Today is the last day of my Carnival of Maternity Leave! I have two more stories to share with you, sharing two very different experiences of being home with a new baby. They show us how maternity leave can be very isolating, or it can be a time of togetherness for a family.
Susan is a first-time mom of a little boy. She normally works from home, but even for her the experience of having a small baby is isolating. As she writes in her post Isolation and insanity during maternity and parental leave, she feels cut off from her friends but is uncomfortable attending playgroups. She has enjoyed the chance to spend these early days with her son, but she’s also concerned about how the leave has affected her career. Here is part of what she has to say:
The feeling of isolation is a real one, even for someone like me who usually keeps to myself and works from home. The only time we get a visitor is when we send out an invitation. I understand that our friends don’t want to inconvenience us but it has been over 8 months now and I sort of wished that more people would visit or ask us out. It sort of makes you think that your friends no longer want to hang out with you as much because you have a baby. They probably assume we are too busy but the reality is we are longing for company and socializing.
Susan is using her blog to vent her frustrations and reach out. I know that a lot of new moms do that now, myself included. We feel cut off from our old lives, so we reach out online. It’s great that we have this option, this way of relating with each other.
Rebecca, on the other hand, has had a very different experience. She is a stay at home mom, so she doesn’t qualify for maternity leave. However, her husband’s employer provides a top-up to parental leave, and so he has been able to spend 9 months at home following the birth of their second child. In Parental Leave Update, Rebecca talks about how much their family of four has enjoyed spending these months together. Here is an excerpt:
But the best part? We get to spend so much quality time with the kids. We have 2 hour breakfasts and coffee together in the morning. We make plans for the day on the fly, based on weather or whatever grabs us that day. We go for walks with the kids with no start or end time. My husband and I talk all the time about the kids, about our plans, about politics, education – about anything and everything. And we aren’t stressed.
I think it’s fabulous that Rebecca’s family has been able to have this time together. I really wish that more fathers were willing or able to take these sorts of leave from work. While we are able to share parental leave in Canada, every week that a father uses is a week that the mother can’t use. Combine that with financial constraints and career concerns, and most men don’t use parental leave. The situation is different in Quebec, where fathers receive dedicated leave, and I wish we had a similar scheme in the rest of the country.
There is a real spectrum of maternity and parental leave experience. Having a new baby really does bring with it the highest highs and lowest lows, and by extension we experience these things during our leave. It has been amazing to read about everyone else’s highs and lows, I’m so grateful to everyone who participated. If you haven’t read all the posts, go and check them out! You’ll be glad you did. You can find a complete list in my carnival welcome post.
You might remember that I promised chocolate to one participant. Excluding myself, there were 19 posts included in the carnival. I plugged that number in at random.org, and it came up with lucky number 8. Counting down from the top, that means the winner is Nicole! Congratulations, and thanks again to everyone who played along. 
Congratulations on a fascinating carnival!
I really enjoyed the carnival. Thanks.
I think that in our society maternity in general can be a very isolating experience. The way families have fragmented into little nuclear units, distance, the fast pace of life etc all result in women who are truly alone and isolated with their newborn, often the very first baby ever they get to hold in their life. The needs of those mothers, of mothers in general, are not addressed at all, and sometimes I think we are lead to believe that the focus of maternity (from the latin “mater”!) is just the baby, and how to properly stimulate him/her. A good mother needs to be first and above all a happy woman, or a woman at peace. Amber, I hope this makes sense, I’m having computer related problems and cannot reread (next life, before becoming a mother and a blogger I’ll make sure to be a computer expert)
.-= Francesca´s last post ..Sea treasures =-.
goodness, perhaps I am subconciously a computer expert already: somehow a link to my last post appeared in my comment above! How did that happen?!
.-= Francesca´s last post ..Sea treasures =-.
These have been really great posts — thank you for organizing! Although everybody’s perspective and experiences have been different, it’s so very clear that every single one is passionately engaged in motherhood…which kind of makes maternity leave an oxymoron. It should in fact be maternity begins!
I thoroughly enjoyed the series. I had intended to participate but then had a pretty crazy week with my Dad being in the hospital.
I look forward to any other projects you may work on.