ANYTHING they wanted because I didn’t want to rob them of anything they were passionate about, especially character or skill developing things. Guess what? They weren’t interested in the least. It pained me and I signed them up for stuff that I thought would be “good for them” in the early years. Karate, day camps, library club, stuff like that. But other than the museum workshops, they LOATHED going! They would kick and scream and whine. And no amount of pleading that they would LOVE IT if they gave it a chance worked. SO I dropped them out. And I hated the quitting.
THEN AFTER THE GUILT PASSED, a weight was lifted, the boys were happier with their own activities at home, and I was happy not taxi-ing them to things they were miserable going to.
It still makes me a little wistful that they are past so many of the opportunities at 9 and 13 year of age…..
*pol’s last post … Salsa Revelation!
I too was a Brownie (I was a Sprite!) and Girl Guide (I was a Blue Jay!). I too got much out of it, with camping and volunteer work. I have a picture just like yours where I received my All-Round Cord in 1989. I was never so proud. But then, I stopped. I did not go on to Pathfinders. Horses took over my life, and I couldn’t do both. Horses won.
I’ve been thinking more about Guiding and Scouts Canada lately, now that I have a son who, in a few years, could very well get into Scouting, like I did in Brownies (We didn’t have Sparks either. Way before my time). Do we put him into Scouting? How much time will this require, on top of any sports he does? Will this be a commitment for me as well as my hubby, or will hubby bear the brunt of the organization for us to participate. It is a big commitment, and not taken lightly, as you are influencing young people in a leadership role.
It was a tough decision for you to back away, and give yourself some space. You should be proud of that, and it never means you can’t go back. Is there a rule that says a girl can’t be a Brownie if they weren’t a Spark? Can she go back when she is a bit older? Sometimes I think we put kids into things like Guiding (or Scouting) too early, and with the uniforms and all the “rules”, it can be hard for a preschooler to focus and understand the path. She may just not have been ready.
A kid can join at any time. You could theoretically walk into the last year of Rangers and start, never having been in Guiding before. I’ve actually seen it happen, in fact.
So, really, there’s nothing permanent here, even if it felt like a REALLY BIG DEAL at the time.
PS. I think it’s very cool that Lolo reads your blog. My family LOVES Bobs & Lolo!
*pol’s last post … Salsa Revelation!
I think it’s pretty cool, too, I must say.
Simplifying your life feels amazing when needed! So happy to hear you finding peace in that
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Love the photos.
Good for you for realizing you had to step back and make things easier, not harder for yourself.
M’self, I only lasted a couple of years in Brownies. I didn’t like the uniform or the rituals or the anything about it. It felt like a bad combination of church and school to me. But before I quit, they did teach me to braid, a skill that has come in more than handy over the years.
I loved being a Brownie and Girl Guide. My friends now are putting their girls in Sparks and Brownies and I feel a teensy bit jealous.
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Yay, your blog worked for me today!
I was in Guides too. I only did Brownies and Girl Guides though. I felt after Girl Guides was over that I didn’t want to continue, but your photos bring back great memories nevertheless. And I loved the outdoors aspect. I was going to sign my daughter up for Sparks to but it looks like the close by group is full so I would have to go out of my way to take her to a different group. Since we are already pretty booked up with extra-curriculars and work and blog and family needs attention too, I have decided I can’t do it all and will maybe just try next year for Brownies. And really, if I want her to follow in my footsteps, why start her earlier than I did?
I was a Brownie and my mom was a Brown Owl. Total embarassment! Those photos are just fantastic.
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Those are great photos! Good for you for knowing when to walk away from something even if you planned it for years.
I was never a Girl Scout though I was forced to go to a meeting once. I have always been an anti-conformist and died a little inside when I was told I’d have to wear a uniform. I was eight.
Funny timing, we’re going to our first scouting meeting this Friday with my son for a hike. Course it isn’t Boy/Girl Scouts though. It is a local alternative (a hippie/crunchy nature based scout alternative) one that is co-ed and supports equal rights, welcomes alternative families and welcomes non-Christians – unlike the classic US Girl/Boy Scouts. No cookies though & the pledge is more “protect Earth” oriented rather than country/god stuff. We’ll see if it is loose enough for me, I don’t like to conform even within the hippie/crunchy crowd, lol.
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Our Italian version is simply called “scouts”, its a mixed gender group, and I’m really sorry that my kids are missing out on that experience (the nearest group is too far from us), which was one of the most important social and growing experiences I did, as it was all rooted on concrete altruistic values.
Interesting post Amber, I love this snippets of life.
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Good for you. It’s hard to know what parts of one’s childhood are important to replicate for the actual activities, for memory’s sake, or whatever. I’ve started Q-ster on piano, which was a huge part of my childhood, but we’ll see how it goes from there. Maybe soccer too, since it was a big part of SwingDaddy’s childhood.
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Oh, that brought back memories, Amber! I loved being a brownie and clearly remember all of the fun we had. When my daughter was about 7 she joined brownies and I became their leader.(Tawny Owl playing the role of Brown Owl. Towit, towit, towoo!)
We both loved it. But, like you, I became busy juggling the activities of two children and it fell by the wayside as her pottery, art classes, and Ringette (a form of girls’ hockey) took over. And our son was keen to play hockey and basketball and any other sport he could convince us to enroll him in. And, of course, being good westcoast kids, they both had to have swimming lessons every year.
Having too many activities can frazzle a family but it’s hard to give up the idea of some of them, especially if it’s something that fits the child. My theory was always that I would rather have a well-rounded child than one who concentrated on only one thing. “It will be nice for you to know how to do these things when you’re an adult. You can enjoy these activities for the rest of your life,” was my mantra. Sounded good but, in the case of my athletically gifted son, it didn’t work. Oh, yes, he was involved in track and field, played football, volleyball, basketball, and a little tennis but his true love was hockey. And, because it took up too much family time, we finally took him out of Rep. (4 times a week.) We wanted to ski as a family and couldn’t go as our weekends were always tied up at the rink. And we didn’t feel it was fair for our daughter to spend so much time there. Yes, we had fun skiing and doing other things , but he didn’t get the icetime in regular (twice a week) hockey that the other good players got and that was the end of that dream. He did, however, go on to be a high school basketball star and that was fun for all of us as we’re a basketball family.He also was recruited to play college ball and played for a short time.
I don’t think he ever quite forgave us, though, and today still believes he “could have been a contenda”. And maybe he’s right. Our 15 yo old grandson follows in his footsteps and has just been signed for the Western Hockey League. That’s a very big deal, and both my son and grandson are thrilled. So much for my “well-rounded” theory. It doesn’t fit for the small minority, the talented ballet dancer, athlete or musician who passionately wants to reach the top of his or her field. They need to focus and practice on that one thing. And, as parents, we have to have the wisdom to recognize the difference over time between disinterested, interested, good and outstanding. And that the child’s committment and fire can lead the way. And, yes, my grandson is one injury away from that NHL dream. But he wants to try and we support him. What a journey this has been!
I always wanted my children to play piano but that didn’t fly, although as a family we always sang in the car together and Jim and I would play the guitar badly and sing at parties with our friends. (Yeah, we’re part of THAT generation). So music was a big part of our life. If I wasn’t singing, I had music playing and it’s so funny to realize that my children grew up learning the lyrics to all of my favourite songs and can still belt them out today, which I find strangely endearing.They know the soundtrack of my adult life!
My adult daughter has shown wisdom in juggling her two children’s activities. She works outside the home (after having a home-based business when they were small) and, as well-organized as she is, says two activities per child is all the family can handle without flying apart. She said she felt enormous pressure, both internally and externally, to put her children in more activities.There is always something they’ll miss out on, isn’t there? And we want them to try things..and stick to things ..and let go and try new things. And so it goes, generation after generation. Involved parents usually want to let their children discover and be exposed to all of the wonderful things life has to offer and to “follow their bliss”. That’s the beauty of early childhood “drop-in” programs. It’s just a little hard to get around to everything!
So, Amber, good for you for recognizing that you have limits .And, I wish I could tell you that there is a magic formula for figuring out what is best for each child and for the family as a whole. It’s trial and error for sure. But, if you follow the child, the clues are there. And, as you’ve just told us, the clues as to what’s best for you are in your heart and gut, too. Trust yourself. You’re doing a GREAT job!
at the risk of sounding just like my mother, there will be plenty of time for Hannah (and you) to get back into guiding. i’m sorry you’ve had to (painfully) give up something – i’ve been giving up much loved ‘stuff to do’ regularly since SAH-mothering has imposed yet another time crunch. some years it felt like i was being whittled away to nothing more than a parenting stump ….. but this year (yes, 7 years on, and only one child) i feel like i’m reclaiming a little bit but being more focused. working smarter not longer
maybe i can get this thing to work?
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Who hasn’t had an experience where they’ve exploded because something had become too much for them? I for one know that the “trying to please everyone” complex that so many women cope with has come around to bite me in my bottom many a time. I agree with you that you don’t need to overextend yourself; in the last year, I’ve resigned from volunteer positions, said no to outings and learned that I do not need to spend time with people who I don’t have a good time with. I realize that Oprah has been saying something like this for years: that it’s okay to say no. And I think this is a great example to set for our children too . . . it’s a good thing to know when to say enough is enough.
What a fun story! I love the last picture of you! You look amazing!
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This was a real trip down memory lane for me I too remember all the brownie, guide and ranger uniforms from my own experiences in the UK, my 2 daughters went through rainbows, which was before brownies this didn’t exist when I joined in the 1970′s in rainbows they had to wear tunics over their own clothes as a uniform, they both went to brownies aswell and now my 19 year old daughter has volunteered to be brownie helper, so the story goes on