I don’t know how you do it.
People say this to me a lot. Like, several times a week, at least. I’m never really sure whether to take it as a compliment (as in, look at you, rocking it!) or a gentle criticism (as in, my friends and family really wish I had more time for them). When I hear it, I think that I must be giving the wrong impression. I must make it look as if I’m doing more than I am, or that I’m doing it all really well. I must not be sharing the whole truth, because I feel like I drop a lot of balls and let a lot of things slide.
There’s this inspirational quote that I found on Pinterest that I have fallen in love with. It’s from Steven Furtick, who Google tells me is a pastor in the US. But that’s really beside the point. What’s on point is that these words really resonate with me:
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
~ Steven Furtick
Here’s the truth: I have too much on my plate. It’s not even fun at this point, and I’m working hard to restore a sense of equilibrium in my life. I will get there. In the meantime, comments about how I do so much hit me in a sore spot, because I would like to be doing a whole lot less. At the same time, I can see that people who feel they should be doing more see that I have all these balls in the air and they think they should be somehow keeping up. We’re all looking at other people, who seem to be doing it better than we are, and we’re not seeing that they’re struggling, too.
In the interests of keeping it real, I’d like to tell you some of the things that I haven’t done recently:
- Vacuum. My carpets are crying out for a good cleaning, and I will totally get around to it … eventually.
- Register Jacob for a spring class. The kid is constantly asking to go back to preschool basketball or take music class, and I can’t pull it together to actually find a class and sign him up.
- Read other people’s blogs. I really want to do more of this, so much I can taste it, but I also need to sleep sometime. Speaking of which …
- Get enough sleep. I’m squeaking by on less than seven hours most nights, which is not enough to keep me at my cheerful best.
- Sew with Hannah. The kid really, really wants to learn how to make a cushion. I have the materials, but I haven’t found the time.
- Knit. Just last week I finally finished the socks that were meant as a Christmas gift for my mother. Luckily her birthday’s coming up soon.
- Write. Okay, so I do write every day, but there are lots of things I’d like to be writing that I just can’t seem to find the time for.
- Yoga. For two weeks I was getting up in the morning to do yoga, but that fell by the wayside once the sleep deprivation reached critical levels.
If you see someone who’s doing a lot, the odds are good they’re letting something else go. I guess the question each of us needs to answer for ourselves is what we’re willing to let go of, what we’re not willing to let go of, and how we can make that work in our lives. Mine is a work in progress, but I believe that a better balance exists, and I’m committed to finding it.
What about you? What do you let slide, that you’d rather not? How do you find balance and set priorities? And do you think that equilibrium is even possible when you have a life and a job and kids and all that jazz? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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I’ve been struggling with getting enough done for a long time. Now that I’ve moved further away from my job, I’m really noticing how finite time is during a day. (The upside – the train trip allows me some wind-down time before I get home to the dinner/playtime/bedtime/grownuptime nuttiness at home.)
I keep reminding myself that I cannot pick all the battles at the same time. That said, I don’t want to lose the things I enjoy to make time for the things I have to do.
Oh, if I could bend the laws of time and physics!
melissa’s last post … Welcome to suburbia
I always feel I should be spending more time with my kids–even though sometimes, it’s obvious they would rather play independently.
Jenny’s last post … Surprise! A party for my mom
Thanks for writing this. I often tell people that the highlight reel isn’t indicative of the b-roll. On a daily basis, I feel as though I am simply maintaining the status quo, but rarely getting to the ‘list’ that regularly keeps me awake at night. When you find the key to that ‘better balance’, please write a follow-up post.
Lorraine’s last post … ShamROCK!
Twitter: RachaelNevins
says:
I’ve been working very hard (though very gradually!) at decluttering our apartment, but not at all at cleaning it. It is is a filthy mess. Well, Brian vacuumed this weekend, so maybe it’s just a mess. So be it, I suppose.
As for the quotation from Furtick, it reminds me of my fifth year reunion at Fancy Brand-Name College. I was at a really, really low point in my life: just about to quit a job (teaching) that I had gotten a Master’s Degree to do. I had just arrived at the reunion and was looking around at all the other people standing under the tent, people whom I used to look at in envy five, six, seven years earlier — going to classes, in classes, at the dining hall, and so on. I really, really thought they all had their shit together, unlike me. But at the reunion, already a bit tipsy from the cheap red wine, I realized: I hardly know most of these people! What do I know about their inner lives? Heck, they probably felt as shitty back then as I did! And they might feel just as bad now, for all I know! I ended up having a great time at the reunion.
And yet despite that realization back then, I’m probably still making such comparisons between myself and the other mothers at the tot lot, and so on. Alas.
Rachael’s last post … Small Changes: April 2012
Nothing ticks me off more than realizing that I’m sitting on a deadline while my son watches his second hour of TV. Seriously, it makes me so angry. I do not want to do that. I actually sat in Starbucks yesterday, a place I hate, with Theo while he drank/spilled an orange smoothis all over himself while I checked my email. In theory, I don’t work on the days I have my son. In reality, I do. I actually like having clean carpets and clean dishes and preparing dinner. I even like decluttering! I like painting WITH my son not doing something while he’s “painting.” Frankly just is enough. No idea where I’m going here! Anyway, always love your posts! Keep on crafting!
harriet Fancott’s last post … The darndest things
I hear that “How do you do it all?” a lot as well, and I never know how to respond. Partly, I’m able to do what I do because I have a lot of help at home (my husband, and I also have my brother and a housemate living with me, so there are just a lot of people around). Partly it’s because I enjoy cooking, sewing, etc., so I make time for them. And partly it’s because I’m a pretty sloppy housekeeper. But also, I do have weeks where everything is just frickin’ falling apart. All the time. I don’t often blog about them, because usually I’m too busy trying to tread water to blog at that point. And because I don’t want my blog to become a place for me to whine and feel sorry for myself – I mean, people I work with read it, and family members from far away! Anyway, I love love love that great quote about the “highlights reel.” That is wonderful and I will be borrowing it!
Inder’s last post … Miscellany.
I get the “wow! you do so much” comments a lot and i’ve finally realised that yes, i do a lot and that not everyone does and that it isn’t normal at all and that it might not be best for me to have so much on my plate because there is a lot that is falling off the plate which i never catch … like having the headspace to really seriously sensibly think about and plan what i am actually working towards … oh, and catching up with friends!
see you for coffee tomorrow btw
pomomama’s last post … The Art of Doll Making
Twitter: AmberStrocel
says:
I love it – a blog post as coffee date confirmation. You just saved me an email.
Twitter: thejaninefowler
says:
Love – and stealing – that quote! I want to write it up somewhere because damn does it resonate with me too, ESPECIALLY when it comes to mom & lifestyle bloggers.
Janine’s last post … Sunday Link Love
I definitely think it’s important to STRIVE for balance, but unlikely that any of us will truly find it when you factor in kids and work and the pace of today’s society. And I think we will always look at what others are doing or coping with, and we’ll think, “If she can do all that, why can’t I seem to manage it?” I REALLy like and agree with that Steven Furtick quote!
Amanda’s last post … Wordless Wednesday: A Nice Start