Today is my 33rd birthday. I share this birthday with such luminaries as Søren Kierkegaard, Karl Marx, Nellie Bly, and Tina Yothers. And of course it’s also Cinco de Mayo, a holiday which commemorates a Mexican victory against the French on May 5, 1862, giving us an excuse to drink lots of tequila. It’s certainly a very auspicious day to be born, I chose well.
Last year I was feeling very introspective on my birthday. I decided it was time for me to figure out who I really was, and what I really wanted to do. A year has passed, and I don’t feel much closer to my goal. If anything I feel farther away. Now that I know I will not be returning to my old job it really forces my hand, and brings my predicament into sharp relief. I can’t just drift along on my previous course anymore, it’s no longer an option. So now what?
I have decided to give myself some time. This is hard for me, because I like to have a plan. And a back-up plan. Long-range and short-term plans. I like to help others make plans. But I don’t think I’m well served by leaping into something, by being reactionary. It’s been less than a week since I got the news of my lay-off, and I’m still struggling a bit. My plan is gone, my predictable life is gone, and I think I need to mourn that and dwell in this place for a bit before I jump into the next thing.
In spite of my continued lack of direction, I have answered some of the questions I posed to myself last year. I feel that I have a better understanding of who I am, at the core. What my strengths and weaknesses are, what brings me joy and what brings me sorrow. I think that in the past year I have learned my own worth, my own value. I might not know what to do with that information yet, but having it feels like a good first step.
So, I think my goal for the next year is clear. Spend some time with no plan, or fallback. Do some career counseling and consider my options. Dream a bit, try some ideas on for size. And after I’ve spent some time considering my options, I need to set some goals and make some decisions. What do I want to do? Maybe not for the rest of my life, but for right now, how do I want to fill my days and contribute to the world? I hope that by the time I am 34 I will have charted my direction, and will be on my way.
Wish me luck!
This is what I look like these days, with my ever-present companion
PS – I just got news that my good friend Kirsten’s baby was born in the wee small hours this morning. I am delighted to share a birthday with this new little person, and wish the whole family well. Hooray for babies! 
Way to go, Amber! Direction is hard, and accepting temporary absence of a plan is harder. May I ask – what news was hard to get?btw – Your boy is VERY cute!!
On Wednesday I heard that I will be laid off when my mat leave ends in August.
And after re-reading this post this morning I edited it to make that more clear, but I guess it didn't show up in Facebook. Ah, technology!
aha. Then nothing "serious"… AND – these things always happen for a reason… Perhaps you needed a push to re-evaluate.
I seem to recall you sending a message “suggesting” May 5th was a good day for being born to Kirsten…did you send over some castor oil with that message? LOL
Happy Birthday to you and all May 5th babies
Happy Birthday! It can be hard not having a plan… giving yourself space and time to come up with a plan sounds like a great idea.
Happy birthday Amber
Whatever path you choose to walk this next year you will have much sucess! You are a smart cookie and a hard worker!
Happy Birthday, Amber!
I’m sorry to hear about your job loss, but at least you have plenty of time and a family that loves each other! I’m sure by this time next year your plans will be made.
Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday. Just focus on yourself today, you deserve it.
Happy Birthday! I hope that you have a really great day!
Happy Birthday! Many more happy years to come.