It is 2:30 in the morning. Approximately. The truth is, I don’t know exactly what time it is, and I don’t want to know. Knowing won’t help anything. It will only stress me out, and interfere with my already limited sleep.
I wake up to find myself in two-year-old Jacob’s bed. This is not unusual – Jacob has slept through the night precisely twice in his 27 months on this planet. He is just lucky he’s cute. Since he’s still breastfeeding, and since I rouse far more easily than my husband, I often head into Jacob’s room when he wakes up. It really isn’t so bad – we bought him a double bed for just this reason. There is plenty of room for an adult and a toddler.
Actually, I take that back. In theory there’s plenty of room for an adult and a toddler. In practice, Jacob frequently takes up far more space than anyone his size should physically be able to. It’s an ability that all toddlers have, I think. They arrange themselves in just such a way that you are left with roughly one square foot of mattress to sleep on. It’s quite the trick.
Getting back to my story, though, when I wake up at 2:30am (or whatever unholy hour it actually is) I am sleeping face down on Jacob’s mattress, and he is sleeping on my back. Now, the kid weighs less than 27lbs, so he’s not big. But still, I wouldn’t sleep face down wearing a 27lb backpack, and sleeping face down with a 27lb toddler splayed across my back is no more comfortable.
I have no idea how I got into this position. My best guess is that somewhere around 2:00am, or whatever time it was 30 minutes before I woke up, I decided I was done nursing Jacob and rolled on to my front. And then Jacob, also not quite awake, went in search of the breast that disappeared and ended up on my back. It’s plausible, but there’s really no way to verify if I’m right or wrong.
Regardless of how I ended up here, I know a few things for sure:
- Sleeping face down is not comfortable for me.
- Sleeping face down with my kid on my back is even less comfortable.
- I am really going to feel this in the morning.
- I am not going to be able to shake this off like I could have 10 years ago. With each passing year, it just gets harder to shake things off.
- I will probably still be feeling this two mornings from now.
- In spite of all that, it’s not clear to me that moving is the best idea, because I really, really don’t want to wake Jacob back up.
- In spite of my reluctance to wake Jacob back up, I am going to have to bite the bullet, because OW.
I am happy to report that Jacob did not wake up when I moved him. I am unhappy to report that I was right – I did really feel it in the morning. And the afternoon. And the evening. And the next morning.
Like I said, Jacob is just lucky he’s cute. Because OW.
What is the oddest position you have ever woken up in, when sleeping with a toddler? And have you witnessed the amazing ability of a 2-year-old to occupy a whole king-sized mattress? How do they do that, anyway? Share your stories and theories in the comments!