Keeping the Activity Level Sane
I have never been all that good at keeping my activity level manageable. I am what you would call a joiner. If you have a class or a club or a group of some sort, and you invite me, I am likely to attend and return and join and eventually start running the thing. I am just that sort of person. It hasn’t always worked to my advantage, as I tend to take on more than I can handle. But some part of me just likes belonging – or even better, leading – entirely too much to stop.
My propensity for signing up for every activity within a 10-mile-radius led to a bit of a situation last spring. You see, these days I have not only myself to sign up for stuff, but the children, too. In April Hannah was taking classes, Jacob was taking classes and I was taking classes. And children’s activities being what they are, I had to attend all of these classes myself, or at least be on the premises. It reached the point where every day I had some kind of activity on the go, children always in tow.
When the classes ended for the summer, I declared a self-imposed hiatus. I still belong to the groups that I most care about, but no one, and I mean no one, was going to sign up for any new classes or activities until the leaves started to turn. I wanted our days to be open and unscheduled and free of rushing hither and yon at all times. My plan worked. In fact, it worked better than I expected it to, because being out of the class loop meant that I wasn’t paying attention when fall class sign-up rolled around. We had a lovely six month long break from the various kid activities, and I’ve certainly enjoyed it.
Recently, though, I came across a program for a local arts centre that offers kid’s art classes and dance and parent and tot music lessons. Hannah has been asking to take swimming lessons again. I would like to take a class all by myself, maybe yoga on Saturday mornings. I am right back at square one, totally enamoured of joining. Because some part of me believes that all of these classes will hold the secret to fulfillment or help me meet people or maybe just give me a chance to prove that I am still a fabulous student. In fact, I’m not even entirely sure what they offer me, but I know that I want it.
Here is my conundrum. I think that a few activities here and there are fun, and can be really great for kids. Because, let’s face it, I am not going to teach my preschooler how to make pottery in my kitchen. But I seem completely incapable of setting reasonable limits. Once I start signing up I can’t stop myself, and before the dust settles we’re in every lesson I can track down.
So, I am calling on you for help. How do you keep the activity level sane? Do you have some sort of rules or limits you use to determine how many classes or activities are enough? Or, is this sort of running around and living in a car lifestyle just par for the course when you have a couple of kids? Please share and help a mama out!
I agree with Tanya; I suspect you join group after group because you need social interaction.
As with all things in life, I find it’s best to have a mentor. When I start to consider joining a group I look to my ideol, The Sloth. He’s relaxed, moves only when necessary and is close enough to his peers that he can interract, but far enough away that he can dissapear and no one will go looking for him. And he’s up high enough that no one can bother him (he’s the CEO of the animal kingdom)
Look to the Sloth, Amber. Look to the Sloth 
omg – you are hilarious – I’m the opposite – I see a defined schedule and the commitment frightens me. I think – what if we can’t make it. What if he’s tired or cranky. What if we don’t like it? Right now, I tend to go out for walks and hope I bump into someone. Pretty sure this will change when Theo gets older and starts wrecking the house and tweeting on my behalf.
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I can’t offer you any advice, but I can commiserate. I joined everything in sight and then started a non-profit in my spare time, hahaha. I have been religious about having at least one or two afternoons a week after school that we don’t have to drive anywhere, and that has been good. And I am getting better about organizing a gal’s night out with my girlfriends to fill my need for social interaction with the people I care about the most! Good luck, and promise you’ll share any tips you learn!
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I’d actually LIKE to join more things but I just don’t have the time…or THINK I don’t have the time.
My goal for the New Year is to start doing more stuff that is just for me (go back to the gym, join a book club) and also maybe do one activity with each kid every week. It would have to be on the weekends though since I am working full time…and then that would screw up “family time” on the weekends…
Do you think they will ever make more hours in the day? LOL
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Ha, love that you call yourself a joiner. I think I have the opposite problem. I bow out of stuff because I am afraid I won’t do it perfectly. Anyways, we all have our issues, right?
No need to shiver anymore. I put some bright eye candy art on my blog today. I’m back in cold NYC, so this is how I transport myself. . .
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I don’t have a problem with joining too much stuff for myself. I actually would like to find more activities for me now that we had to cancel our gym membership.
But I also am wondering how many activities are appropriate for kids. Grace is in gymnastics every week and I plan to get her into a 10-week swimming class soon. But she wants to take ballet too. I can’t decide if that’s too much for a 5-year-old. She asks about it almost every day. :/
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Running in all sorts of directions is challeging. Last year my stepdaughter (14) played soccer 3 days a week, driving up to an hour each way. She also played volleyball and basketball in school. Toss in friend time and family time and homework and she was a busy little thing.
I have always loved our library and so find myself one morning a week heading to story time. One morning a week I find myself heading to a local playgroup in a church basement. Two days a week Emma has playschool and Hannah and I have our own time.
Activites for Emma really started this year. She wanted to dance. It is a 10 month committment for one night a week. She also tried out for a musical and managed to get a part. Rehersal’s are two nights a week and run until 9 pm. Did I mention all of our evening activitis are at least a 25 minute drive down the highway? For Emma, this is it. This is all she can handle. Next year when she is five she can join Cubs here in th village and she can also travel on the ’swim bus’ (a really great program our village offers, which picks up school aged children after school and drives them to the pool for lessons for 2 weeks straight, three times a year).
Hannah isn’t enrolled in anything specifically just for her. She is only three. Next year she can dance, or play soccer or do whatever she wants. I am sure both girls will play softball in the Learn To Play Program this spring.
Come June though we are done until the fall. Our days last year were spent splashing in the lake and playing in the park. It was nice to have the days to ourselves to do whatever with.
For myself, I have joined a book club and the library board. I am the playschool sercretary too. Steve is on the Fire Department now and some nights we have three different activies in two different towns, all at the same time! I can’t imagine adding any more to our already packed life. Plus, it is nice to have some time to just be together as a family, wihtout having to be here, there and everywhere.
When Hannah is four, she can join an activity like her big sister. But, only one.
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I actually cut out all activities and it was only a few to begin with. I am going to do a music class in Jan. w/ my 2yo, but only him because he is showing an aptitude and never gets me to himself.
Part of why I got of the hamster wheel is that although art, pottery, kiddie gym or even organized sports may be fun, it’s not necessary. It takes away from the opportunity to learn to do something with four hours of nothing time.
So yes, the nature center classes may be interesting, but a six week investment is not necessarily better than a one day family trip, yk? I don’t think I’ll regret that they’re not good enough for travel soccer at age 9.
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I am so the opposite!
My poor kids have been born to home-bodies. Though I enjoy activities once I get there, I absolutely dispise the packing up of the kids and fighting of traffic to get there!
We tried Karate for the oldest, but he HATED the act of getting there. So we both were suffering every Thursday until we had a huge fight and he quit (much to my relief and disapointment). We also joined the BMX track last year and only went a dozen times. And there was the drop-in badminton for kids…. 3 times.
Maybe we just can’t commit?
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There are so many classes and courses I’d join if there were any available here! Apart from sports, there are a few classes for young children who, say, are just going to be playing with/”experiencing” clay, and nothing for older kids (and adults) who could actually learn to throw pots. And I’ve developed my personal theory that little children don’t benefit all that much from these classes.
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I want to join things but then I get scared and chicken out. A small part of me is scared of the commitment but a bigger part of me is a little scared of new situations where I meet new people. I can fake it if I need to and then it’s all good but it takes a lot of energy to psych myself up.
I’ve been considering joining some stuff though. We’re all cooped up too much at home. I’d like to try a yoga class myself and I think it’s time that K joined something – maybe swimming or soccer or… I think one activity per person in the house is good. That way no one becomes overwhelmed and there’s still some free time too.
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I used to be sooo oversubscribed to activities, but that was before I had kids. Then I cut way back and I’m worried that I’m depriving them of cool experiences. Sigh.
Maybe you could set a limit of one activity per person?
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I am beyond guilty of this. I simply do not know my limits – or I think I don’t have any. It leaves me endlessly stressed, frustrated, and exhausted. I simply cannot stop. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I’m probably manic though, but that works to my advantage in many situations, so I don’t want to medicate it out of existence.
The most frustrating part is that even though I take on all these extra tasks, I feel like I have little to show for it. I have little sense of accomplishment outside of my actual schoolwork where someone is required to grade me.
Bah. I don’t know, but if you find a way to slow down, send me the recipe!
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I don’t think there’s anything WRONG with joining classes or being a “joiner” as you say. But if it’s becoming stressful, why not do as Lady M suggests and maybe set a self-imposed limit… “each family member will be in no more than _____ groups” or “we will spend no more than ____ days a week in classes/groups.”
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I’m a joiner, then a go-for-a-bit-er, then a quitter. Also, I’m a bit flaky. When I have more than one appointment a day, I get stressed. So I’m just not in your joining league I’m afraid.
Hey Amber,
It sounds to me like you join things for the social interaction, which makes sense since you make so many social connections having a blog and writing a book!
I am not an overly social person…lol. That is to say that I really enjoy my alone time reading a book or time with family more than anything. We have a family YMCA membership and both my girls are enrolled in swimming right now. I try to keep the activities to one per quarter other than our weekly swim lessons / children’s activities at the Y. My oldest goes to school full time and we like to visit friends/family through the week and I feel that’s enough social interaction for my kids. I think I would probably join more activities if I didn’t work full time as there are many great activities throughout the day at the Y for adults – but by the end of the day I feel I’ve done enough!