Before I had children, I watched a lot of news. I also watched newsmagazines, talk shows, and true crime shows. On the one hand, I just watched more television in general. I had a lot more free time, after all. On the other hand, I was interested in what was happening, and I wanted to be informed. All of that changed when I became a parent, though. Not because I didn’t want to know what was happening in the world anymore, but because I couldn’t stand it when what I heard was bad. And, if you’ve ever watched the news, you know that much of what you hear is bad.
Having children exposed my soft underbelly, and turned my empathy up to 11. I can no longer handle news stories about children being hurt or abused, and I definitely can’t handle stories about very young children dying. When I heard a news story a few years ago about a boy who died in his bed from “dry drowning” after inhaling some water while swimming, I became panicked every time my own daughter swallowed a little bit of water in the bath tub, or choked on a drink. I feel the pain of all the other parents in the world, and I am just that much more tuned in to potential dangers my kids could face. I decided just to stop watching TV news altogether. I could no longer handle the stress.
My news hiatus went up a notch when my daughter Hannah was three or so. I was in the habit of listening to talk radio in the car, but I had to stop that, too. Every half-hour the news came on, filled with stories of terrible happenings near and far. When Hannah reached the age where it was obvious that she was both listening and understanding, I couldn’t stomach it anymore. I just wasn’t up to handling questions like, “What is ‘sexual assault’?” Or, more frequently, “Why did that man kill the other man?” My kid never let me brush her off, either. She kept pressing for every sordid detail. I found that listening to Bobs and LoLo on CD was much safer.
While I claimed that I stopped listening to talk radio because I was concerned about scaring my daughter, the truth is that she was largely nonplussed by what she learned. Young kids don’t have a lot of concern for the pain of others, as evidenced by the way that they hit you and then laugh as if they’ve just told the funniest joke in the world. But as parenting caused me to lose my own taste for bad news, it also introduced a new element, which was a desire to protect my children from unpleasantness. Listening to the news might not have upset my daughter, but hearing her questions as she listened to it upset me. I didn’t want her to live in a world where she had to understand why people sometimes do incredibly terrible things to each other.
In the years that have followed, I’ve had increasingly complex conversations with my daughter about increasingly complex issues. We’ve discussed where babies come from. We’ve dissected my parents’ divorce. We’ve talked about poverty and politics and labour disputes. We’ve wrestled with difficult questions as we read Little House on the Prairie together. I’ve also had another child, who’s gotten to tag along as Hannah and I chat. I’ve seen that there’s no way to shield my children from the world: they inhabit it just as I do, and if anything I need to equip them for it.
All the same, I still avoid the news whenever possible. I do read the newspaper, but even there I’ve found myself hiding a section in the recycling box when it contains a particularly heart-wrenching headline or photo. I can’t just shrug off all the bad-ness anymore, because my stake in the world is so much greater. I didn’t know it, but I made this bargain when I gave birth. I get a front-row seat to all the little ordinary, every day miracles of raising children. I get to experience all of the highs and lows. In so doing, I allowed my heart to be permanently exposed. It’s filled to overflowing with all sorts of good things, but it’s also easily bruised. I need to be careful with it. It’s a bargain I’d willingly make all over again.
I don’t really know what’s happening in the world around me. When people make allusions to current news stories and use words like terrible, I nod knowingly and change the subject. I’d rather not hear about something that I have no control over, but that will cause me to lose sleep anyway. For me, it’s just safer that way.
What about you? Did you find that your reaction to sad news stories – especially those that involve children – changed when you became a parent? And how do you react when your children ask you hard questions about current events? I’d love to hear your stories!
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I appreciate your perspective. It seems that, so far, I’m able to do the opposite. In college, I was reading academic stuff, but had no idea what was going on in local, national or international news. I’ve been away from college for almost six years now, and I find that I need to hear the news to feel connected to the outside world (I still don’t follow international news very well.) But my daughter is almost 3 and I can see your perspective in shielding your toddler from bad news. I still want to know what’s going on because I feel that I’m better informed and I like that understanding as I go in to vote or discuss events with other adults. However, I will need to adjust when and how I get this news (probably not from TV, maybe the radio, most likely the newspaper when I get free time.) And then another good question is when is a child old enough to handle listening (even just as background news) the 5:30 news on TV? Or talk radio in the car?
Rebecca B’s last post … Being the Fun Parent
Twitter: AmberStrocel
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If I really want to know something, I find that the newspaper is a good compromise. Kids can’t overhear it, and you often actually get more in-depth reporting on issues, since they can’t offer up-to-the-minute updates. You’ll get more political coverage, for instance, over crime stories. The truth isn’t that I actually want to be uninformed – rather that I don’t want to hear about all the crimes and misfortunes. Those really don’t impact the way I vote or anything else in my daily life, they just scare me.
I am so happy to hear that I am not the only one not interested in news anymore. I found that news at lunch and supper was not good for the children to overhear. And then if I caught the late news I couldn’t sleep. There is just more negative than positive for information or happenings in the world for me now. My husband can let me in on the details If it is something I need to know. We are not totally oblivious to the global emergencies and regularly donate to Unicef and Red Cross. Thanks for writing this post. Julie from Alberta.
I put my foot down about not watching the news when he was about 2. There was a tsunami on the other side of the world, lots of footage of houses being washed away and people wading through waist-deep water. Roland asked me “Is the big water coming here?” and that was it, off went the TV. Kids shouldn’t have to worry about that kind of stuff.
Twitter: anktangle
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I’ve absolutely had the same shift in my tolerance of negative media since becoming a parent. I found myself very sensitive to those kinds of stories when I was pregnant, so I decided to censor my intake of such things…just for the duration of my pregnancy. But my sensitivity didn’t decrease after my son was born–quite the opposite, actually. I still struggle with wanting to be informed and up-to-date on current events, and at the same time not wanting to be upset by those same stories. It’s an interesting side-effect of motherhood that I didn’t anticipate, and I’m glad to know I’m not alone in it.
Amy @ Anktangle’s last post … Garden (Time Out) Meditation
Absolutely. You’ve articulated something I’ve been thinking about for quite a while. My husband and I used to watch an old rerun of Law & Order: SVU almost every night; I can’t do that anymore – won’t be able to sleep. After seeing the documentary “Dear Zachary” I walked around in a sad, distraught daze for days; in the thick of it, I mentioned this a friend who had a newborn and she said she herself was feeling sick over the famine in the Horn of Africa. Just the thought of children suffering is almost too much to bear for me. I also remember someone referring to some horrid piece of news as “not good for someone with a new baby”. I think this is a universal thing.
I do feel out of touch with the world sometimes, like it’s hard to keep on top of even the most basic happenings. I listen to CBC in the car but have a feeling it won’t be long before I have to stop that. It’s amazing how your brain can fill up with other things, though; I’ve basically become an amateur lactation consultant and recite all sorts of new kids’ songs I didn’t know until recently. I guess one way to do something positive with this “freed-up” time and brain space is to actively learn about other, more neutral topics that you’re interested it. (I suspect that you have no problems doing that!)
This about sums it up:
“In so doing, I allowed my heart to be permanently exposed. It’s filled to overflowing with all sorts of good things, but it’s also easily bruised. I need to be careful with it.”
Beautifully said!
I’m totally with you on this! I have always been sensitive to the news, and parenting has made it pretty much intolerable for me. I do listen to NPR in the afternoons though, for now (and I *always* turn the radio off when they warn a segment might include graphic descriptions, I love that they warn at least!). I’m beginning to realize Z will soon be at an age where he will understand and question more,a nd I may have to change that habit.
“my stake in the world is much greater” –this is exactly what I say since becoming a parent! I’m so invested in the world now. I used to be able to insulate myself but no longer. There’s this fragile little guy who’s going to go out there and he’s my heart and I want him to be safe. It’s pretty much excruciating. And beautiful. (but mostly excruciating.)
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Absolutely, 100%, could have written most of this myself. The only difference is that my son is too young to ask questions – Yet.
My husband is inexplicably immune. Not only that, but he feels some compulsion to share information. It’s like that saying, “The only way to get rid of information you don’t want is to give it to someone else.” Between him and Twitter, I hear more than I want to. The most recent local stories have been about toddlers found wandering on busy streets. When the children are taken into custody and parents arrested, I do breathe a sigh of relief for a possible happy ending down the line… But kids being ripped away from their parents – no matter how awful they are – is hardly something to be happy about.
The news rarely makes me anxious about my own child – Most of the “it could happen to you!” headlines are fear-mongering, at least here in the States. But that EMPATHY is too much.
I also cry at commercials like I’m pregnant. I sobbed through the end of The Help. I’m a mess, and I never used to be a crier at all. Never used to be anything but snarky when it came to serious situations and emotions. I’ll admit that sometimes I miss that.
Janine’s last post … Copy-Kids Eat Fruits and Vegetables
I am exactly the same way. It’s not that I ignore the news–especially of the political sort–but I am especially sensitive to hearing about bad things happening to small children. Sometimes, I honestly find myself sobbing when I accidentally read (it’s usually reading, since we don’t watch TV news) something graphic or just heartbreaking. I’ve been really bothered by articles about kids left in hot cars lately. I just can’t read them, because they disturb me too much.
Cate’s last post … What I’m Loving Wednesday
We’ve always gotten our news from the radio. I’ve switched to Radio 2 because I don’t want to have to explain everthing to a five year old that is always asking questions. I know I’m not ready. And to be honest, knowing her, I don’t think she’s ready for the news yet either.
Brie’s last post … Boxes
Twitter: blauelibelle
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I found myself more sensitive to baby & child related stories (or animals–that’d get me crying too) when I was pregnant & it dind’t go away after Sprout was born. I got really tired of the TV news–it’s more sensationalist entertainment than actual information, plus way more sports than I care about. When TV went digital, we got rid of our old analog one, rather than spending money for a converter thingie. I don’t miss it at all. On the rare occasion that I watch a bit of the newscast online, I find it incredibly annoying. I get my news from various websites & online newspapers, when I feel like reading it. I read about what I want to read, rather than what Global or CTV or CBC wants to feed me.
I’m especially glad we went TV-free now that Sprout’s starting to pick up stuff from everywhere. He’ll repeat what people say word for word whether they’re present or on video. He understands what he’s seeing in the occasional videos we watch–I wouldn’t want to expose him to the scary things that can be on the news broadcast just yet.
Lisa C’s last post … What I’ve been reading lately
Since becoming a parent I am a complete mess at any news of a child dying or ill. Whether it’s a friend retelling me something or reading it in a paper.
We don’t have cable tv and I only read the NYT online infrequently now. One reason for this is that we live overseas and I’ve yet to get tuned in with UK or local news. The other reason is that I seem to be far less interested since having a child. In my prechild days I poured over the Globe and Mail or National Post on weekends. I bought The Economist and picked my way through it over a few weeks (dense reading).
Why the change? Do diapers and time outs and cleaning sand out of stroller make you less interested in current events? Maybe.
But I also think I am touched more deeply by the news. Something about becoming a parent, perhaps knowing that it could be my own child, has made the tragic events so much more real.
A few months ago my husband called to tell me he was reading the Vancouver Sun online and that a friend of mine had died in a hanggliding accident. Over the next few days several friends and family emailed me to tell me the news as well, knowing that I am overseas so wouldn’t have seen the news. The few details I heard from my husband of her death shook me and I was having nightmares and a lot of trouble sleeping. I’ve had flashes of anxiety about what ifs and terrible scenarios running through my head of my son and husband in accidents.
Slowly the anxiety has faded and the nightmares went away. When I think of my friend I no longer think of her tragic death but of the last time I saw her, at a running race, smiling and looking so happy.
Long winded way to say, I don’t need the news right now in my life. Not the bad kind anyways.
Rachel’s last post … Things I’m Loving – July 2012