Jacob is almost 11 months old now and I call him my little shadow. He follows me everywhere. Sometimes it feels like having a little puppy dog as he crawls along on all fours behind me. If he can’t find me he cries until I come running and then he flashes me a million dollar smile. This kid clearly wants to be near me all the time.
In fact Jacob sort of needs to be near me most of the time. He’s still nursing regularly and following my bout of nipple confusion with Hannah I haven’t even tried giving him a bottle. Given the fact that I’m not currently working I’m not really all that concerned. Wherever I go he comes with me, and if I can’t bring him I don’t go. I nurse him when he needs to nurse and we’re both happy to avoid the separation and the ensuing anxiety. I feel very lucky to have this option.
I remember when Hannah was the same age and she would cry at the mere sight of my back. I used to back out of rooms so that she could always see my face. I worried about her dependence on me, the way that I was the only one who would ever do. I couldn’t go out in the evening, movies or a leisurely restaurant meal were out of the question. Part of me believed I would be stuck at home with that kid forever.
Of course Hannah grew out of it. These days she’s 4 years old and will literally push me out the door when I drop her off at her grandparents’ for a sleepover. She’s long since weaned from the breast and no longer requires my physical presence to even consider sleeping. I am still her mom but she doesn’t need me in the same way that she used to. Watching Hannah I know that these days with Jacob won’t last forever, that it really is a very fleeting time.
With Jacob I’ve chosen to embrace this time. Sure, I would like to occasionally get a bit of personal privacy to visit the bathroom or shower, and making dinner without the baby in a carrier on my back might be sort of cool. But I really know that these days aren’t going to last forever. Jacob will be 4 too, soon enough, and he’ll be cheering when it’s a preschool day because he’s had about enough of me.
When people talk about going to see a great new movie I’m (mostly) able to keep my jealousy in check. Or when I watch someone walk to a car, get in, and drive away in under 17 minutes. I might wish I’d enjoyed my freedom more while it lasted, but I’m cool with surrendering it for now. Because as great as it is to make dinner without having someone hanging off your pants leg, it’s also really great to be my little guy’s sun, moon and stars.
So now you know why I have so many ‘self-portraits’ of Jacob and I. I want to capture this time when he was in my arms. I’m getting better at turning the camera on myself and I think these are some of my favourite photos. You can see more of my recent self portraits and snapshots by checking out my Flickr photostream.
Great post, Amber, and you have a great perspective on things. Sure, Jakob is your shadow right now and it can be frustrating at times, but in the big scheme of things these few years are just a blip and they go fast. I’m glad you’re doing your best to enjoy it, frustrations and all.
He’s such a cutie! What a great reminder to capture the time as it flies by!
LOL! I laughed at the backing out of the room so Hannah can see your face. These moments go by too fast. It’s nice to see your enjoying each moment.
Great photos of you and your little man; so much of this post resonates with how I’ve felt about little girl . . . to this day, I cannot leave the room at any new/strange place to use the lady’s room–Annabelle always joins me. Funny though, the way you describe your daughter, in public places, Annabelle pushes me out of the restroom so that she may have some “privacy”!
Now, with just weeks to go before my 2nd one arrives, I think, like you, I will look forward to savoring these moments, when I am my children’s sun, moon, and stars.
Beautifully said.
beautiful post. I can relate. But I figure my kids and I are a team right now. They are only little once and eventually they’ll probably vote me off the island…so I enjoy it as best I can.
Great pics!!
you’re right – the time does fly past (but crawls when you’re in the moment)
in a way i’m glad i’ve only had to go thru it all just the once so it all stayed fresh and new, but the lack of privacy, solitude, headspace did drive me nuts at the time. i couldn’t rationalise it as well as you have here (and at this moment i’m being hammered for spelling, conversation, opinion and extra playtime pre-bath despite it being ‘quiet’ ie. solo time) and had to plan regular escapes – hence ‘quiet’ time.
but he’s in the middle of his first week at daycamp and i must admit, i’m missing my little shadow somewhat (but on the other hand i’ve gotten thru piles of work in the last two days)
thanks for reminding me to savour time with the Wee Guy
I love seeing him tucked inside your baby sling, content as can be. I’m definitely savoring the babyhood phase more this second time around too.
I am loving having my little shadow follow me around all day too. I’m cherishing these moments now because one day I know Hannah (yes, we both have great taste when it comes to picking names and we’re both electrical engineers – LOL!)is going to grow up and say “Mommy, you’re so not cool. Go away!”
Thanks for reminding me that even though she may drive me up the wall some days with her mess and fussiness, she loves being by my side- no matter how I look, smell etc
This was great and so timely for me!
I’m really hoping now that I’ve got another one coming that I really will savour the baby time. I was not good at the baby thing the first time around and there is so much I will do differently – so much less I’ll bother worrying about. My son will be nearly 4 when the new baby comes and I think I’m finally ready to do it again… at least I hope 
THANK you Amber- That was mylife with Kate too =)
She still needs to be close to me and had all of three bottles her life (only took from my MUM and well Madonna was a once in a life opportunity to good to pass up!!!) lol
It is so nice to have friends that feel similar to me in my parenting and reminding me that we are doing a good job- sometimes i feel like I am fighting to good fight all alone and that is one reason i love my LLL friends!!!!