In the past I have blogged about my daughter Hannah’s hair, and my relationship to it. I’ve blogged about that time she took matters into her own hands with her blunt-nosed safety scissors. I have blogged about my own hair, and my relationship with it. And I blogged about my son Jacob’s first haircut at 9 months.
I talk about hair a lot, yo. I may have some hair issues. One thing that I haven’t really talked about though is the length of my son’s hair. I have rather a lot of mixed feelings about it. See? Hair issues.
When the hair gets in the eyes it’s haircut time
I believe that children should be allowed to make their own decisions about their hair, within reason. The reason sets in when their decision is to never wash or brush it, or to set it on fire. But beyond basic hygiene and safety, hair is just … hair. It grows back. It belongs to the person whose head it adorns and it’s not worth getting worked up about. If Jacob decides to let his hair grow long, I will be cool with that decision. I think. I won’t know for sure until I get there, but I can say that I won’t take the scissors to his head in his sleep or anything. I’ll honour his choice.
But Jacob is only 23 months old. This means that he’s too young to really offer hair-related feedback. It falls to my husband and me to decide on Jacob’s hairstyle at this point, and we have opted for the traditional boy haircut. It’s easy to care for, and it’s just all around easy. People don’t confuse his gender or make veiled comments. Periodic trips to the kids’ cut place at the mall keep his head socially acceptable.
Jacob does not enjoy having his hair cut
The only problem with Jacob’s short hair is that I can’t cut it myself. Toddlers are wiggly and I am not that good. I’m afraid I would take a chunk out of him with my scissors. So I take him to the pros and they do a good job in a short time, even though he doesn’t sit still and he periodically finds the whole thing very sad. Like most toddlers, Jacob does not enjoy having his hair cut. Even the seat shaped like a car and the TV blaring an episode of Dora at top volume are not enough to overcome his distaste.
Hannah has had exactly two professional haircuts in her 5 1/2 years. One of them was just a bang trimming. Jacob has had 4 professional cuts in his 2 years, and all of them were the full meal deal. This is the irony of little boys – their hair is a pain in the neck. If you keep their hair short you need to cut it frequently, starting at a young age. They don’t like it, you feel kind of bad, and you’re shelling out for it. Jacob has cost me far more in haircuts, and suffered far more for beauty, than his big sister has in more than twice the number of years on earth.
Everything’s golden once the haircut is over
I feel torn about Jacob’s hair. I am imposing my choices on him, and he’s not enjoying it. Although it does simplify the day-to-day considerably, since I never have to comb out tangles or style his long and flowing locks. Maybe it pays off in the end for him to spend 10 unhappy minutes in the barber’s chair every 10-12 weeks. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe I just hate that he hates haircuts and I’m overthinking the whole thing. Maybe I should let his hair grow until he decides to cut it off for himself. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Conflict. Inner turmoil. Gender issues. Hair issues. I am at a loss. I need help. So, tell me. Do you have a son? Do you keep his hair short? Does he have input into that? And how does he feel about hair cuts?
I hear you about cutting hair. I attempted Ari’s first hair cut at one year and it looked really silly. Since then Wil (Ari’s dad) has done subsequent hair cuts. Then finally, at 2 years old, we got his first professional hair cut. He was pretty good, he whined etc. but he was close to a nap. He was much worse when we tried to cut it. I think he prefers his hair long like Jacob!
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We got a hair-cutting kit, which comes with a razor and different sized comb attachments. It’s almost impossible to cut anyone with it or mess up. If my husband can cut my 4 year old’s hair, who won’t sit still for anything, we can cut anything. This works for our boys, but my daughter will have to have hers professionally cut when she’s old enough. I don’t want to mess that up. She’s doesn’t have enough yet, though, to worry about.
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I cut both of my boys’ hair, but I only do a good job with one of them. And it’s not really a “good job”–it’s more that his hair is so curly that it hides most of my mistakes.
My curly-haired child is 4, and he often asks to have his hair cut when it starts to get a bit long. I don’t know if it makes his head hot or what (and he has a lot of thick, curly hair), but he seems to prefer the length to be about 3-4 inches long.
My straight-haired child is another story. His hair texture, style, and even color is a lot like Jacob’s, except that my hair-cutting skills are far inferior to Jacob’s hair stylists’ skills. So his haircut is not as…neat as Jacob’s.
I think that I may have to get it professionally done sometime soon, just to clean it up a bit.
And as far as me imposing “gendered hair styles” on my kids…I struggle with this one too. I don’t know how to reconcile it entirely with my feminist sensibilities except to say that if they choose to let their hair grow out one day, I’m all for it! But since I have the responsibility to care for it now, I’ll keep it shorter–especially for my tangle-prone curly-haired child!
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I don’t have a son but I look at how adorable Jacob looks with his new cut! He looks like a little boy instead of a baby…awwww. It never occurred to me that a hair cut would be imposing anything on a child. Both my girls cried at their first ones but now that they know our hairdresser they are fine. I know the first hair cuts are hard on momma but don’t worry, the crying about the haircut will stop eventually as this becomes more a part of his life/routines.
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I also cut my kids’ hair. Mostly b/c I am cheap. #1 son has gone to t he kiddie salon a couple times because he has straight, thick hair and my mistakes are obvious but #2 has curls and I can trim them easily if I move fast…curly hair is forgiving. He had gorgeous long curls until a few months ago and then he wouldn’t let us wash them. Heck, even the 4 y/o makes a fuss about washing.
Seems like w/a lot of kids it’s not a gendered thing…my mom kept my hair short until I was in grade 7 because my personal hygiene was sketchy. I can see myself doing that too. I have a cousin who got his kids’ hair buzzed into short mohawks and dyed the colour of their choice every summer. Then buzzed again when school started.
I like the idea of the home haircut kit – my parents have one and I should learn to use it.
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We take both of our boys to the woman who cuts our (my husband and my) hair. They have gone several times to see me or my husband have a haircut. Then, when it’s time for them to go, we make them appointments in the same place, with the same person, in the same chair. For the first several cuts, they sat on either my lap or my husband’s, and after the cut was done, she gave the boys those little bottles of water. They didn’t love it, but they also knew that it was safe and we were there with them. We tried one time to go to a kid’s cut place, and we all hated it. We’ll stick with our regular lady for as long as she’ll have us.
Oh, Amber! I feel your pain. I’ve started taking my 17-month old for professional haircuts for the same reason–he’s just so darn wiggly. I had been all prepared to have a shaggy-haired boy. I actually like long hair on boys. But his hair is so fine and wispy at this point that long hair doesn’t look good on him. Also, it’s a pain to detangle. So until his hair gets a bit thicker, we’re keeping it semi-short, and I’ll keep paying someone else to do it.
I do agree with you, though, that kids should have a say in how their hair looks. I never did when I was a kid, and I really resented it. But in order to have a say, my son is going to have to learn to talk first.
(Here’s my recent post about our first professional haircut: http://the-arkansas-traveler.blogspot.com/2010/06/colins-first-haircut.html. I think we might have gone to the same chain.)
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Oh, I feel your pain in this post! My oldest was born with a full head of gorgeous, thick hair and needed his first hair-cut at 6 months, with regular trims every 8 weeks or so after that. Fortunately, he was a pretty mellow baby and very tolerant of the cuts. He’s 10 now and he’s had a mohawk, a mop-top, and hair almost to his shoulders. He currently sports a “faux hawk” and looks darn cute with it. I pretty much let him make his own hair decisions because I really like and trust our beautician. My youngest, however, is not so easy-breezy. His first hair-cut was at 1 year and it was mostly just a bang trim and he did ok. After that, the nightmare began. I felt terrible for the poor woman that cut his hair! He’d kick, scream and cry his way through every cut. I had to restrain him. It was awful. She did a great job, I have to hand it to her. Soon after he turned 4, he came with me for a haircut and we met the divine Miss Rachel, whom he promptly fell in love with. Haircuts are now a breeze under her loving hands! Hopefully you can find someone that Jacob will “click” with and he’ll start to look forward to his haircuts…
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I am so glad I have girls. Victoria has had one professional hair cut other than that both she and her sister get trims from me. I only trim the bangs and let the rest do as it will.
My friend has a boy a few months younger than V. Her dream was to have his hair long and thick just like the twins from Full House (remember them? Those boys had HAIR!!) but the care aspect was too much so now he regularly gets a buzz cut like his daddy
Perhaps investing in a really good barbar’s kit with various guard lengths is a good plan. Would definitely save the $20+ for a professional cut!
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Oh Amber — don’t be a Celine Dion. Have you seen that kid? It’s tragic. We did let Angus grow his hair for a while this year, even though it was really really hard and he looked really really bad. But at Jacob’s age? Be the Mom — stay strong. That haircut is freaking adorable.
the Wee Guy usually has a trim from daddy (clippers) whenever it gets too long and in his eyes. he fusses a little about having his fringe trimmed. it stays shorter during term time so now it’s in growth mode to guard his ears from the sun. he’s always come along with me to my own hair appointments so i assume he realised very early on that it was no big deal (and could be quite fun). He’s had a few professional cuts which have gone OK. I think his early experiences of watching me getting my trims went a long way to soothing him about the whole deal – start the training early!
PS: he now has his own pot of hair wax so expect some crazy looks over the summer in Tri Cities
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My son is 19 months old, and we haven’t cut his hair yet. It’s curly, and not too long, but it’s starting to get tangles. I’m torn, too, because he’s been mistaken for a little girl if I dress him ambiguously, like in a white t-shirt and jeans. But I love his little curls, and I’m not sure if they’ll come back if I cut them. Sometimes baby curls don’t. I just keep putting the decision off.
I guess the question for you would be how much grooming would it take to maintain longer hair? If the ten minutes of a haircut is so traumatic, would five minutes every day of grooming be more traumatic? Or does he not mind having his hair combed?
Well I just wrote about this very thing … My hair issues are … well different, and I cannot fathom cutting it myself or getting it cut! BTW, I love that sticky uppy mochawk gel thing. SO SO CUTE!
Kale got his first haircut at just over 1 year by the barber that my husband goes to. He had essentially no hair the first while but what hair he had was totally tangled and awful looking at the back. Confession: I cried more about his hair than I did when he quit breastfeeding at 18 months. He has had another cut since then that I was a bit better about, but still sad. I love his long hair. Ross and I are both okay with his future hair choices (mine has been every colour imaginable and there are photos of me shaving a real Mohawk into Ross’ head) so long as it’s clean and not stinky. One thing I’m pretty unsure about is those kiddie salons – I think those make a bigger deal out of a hair cut than need be and are more for parents’ peace of mind than the kids. The barber we use has unbelievable patience, kids of his own, and the place is peaceful as all get out. Plus? 8 bucks whether it’s Ross’ head or Kale’s head. I kinda like the predictability.
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Your son had so much hair for a little guy! My boy is the same age as yours and his hair never got really long at all. We did his first cut about 1 month ago and it was just trimming off some straggly bits..but oh my! The comments we received after the hair cut. ‘That is so much better’, ‘I was wondering when you would cut it’. It is pretty weird and funny how people feel compelled to give their hair therapy advice to you.
I grew up in a house of three girls and we all had our hair cut short into little bobs. There was NO long flowing locks. It was decided that this was easier and looked nice by our parents. I think that the job of parents is to make these types of decisions for their children. It is not permanent or hurtful and as the child grows they can decide if they want that short bowl cut or not.
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As long as my son gets a sucker out of it, he’s always willing to go. My youngest though, I’m betting on problems. So I have no solutions, but if I faced teh same problem, I’d probably just let the cuts go. As you say, he might get irritated enough to actually say something to you. If not, well really no harm done, just long hair
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I’m always changing my mind when it comes to how long my son’s hair should be. If it gets long it spirals up, and I love it! But I often get ‘oh what a pretty little girl you have!’ It doesn’t help that my son has killer eyelashes that most girl would kill for. So I keep it shorter than that. It’s gotten a lot easier to get his hair cut sense he started sitting by himself in the chair, although we do have to give him the lollipop in advance. That’s his price for sitting quiet and letting the hairdresser do her work!
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I’ve always felt it better to have them suffer the hair cut than suffer the torture of hair detangling. When our kids hit about 3 years old or so, we start letting them have input into their hair length. Our girls recently elected to get matching, chin length bobs. But our oldest has decided she wants longer hair and is now growing hers out. I think there has to be a balance between parental input and child input though. I wouldn’t let my daughters get mohawks for instance, as I believe them to be showy and rather silly, and I want my kids to care more about their appearance than that. But then, I’ll let them cut their hair short even though I miss their pigtails and curls. Balance.
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We keep our 3yo son’s hair longish – its blond like Jacobs, and very curly, so when combined with longness, he does get the occasional “SHE’s so cute” comment, but, its worthwhile, as he likes it long, and doesn’t like hair cuts. Now, DH just doesn’t want it in his eyes… So we’ve had it cut a couple times, only once to be “traditional boy”, but it just looks precious when longish. picture Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka. Distinctive. He gets a ton of comments on it….
which, I guess is an issue in itself, because, when he’s with his sister, who has pin straight yet beautiful (wish I had her hair) brown hair…. people just ignore her. Stupid people. She’s a looker.
Yet, I don’t want to cut his hair, just to make it “fair”, right?
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woah. I have 2 boys (with VERY different hair) and I’ve never really taken it that seriously.
I like to thank Barbara Colorosso for that — It will grow back, no matter how bad the haircut is.
And because he doesn’t “care” at this age, it is a way more liberating experience doing what is easiest — for now.
When very young, I had to let the stylist cut their hair… it was too fine to go in the clippers properly (Jacob’s looks similar), but now that the hair is a bit coarser, nothing beats my hair clippers with a good guide to give my oldes the miitary buzz cut that suits him best! His friends all have long mops on their heads, but Steve doesn’t like the extra grooming or extra annoyance of longer hair. Also it’s quite thick and wavy, so it grows out from his head rather than down. Short is defintily best for him.
My youngest has hair that prefers professional styling. It is quite a bit straighter and rebels against the clippers and his head shape looks better with a more traditional man haircut (longer on top, closely groomed in the back). I have tried repeatedly to do it at home, but I don’t have the skill beyound military buzz. Thankfully his hair goes quite a while between trims (it lays down properly) if I just trim around his ears to keep it tidy. (Occassionally I do the clippers on him, just to relieve him of the hair).
That having been said, I don’t sweat the hair for my boys too much. They don’t care yet, it does grow very quickly, and I am CHEAP, so First Choice (or the like) for a cheap and cheey haircut is good enough. We have had good luck with them over the years… no cute decor nor styling gel…. they don’t want that anyways.
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Why not get hair clippers and cut it using one of the longer extensions. That’s what my hubby does. Our boys have long hair. When it gets long enough to bother them I trim bangs and yes there have been a funny haircut and sometimes haircuts happen over a few sessions. I’ll do it once then notice where it needs to be fixed and try it again before a bath.
My oldest son has the most gorgeous full red hair and a year ago he wanted it buzzed. We took a deep breath and did it for him. Since then he’s never had another haircut besides me shaping it a bit out of his eyes.
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I have pretty much the same picture of the boy except he is clutching a hair covered lollypop. And maybe more tears.
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I have yet to cut my 19mo’s hair. I think I’ll give him his first haircut when he turns 2
I don’t mind being a Celine Dion 
I think little boys with a bit of shaggy long hair is cute. Although I haven’t seen the latest picture of Celine’s boy. My boy still really doesn’t have a lot of hair. Some people do mistaken him as a girl even though he is dressed from tip to toe in blue clothes. Some people! Why do little boys have to have short hair? I wouldn’t go for very long hair but short shaggy hair can be adorable 
I’m no Kate Hudson! hehe…
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Ah, the haircutting issue. My little guy has a “half-afro” (part my white girl blonde hair, part Dad’s black guy ultra-curly hair) that is the cutest thing ever… except it takes about 20 minutes to comb out every night, goes positively wild, and encourages strangers to comment on what a pretty girl he is. Finn’s had one haircut so far and we were both supremely traumatized by the experience. He never cries (seriously) but the trimmers reduced him to a terrified, sobbing, hyperventilating puddle. I felt like World’s Worst Mom. That was several months ago and now he’s starting to look like curly Cousin It. I think I’ll try doing it myself this time but wow, I’m really not looking forward to it!
I had my sons hair cut for the first time when he was 19 months old. It was mostly just to clean it up because it looked so stringy. Since then my son has grown a very thick head of hair (it also grow UP before it grows down), it used to be very curly but now it is mostly wavy. He is almost 8 and wants his hair short like his friends but I have always kept it on the longer side. Not pony tail long or anything, you just can’t see his ears. He used to be mistaken for a girl often, this didn’t bother him or me. I will never let anyone near him with clippers, ever, ever. I have been giving in a little lately, getting it cut shorter than I would like but not as short as he would like. Now I say he wants shorter hair but this only comes up when he has an appointment, it isn’t as though he begs me to get his hair cut and I refuse. I will be sad when this look goes out of style.
I also think some boys look better with shorter hair, it all depends on the hair type.
There is a boy in my sons class whose hair is so long he really does look like a girl, I find that a little much.
When my son was youger he didn’t like having his hair cut. He actually moved so much that on 2 different occasions the lady cutting her hair cut her own finger. Boy did I feel bad.
After two really successful at-home trims and two barber shop visits Hollis went AWOL on the hair cutting thing. So, now we go to a specialty shop where all she does is cut kids’ hair. It went swimmingly! And each time, I’m surprised at how shorter hair makes him seem 10x more grown up!
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I found a barber, I had to because like Jacob, my son wails at the barber shop. But I feel it’s safer for the both of us to be there. I have him sit on my lap and we’re both drapped in capes. He’s been twice this year. I think we need to go every 10 weeks too. But he sobs and my heart breaks. In the end he’s happier though so it all works out. Another plus, our barber only charges $5 (US) for kids. Score! With a $2 tip we walk out the door, covered in snippings and drying his tears. He’s still eager to show his Daddy his new hair cut
Maybe when he’s 13 I’ll let him decide how he wants to style his hair. Until then, I plan to control how much is snipped.
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I cut Adam’s hair till he was probably round 3 years old. It fell into a groovy 70′s bowl so I just worked with that.
I couldn’t bare the screaming and cost of pro cuts..I still hate it.
I hate trying to find somewhere that doesn’t do by the book same as all the other boys in town hair cuts….
i would like him to have SOME fun with his hair.
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My husband gave Jack (15 months) his first hair cut about two months ago. We were not sure he would sit for the professional cut and did not feel like dropping $22. Really he just needed the back trimmed and around his ears. I held him and he sat o.k. His hair grows quickly and until he can/wants to say different, we like it short.
Sarah has had one hair cut, again my husband did it. He does a really good job. She almost never lets us comb it so I am pretty sure she would not sit for a professional cut. So for now, my hubby is the go to guy.
Your son’s haircut, in the final picture, is adorable.
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Kieran is 31 months and hasn’t had a hair cut. We’ve had the comments about what a pretty girl (personally, I think he would look kind of unfortunate if he was a girl
), my dad gives me sh*t about “his long-haired grandson” all the time, but so far, we’ve left it up to Kieran.
We actually had an appointment last week, but when we got there the stylist was crying and leaving – her mom was in the hospital. Obviously the hair cut wasn’t meant to be that day (Kieran was busy changing his mind anyway – he had said he wanted “short hair like papa’s, but on the way in he said “I don’t want a hair cut!!”).
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Ah I am so with you on this…
My three year old boy really doesn’t like to have his hair cut at the hair dressers…. to the point where I have twice physically had to hold him down while he screamed and the hairdresser cut as quick as she could. It was so traumatic for all last time that I decided we’d not do that again in a hurry…. So I let his father do a number 2 clippers all over his head in the summer…. even though it meant the end to all his white blonde curls! Then I got brave and tried the clippers myself with semi decent results… the problem is… not even 3 months later I need to do it again!?!?
Now I do have the trauma of brushing and putting up my girls hair every day but I think I’d take that over the boy’s hair cutting trauma any day!
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I have these same sorts of questions going through my head, so it isn’t just you. I’m lucky in that Mikko’s hair is curly, which hides a multitude of amateur hair-cutting sins, so I just hack it off myself periodically. He hasn’t much appreciated it when I do it, either, so I tend to cut more than I mean to, just so I won’t have to do it again for awhile.
I love his hair, though. I love how boingy some of the tight ringlets are, and how floppy the wavy parts get, and I’d love to let it grow … if he were a girl. As it is, I do feel some pressure not to let him have “pretty” hair — and then I question that pressure, and my response. As you said, I think (I do think) I’d be fine if he in the future chooses to have long hair — or, sob! — ultra-short hair.
For now, I justify my cutting it with the excuse (true) that his many cowlicks make his hair grow straight into his eyes. Unless I’m pinning it back with barettes (and that’s a whole ‘nother set of issues to work through), I need to keep it trimmed. And if I’m trimming the front and top, I’d better trim the rest, too, or we’re entering mullet country.
But if I had a girl with the same curls? I’d let it grow and grow and grow, until she made me stop. So, yeah. I think about these things a lot.
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I don’t have the boys’ hair cut often enough, but it sure makes bathtime and morning combings so much faster! Plus their heads get so hot from the thick hair.
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We took Corbin for his first haircut at 18 mths to the exact place in your pictures. He absolutely freaked completely out, I have it on video, it was horrible. I said never ever again and we cut his hair now. The first cut we gave him was quite crooked but it was okay. We used my husbands clippers and buzzed the back and sides pretty short and used scissors on the top, which was why it was so uneven when we were done. The second haircut we gave him was about a month ago and we bit the bullet and just shaved his whole head short, which my son says he likes best. Corbin will happily sit for the noisy clippers, for either me or my husband only. His isn’t a fan of us using scissors but he is okay if we are quick. His hair is not stylish, but it is out of his eyes, cool in this heat and my son says “Ohh I like it” when we finish – so it’s all good.
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Maybe I’m biased because my husband’s hair is often longer than mine… but I love long hair on men. I also love that long surfer-style hair on young boys, and think Jacob would be effing adorable with that wind-combed surfer style.
Would he actually be interested in looking at hair mags and choosing a style? Maybe being a bit more involved would help?
We always said our child (girl or boy) would be in a mohawk until old enough to ask for something else…
I DO get the gender dilemma. My brother had the biggest blue eyes and BLOND curls (even though my mom, dad, sister and myself are all brown hair and hazel eyes at best) and I cannot tell you how many compliments I received on my youngest “sister”.
Maybe simply explain it to him that he might be mistaken for a girl and let him decide for himself if it bothers him enough to do something about it?
Haha OK I’m out of ideas. Forcing a haircut does seem terribly oppressive to me NOW but I’m sure once my own son is running around with hair in his eyes I will be changing my mind.
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My kids never had professional haircuts. They didn’t enjoy them, but I treated them as one of those things that have to be done, just like brushing teeth. Now the’ve reached an age where hair style is suddenly important, and last time we had to endlessly negotiate the timing and agreed on after school was over. But I think even negotiations over haircuts are over, and I’ll have to let them decide by themselves about their hair from now on.
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Poor Jacob! I’m so sorry for him! Maybe he’s too young to know what is a haircut, but he looks like a little boy than a girl with the previous hairdo! You did well by deciding to cut his hair! He was cute before this haircut but now he looks much better after this and he’s more cute than before!
We plan to put our kids in private school, and the Catholic schools around here have very restrictive rules on boys hair, so once kindergarten hits neither us nor our son will get a say in hair length!
Until then, we’ll probably keep it short-ish and hopefully be able to cut it myself (he’s never needed a haircut yet, but it is starting to get curly, and sounds from other commenters like curls are more forgiving!)
My thought is that many in society view long-haired boys and men as unkempt and/or unprofessional. He can make his own hair choices once he’s older, but as a kid I will keep it short even during summer, because I don’t want him to be looked down on or denied opportunities because of a haircut or lack thereof.
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My son is 3.75 and he has longish, shaggy hair. His choice. I’d cut it if he wanted it cut but he doesn’t. He has had it longer and shorter at times. He DOES get mistaken for a girl sometimes and the painted toenails (ha!) aren’t helping that but it doesn’t bother him.
AmberDusick’s last post … I was looking for a sign
As you know, I have a son. I cut his hair myself until he was about 18 months old and then I took him to get it professionally cut twice. Both times he freaked out so much that I bought hair clippers. Now Keith cuts his hair and he’s totally cool with Dad cutting his hair – even the buzzing noise doesn’t bug him. Keith cuts it quite short to begin with and we let it grow out a fair bit and then we do it all over again. The clippers have actually saved us a lot of money and much stress.
Marilyn’s last post … Passing On a Love of Reading to Your Kids Top 10 Books I Can’t Wait to Read to My Kids