The inevitable truth of maternity leave is that it ends. Whether you resume your position in the working world or not, you are not going to able to collect benefits forever. Today I am highlighting posts about returning to work for the Carnival of Maternity Leave.
Heather found starting her 10-month-old in daycare to be harder than she expected, as she chronicles in her post called Jellybeans. I think this is a near universal experience, and one that I could very much relate to since I started my own daughter Hannah in daycare at 11 months. You spend nearly every waking (and maybe even sleeping) moment with your baby while you’re on maternity leave. Handing care of your precious child over to someone else, no matter how caring or qualified, is not easy. Here is a brief sampling of what Heather wrote:
I reached his room and one of the care givers smiled at me and put her arms out toward us. “Welcome.” This was a defining moment for me. We locked eyes and I took a deep breath. She replied, “Don’t worry. It will be ok.” After a few moments, I handed her my son and placed him in her arms. Nobody told me it was going to be this hard.
The fabulous Brie, who I profiled on Wednesday, wrote another post called Maternity leave: the return. In this post she talks about being eager to return to work, but also jealous of her husband spending time at home on leave with her daughter. This time she is extending her leave, and is looking forward to that. The post highlights the truth that there are advantages and disadvantages to returning to work, and chronicles how she’s juggled them. Here is an excerpt:
By the time the girl turned one I still felt like I was new to this mommy thing. Every day I was learning new things and re-evaluating what I had learnt the day before. I felt insecure about my decisions and doubted myself often. At work there was none of that. At work I knew who I was.
Carrie has just returned to work following her second maternity leave and she’s still trying to get back in the swing of things, as she describes in Mommy wants her groove back! She felt that she had a pretty good rhythm going while she was on leave, but no so much now that she’s working again. Especially with two little kids to come home to. Here is an excerpt:
After my first leave my work life and my home life gelled pretty well. There was time to play with Victoria after work and weekends were busy but manageable. I liked being back at work and using my brain again. But with 2 kids I really feel like I’ve lost my “Mommy-groove”. Over the three day weekend I felt almost like I had never dealt with children before. Meals were messed up, naps weren’t as easy or as long as previous and I felt a little lost.
The return to work is a challenge for most moms, especially when they’ve been off for a year like we are in Canada. It can be hard to get back into the swing of things, and to find a new equilibrium. Even when the return to work is welcome, it’s still an adjustment, and it takes some time to get used to.
Thanks so much for posting Amber! I also totally related to Brie and Carrie in this quest for finding peace in the midst of returning to work after a leave, no matter how long it was. We all connect to this in some way because we are all mothers, just trying to do the best job we can… Every single day. Thanks for sharing our stories! You rock!!!
I was so insecure about the new parenting experience that I was relieved to be heading back! I was sure that the caregiver was better at it than me and my office time was a haven of security and known variables in comparison. Handing my first son over to the caregiver was nerve-wracking only because I felt like I was “bad mom” for feeling the way I did about it all.
The good news is by the time mat-leave ended with baby #2, daycare was too expensive an option and it made more sense for me to work from home financially and for my family’s sake. I was no longer a newbie parent and though things were twice as chaotic with 2 instead of one, I felt more secure in my parenting role. It was NOT EASY to leave the office comforts and predictability!!! I still miss having a quiet place to work and other like minded-peers to bounce ideas off of, but I feel blessed to have to opportunity to be my own children’s caregiver!!! It is so rare a gift in today’s two-income-household-society to be able to raise our own kids.
For the record, the lady that took care of baby #1 when I went back is still my friend and parenting mentor, I learned SO MUCH from her about respectful discipline, setting appropriate boundaries and getting reluctant youngsters to eat their veggies! I NEEDED her to be the parent I am today!
Find reliable, trustable childcare makes all the difference – and that can be so hard! We met with several nanny candidates that turned out very poorly before we met the terrific lady we have now. Whew.