It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! I invite you to join in the fun. If you would like to share a story from your own journey, please drop me a line. If you’d like to find out more about my online class on living with intention and my upcoming e-book, visit craftingmylife.com.
Today, my American friends are celebrating Thanksgiving. I am not – in Canada we celebrate Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October, which just happens to coincide with Columbus Day in the US. What this means is that I’ve been there, done that, and eaten the turkey almost six weeks ago, and today I have to work. But since so many of you are feasting and making merry, it seemed fitting to mention it.
It also seemed fitting to mention Thanksgiving, because I believe that practicing gratitude plays a very big role in living a life of intention and authenticity. Over on the Crafting my Life blog I explored some of the benefits of giving thanks on Canadian Thanksgiving. Apparently, research tells us that people who cultivate a spirit of thankfulness have better mental and physical health, improved inter-personal relationships and increased optimism. This leads to greater happiness – apparently people are 25% happier when they’re “in gratitude” than when they’re not.
Image credit: woodleywonderworks on Flickr
Being thankful doesn’t, in and of itself, bring your dreams to fruition. But when you’re happy and optimistic, it’s a lot easier to see the possibilities in your life. At least, I feel that way. When I’m discouraged and down, I find it much harder to motivate myself. When I’m in a good place and I feel upbeat and hopeful, I’m more productive. I’m also far more likely to make mental connections or come up with brilliant ideas when I’m in a positive space. I think most people find that.
Ironically, holidays like Thanksgiving are often the worst times to bring gratitude into our lives. We’re so often rushing around, attending to little details, that we don’t really have time to stop and think about what we’re thankful for. When you’re cooking a full turkey dinner for 13 and doing some frantic last-minute cleaning so that you can keep up appearances with your mother-in-law, you’re probably not “in gratitude”. At the same time, I think that the message of togetherness and thankfulness and celebration can be an excellent kicking-off point to gratitude. It just may have to wait until the next morning when the guests have cleared out and you have a moment to think.
From this point on, we’re going to be hurtling headlong through the holiday season. This means that we’re also rapidly approaching the end of the year, which is traditionally a time when we re-evaluate our lives and think about what we’d like to do in the year ahead. Last year I declared that I wanted to keep the holidays simple and special. I’ll be doing that again this year. In the process, I want to take full advantage of the spirit of goodwill and hope and gratitude that infuses the holiday season when I’m not stressed out and frantic. I want to take the time to enjoy what’s happening around me, think about what I’ve done in the past year, and dream about what I want to do in the year ahead.
As you celebrate Thanksgiving (or just work, like me) today, why not think about what you can do to bring a little bit of gratitude and joy into your holiday season? How can you make this season enjoyable, and optimistic, and satisfying? We all spend so much time making the holidays fun for our kids, and that’s great, but I think we deserve to have fun, too. In the process, we’ll make the season a little brighter for everyone, because we won’t be toxic and cranky. When you take the time to cultivate gratitude – and joy – you’re not just giving yourself a gift, you’re giving everyone a holiday gift. And this one will always be just the right size.
How will you cultivate a spirit of thankfulness, at Thanksgiving and beyond? And how will you make the holiday season manageable and even enjoyable for yourself? I’d love to hear!
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Nice post
I think there’s two types of thankfulness out there. One is if you’re expressing gratitude to others – something I typically do through reciprocal actions (you bought me a coffee, I’ll bring in cookies to the office). The other is when you take time to self-reflect on what it is you’re thankful for – which, like yourself, I primarily do through blogging. Happy Thanksgiving either way!
Britt’s last post … Walkabout
Liked your post, Amber, but had a little flinch at the mother-in-law reference. (Those critical MIL’s are everywhere, aren’t they?) I make a point of reminding my younger friends that if they have children, they, too, will play this role some day. It’s an easy throw-away line, I know, to cast MIL’s as difficult to please, but the reality of being one is very interesting and, based on my friends and my experiences, sometimes very difficult.
If you’re lucky, your DIL will accept you and appreciate you for the job you’ve done in raising a good man, one that she loves. You will participate co-operatively with her in family gatherings, be allowed to look after the grandchildren and bond together as friends. If you’re unlucky, she will see you as a rival for his attention, interfering in terms of the children and will make sure that you’re only there on her sufferance.
My MIL friends and I have a mantra: Just Keep Your Mouth Shut! We also pass over an imaginary roll of duct tape to new grandmothers (to put over their mouths) with a great deal of humour. We understand that unsolicited advice is really annoying, but also want to be there if you need us.You would not believe the horror stories I have heard, especially about access to grand-children. So terribly sad for all involved, and these are very nice, caring, non-interfering women I’m talking about. And don’t forget, we all had MIL’s , too, with varying rates of success in our dealings with them and so learned how we wanted to be when it was our turn.
On the other hand, most of us have great relationships with our DIL’s because we are just so grateful for the loving homes they provide for our sons and grand-children. We admire and support our DIL’s accomplishments outside the home, as well, because most of my friends are feminists who fought for the rights of women to make their own choices. Do we really care if your houses are spotless? Please!
So, bringing this little segue back to gratitude, I am so very grateful for my DIL. She is full of generosity of spirit and I love her. My ex- DIL and I were close, too, and it has not been easy to renegotiate our relationship. However, I honour her for the good mother she is and am grateful for that. Somehow we have managed to remain civil and kind with each other.
As to being a MIL to my SIL, it is entirely different. He and I have a great understanding and I appreciate him for his readiness to help whenever we need him. He also buys me the silliest gag gift for Christmas every year which I love. So, gratitude all around for my wonderful family.
Thanks for letting me sound off. Here’s to MIL’s everywhere. We’re really not the monsters-in law the popular culture would make of us.
Twitter: AmberStrocel
says:
I just want to clarify: I wasn’t trying to say that mothers-in-law are difficult to please. Rather, I was saying that as daughters-in-law we are often concerned about pleasing them. We want them to like us. The distinction is important. The truth is, we do things because of our own perception, and for our own reasons, and they often have little or nothing to do with how the other person reacts. We put the pressure on ourselves, because of our own baggage and pre-conceptions.
My own mother-in-law is fabulous, and I am no longer at the place where I feel the need to put on a show for her. But it’s taken us years to get there, and I do sometimes still find myself cleaning for her. None of this is because she requires it of me, it’s more because it’s taken me time to reach a certain level of confidence in our relationship. I included the line because I know many other people have this experience of familial pressure, and the in-law relationship often heightens it. Many of us feel the desire to appear as if we have everything under control, even if our mothers-in-law are gracious and accepting.
Ahem. Well. That must have struck a nerve. Anyway, thanks for the forum.
Twitter: bitterindigo
says:
Struck a nerve indeed. Let me say that I am exceedingly thankful for the fact that my mother-in-law is fantastic, but sadly I have a lot of friends whose experience proves that the bitchy mother-in-law is not, as I had assumed, just an unkind stereotype. I have no doubt that many women are good MILs, but unfortunately many have no interest in even trying to foster a good relationship. I do understand that it must be disheartening when you’re a good one, though.
Anyway. Yes. Gratitude and joy. I actually feel heavy and dispirited and unjoyful today, but I’m still grateful for many many things.
allison’s last post … Wednesday Waffling
Thanks for your understanding, Allison. Glad you have a good relationshop with your MIL and sorry for the others.
Hope your day and your heart lightens.
Thanks, Amber. I get that as I tried to please mine, as well. You realize, I hope, that my short, second “must have struck a nerve” post was in reference to myself and not your response. Funny how they got situated.
Happy Thanks Giving Amber,
I really love the photos, just dropping by. your children is very adorable and they are very close to each other.
Vernon’s last post … how to get a girl to like you
Thanksgiving day is all about having an attitude of gratitude. I feel one can make this day a satisfying one for thanking their parents for the good life they gave him or her. One must also feel thankful to God for giving us good lives than those of less privileged.
Mac’s last post … Tips on How to Choose a Pasadena Roofer