I have two children, who can be classified as one of each. They have the traditional hairstyles of their respective genders. My daughter Hannah favours long, flowing locks. My son Jacob has short “boy” cuts. In parenting these two children, I have learned a few things about kids and hair. First, I have learned that I feel way more angst over my daughter’s hair. How long is it? What colour is it? How shall we style it today? These are all questions I’ve considered in relation to my daughter that I haven’t really worried about with my son.
For Jacob I’ve opted for short hair out of a combination of convention and convenience. Convention because as much as I buy into gender neutral parenting, I don’t particularly relish the idea of correcting everyone who compliments my “daughter’s” hair. Convenience because, really, nothing is more convenient than wash and go. Somewhat ironically, though, I’ve discovered this is the far more expensive option. Even though I get his hair super short, he needs a haircut every two or three months to keep it from getting scraggy. On top of this, a boy style is harder, especially given Jacob’s penchant to cry, squirm, and cover his head when someone gets near him with scissors. My solution is to take him to the super-expensive kids’ cut place where non-cooperative clients are their bread and butter.
Jacob’s short cut
This week I got to experience the difference between my children’s hair yet again, when Hannah cut her own hair for the second time. Now, if Jacob cut his own hair, I would probably just roll my eyes. But when my daughter does it, I have to struggle to remain calm. The first time Hannah gave herself a trim she was four and she wanted to see what it was like. This time there was gum in her hair and she took matters into her own hands. Of course, after she took the scissors to her hair it needed fixing, and the Great Clips was super busy so I got to try my hand at cutting my daughter’s hair.
Hannah’s hair pre-cut
I’m happy to say that both Hannah and I are reasonably pleased with the results of the home haircut. She was still and calm while I worked. Her little brother stood by saying, “It’s okay, sweetie, I’m here.” This was lovely, because for once the kid was repeating something I said to him that was actually positive. Plus, Hannah thought it was hilarious, so that was good. On top of all that, my daughter decided that she was looking forward to a cooler cut for the summer. Plus, it was free, so I’m calling this one a win – although I’d rather not experience it again anytime soon.
Hannah’s hair post-cut
Hannah is seven years old now, and I’ve pretty much handed control over her hair to her. She washes and brushes it herself. She even does some basic styling herself. But hopefully, this time, my talk about why we don’t cut our hair ourselves has sunk in. And if it hasn’t, well, I guess that it really is her head after all.
Have your kids ever cut their own hair? How about more than once? And what are the differences between your sons’ hair and your daughters’ hair? I’d love to hear your stories!
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Twitter: bluebirdmama
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Both of my older children (a boy and a girl) had blonde ringlets and I’ve always been paranoid that they would cut their own hair. My son has always had his hair longish – more surfer/rocker than girly though he did get mistaken for a girl when he was little – and I couldn’t imagine him with a short, conventional boy buzz cut thing going on when he had such amazing curls. It’s kind of strange because I’ve done all kinds of things to my hair as I’ve always had the attitude that “it’s just hair – it will grow back” but I have a much harder time keeping this mindset about my kids gorgeous locks. Maybe because I love their hair and never cared much for mine.
I also cut their hair at home because curly hair is very forgiving and I’m cheap. I put them on a stool in front of the tv and it goes pretty well. Depending on the show, those kids go into a coma and they’re not moving a muscle, let alone a hair.
Alison @ Bluebirdmama’s last post … Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off?
Twitter: AmberStrocel
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If Jacob had curly hair I think I would be more inclined to let it get long. As it is, it’s super-straight so as soon as it gets long-ish it gets in his eyes, and then I would need to tie it back somehow. My daughter’s is the same, and we use a lot of hair clips when it’s shorter. The idea of using barrettes on my son was what really twigged my gender issues, to be honest. They need less pink and frou frou options.
My daughter was born with lots and lots of dark hair. At 17 months old, her hair is longer than that of most of the 3 year olds I know, and it gets her a lot of attention. Since the very first time I took her out of the house, I can’t go a single outing without getting a comment about “all that hair.” I love her hair, I love fixing it up (by necessity, I have to every day) and I think my daughter is beautiful… but there’s so much more to who she is! She’s very smart, she’s tough, she’s creative, she’s outgoing, she’s joyful, and I’m honestly getting tired of my child’s identity being reduced by strangers to her most noticeable physical attribute. So I can understand the convenience issue… not wanted to explain and discuss with every stranger something that is, or ought to be, pretty inconsequential.
Twitter: ourconnections
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Your kids are so beautiful =)
amy lee’s last post … a mother’s letter: a letter from a mother to her unborn daughter
Twitter: thejaninefowler
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I must say, I’m obsessed with my boy’s hair! We do a lot of “He’s a boy” correcting, which seems to bother my husband a lot more than it bothers me. Sebastian has dark curls, similar to the blond curls my brother had at the same age, and I can still remember people telling me how pretty my “little sister” was. So I guess I’m immune! Also, to be super sexist, I suppose I take it as a compliment when people think he’s a girl. Whereas I might be less thrilled if someone thought my daughter was a dude.
We cut a lock of Sebastian’s hair once, and put it in a little box. It was a bang trim, which I quickly realized made him look even more like a gal. We are currently working on headbands to keep his long hair (just past his shoulders) out of his eyes because otherwise he looks like a silly sheepdog. We’ve considered cutting his hair (mohawk!) for the summer as he is ALWAYS hot (Kicked blankets off as soon as he had the motor skills and sleeps with no blanket in just a diaper in the dead of winter, even when we were CAMPING last year and I was almost in tears I was so cold)… but part of me thinks we should let it grow until he requests a cut. And of course part of me couldn’t bear to part with his curls. We’ll see how it plays out once he’s old enough to make his own decision. Or once it’s so long I can’t take it anymore and need to at least trim it, whichever comes first.
I’m tend to be a bit subversive by nature and honestly, I think I would have cut his hair by now if he were a girl!
Janine’s last post … Why I am an Attached Parent
Twitter: tea4tamara
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Lol – my four year old cut her hair just a couple of weeks ago. I think it was in her eyes while she was cutting paper so she grabbed a handful and chopped it off without a thought. If I did this comment right, you should be able to click on my link to see the pictures? I’m actually thrilled that we ended up cutting it short the next day – I thought she’d insist on long hair for years!
Tamara’s last post … She Cut Her Hair. Herself.
Twitter: AmberStrocel
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I see them!
I love Joe’s gorgeous, curly locks, but practically speaking, they are a nightmare to keep untangled and clean! So. Much. Work. It is so fine and curly, it just tangles like no one’s business, becoming a big rat’s nest in no time. So occasionally I get fed up, he gets a really short cut (usually a hackjob by me), then I grieve the loss of the curls, let it grow out again, rinse repeat. (Ha! Rinse repeat is the perfect metaphor for this!)
I’m now pregnant with a girl. And it occurred to me recently, it would be totally cool for her to have short hair. I’m thinking I may be one of those practicality-over-fashion moms. Which is funny because I loved my long hair growing up. But I also have all of these memories of my mom trying to untangle it. I like longer hair on girls (and boys, actually) but I’m not sure I’m willing to go through the child-torture that seems to be required for it. We’ll see. I know the little girl will likely have her own opinions about it.
Inder’s last post … Milestones: Helen’s Second Birthday and Joe’s First Trip to the ER.
Twitter: AmberStrocel
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Once Hannah was a bit older, I made it clear: you want long hair, it needs to be taken care of. She has been generally willing to submit to brushing in order to keep her hair long. Although she’s really grooving on her shorter hair now, so we’ll have to see how she feels once it’s time for her next trim.
My friend has two daughters who made different decisions, actually. One can’t stand hair-brushing and the other is fine with it. So it really does depend at least as much on the kid as the parent.