I recently paid my first “official” visit to a public nursing room. In nearly 3 1/2 years of breastfeeding between my two kids I’d actually never nursed in one. Hannah was so easily distracted that I could only nurse her at home on the couch. Even another room in our house, or chatting with Jon while she ate, was often too much excitement for her. And Jacob I mostly just nurse wherever I happen to be, as I follow my 4-year-old around.
I visited the nursing room (officially referred to as the “baby care room”) because I needed to change Jacob’s diaper while we were at IKEA. The change table is in there, along with an attached bathroom featuring both a regular toilet and a mini toilet. (Kids love the mini toilet!) The bathroom is its own little room with locking door. And then there’s an area with some toys, a lamp, and two comfy chairs. The idea is clear – your older kids can play and you can sit and nurse the baby.
Jacob hanging out in the nursing room
Since I was already in there to change Jacob, and since he was hungry, I grabbed a chair and fed him. It was kind of nice being in a quiet spot so that the little guy wasn’t distracted. It was also nice to have amenities and room to spread out. But I still had mixed feelings about being there.
After all, it feels like the point of a nursing room is that it’s private. And having a private place to nurse kind of implies that nursing ought to be private. That it’s shameful and needs to be hidden. Plus nursing rooms are nearly always attached to bathrooms. While I was feeding Jacob another mom came in and changed her toddler’s diaper, then used the facilities herself. And that’s what they’re for, but all the same it’s a little bit yucky if you think about it too hard.
If we want women to feel comfortable nursing their babies then it needs to be accepted as a public activity, not relegated to a private corner. And luckily, in BC we have the right to breastfeed anywhere. A quote from a government website:
Nursing mothers have the right to breastfeed their children in a public area, and it is discriminatory to ask them to cover up or breastfeed somewhere else.
I know that not everyone feels comfortable nursing in public. Some babies nurse better in a quiet place, away from distractions. In the early months it can be really awkward just getting the baby latched on, let alone trying to do it squished into a booth in a mall food court. If you have toddlers or preschoolers with you then you also have to consider how to keep them occupied while you nurse. And some people are just very modest or concerned about others’ reactions. If you prefer to nurse in a private location I would hardly judge that choice.
All the same, I think that I will probably stay out of the nursing room. I want to do my part to normalize breastfeeding. And I want to be where I can people watch, not stuck in a quiet out-of-the way room. From now on we’ll stick to visiting the baby care room for the mini toilet, kid-sized sink, and change table.
What about you? Do you love or hate the nursing room? Do you care if it’s attached to a bathroom? And if you bottle feed, would it ever occur to you to use the room to feed your baby?
I prefer to nurse wherever I am if possible, but I have used nursing rooms when I just want to let it all hang out (so to speak) and not worry about covering up too much or looking around me. Sometimes it is nice to be in private- just for me- not because of everyone else. And sometimes my babies need the privacy for distraction. I like the option of nursing rooms, but I also hope that people don’t think because there is a nursing room available that that’s the only place you can nurse!
Steph
(gosh! it seems so long ago now but …) we nursed whenever/wherever. i’m trying to remember if we ever used a nursing room for nursing (and the IKEA one in the pic looks lovely – very spring!) and i don’t think we did. i didn’t know about the ‘right to breastfeed’ in BC but i also didn’t want to make it a private event. i think culturally there is a point in having a ‘withdrawing room’ for nursing and also it’s important to consider the sensitivities of abuse survivors who often have real issues with breastfeeding to begin with.
PS: and yes we use the IKEA room for the mini toilet! – a destination of choice
I think I used that room once when Victoria was a baby. She was still really little and extremely fussy so trying to get her latched on properly in a regular old chair (ie no arms) would have been VERY difficult. I remember it was a very busy room with another mom nursing, her toddler playing, and other moms coming and going to use the “tiny toilet” with their kids.
With Amelia I think i would have to use a room like that. She is SO easily distracted that if I tried to be out anywhere she’d never settle to nurse.
I like that places provide these rooms mainly because you usually get more comfortable chairs to sit in than a standard plastic, food court kind of chair.
As for out in the open nursing: with Victoria I was VERY uncomfortable about it. With Amelia I’m much more okay about it though I don’t do it very often due to the distraction issue. If I had a third I’d probably just whip it out anywhere LOL
I feel the same kind of ambivalence you do about nursing rooms. In a way it’s really nice that they provide you with some place quiet and comfortable, but I don’t like the sense that you should be hidden away. I think it’s among the dumbest things in the world that people get upset when women breastfeed in public. I remember my sister having to explain to some guy that, if you don’t accept that women can breastfeed anywhere, you’re essentially asking them to just stay home. I’m not sure what the issue with the attached bathroom is — germs? I’m kind of a germophobe, but I’ve been trying not to keep my kids so sterile, so I’m not sure about that part.
For the short time I nursed I never used a nursing room. I prefered to look out and about, but after Hannah was born, Emma was easily distracted and wanted to move about. So, I could see how it would have been much easier for me to use a nursing room for Emma to have the chance to stretch her legs a bit. Having it out of the way would have been a good thing for me. But, Emma was only 14 months old when I had Hannah, so that made things more challenging.
I say – breastfeed whereever and whenever you need to. I was never more concerned about someone elses feelings over my own childs need for comfort or food. Look away I say.
Oh yeah…I think that nursing rooms are attatched to bathrooms because most babies eat and poop or pee pretty much all together. If the rooms were far apart moms might complain that it wasn’t convient to feed in one area, pack up and move to another just to change. Just a thought though…..and in my house, my main bathroom is right close to my kitchen/dinning room and that is okay for me, but not for everyone, I know.
I used to breastfeed whenever/wherever, and never really thought of it as anything to hide. Yes, I did use a sheet or whatever to cover myself with if I was feeling particularly exposed, but I think it was much more widely accepted 10 and 13 years ago than it was 20+ years ago. *And LORD knows it wasn’t anything sexual or sensual with my boobs hangin’ out back then…they served a function, and if there wasn’t a baby touching them then they were waaayyy off limits (my poor husband)!
The rooms (back when I was doing it it was a chair in the corner of the airport bathroom…NICE) were functional for get-in-get-out kind of feedings, but I have to say, if I had the chance to nurse in the room you pictured above, I think I would’ve hidden away in there for a little while!
I have no issue with nursing rooms. With my first I was rather gung-ho about breastfeeding and had the same feelings you do about normalizing it in public.
This time around I appreciate the ability to contain my preschooler. Often I fed Peyton in the wrap while we shopped (until she became too distracted). Really, I think I’ve only used it a few times in 15 months and simply because the diaper needed changing and hey, might as well get it all done with at the same time.
Depending on the nursing room. I’ve been in city ones that were fancy and the bathroom was isolated from the rest of the room. I’ve also been in ones that the whole place seemed grimy with the bathroom there and refused to nurse in it.
Side note, I had a friend suggest to me that I breastfeed Peyton (5 months at the time) in the bathroom at her wedding. That I was not impressed with.
I think if you have older kids with you, the nursing rooms would be a lifesaver. The one at Brentwood mall is awesome with kid size chairs and some toys.
So if your kids are prone to wander..at least they are safe while you are occupied.
I rarely got outside to bf as I sucked at it..but am always optimistic
Ooh, the Brentwood mall one — that place is nicer than my house. The Ikea one is pretty nice, too. I think it’s nice that they’re available (nice ones, not grotty ones — those are just insulting), but I rarely used one. I didn’t have a distractible nurser, so there was rarely a need to stop and retreat. In fact I frequently didn’t bother to sit down. A few times I’d be out walking with my mom and I’d look at the babe and say “oh! she needs to nurse!” My mom immediately began casting about for a place for us to sit so I could do that, meanwhile I loosened my wrap, lifted my shirt, latched the baby on, barely breaking my stride. That kind of made me feel like superwoman.
And i was all about normalizing the experience of seeing a woman nurse her baby, too.
The one time I ever had someone approach me while I was nursing my (2-month old) baby while sitting on a bench in a mall, she came over, said “I think it’s fine for you to stay there if you want to, but I just wanted to tell you that this mall has a nursing room around the next corner, just if you want to use it. But whatever you want is fine!” She was really polite about it, honestly just trying to be helpful, and she smiled and nodded when I thanked her and said that I was comfy where I was.
I think it’s wonderful that Ikea has such a great family room in it’s store. I was never quite comfortable nip. The most public place I’ve ever nursed was in the middle of a field, on a blanket with my brother, his wife and kids at a concert on Canada Day – which I thought was pretty public. I think the most public would have to be the grocery store though – I’ve had friends who told me they would lean over the cart in the middle of the grocery store and nurse their baby! I always nursed the baby prior to going to the store or even in the van just prior to going in – if I had to take them with me. I would certainly use a space such as that one to escape the hustle and bustle of a mall or large department store to either nurse or bottle feed my baby.
(I know this is an old post but it’s new to me so I’m commenting, deal with it
I am with you, conflicted about nursing in private. On one hand, it’s nice to not have distractions. Sebastian latches and eats better and just seems happier when we slip away from family and friends to nurse and we did that a few times over the holidays. It’s great to chill out and give us both a break – We even slip off to a bedroom at home sometimes. But then I feel guilty, the same as I do when I feed him a pumped bottle of milk in public, that I’m not proudly nursing in public and setting that example. Because in all honesty I have zero problem whipping out my entire boob to feed my kid, whether it’s in front of my father-in-law or a bunch of strangers.
In short, I suppose that if everyone breastfed and it was completely normal, I could appreciate a private room as something nice and luxurious, but because of our society it has unpleasant undertones.