Overly Invested
I am the sort of person who gets way, way too invested in stuff that’s happening around me. I just can’t seem to maintain any sort of emotional removal. I want to leap right in and fix things, whether they’re broken or not. Maybe it’s an oldest child thing, the feeling that you ought to take responsibility for others. Or maybe it’s just my own special-yet-charming neurosis rearing its furry little head. Either way, it’s a big part of my personality.
For example, I remember watching the 2002 Olympic closing ceremonies, when Scott Hamilton appeared as an ice cleaner with a broom. A few minutes into his performance he ditched the broom. Now, I know in my head that this was planned and someone took that broom. This was a very well-choreographed performance, they’re not just going to leave props lying around. But of course they didn’t follow up on the broom, I guess because no one else in the entire world except me was worried about what happened it. But I couldn’t just let go and move on. I wanted to know where that broom was, and make sure it hadn’t been forgotten.
Even today, as I write this, I’m getting kind of worked up in my head about Scott Hamilton’s broom. What do you think they did with it when the Olympics were over? Do you think it found a good home, and fulfilled its sweeping destiny? Or do you think they threw it out? Do all of the costumes and props from these gala performances just end up in the landfill? Because that would be awful! See what I mean? I am overly invested.
My inability to just let things be leads to all sorts of quirky habits. I read the ending of a book first. I can’t enjoy the book unless I know with absolute certainty it’s all going to be OK in the end. I read internet spoilers for my favourite TV shows, and I constantly interrupt my husband when he’s telling me stories. Poor Jon takes story-telling seriously, and likes to set the stage and build suspense. But me? I just want him to cut to the chase because I can’t take it. I need to know that balloon boy is safe before I can listen to the whole drawn-out saga.
This personality trait is something that I’m working on a lot right now. You see, I am overly invested in myself, too. It’s killing me, not knowing how my grand plans to re-invent myself are going to turn out. To send emails off into the ether and not hear back. To never know if I am taking care of all the details well enough. I need to get more zen and quickly, if I am going to be able to handle the work-at-home freelancing schtick. But, to be honest, I’m not sure that I know exactly how to do that.
And so I turn to you, Dear Reader. Because you are very probably not as prone to investing too much in every little thing as I am. I could use your advice. How do you turn off the need to know the outcome? Have you found the secret be being zen in the face of uncertainty? If so, I would really love to hear it. Or, if you are every bit as overly invested as I am, you can at least let me know I’m not alone. That’s cool, too.
It sounds like you should work on continuity in films. Stuff like that drives me crazy.
Ahhh yes, if only we could know how things would turn out. It’s all about leaps of faith & those can be hard!
just sit back and enjoy the ride, it’s often better than getting there anyway!
i learned this from my mother who worried way too much about the minutiae and never saw the bigger picture
Ha! You’re SO not alone. Though mine is less from wanting to knowing it’s all going to be OK and more from wanting to be in control… AT ALL TIMES.
Jasie VanGesen´s last post ..A one drive-thru town. 
I am sooo worrying about that broom now!!!! And Annemarie’s comment about continuity? I always notice the continuity errors in films, it drives me batty and I always want to write off to them so that they can correct it! In fact, anything that needs correcting – spelling errors in magazines, factual errors, everything, I want to TELL somebody so that they can mend it! Right now!
I had thought I was a bit odd for getting wound up about things that nobody else even noticed, so it’s nice to realise I’m not alone.
That said, I would like to become more relaxed about things, I do think it’s a bit silly to get so bothered by such tiny un-world-shattering little things!
I am a worrier. When we go somewhere, I always pack what we need and what we MIGHT need. It drives my husband crazy. For instance, when we went to Quebec City, I packed warm clothes, cold clothes, rain stuff, mittens… Our suitcase was bulging. We didn’t use half of it, but you know what? I felt safe knowing that if it did rain or snow on Labour Day Weekend in Quebec City, we were covered.
I blame it on being both a Girl Guide and a Stable Manager/Horse Show groom. Be prepared!
I always have wipes, napkins, and tape in my purse. I carry hand sanitizer everywhere. Need a chair? I keep a fold-up chair in my car’s trunk.
If I get too worried about something, and realize I am obsessing, I pray. It centres me back to important things, and I let God have the worry. I have no idea if it works other than to take my shoulders down from around my ears and settles me to be able to focus on the big picture, but it does. 
I know God isn’t a fit for everyone’s life, but it works for me.
Caroline´s last post ..Crazy Pot Luck Pit
Hey Amber,
I struggle daily with trying to live in the present…and I think that relates to what you are talking about with the broom. You are wondering, imagining, daydreaming of what happens – which is very creative – but somewhat unproductive. I find myself so often daydreaming about what I could be doing, should be doing and daydreaming about the outcome of things that haven’t even happened! So I’m afraid I’m not much help, but when I do find myself daydreaming I just try to reel myself in, take stock of the moment and then find something productive to do. lol
I am right there with you. I was out of work for over a year, and during that time I was obsessed to the point of depression about “how it was all going to turn out.” Of course it all turned out fine — I finally did get a good job again — but I never did succeed in gaining perspective on my own situation until I had that job offer.
I should have known better, though; I had been through it all before. When I was just out of college it took me an entire year of working multiple jobs and multiple unpaid internships to land that first job, and I was so depressed. But then one day, you just wake up and there’s a job offer and your life changes overnight. You have to do all of that legwork, sure, but you can never see success coming until it’s already there.
I’m sure this isn’t much help, but try and look back over your life and your career, and think about times you felt as you do now. Didn’t it all work out in the end? And could you have ever seen it coming? Be it a book deal, a blogging gig, or that first magazine assignment — whatever it is you’re hoping for — it’s not going to announce itself in advance. All you can do is keep on doing what you’re doing (you seem to be on the right track), and one day — knock, knock — it will be there at your front door.
In the meantime, crafting works for me!
Sarah´s last post ..Now we are six
I wish I knew the secret answer. I do the same thing, read the last chapter first and search for spoilers before I watch the movie. I have to know the end before i’ll jump into the beginning.
I am not into the spoiling so much as the planning. I am a planner, I figure “how do you know if you’ve made it to the destination, unless you have a map?” Checking things off the great life list is fantastic!
BUT that having been said, I never suspected my plan to be a mother would force me to change my approach to all other plans. Don’t get me wrong, I still plan to ride a motorcycle down the oregeon coast in my 50s with my husband… But long term dreams notwithstanding, I found out that I can plan not a single thing around how my children are going to be! No matter how many sweet stories I read them, they may not grow up loving to read, no matter how many craft supplies I get, they will make their own ideas from them, not mine…. and then there are the other things that kids throw in… the sicknesses and injuries and a learning disability for good measure! I wasn’t planning on any of those and it infuriates me that I can’t look ahead to see the outcome… it drives me CRAZY!
Another thing they taught me (which is the only way my control-freak self can deal with this loss of control) is that the outcome is always NOW! So as long as I am in the NOW, and present, then the outcome is assured.
There is that saying that I am probably brutalizing….
“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.”
My personality balks at this, but accepting the truth in it has helped me release my grip on the less important stuff.
*pol´s last post ..I have an idea!
I have no real idea how to overcome this. I do it as well. Holes or incongruities bother me endlessly. FOR YEARS. Unanswered questions, especially in movies or tv shoes. Don’t those have professional editing teams?
For instance, on HOUSE, House had a friend/private detective. And then one episode, he just stopped showing up. What is that? Why? Couldn’t they write him off somehow? Something? Just, he’s just not there the next episode?
So clearly, I have no idea how to stop your problem because I can’t stop mine.
Lauralee´s last post ..SAHM Triumph: Empty Laundry Basekts
I spent years fighting against the uncertainty of pregnancies outcome. Now, there are not many undertainties that worry me. Except, what did you end up doing with your 73 cucumbers:)?
Francesca´s last post ..Garden planning & issues
You are not alone.
Hi, my name is Johanne, and I’m overly invested.
I’m kind of just like you, but in a different way… if that makes sense? I get overly invested in OTHER’S lives, all the time. I see a commercial on MADD and a baby crying, prompting that little Emily’s mother was one of the passengers? I’m crying about it for 3 days. NOT while I’m pregnant or PMS – then it’s for 7 days. I read about so and so in a book having a fight? Can’t sleep anymore until I reach the point where they make up. I think back on when I was about 4 and my mom bought me a new coat, but the zipper was on the boy’s side, so I cried and said I wanted a girl’s coat. I was 4! I can’t be rational at 4. My mom gave it to my cousin and got me a new coat, but I feel so guilty about it and worry that I totally hurt her feelings of the beautiful new coat she had gotten me.
Argh!
Lemme know if you find out how to turn it off. 
Johanne´s last post ..Merry Christmas to You Card (Digital)
This is probably not useful commentary, but here goes anyway.
You can tell yourself that Steven Cousins (former British National Champion) picked up Scott Hamilton’s broom. He toured with Stars on Ice for years and loved being the “prop guy,” so he usually did the prop drop offs and pick ups for other skaters like Scott. 
In Star Wars Episode 1, the Jedi are always discarding their swooshy outer robes before battle so that they don’t get tangled during the fights. I always wondered – do they ever get the robes back? Do the junior soldiers get sent to search for them?
Lady M´s last post ..He Said It, Not Me
Haa haa.. Advice? Not from me! Not from the lady who writes to STRANGERS on TWITTER begging them not to have an unnecessary cesarean! Talk about being invested… it’s like a nervous tick I have.
People constantly ask me “why the F do you even care?” I don’t know! I wish I could shut it off!
If you find a way to, you can bottle that and sell it, and I’ll be your best customer.
TheFeministBreeder´s last post ..Do You See What I See?
Your comments seem to follow the old Roberta Flack song of someone reading my letters right out loud. I, too, cannot watch or read unless I know it will be ok in the end. Life has enough reality without my adding to it when I’m supposed to be doing something for enjoyment.
And good luck with the re-inventing. It’s hard to face that we can’t please everyone, but once we weigh the consequences we have to take that leap and believe in ourself; although I have to confess I always weighed the consequences and then ‘risked’ only when I believed it was safe to do so (which might not seem like risking to some but to others any step out our comfort zone is a risk).
Wish you luck and much good fortune and don’t worry about the broom; my guess is it is residing joyfully living a life of leisure in the home of an ardent fan