I have two little kids. This means that most of my inner dialogue goes a lot like this: Where are Hannah’s socks? Oh no! Jacob peed on the floor again. I need to wipe that up. Where’s a cloth? That’s not a cloth, those are Hannah’s socks. OK, let’s get those on her. Oh, and we need snacks! We’re out of crackers, maybe apple slices? Gah! My foot is wet! Oh man, I totally forgot about the pee… It’s like chaos around here much of the time, and it’s no surprise that I feel overwhelmed and that I’m always late.
I am actually able to stomach a fair bit of clutter in my environment and I have long accepted that I’m not going to accomplish as much as I used to before I had kids – or at least not the stuff I’d planned to do. But I have a hard time living in non-stop crisis mode, moving from urgent situation to urgent situation. I’m fried. When I do get downtime, I no longer have the brain power to recall what it was I was supposed to do, anyway. So instead of making an appointment for a long-overdue haircut, I spend some time on Twitter and then fight with the kids because they’re fighting with each other.
I finally decided that I needed a little more structure and order in my days, and a little bit less flying by the seat of my pants. Hannah’s daycare has a routine, and it seems pretty effective. There are 24 preschoolers there, and they manage to have two snacks and lunchtime and outside time and nap and crafts and circle time and on and on. I resisted for a while, though, because I didn’t see how I would do it. How could I have a routine when I can’t even pee by myself? But eventually the feeling of overwhelm, um, overwhelmed me, and I decided to at least try it. I drafted Operation Create Order.
There are 3 prongs to Operation Create Order. Prong 1 is setting my priorities. On Sunday I make a list of all the things I need to do that week. There are maybe 15 items, and they are things like ‘write 6 blog posts’ or ‘buy groceries’ or ‘call the dentist’. Then I choose 3-4 to do every day and write that down. I do these things first, before anything else. If it doesn’t happen on its designated day for some reason, it gets slotted in on the next day. Fewer things fall through the cracks because I know what I have to do and I just do it.
Prong 2 (isn’t prong fun to say? prong, prong, prong) of Operation Create Order is instituting a daily routine. I have started setting my alarm clock to the same time every day. In the morning there are 2 hours set aside for getting everyone dressed and fed and out the door. Then there’s some time for me to get things done, and some time to hang out with the kids. We have lunch and more work and kid time in the afternoon. After dinner there’s more kid time, and then more work time after the kids are asleep. And at 11:00pm every night I stop working, because really, fighting with a computer at midnight is not good for anyone.
The daily routine helps to meet everyone’s needs. I’m not trying to do 15 things at once, because I’m just not good at doing 15 things at once. The kids are getting lots of focused attention, I’m getting some dedicated chunks of time to accomplish things, and we’re happier. I’m still tweaking this routine a couple of weeks in, but it’s getting easier.
Prong 3 of Operation Create Order is cutting down on the time spent arguing. It’s a fight to get the kids dressed Every. Single. Morning. There’s a debate over what to wear, and whether or not Hannah needs her parents to stand and watch her put on her socks. So at night, before bed, we decide what they’ll wear the next day and set it out. I explain how it will go in the morning, setting my expectations and listening to hers. For some reason there are fewer debates at 8pm than 8am, so we save time. I’m thrilled because arguing eats up a lot of my day. A lot. And it’s really totally unnecessary, for the most part.
We haven’t established order yet. Actual order is probably an unattainable goal while I have a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old, anyway. But even just two weeks in I’m feeling optimistic. I am more on top of things, and I’m not yelling as much. I like that. So far, the routine is a qualified success.
I’ll report back in another month, and let you know if it’s still going well. But if you’ll excuse me, it’s lunch time now, and I have to step away from the computer.
Do you have any kind of daily routine, or system for getting things done? How does it work, and how do you like it? I’d love to hear your tips and suggestions!
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I have this chart I made up that I fill in every sunday. There’s a column for Monday – Sunday, and then for each day there’s a section to write: inside chores, outside chores, kids activities, blog post, and want to do. I always do the same things every day of the week for the indoor and outdoor chores (Tuesdays are dusting and clean up pool pump area.) Works for me because I really only have two ‘must do’ things a day which seems a lot more manageable than the ‘work until i fall over’ mentality I had before!
I think it’s great that you’ve started this routine. It’s exactly what I would do (eventually) if I was home with the kids. I am trying to do something similar in my morning and evening routines so that the kids know what to expect and know that they will get focussed attention from me everyday. It’s something I need to work on but you’ve given some great tips here. I have found that with two little girls that are 3.5 years apart, I need to focus on individual attention with each of them everyday.
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Twitter: kellynaturally
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We have a white board in the kitchen, which, when I’m feeling inspired, or desperate, I gather the two kids up into the kitchen & we draft a list of what we’d like to get done that day. The list ofen includes things like, play a game with Mom. But also, things like, organize foyer closet (um yeah right… I can dream).
I like crossing things off of lists, and my kids like knowing what to expect. So the whiteboard helps there. Especially when its the end of the day, I’ve already been at the office most of the day & kids at school most of the day, and all I’d really LIKE to do is sit them in front of the TV – but since we don’t DO TV, I can’t. Point is, when my energy is at an all time low & their need for interaction is at an all time high, having a plan in writing – in black & white instead of whatever pops into moms head – that they participated in creating – is a good thing.
kelly @kellynaturally’s last post … The Question of Time
Yes, it is fun to say “prong”…who knew?
I feel your pain. Some days go smoothly, and others are Chaos Unleashed. I think you’re routine will make it easier to cope, but keep in mind that there will be days when order and structure go right out the window, and it’s no fault of yours.
Twitter: jenarbo
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Since i work from home when Kale naps, i’ve discovered I really need to be focussed when I finally get my chance to sit. I keep my facebooking and tweeting to my iPhone – that little keyboard really slows down how much time I spend on it, and for work, I keep three lists of three: things I’d like to do, things I should do, and things I need to do. I use 3×5 post-it’s for these lists because post-it’s bring out my inner nerd. So far, so good.
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I have certain times when I do certain things, like dishes or laundry, or else they’d never get done. I also have a schedule set up for my oldest when he’s on the computer or playing video games, or else he’d go overboard. None of it’s written down anywhere, though, so it’s all liable to change at my discretion. Aside from that, though, we kind of play it by ear.
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Twitter: Miss_Scarlett99
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I think if I was at home all day every day I’d have to do some sort of chart to break up the time otherwise I’d possibly go mad. As it is I think I might want to try that for the weekends so it doesn’t feel like such a collosal (sp??) waste of my time off work. There are ALWAYS things that need to be done but inevitably don’t get done because we are fighting with the kids to eat or sleep, or get dressed, etc etc.
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I need to do this too. I recently got really motivated and got rid of a bunch of clutter, but the house is getting bad again. It’s hard to keep going when I know the kids will only make a mess again! We are going to have to start a routine, because Suzi is three and it’s time we started doing some form of homeschooling. Even if we decide to take a mostly “unschooling” approach, there will need to be plans for more educational activities and outings. Besides, it makes me feel so good to have accomplished something, anything, at the end of the day. A routine would really help and might even be fun. I will have to try it.
Also, I had a poop situation yesterday that was so similar to your example of inner dialogue. Three-year-old has accident in pants, gets poop on several different surfaces. While I am cleaning that up, 11-month-old does monster poop in diaper. She screams until I finish with three-year-old, take care of cloth diaper, and put BOTH kids in kitchen sink for a bath. It’s a darn good thing it wasn’t full of dirty dishes.
Twitter: pomomama
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schedules are life-savers IMO
on sundays i block out great chunks fo time across the week and write out what appointments we have and where we have to go. that way i can see at a glance what time is available for working – i’m getting a lot more productive (mostly)
pomomama aka ebbandflo’s last post … friday forte- holy crap
I thrive on routine as much as my kids do, but for some reason I have trouble keeping it at home. Our weekdays are pretty structured, largely because I go to work, so everything revolves around that. But the weekends are a write-off, outside of sticking to naps for my youngest. I guess in that way he pretty much dictates our routine. But I’m a big advocate of them, so much so that I used to have a list of daily chores on my fridge. People used to make funny of me for it, but it gave me a sense of order. Actually, this post makes me think I should go back to that.
I’m looking forward to reading more about how it’s going for you! And any extra tips you have would be most welcome.
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Thank you for this. You broke it down in a way that I could try to emulate it. I would be interested in other stay at home mom’s schedules. I will stay posted and try it out myself…having said that I am working this summer and my partner is home with the 3 kids. For September! and having said that…I love this:
Life Is Messy… Get Over It! by Scott Noelle,
In man’s quest to conquer nature, our culture has developed an unhealthy aversion to the natural messiness of life.
Heaven forbid you should eat an apple that isn’t nice and round and free of bug bites. Those get made into applesauce so we never have to see their messiness!
And if our high-tech, Star Trek fantasies were real, we could avoid the messiness of birth and simply “beam” babies out of the womb — without a drop of blood in sight.
Even if you’re a “crunchy” parent who’s not afraid of nature’s messiness, there may be other kinds of messes you abhor, like the messy ways children learn, explore, and process emotions. Or the messy way you grow through parenthood.
Today, whenever you feel bothered about anything, ask yourself, “What ‘messiness’ am I resisting?” Are you not allowing your own process to be messy?
Well, get over it! Life IS messy.
Let life’s messes remind you how good it is to be ALIVE!
Twitter: fuoriborgo
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for me itºs always a surprise when at nighttime I realize that things somehow got done. not sure how we make it!
Twitter: Wendy_Irene
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Routine is a huge help! My struggle comes in sticking to the routine. I know it gives me more peace when I do.
Wendy Irene’s last post … Cheddar BBQ Muffins
Ugh, with the end of Mat leave bearing down on me, I’m trying desperately to do some of those chores around the house that I’ll have no time for in a month. Most of them consist of things like “clean up stuff on that counter in the dining room”. We have a MAJOR clutter problem in my house, which is only going to get worse if I don’t nip it in the bud now.
Unfortunately, my 10 month old is in some crazy sleep regression whereby he will only sleep in my bed, any attempts to put him in a crib once asleep end in him waking up screaming as soon as he’s 2 inches from my breasts. So fitting in the cleaning has been somewhat difficult. So far this week I’ve managed to clean our bedroom and master bath while he napped, and his room while he played. And I should be cleaning up downstairs now that his dad managed to get him to sleep in his crib for the night (yah right, more likely for an hour), but instead I’m posting comments on Amber’s blog! Yah, I need a major routine kick in the butt!
This is so funny because we are on day two of sticking to a loose routine/ritual–specifically around key events of the day. So far–okay. Trying to be patient because I know it takes 2-3 weeks for people to settle into new habits, but I’m just thinking I’m not going to survive unless I pull something together.
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We’ve always had a routine at our house…. I find that kids thrive on routine mostly because they know what to expect. Lately though I’ve noticed that I need to change things up with my 5 YO DD… starting with laying out the clothes the night before as I don’t have the time OR the patience in the morning to argue and deal with the *drama” that is my daughter right now.
I know it will pass, but right now she is putting me over the edge!
Good plan. I’m in summer chaos right now. No real schedule to speak of so maybe we’d benefit from a bit of structure to our weeks. It just occurred to me that the age split of your two is the same as mine…you mean chaos is an ongoing thing? Crap, when does it end? I thought surely by the time my son is 5 things will mellow out…oh wait, then baby will indeed be two by then and there will indeed still be pee on the floor.
AmberDusick’s last post … the first two things I ever made in ceramics
I really think an item such as “Write 6 blog posts” easily qualifies as 6 items.
On a more serious note, working from home, blogging, and having a baby DEMANDS that I set some boundaries and routine into this madcap existence.
Soon, soon … really.
Congrats on all your efforts! I’m always trying to set up a better routine – with my work-at-home, home school lifestyle. So many things to fit into the time, and it seems reachable. We have a loose structure and lots of traditions but not a strict daily routine – definitely nothing with prongs! haha
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Twitter: ladymrules
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Prong, prong, prong. I like your routine!
Lady M’s last post … Home Again- Home Again
And for this you got a university degree?
Me and another lady look after 10 children under 2 at a child care centre each day, and let me tell you – routine is everything! The key is to be organised and follow each child’s routine each day so that they know what to expect. The children are, for the most part, very happy and settled and have a lot of fun!
No, for the 10 years I spent working as an engineer, and for the problem-solving and life skills that I attained in the process, I got a university degree. For this, I endured pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. Of own choice.
I have a degree in economics and yet, I chose to become a mother too. And stay at home. And work from home. And reinvent what career means to me. And reinvent myself. And yes it still is worthwhile to have done that degree in the first place. And life is not a straight line, it's a zig zag course that we take, that's what makes it interesting.
I have a Masters in Business and I wish I could stay home with my daughter. I love my job – it's fulfilling, interesting and challenging. But I wish that right now I didn't have to pay someone else to care for my daughter in what I think are her most delicate and impressionable years. Good for you for doing this most important work, Amber!
Jeebus. I hope the first comment above was meant to be tongue-in-cheek and not actually as rude as it appears. Totally agree with Melanie – my zig zag life has led me to more interesting places than a straight line ever would have.
Wow. I love the education I got. As Amber said, it's worth it just for the skills you learn attaining it. Women do not drop IQ points by staying home with their children, although we may not be able to recall the big words as quickly anymore…
I applaud the decision of a woman to stay home to raise her children because it's not only the hardest 24/7 job anyone will ever do, it is also (as the comment above appears to imply) looked upon by society in general and other women specifically (?!) as the worst waste of a "good" brain.I also support the decision of a woman to return to work after having children. Or the decision of a woman to not have children. Can we PLEASE all lift each other up instead of beating each other down? Please.I do hope it was tongue in cheek, too..
I have several kids in my house with special needs, so I have started putting up picture symbols for routines in my house. That way, everyone knows what the expectation is, and doesn't forget the steps. For instance, in my bathroom, I have picture symbols for how to brush your teeth, the kids each have a set on how to get dressed (pick your clothes out before you get naked) and lately I have been contemplating putting up lists for how to clean the bathroom, how to clean the kitchen, how to set the table etc…. because it seems that teenagers tend to forget the steps as well….lol.
Twitter: TheParentVortex
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I’ve been thinking & writing about routine lately too! Instead of embarking on a totally brand new routine I have been living our days as normal but trying to be more conscious of how I’m spending my time. Turns out we do actually have a routine, but there are fairly big chunks of “unaccountable” time in various parts of that routine. I believe strongly in having unscheduled time each day for parents and kids, but knowing where I can replace some random surfing/playtime with a more structured activity helps me freak out a little less.
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