It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! September’s theme is relationships. Because having the right people in our corner can make all the difference. This week I’m talking about sharing your dreams with the people you meet.
I’ve mentioned before that when I decided to craft a new path that I felt at a bit of a loss in certain social situations. When someone asks what I do, how do I answer? I could say that I’m a stay-at-home mom, and that’s partly true. I could say that I’m an aspiring book author, and that’s partly true. I could say that I’m a freelance social media consultant, and that’s partly true. But what feels most true to me is to say that I am in a dreaming and seeking phase. I don’t have a clear-cut title or goal at this point in my life.
There is value to spending time in this place where there are more questions than answers. I feel much closer to the essence of who I am than I ever have in my adult life. I am becoming much more in tune with what makes me tick and what makes my heart sing. These are good things. I think that occasionally spending time in this in-between place where you don’t really have a plan carries great value. But it also isn’t that easy to explain at a cocktail party. Or so I presume – I don’t exactly go to cocktail parties.
As much as I’m gaining from this dreaming phase, it feels very personal to lay out my passions for someone I’ve just met. I have only just gotten used to even giving voice to them for myself. I don’t necessarily want feedback from others. I feel safe in this blogging space, because it feels like chatting with the most supportive of friends. But the other moms at the playground? That’s a different story.
In spite of my fears and my vulnerabilities, I think that it’s an excellent practice to talk to strangers about who I am and what I’m doing. There are a few reasons I feel this way:
1. In order to explain myself to others, I need to have a succinct definition for myself. It doesn’t have to be True For All Time, but for right now it’s good to have a sentence or two that describe what you’re about. It forces you to be clear with yourself.
2. When you’re crafting a life for yourself outside of traditional working work, it involves self-promotion. Actually, all of life involves self-promotion. I might as well get practice by being open to discussing my dreams with the people I meet. I love Danielle LaPorte’s advice on this front: radiate and state the facts.
3. Other people are usually very nice, and they can give you great feedback. I am often surprised by how people react to the blog posts I write. I think I’m saying one thing, but people are clearly reading something else entirely. If I don’t speak with other people, I can get very caught up in my own head and overlook other perspectives.
4. You never know who can help you. If you tell that other mom at library storytime about your dreams, she may just turn out to be someone who can make them happen. This is the real magic behind ‘putting it out there’. The more people that you tell, the more that you live your life out loud, the easier it will be for your people to find you and for your dreams to become reality.
I know that sharing my dreams is a good thing, but that doesn’t always make it easy. I still wrestle with my fears and insecurities. But I remind myself that learning a new skill takes time and practice. I’m taking this time to master dreaming, and sharing those dreams with others. As I practice I meet some truly fabulous people. I build relationships and make connections, which see me through when I’m not sure I can do it. And that? Having people to hold me up when I need them? That is worth every bit of the lump-in-my-throat fear that rises when I lay my heart bare for the playgroup.
What about you? Have you ever struggled to define what you do for others? How have you overcome that? Please share!
September’s Crafting my Life series is about relationships. On the last Thursday of the month, which just happens to be the 30th, I will include a link up. To participate, write a post on creativity anytime in September, or track down a post you’ve written on the subject sometime in the past, and add yourself to the list. Then read everyone else’s ideas and thoughts and be inspired! Check out the link-ups from January, February and March to get a feel for how it works.
I’ve always hated having to define myself, since I’m always changing and so are my interests and activities. I hate to be pigeonholed, and it actually prevents me from moving forward sometimes. I used to run a literary magazine, and I hated to be pegged as just “that person with the literary magazine” when I knew that i was also a person who DJ’ed, played music, and painted. And now, I fear doing things like releasing my music or original fiction into the world, for fear I’ll be pigeonholed as a person who writes only “that kind” of book or “that kind” of music. It’s silly, I know.
If I were you I’d say that I was a writer, public speaker and a stay at home mom. I don’t particularily feel the need in my life to explain what I do for a living. I tell people where I work and explain what I do if they ask, but my experience has been that most people don’t ask for more details..lol. I guess I’m not all that interesting!
Tanya’s last post … Pockets of time
I know I am one of those people that goes off on a tangent after reading your posts. Then I go back and re-read to discover my mistake. But that having been said, I always get something valuable and insipring (even with the misinterpretaions!)
When tackling the idea of my “title”… my very favourite one to describeme as a work-at-home mom is “Business of Life Manager” I’m sorry I don’t remember where I read it, but it stuck like glue for me! I am not a happy SAHM when that’s all I’m doing (sorry kids, I need outside adult interaction apart from the mommy gig sometimes), but the whole life management suits me just fine. Running the finances, decor, shuttling for school events, pursuing my creative side, gardening, finding time for husband & friends and running my freelance graphic design from home all fit comfortably into the Business of Life Manager Title.
I am so happy you are overcoming your fears to share your dreams with people outside your regular friends network, that is a valuable skill. Like you say, you never know who can help you get where you want to be! I call that “putting it out to the universe” the universe always provides, if you give it as many chances as possible, right?!
You got my mind going again….
*pol’s last post … More busy days
I should have used “I am in a dreaming and seeking phase” when I recently went to a meet-up with others in the entrepreneur stage because that is exactly where I am too! Recently I shared one of my dreams with someone which I don’t do often because you wonder if the other person is going to think you are crazy. The funny thing is I got a wonderful reaction, which I most certainly did not expect. What a wonderful surprise. I’m learning putting yourself out there is the way to go. I believe it allows your dreams in, and a whole lot of love and support too!
Have a great day from one dreamer and seeker to another!
Wendy Irene (Give Love Create Happiness)’s last post … New Blog Friends
“I think I’m saying one thing, but people are clearly reading something else entirely”
Having an alternate reader is so important for writing. And I don’t do it enough, er, ever – when it comes to my blog writing.
A good editor is worth her weight in gold.
I’d love to be an editor – what an awesome job!
But, I digress.
Absolutely put your info out there, and people will help you. Things aren’t coincidental. When you need something, and ask for it, the answer will find you. the universe works that way – like attracts like. positivity attracts positivity.
Okay, off to play “giant” to my kids hiding in their fort.
I just love your writing, as usual.
-kelly
kelly @kellynaturally’s last post … Car Trip Fun
Love the topic!
Interesting side note, because relationships aren’t necessarily about sales per se. I worked with a woman at ArtStarts who follows my blog and takes a keen interest in my son. She noticed he was wearing a wonderful cap one day and tracked back to Chillmonkeys. Turns out she and Alexis are both from a peanut of a Northern BC town. Naturally, she bought a hat
harriet Fancott’s last post … What I learned on my summer vacation
I am regularly struggling with this. I’m also in a stage of my life where I am try to do what I love and see what follows. I am attempting to leap and all opportunities and have been desperately trying to shake of the “I don’t know who I am” appearance. Opportunity loves confidence. So I’ve been trying to bathe myself in it. When I am asked what I do, I now respond tha I am a Garden Blogger. Which inevitably leads to the ‘what does that mean?’ question. This is where I used to fall apart. Now i say I am a gardener, freelance writer and photographer.
It’s almost easier to start on strangers. Here writing my description down, I hesitate. I know you in real life. Knowing a person makes it harder to say. It’s not that it’s not true, just that it’s hard to be confident about it when it’s all so new. You feel like you have to justify the change in title. It’s definitly confidence saping.
Note: I didn’t delete this response. Almost did
Laura’s last post … Wordless Wednesday- The Object of my Desire
I’m really, really glad you didn’t delete it.
However difficult it may be to explain whatever it is I do now to earn a living (freelancing and working at home, mostly writing and editing what I usually refer to as “education stuff” but also teaching creative writing), nothing compares to the awful awful awfulness of telling people what I did when I had my last job. Whomever I was talking to never thought that I was telling them about something terrible, but I was miserable. I didn’t want to be identified with THAT job, but the truth was, that job WAS my job. I like it so much better now that I’m not pinned down by any specific identity.
Anyway, thanks for these ideas. I read #1 and thought, so true! And then #2, so true! And so on.
I’m a late bloomer. This may give you hope or just sound like crazy rambling, but I’ve had careers…glamorous ones. They weren’t me. When I became a mom I found — for the first time — something that I had a talent for, which is not to say I’m a perfect mom by any stretch, but it’s the best I’ve ever been at anything. I studied with an amazing mentor and then found that I loved teaching parents what I had learned. So, I was a stay-home mom, who worked a tiny bit — sharing what was working so well for me.
Then, almost one year ago I was encouraged to write. Writing has been a dream of mine for many years, but I never thought that I could really do it. Writers write, and I had no confidence to write so I wasn’t a writer. Well, once I started (because a web designer donated a site to me) I found that I have ZILLIONS of things to write about…and my writing has slowly improved. I’m 51. I just want anyone reading to know that there’s LOTS OF HOPE for all of us to find our way. Sometimes we just have to be patient. Whether there are 10 or 10,000 people reading what I write, I’m living my dream. So, hang in there! Amber, thanks so much for this post…
janetlansbury’s last post … Toddlers Invent The Silliest Games And 33 More Reasons To Let Babies Play Their Way
The first time I explained to someone that I was a stay-at-home mom was during a phone conversation with a guy at the credit card company — he was just filling out his form and couldn’t care less, I’m sure, but it took me about 10 minutes to blubber around and finally state, “I am a stay-at-home mom. I have no employer. I make no money.”
I still often think, there has got to be a better term for what I do.
Betsy’s last post … Chocolate Juice – Some Thoughts on Parenting
I’m trying to identify what my next role should be too, and it’s not easy. Good luck!
Lady M’s last post … Five Green and Speckled Frogs
One thing I found as a WAHM or whatever label is out there for someone who works outside the norm while raising the children and essentially being a stay at home parent is that people struggle to understand that my business is actually important to me. Often people struggle to believe that I actually do work and hard at that. And funnily I get that mainly from other mothers. I wonder why.
Mel’s last post … Thankful Friday
All true. I don’t know that I have a succinct definition for myself, and I know that I’m very vague when people ask me what I do. Perhaps I should really join twitter, and tweet about it:)
Francesca’s last post … all-well-now cake
occasionally i define myself as running a small home-based business but most of the time i don’t mention it much … which is sad cos it would prob be great networking. for some crazy reason i sometimes don’t feel that my little business is much more than a hobby (cos everyone makes jewelry!) but i also realise that it’s more than that, and really i’m being stoopid to think so.
i’ve stopped apologising for being ‘just’ a SAHM and find it sad that in this day and age mums who stay at home are almost obliged to have some kind of entrepreneurial ‘thang’ going on too to make their mere existence worth while. i recognise in myself, and probably for a lot of stay-at-homes, existing solely on childcare/housework/domestic drudgery is not satisfying/stimulating but worry that there is now a huge pressure on women who stay at home to take on yet more roles and responsibility.
in all honesty, there aren’t too many occasions where i have to classify myself and what i do. depending on the circumstances i will either say i work from home, or i run my own business, or simply that i’m at home with my son – all of which encourage further questions and conversation.
pomomama’s last post … friday forte- to helicopter or not to helicopter
Actually, I’m still struggling to define what I do, what I WANT to do for myself. I bat myself back and forth like a birdie- and there are all these aspects of myself competing for a swat. But we don’t quite have a winner. Just when I think I’m getting closer, something happens that changes my course for me. (Example: I was supposed to start school this semester but did not get everything approved and ready to go due to an error in the system- truly.) When things like this happen, I wonder if I was doing the right thing. Obviously everything happens for a reason. Was the reason a sign that I was moving in the wrong direction?
Thanks for sharing this!! Thanks for sharing you!