I am a crier. I do not mean that I shout, “Hear ye! Hear ye!” a lot. I mean I break down crying a lot. I have sobbed through every funeral, wedding, baptism, Christmas pageant and raffle drawing that I have ever attended. While talking about my grandfather at his funeral I couldn’t choke the words out and ended up being totally unintelligible. But I didn’t cry any less when I attended the funeral of my great uncle-in-law who I never actually met. My husband likes to joke that I should hire myself out as a professional mourner if I ever need to earn some extra cash.
I come by my tears honestly – my own mother is a crier as well. When we were teenagers my sister and I used to make fun of her, but now that I have kids of my own I may have surpassed her. Children, it turns out, make their mothers cry. In the bad times, but also in the good ones. First birthday parties, especially, seem to bring out the waterworks in every mother.
Hannah’s dressed as an angel, cue the waterworks
I think the reason that I cry over my children is the intensity of emotion that they invoke in me. Kids are just so much, all the time. So much energy, so much love, so much noise, so much protective instinct. It all builds up inside my chest until it has nowhere to go but out of my eyes. All of the feeling that is always just under the surface comes pouring out with the waterworks.
Jacob loved the pumpkin patch, and I cried
No milestone goes unnoticed around here. No first or last happens without being baptized by my tears. My children find it vaguely alarming. For the longest time Hannah didn’t understand that I could be happy and crying at the same time. She was convinced that something must be very wrong for me to be tearing up. And so I had to fight back my urge to sob, and put on a brave face. Today, though, she just rolls her eyes and says, “Mom’s crying again!”
Hannah lost a tooth. Sob!
Thankfully, my husband Jon mostly takes my crying in stride. He’s had to, really, if he wanted to remain in a relationship with me. I do try not to cry loudly or make a big production out of it, but I still tear up on a fairly regular basis. At movies. When we disagree. When we agree. When we talk about our dreams. When we fold the laundry. Any occasion can bring on the crying if the conditions are right.
I just had a baby and my eyes are totally dry
There are some situations in which you’d think I’d cry, that I don’t. For instance, although I cried a lot contemplating Hannah’s first day of kindergarten, when the big day dawned my eyes were dry. And while I cried a lot after they were born, I didn’t shed a tear either time I gave birth, although I know my husband did. Not every situation that you expect to be emotionally overwhelming actually is, as it turns out. Sometimes you’re too busy living something to stop and think about it.
I think that’s the key with crying. Crying is something that happens when you’re reflecting on a situation. Ceremonies and rituals and movies and babies blowing out their first candles leave you sitting back and watching. You can absorb the significance of what’s happening. When I watch TV shows where someone else gives birth I hear the first cry and I cry, too. But when I’ve just pushed a baby out of me, I’m not really reflecting on the experience. Reflection happens later.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just found out that there will be an Angry Birds sequel. Sniff!
Are you prone to crying? And have there been times when you did or didn’t cry, and you surprised yourself? I’d love to hear about it!
PS – I’m going to be talking all about balance at the Vancouver Attachment Parenting group tomorrow. If you’re in the area, I’d love to see you! I promise I won’t cry.
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I was not a crier until after I got pregnant. It seems that my crying hormone was buried, and pregnancy mysteriously dug it out. I’m not really happy about that, to be honest. I used to make fun of my mom for crying at everything – Kleenex commercials, every musical production put on by small children, watching one of us girls doing something special, etc. Oh, how the tables have turned. Now *I* cry at musical productions put on by small children – the children don’t even have to be mine! I cry at books, movies, and I sob hysterically when I think about Kieran growing up.
(sigh)
But you’re right – sometimes when I’ve done my crying in advance, I don’t cry at the actual event – I don’t think I cried at all on Kieran’s 3rd birthday, but I did cry in the weeks beforehand (although I did choke up during Happy Birthday and couldn’t sing it).
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama’s last post … The Joys of Breastfeeding Past Infancy 30
Professional mourner – lol.
I am not a crier, but my husband is. He would never go to romantic movies with me when we were dating because he said he hated them – but years later I realized it was because he cries. He cried at the girls Christmas Concert but my eyes stayed dry. I shouldn’t say I don’t cry because I do on occasion. I always tear up at sporting events where everyone stands up and sings the national anthem, for example. And sometimes when I’m angry – which isn’t very often. I cried when my sister in law told me I was going to be an aunt for the first time. And omgosh I cry everytime a baby is born when watching A Baby Story. So I guess I cry during overwhealming moments rather than when I’m reflecting.
Twitter: Wendy_Irene
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Oh yes! I am very familiar with crying. For me it is especially bad that time of the month. Have a great weekend!
Twitter: osnsmom
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I am totally a crier! Especially now that I am an ball of pregnant emotion, literally. It is a great stress reliever to cry. I wrote about crying too! I am always conflicted about crying in front of Ari, but I think it is better to be real and honest about one’s emotions. Here’s my crying post:
http://www.oldschoolnewschoolmom.com/2010/09/crying-in-front-of-your-kids.html
Old School/New School Mom’s last post … Potty Training Day Three Postponed Due to Baby Shower!
I love that about you! I am not a crier, usually, but I’ve found more and more of that since my last daughter was born. I think for me it’s a lot of relief and joy in the healing that’s come about in my older two fost/adopt girls. It’s amazing what it is to finally feel like a family.
Laurie’s last post … Your Christmas Break Survival Guide
All the time. I cry – ALL. THE. TIME. Usually I’m crying over some other woman’s birth video, or a commercial, or something totally benign. Last night I was crying my eyes out after I fell and busted up my knee. Some days it’s depressive crying, some days its crying from anger. I’m totally emo. My husband is used to it.
TheFeministBreeder’s last post … The Benefits of Hiring a Doula for Your Upcoming Birth
I most definitely cry more now that I’m a mom. Exactly like you said, there is just an abundance of emotion and it overflows via the tear ducts…
I didn’t cry after having Judah because I had just had a baby, but I did start crying because I was so incredibly thankful to not be pregnant anymore. ha! I remember that moment well.
I cried this morning when Judah put christmas ornaments on the tree and said “santa”. oh man. he gets me every time.
Jamie Willow’s last post … Let your heart be light!
For me it’s a pre-cry feeling that doesn’t go all the way to sobbing – maybe a lifelong habit of holding back tears. I think I have a drain for tears in the back of my eyes! Little kids performing, old people eating ice cream, a dog outside in the cold. Actually reading this post and comments made it happen because you all sound like such sweet people! *sniff!*
Susan’s last post … Eating out at restaurants
omg – so true! Now that I have regained control, I often have on or two and rest go backwards.
harriet Fancott’s last post … Christmas- a time to give back
I envy you. I find crying a difficult task. Tears just do not come by its own. And when they do, that really means am all bottled up and needs to pop.
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Same for me when my kids were born, I was very hormonal during pregnancy and cried often and I’ve cried a lot since they were born, but at the moment they were both born, I did not cry at all. My husband, who is not a crier at all, did cry at both of their births. Weird how that works, no?
Earth Muffin’s last post … A bargain is something you cant use at a price you cant resist Franklin P Jones
Twitter: MarilynBelsham
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I’m not a big crier. I tend to hold a lot of emotion in. My lack of experience in crying is probably why when I do cry I explode in a big sniveling pile and need to be sequestered in my room for at least an hour. It’s not pretty.
I don’t have kids yet- but I am sure I will be a mess when I do. I cry all the time now. At least twice a day. No, really. Any blog post will make me cry. Any commercial. Any interaction. I just assume I have more estrogen than the average person. I cry at every emotion. If I am happy? Oh, I cry. Sad? Cry. Mad? Cry. Surprised? Cry. My mom is a crier too, but I have surpassed even her cry-factor. I am just an emotional person, what can I say?
Lacey Jane’s last post … Prop 19
Twitter: cartside
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I’ve gone through phases. As a child, I cried a lot, until at primary school my teacher wished me for secondary that I’d not come crying to teachers and friends when something went wrong for me. I listened and stopped crying, it was hard, but I learned never to cry.
Then I met an inspirational friend who taught me how to cry again, how cathartic it can be, how it can really help to get over emotions, rather than bottle them up. But yes, I’ve only been a habitual cryer since I fell pregnant with my first (though I also totally broke down for about a week when my mum died, which was a few years before).
I wish I had a bit more control over it now, but I’m not ashamed of my tears when it’s caused by strong and real emotions. It’s often the people who don’t know me who worry – so I tend to just tell them that it’s ok and that it helps me to let it go. Recently my tears led to the suggestion that some parents aren’t good seeing their child being put to sleep pre-op – I guess it was to make me feel that it would be ok not to watch. There was no question I wanted to be there and make it easy for my baby, and I didn’t cry during the process, just talked to her very calmly and reassuringly, which we both needed. So yes, the reflection of what’s about to happen made me sob uncontrollably, the actual thing didn’t.
cartside’s last post … Review- Vertbaudet
Twitter: Miss_Scarlett99
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*raises hand* Hi, my name is Carrie and I am a crier.
So, do we get a support group now?
Carrie’s last post … Red Writing Hood- Dreams
Don’t you think it helps when your husband cries? For me, if he cries, I don’t. It’s like I know that someone has gotten the emotional waterworks going, so I can take a break from it. I try to tell him that if he would do this more, I could do it less. For some reason, he’s not really in to that. Weird.
Hi, my name is Heather, and I too, cry…ALOT. I have it down now where I do is silently and the tears just pour. I don’t want to upset anyone else by my tears…which are mostly happy ones. Each dance practice I glimps I cry, the concert last night, I cried, Hannah sitting on Santa’s lap, I sobbed. I totally agree that there is just so much emotion with children that it has to come out some way! I am glad to know that I am not the only one who is like this. I think Steve will be happy to know that he didn’t marry a total freak!
Haha – Angry Birds sequel!
I’m glad I became a parent if only to take care of a decade of tearless years. I had a few coming. Adopting Theo broke something inside of me, something that needed to be broken – call it the joy and sadness of parenting.
harriet Fancott’s last post … Christmas- a time to give back
Twitter: fuoriborgo
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What a sweet post, Amber. I’ve become a crier too.
Francesca’s last post … African Flower Blanket- hurray!
I cry watching total strangers say goodbye at the airport. Funerals, weddings, school recitals for my nieces, thinking about school recitals for my own children…all occasions that cause tears. Until I read your post I was starting to think something was truly wrong with me. Thanks for this post and making feel a little more normal!
Fran’s last post … Drop-Side Cribs Banned
Twitter: Apartment_Mama
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I grew up with the mom who was a crier, I remember we all got to the point of rolling our eyes when the tears started up. It was embarrassing as a teenager for sure, but now I find myself doing the same teary happy moments too. Sigh!
Mama in the City’s last post … My First Blessing Way
I used to be a crier and then I’m not sure what happened . . . in the last year, and admittedly, I now take an antidepressant, I really don’t ever cry. I feel strongly emotional at times, I can tear up with happiness, but I really don’t cry and it’s something I wonder about. Sometimes I miss it but because crying used to bring me down so much, I feel liberated in a way that it doesn’t happen nearly as much.
Twitter: ladymrules
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That angel of yours is so perfectly perfect with her pose. Sniff!
Lady M’s last post … The Sports Conglomerate
I have totally cried in front of my kids. I think it is ok for them to see that. They need to know it is ok for them to cry too. And sometimes I even quote from my favorite song “It’s alight to cry” from Free to Be You and Me.
Capital Mom’s last post … Four ways to eat a cupcake
Twitter: Hobo_Mama
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I was made fun of growing up for how much crying I did, so I’ve really tried to turn down the waterworks as an adult. What this means is I find plenty of opportunity for wanting to cry, but now I turn away and pretend I’m just blowing my nose. I doubt I’m fooling anyone… I definitely am much more sentimental as a parent, to the point that I feel like a parody sometimes!
Lauren @ Hobo Mama’s last post … Sunday Surf- Christmastime is here
I am a sobber, too. Can’t help it. And if it’s around a certain time of the month? Oh, watch out. I will cry over a TV commercial. (Thank goodness for TiVo!)
I’ve got two girls who are criers, too. I am glad, really. I’d rather feel emotions than stuff ‘em!