I was just reading a blog that I love, called The Happiest Mom, all about pursuing happiness within motherhood. In a recent post the author Meagan Francis asked, “How has motherhood changed you for the better?”
It’s a good question. A lot of the time I think about how motherhood has changed my life, and by extension me, for the worse. The sleep deprivation, the lack of time to pursue outside interests, the alarming frequency with which I lose my temper. But the truth is, that’s not the whole story. While personal growth is certainly possible regardless of whether or not you have children, having children sort of forces it. You experience the biggest change possible in the shortest amount of time, and in many ways you come out the better for it.
One of the big ways that motherhood has changed me for the better is that it has made me more outgoing. More willing to step outside of my comfort zone.
I tend to be anxious and introverted. Even though I was never a loner, I’ve never had a lot of friends. Extending myself in that way, and coming out of my shell was difficult for me. There were just too many variables. What if that person didn’t want to talk to me? What if they were busy? What if I said the wrong thing? I wanted to reach out, but I didn’t know how, and that freaked me out.
But then I had my first baby, and I found the experience of sitting at home alone with her to be isolating. I felt lonely at a time when I really needed people around me. People who understood. People who hadn’t slept more than 3 hours at a stretch in the past few weeks either. I couldn’t just stay home and slowly lose my mind, I needed to get out there. And that meant that I had to extend myself and reach outside of my comfort zone.
It wasn’t easy, but I did it. I forced myself to say hello to people at mom and baby groups. I accepted invitations and offered them in return. I introduced myself and even had cheap business cards printed up so that people could easily contact me. And in the process I met some really cool people. Other moms who were also glad to have a reason to get out of the house for the afternoon. People who have become very dear friends over the past few years.
In many ways, I actually am a happier and more confident person than I was before I had kids. I have learned not to sweat the small stuff, because if I did I would never stop sweating. When another person is pooping on you, it forces you to get over yourself pretty quickly. So I stop casual acquaintances in public, even if I’m not sure exactly what to say. I accept playdates with moms that I may not share every little thing in common with. And for the most part, it just works out. We all have a good time.
Every time I reach outside of my comfort zone, it gets a little easier. I’m nearly always glad that I did it, too. That I grew just a little bit. So yes, while motherhood is hard and has many downsides, it’s not all bad. Sometimes it changes you in ways that are very much for the better.
What about you? How has motherhood changed you for the better? There’s got be at least one way, I’m sure of it.
interesting… motherhood has made this extrovert more of a loner…
.-= Emily R´s last post ..Make new friends and keep the old =-.
I’ve had much the same experience (as Amber, not Emily). Also, I can throw a baseball way better than I could before I had kids.
I love this Amber! It’s give me another idea for a future post, too–how motherhood has made me care a whole lot less about what people think of me. It’s made me bolder and brasher about getting my needs met and fighting for my kids. And I love how differently we all came into motherhood…like Mara commented on my post about how she used to be super type-a, organized and go, go, go, and I was the complete opposite…now we’re meeting up in the middle somewhere. It’s like motherhood is the great equalizer
My experience is like Amber’s… driven mainly by my daughter’s fixation on playdates, lol. I am happy keeping to myself, but when we do I feel like she is missing out. She has taught me how to network and how to be more social. It’s been good for both of us! If she was more like me, an introvert, it would certainly be easier, but I feel like both our horizons have been broadened by her outgoing personality
.-= Jeanne´s last post ..Interesting Wall Art =-.
“When another person is pooping on you, it forces you to get over yourself pretty quickly.” – THIS.
I’m still as loner and we still hermit… part of it is personality, part of it is bi-polar hibernation. But I’m less self-centered than I used to be. Or atleast I hope I am.
.-= Jasie VanGesen´s last post ..blah blah blah =-.
Haha! Well I’m not officially a mom yet… but I do think that being pregnant has renewed my desire to do good things for the Earth.
.-= abbie´s last post ..Dreaming =-.
Wow, it’s like we are on the same wavelength today. I was just posting a comment on another blog about how I am not so shy anymore. I am willing to strike up conversations with strangers in line-ups. And I am definetly richer for the brief connections!
I can easily admit that my children are responsible for it.
I have become WAY less squeamish (and I wasn’t too squeamish before). Catching spiders, touching frogs and snakes, slimy handprints, cleaning up vomit, dealing with snot, blood and other bodily fluids is par for the course. It’s good to let go of those fears and face reality! Thanks kids!
.-= *pol´s last post ..All on Track =-.
I think life in general has made me more of a confident person. Motherhood has taught me a lot about unconditional love, and the fine art of compromising in order to reach balance. Unlike you, I often found the experience of being with other mothers a little alienating.
.-= Francesca´s last post ..Corner View ~ White =-.
I have done things I never thought I could or would do, because I need to – either because it sets a good example (small things, like not flinching while eating zucchini) or for safety (like hauling a 35 pound child with one hand). I’m a better person for having to think long term. Not that I wouldn’t mind getting a lot more sleep though . . .
.-= Lady M´s last post ..No Babies Here =-.
Yep, I pretty much concur on everything: more social, less shy, more chill, all of it.
It’s amazing, too, because I [thought I] knew how having a child would enhance my life over all, but I never came close to understanding how it would actually affect me as a person.
It’s really awesome stuff.
.-= Jessica – This is Worthwhile´s last post ..My little old man =-.
i’m much more feisty now, on behalf of my son and, interestingly, on behalf of myself now too. since our lives have been so interconnected i’ve found i cannot allow myself to fester over problems, personal issues, etc. as it adversely affects the wee guy. i’m much more likely to speak my mind now
i’m not sure if my husband appreciates it though ….
.-= pomomama aka ebbandflo´s last post ..I Heart Crafts on Saturday 26th September =-.