Strocel.com | Crafting My Life

Guest Post: Considering the Leap

Guest on February 9, 2012 3 Comments

It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! Today I’m sharing a guest post from Audra Costello, about standing on the diving board and being afraid to leap. If you’d like to share a story from your own Crafting my Life journey, drop me a line and let me know!

The summer I was five, my parents said I had to take swimming lessons until I passed “Beginners”. It took me awhile, but I didn’t mind the lessons on the first, second or third time through. I enjoyed splashing around in the water and the teachers were nice. The part of every trip to the local pool I dreaded was the moment when the lesson was over. My class was taken to the diving board and, one at a time, we took turns jumping off. I watched as each child in front of me stepped onto the low board, walked or ran to the edge and pushed themselves into the water. Some bicycled their legs for the fraction of a second they were in the air while others made their bodies go completely stiff as they sliced through the water. The instructors were waiting nearby to help anyone who struggled in their swim to the safety of the ladder. It was foolproof and I knew this. In my head. Try as I might, I couldn’t make my feet jump off the diving board. I was paralyzed by my own fear.

With my daughter

This is the first time I felt this way, but not the last. My life has been full of these moments where, despite my extreme desire, I just can’t move myself to action. I can see the disconnect between where I am and where I want to go, but I can’t push myself to get there. I’m on the board and I can see the ladder, but the uncertainty that lies between is just too scary.The worst part is knowing that I am the only one holding me back.

The experiment that evolved into my blog, Little Tiger and the Milk Belly Princess, afforded me more opportunities than I could have imagined back on that day in August of 2010 when I decided to see what would happen if I stopped buying toys for my children. I learned about sourcing craft materials at Zero Landfill and began a really rewarding teaching experience at a local arts center. Every week I work with a fantastic group of six-to-eight year old girls who are excited about what I have to teach them. Yet, those opportunities have raised difficult questions. The things I look forward to only make up a small fraction of my time and lately that has me questioning the choices I’ve made and continue to make.

I wish I was as intrepid as I look in this picture

Why is the part of the day I’m most excited about only an hour or two at the very end? Why is it that all I find fulfilling in my life–raising my children, crafting, blogging–pushed to the margins? I’ve been teaching high school English full-time for 14 years. I’ve never done anything this long before and lately I’ve been thinking that this part of my life has run its course. For a lot of reasons that I won’t get into here, I can’t muster the enthusiasm I once had.

I can see where I want to go, but I’m back on the diving board again and I can’t jump. What am I afraid of? Disappointment? Failure? That I can’t even comprehend the extent to which I might experience these? That my dad will yell at me?

Growing up I was repeatedly told to “keep [my] options open,” but it was simultaneously communicated to me that playing it safe was the way to go. At the end of my senior year at The College of Wooster, I was offered an opportunity to stay on campus for an extra year to run the college’s writing center. When I called home and told my parents about this, they pretty much said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, that’s flattering and all, but it’s really not going to get you anywhere.” Despite what they said about options, they both believed in playing it safe. To this day they still believe if you don’t know precisely what you’re doing, jumping will make you very, very sorry.

My word for 2012 is authenticity and I want to embrace living an authentic life. I know that this is not achieved by playing it safe. I can see where I want to go, but I need to make the jump. And I’m terrified. What’s the next step?

Audra Costello began blogging at Little Tiger and the Milk Belly Princess in 2010 when she decided to see what would happen if she stopped buying her two young daughters toys for 16 months and made them instead. It turns out that only good things became of that little adventure as she and her children grew more creative together.

Tagged With: Crafting my Life, Guest Posts

Guest Post: Realizing my Life’s Purpose

Guest on February 2, 2012 3 Comments

It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! Today I’m sharing a guest post from Amy Lee, about a conversation she had with a stranger. If you’d like to share a story from your own Crafting my Life journey, drop me a line and let me know!

Have you ever had a conversation with a complete stranger that helped you realize your life purpose? This happened to me.

Four months ago, I had the greatest conversation with a practicing counsellor from Los Angeles. For two hours, we talked about the emotional consequences of our jobs.

This lady counsels troubled children. All of them grew up in neglected and abusive environments. She finds it emotionally challenging to counsel them because most of their stories break her heart.

Since ‘the system’ only allows her to help the children until they improve in school, usually a few months, she doesn’t have enough time to help them work through the issues and move on with their lives. She knows most of them will eventually join gangs, use drugs to cope, or use their sexuality to find acceptance.

This counsellor reminded me that we humans are social beings. One of our basic needs is to want to be connected with other people. The connection with the ones who created us (mother and father) is the primary connection we seek. When this basic need isn’t satisfied, we will seek it else where, even if it’s self destructive to our being.

I thought about this afterwards. A lot.

During our conversation, I felt so lucky. Lucky that I was born into a family that cared about me. Lucky that I chose a profession that allows me to witness and feel love in its most elemental form. That conversation made me realize how important my job is. I provide mothers and each of their children the experience of feeling loved and being loved. I create a space for them to connect with their hearts and strengthen their relationship.

During a photography session, I feel the love the mother has for her child. I feel her joy, her pride, and their shared happiness. I see truth in them and they move me. Every mother and child I work with, whether the child is young or grown, inspires me to be a better mother, and a better daughter.

My conversation with the counsellor also made me realize how important my job is as a mother. I want the best for my children and I want them to live meaningful and purposeful lives. My duty is to love, nurture and guide them. My job is to help give them opportunities to find their strengths to realize their full potential. I want my children to live the life I envisioned for them because when they do, they will change the world.

This is my dream for my daughter. This is also my dream for all children and so this is my promise:

I will provide mothers with experiences, tools and resources to inspire us to love, nurture and guide our children to live meaningful and purposeful lives.

Photography is one of the tools to get to this bigger place.

With photography, I document the love between a mother and each of her children. I provide children doors back to the memories and the emotions of the relationship they have with their mother. These children will grow up knowing why they are loved, why their mother is proud of them and what dreams are bestowed upon them. I believe this is food for their souls.

I know what I’m doing is changing my world. It is also changing the world of the people I touch.

Amy Lee is the founder of The Connection We Share. She is in the process of building a blog to inspire mothers to raise children who will change the world. In the mean time, you can visit her Facebook page for her photography work. Amy has an 18 month daughter, Elle. She is proud of her daughter for being a fearless explorer. Her favourite memory with her daughter is hanging out in their backyard picking strawberries and smelling flowers.

Tagged With: Crafting my Life, Guest Posts

Letting Go of What Isn’t Working

Amber on January 26, 2012 6 Comments

It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! If you’d like to craft your life, too, and find a greater sense of purpose, sign up for the Crafting my Life Online Class, which starts SOON. Or, enter my giveaway and win a free registration. Get ready to do something for yourself, because you deserve it!

Last week, I told you that I’d discovered my mission in life – or at least my mission in life right now. And here it is:

My mission in life is to help other mothers live happier, more fulfilled lives.

This really resonates with me because it takes a lot of things that I am doing already, like my volunteer work, my job with VancouverMom.ca, my writing here at Strocel.com, my book dream and the online tools I create for Crafting my Life, and unifies them with a single statement. In many different ways, big and small, paid and unpaid, I am helping other moms live happier, more fulfilled lives. What could be better? Nothing, that’s what.

I don’t think that everyone needs a mission they can easily define in a single sentence. You can do amazing, meaningful and important things without one. But speaking purely for myself, I’ve found having that sentence helpful. It’s brought me greater clarity, and helped me set better priorities and goals. Since I’m a planner at heart, I really groove on this renewed sense of purpose, and I’m making all kinds of plans. But if I’m going to turn those plans into action, I need to free up some space, which means I need to let go of the stuff that isn’t working for me.

There are two things about letting go that I do not enjoy:

Letting go is emotionally difficult.
Letting go takes time and effort.

Image credit – Andrew Mitchell on Flickr

There are things in my life that aren’t really working for me, and that don’t help me further my mission, and I can identify them. But I’m invested in them all the same. In some cases, I’ve agreed to do something for someone else, and I don’t want to leave them in the lurch. In other cases, in order to let go of a task I need to put in some work to shut it down or prepare it for hand-off, and it’s hard to find time to do that. On top of that, there are my dragons who start telling me stories about how if I let go of something it will mean I’m a big quitter.

Invigorated by my mission, I’m ignoring my dragons, putting in the work to get things organized and learning how to gracefully step out of commitments that are getting in the way of the work I should be doing. The work I need to be doing. It’s isn’t easy, though, and as I face down a task I need to finish before I can let go, I have to force myself to swallow that frog. Who wants to spend a whole bunch of time working on something that doesn’t further your purpose, when you could be doing something that you enjoy? No one. But sometimes you need to put in a little bit of effort now to save work in the long run, so I’m doing it and having faith that it will pay off.

There is an upside to the hard-ness of letting go, and it’s the feeling of relief. When I hand off something that’s been weighing me down, I feel a bit of a rush. Doing something that isn’t working for you takes up a lot of energy. Letting go of it frees up all that energy for something more fulfilling and purposeful. With every little thing I let go, my hope is renewed. I can see that there is a light on the horizon, and that while it isn’t easy, it is worthwhile.

I have spent a lot of my life proving my worth (mostly to myself) by being useful. The problem is that I didn’t consider what was useful for myself, I mostly considered what was useful for others. Now I see that if I really want to be helpful, I should take on tasks that help me further my own mission. This way everyone wins, because I’m giving my best self and doing my best work, and I feel a sense of purpose. So I persist in this beginning phase, shedding my old skin, and enduring the discomfort it brings. It lets me know that there is a brighter day ahead.

Do you find it easy to let go of things that aren’t working for you, or do you struggle with the hard-ness of it? I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you clear out space to pursue a greater sense of purpose and authenticity.

Tagged With: Crafting my Life

My Mission in Life

Amber on January 19, 2012 9 Comments

It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! If you’d like to craft your life, too, and find a greater sense of purpose, subscribe to my mail list. You’ll be eligible for advance discount registration for the Crafting my Life Online Class, which is happening NOW. Spend 12 weeks doing something for yourself!

Does Everyone Have a Calling?

Last June I gave a talk, examining whether or not everyone has a calling – or mission – in life. At the time, I said this:

I’m feeling some pressure now to figure out what my calling is. But the truth is that if I have a calling, I’m not sure I’ve found it yet.

I also said this:

Whether you feel that you have a specific task to fulfill in this life or not, and no matter your personal beliefs, by pursuing justice, love and compassion, both for yourself and the world at large, you can find purpose and meaning. And out of that sense of purpose you may just find your passion – and dare I say it? – your calling. Maybe not all at once in a blinding flash of insight, but gradually, and without even noticing.

And this:

As I go look back on what I’ve done and where I’ve been, a pattern of strengths and weaknesses, passions and life lessons, relationships and opportunities, starts to emerge. It doesn’t necessarily provide that blinding flash of insight, but it can show me purpose and meaning that I didn’t know was there as I lived it.

Uncovering my Mission

This weekend, I had a moment of realization about what my mission in life really is. I do lots of things that I enjoy, but I’ve always separated them in my mind. Crafting my Life, with its online class an playbook, is in one slot. VancouverMom.ca, where I’m connecting local moms to their city and the great things it contains, is in another slot. Strocel.com, where I share my musings and build community, is in another still. There are slots for my volunteer work, my book dream, and the time I spend doing nothing in particular.

When I take all of those separate things out of their slots and line them up, though, a pattern starts to emerge. And what I see is that I have a strong desire to help other moms live happier, more fulfilled lives. That’s what I’m pretty much always doing. More than that, it’s what resonates with me most deeply. It’s my soul work. Whether I make money at it or not, whether anyone else knows what I’m doing or not, I feel like if I can make just one mom’s life a little bit easier because I was there at the right moment, I’ve fulfilled my mission.

I spent years searching for my mission in life, and not finding it. I suspect that I was looking in the wrong place all along. I was waiting for a big, blinding flash of insight, that would cause the hair on the back of my neck to stand up. I thought it would be something entirely new, that I just somehow hadn’t considered before, but that suddenly seemed so perfectly right. But maybe that’s not how it works at all.

Start with What You Know … and be Ready to Adapt

Maybe, when you’re searching for your mission in life, you need to start with what you know. Consider all the things you do, and why you do them. Think about the dreams you have – the ones that make you tingle a little – and then ask yourself why you feel that way about them. What is the underlying motivation that you already have? What can that tell you about what you’re meant to do? I think there are more answers there than in sitting around, waiting for inspiration to hit like a bolt from the blue.

For 2012 I chose the word clarity. My recent epiphany about my mission has gotten me off to a great start. I feel like I have a better understanding of what I need to do, and how I need to do it. When projects come my way, I can consider how they fit into my mission, and make better decisions. Of course, not everything that I do will involve making mom’s lives happier and more fulfilled. Sometimes you just have to scrub a toilet. But I feel like knowing what my mission is helps me live with greater clarity.

I’m not sure if my mission will always be the same. Maybe not. Maybe that’s another misconception about missions. We don’t all have just one that lasts forever. The challenge, therefore, isn’t to figure out that single thing you were meant to do in life. It’s to uncover what’s driving you, and what resonates with you, right now. Then set about doing it. When you’re finished, then you can move on to the next thing, and the one after that, knowing you fulfilled your mission.

I wonder what you think. Do you think that everyone has a mission in life, whether they know it or not? Do you feel like you know what your mission is? And do you think that someone’s mission can change as they change? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Tagged With: Crafting my Life, Navel Gazing

Tips for Letting go of Parental Guilt

Amber on January 12, 2012 4 Comments

Guilt: it’s a reality of life for parents. Balancing the task of raising children with caring for your house and nurturing your other relationships and earning money to pay for all those dance classes ranges from “outrageously difficult” to “downright impossible”. Something’s got to give. There’s just no way to do it all perfectly, all the time, and so we don’t. We don’t fall short out of choice, though, so we feel guilty.

I feel guilty about something each and every day. There’s always something I should be doing, or really want to do, but can’t find the time to accomplish. On top of that, as my kids get older they get better at issuing direct complaints on the substandard nature of my parenting. If I forget someone’s hat when I drop them off at school, or prepare something they don’t enjoy for dinner, you can bet I’m hearing all about it. Their little eyes get wide and they look at me and say, “Why mama, why? Why did you do this thing?” Hannah has even gone so far as to draw pictures illustrating my various shortcomings.

The idea that we’re not spending enough time with our kids a hot-button issue in our culture. Mothers, especially, are not supposed to spend any time on ourselves when we could be spending time with our kids. If we work inside the home, we’re ignoring our kids to sit at the computer. If we work outside the home, we get a whole heaping plate full of guilt about that. If we don’t do any kind of paid work, that comes with its own societal judgments, too. There’s no winning at this game.

In spite of the fact that we’re getting constant messages about how we’re failing as parents, we’re actually far more engaged with our kids than any time in recent history. One American study showed, for instance, that mothers with a college education spent an average of 12 hours a week caring for their children in 1995, and an average of 21.2 hours a week in 2007. That’s more than one extra hour every day. The problem is that our expectations have also changed, so no matter how much time we spend with our kids we still feel as if we’re falling short.

In spite of its prevalence, parental guilt doesn’t help anyone. It just leads to anxiety and stress, and anyone can tell you that an anxious parent isn’t much fun to be around. Letting go of the guilt isn’t that easy, though. The desire to raise our children well is programmed into us, and so we’re constantly monitoring our own performance. Even given our predisposition to guilt, I think there are some ways that we can reduce the stress and anxiety.

Amber’s Guilt Reduction Tips

Do something fun with your kids. It doesn’t have to take much time. Even 15 minutes can help you feel re-connected, and restore your sense of calm.
If your kids are old enough, tell them what makes them so fabulous and then ask them what they love about you. Kids can be very effusive, and their expressions of undying love will remind you that you can’t be doing all that bad.
Think back to a typical day when you were a kid. A time when you weren’t going to school, like over summer vacation, is especially good. Remember how many times your parents sent you off to do something that didn’t involve them – then remember how that didn’t scar you for life.
Keep track of all the things you do for other people during one day. Marvel at how very giving you really are.
Read about the benefits of leaving your kids to their own devices.
When your kids start complaining about something that pushes your guilt buttons, remember the times when you were doing something super-fun with your kids and they complained. Like, say, when you went to the waterslides and they decided the water was too splashy. Accept that sometimes kids just complain. It doesn’t mean we’re bad parents.

When you can let go of some of your guilt, it frees up a whole lot of mental space. It may even free up some space in your schedule, because you’re spending less time scrambling to do it all. That space will help you to restore your sense of equilibrium, and give you the room you need to live a life that actually works for you – instead of a life that just makes you feel guilty.

What do you think? Is parental guilt inevitable? How do you reduce your own guilt level? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Tagged With: Crafting my Life, Navel Gazing, Parenting

Seeking Clarity: Working Together

Amber on January 5, 2012 1 Comment

It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! If you’d like to craft your life, too, and find a greater sense of purpose, check out the Crafting my Life Playbook. If you’d like to share a post about your own Crafting my Life journey, drop me a line.

Last week, I shared my quest to find a word for 2012. I had a really hard time, and I went through many words. But then, in a moment of serendipity, I heard the word, and I knew. My word for 2012? Clarity. I want clarity. I want clarity about who I am, what I’m doing and why.

There are some things in my life that I feel very clear about, like my choice of husband. Because I have clarity around my partner, I’m not investing a bunch of energy into that area of my life. I’m not posting my profile to online dating sites, spending time at places where I’m likely to meet a man or agonizing over how best to approach that guy who’s caught my eye. Any of the time that I would spend doing that is now free to spend elsewhere. In the same way, my hope is that if I get some greater clarity around my life’s direction that I’ll have more energy free to focus on the stuff that actually makes a difference.

It’s a theory.

Step one of my search for greater clarity is to come up with a plan for Crafting my Life. Here’s the thing – I love Crafting my Life. I’ve had a great time running the online classes, and writing the Crafting my Life Playbook. I love helping people figure out what they’re meant to do, and make progress towards their goals. It energizes and inspires me in a way that few other things do. Because you know what? People really are amazing, and they have some really great dreams. Being able share in them is an amazing privilege.

In spite of my enthusiasm, up until now I’ve just kind of floated along with Crafting my Life, sending out the occasional newsletter to my mail list, or posting a link on Twitter and Facebook. One of the things that has become clear to me (and, as you know, I’m all about clarity), is that I need to practice what I preach a little bit more, and use my voice. If I believe (and I do) that my work is meaningful, and helpful, and useful, then I should share that. But I can’t do it alone.

I’m looking for people to help me spread the Crafting my Life message. I believe that great things happen when people work together, so I’m asking if you’d like to work together. I have a few ideas for how this could work.

I’d be happy to write a guest post for your blog about living with greater intention.
I’m looking for a few bloggers to review the Crafting my Life Playbook.
I’m always eager to accept guest posts for Strocel.com about your own journey to live with greater purpose and authenticity.

If any of these sound like your thing, send me an email at amber [at] strocel [dot] com, or fill out this handy-dandy form:

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If this isn’t your thing, that’s okay, too. We don’t have to share every interest in common to be friends, right?

Now, tell me – do you have a word for 2012? And how do you bring greater clarity into your own life? I’d love to hear!

My apologies, the original form wasn’t working. I’ve updated the post, though, and this one should function. Isn’t technology fun?

Tagged With: Bloggy McBloggerson, Crafting my Life, Navel Gazing

In Search of a Word

Amber on December 29, 2011 16 Comments

It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! I’d also like to take this chance to let you know that the Crafting my Life e-book is now available at advance discount pricing to mail list subscribers. To stay in the Crafting my Life loop, or to start your year off on the right foot and get over 25% off the e-book, subscribe to the Crafting my Life list.

We all know that New Year’s resolutions don’t work. In fact, pretty much all of us have made them and not kept them at some point in our lives. I’m no different. I have made resolutions to exercise or organize or self-improve, and pretty much all of them fell by the wayside before January was over.

All the same, I think that a new year can offer a great opportunity to make some changes. There’s something about a new year that seems fresh and clean and full of possibilities. Sometimes a natural shift like that can provide a great impetus to do something new and different, and improve your life in the process. There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of the feeling of a new start that comes around at New Year’s, and doing a little bit of soul-searching and personal reflection. But nobody wants to set a bunch of goals that go nowhere, so what do do?

Last year I decided to choose a word for 2011. The idea was that it would give me something to focus on, and something to keep in mind as I went about my life. My word was “space”. I wanted more space in my life for myself, my family, and the things that I enjoy doing. I wanted to end the year feeling as if I had more time, a better living space and more room to maneuver.

Image credit: Jeremy Yerse on Flickr

Did choosing a word for 2011 work? Yes and no. On the one hand, I did make changes and choices to bring more space into my life. I let go of some things that weren’t working for me, set some priorities and started saying “no” more. On the other hand, I started a new job in July, wrote an e-book, and started a podcast. As I see 2011 out, the truth is that I probably brought more things into my life than I let go of over the course of the year. But there’s something critical that makes it worthwhile, and it’s that I love the things I brought into my life. I adore interviewing people for my podcast, I love my job at VancouverMom.ca, and I’m immensely proud of my e-book. Maybe I filled up the space I created, but I filled it up with good things, so I’m calling it a win.

Buoyed by my semi-success, I’ve decided to choose a word to represent what I want to bring into my life in 2012. But with January 1 closing in on me, I still don’t know what I want that word to be. When the word “space” came to me last year, it just felt right. I’ve been spending a few weeks thinking about my 2012 word, and so far nothing has really resonated with me. I’ve considered joy, play, sustainability, purpose and passion, but none of them quite fit. Peace is the closest one so far to being a winner, but it’s still not there. And so, I’m continuing to work on it.

I trust that the right word for 2012 will come to me. In the meantime, I will sit with it, and think about what I want to bring more of into my life. No resolutions – or magic – required.

Do you choose words or set intentions at New Year’s? And have you decided what you want more of in your life for 2012? I could use suggestions!

Tagged With: Crafting my Life, Navel Gazing, New Year's

The Crafting my Life E-Book

Amber on December 22, 2011 4 Comments

It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! I invite you to join in the fun. If you would like to share a story from your own journey, please drop me a line. If you’d like to find out more about my online class on living with intention and my upcoming e-book, visit craftingmylife.com or subscribe to my mail list.

I wrote an e-book! It’s true, I really did. I wrote an e-book, and then I hired a fabulous editor, and now I have an actual finished book that you can read on your computer or your e-reader. It’s 114 pages long, and it has 12 sections, and it looks very book-like. I’m quite proud of myself, let me tell you.

The Crafting my Life e-book is based on the material I created for the Crafting my Life online class. The online class is for moms who know they want something else in their lives, but they’re not entirely sure what. Or maybe they have some ideas, but they need a little bit of help getting started. It runs for 12 weeks, and it covers a new topic each week. Class participants take stock of their lives, draw inspiration from others, tap into their creative sides, and make space in their lives for themselves. They find their bliss, face their dragons, manage their money and work on their relationships. There are emails with ideas to think about, audio interviews, videos and live chats. There’s also an online community to draw support from.

I love the Crafting my Life online class, but I know that it’s not for everyone. For one thing, it has a set start and finish date, so you need to work around someone else’s schedule. For another, not everyone wants to participate in an online community or live chats. And finally, while I’ve done my best to make the class affordable to most everyone, I know that cost can be an issue for many moms. That’s where the Crafting my Life e-book comes in.

As I said, the e-book includes material from the online class. In fact, if you took the Crafting my Life class you’ll be receiving an email with a link to the book soon, and if you take the class in the future you’ll receive the book as part of the class material. But the book can stand on its own, too. My idea was to create a slightly more affordable option that people can start at anytime, and work through on their own, at their own pace. I’m happy to say I’ve done that. You won’t have access to the audio interviews, videos, community or live chats, but you will have lots of practical ideas for helping you start off in a new direction. And I’m always here to support you on your journey, whether you’re working through the book or taking the class.

I sent an email to the Crafting my Life mail list earlier this week announcing the e-book price and launch dates. If you’re a subscriber, you gain advance access and discount pricing to everything in Crafting my Life. You’re also the first to hear what’s happening next. But I love you whether you subscribe or not, so let me share the info with you that I shared with my subscribers a couple of days ago:

Crafting my Life E-Book Launch

December 26, 2011 – Advance discount sales start for mail list subscribers. Price: $42 USD
January 1, 2012 – The e-book officially launches for everyone. Price: $57 USD

To give you a comparison point, the Crafting my Life online class is regularly priced at $117 USD, so you’re saving more than 50% by opting for the e-book.

If you can’t decide between the e-book and the class, I’m going to make life easy for you. Since the e-book is included with the class, if you buy the e-book I’m crediting its cost towards the class fee, if you decide to enroll at any point in the future. I’ll be running the online class again in late January. So whether you prefer to work on your own, or you want to take part in a community of people who are seeking to live with greater authenticity and purpose, or you can’t make up your mind, there’s an option for you. So stay tuned to Crafting my Life, and prepare for a great year in 2012!

PS – You may be wondering about my dream of writing an actual book. I still have that. And I learned a lot while I worked on the Crafting my Life e-book that I’m using as I approach my book dream. Sometimes dreams take some time to realize, but if we keep hold of them, we can find that we have many opportunities to learn and grow and make progress. I view my experiences with my e-book as an example of that.

Tagged With: Book-ish, Crafting my Life

The Christmas Concert

Amber on December 15, 2011 1 Comment

My daughter, Hannah, is six years old. She goes to grade one at our neighbourhood public school. Like school children all over the world, she recently participated in her school’s Christmas concert. There was a whole lot of practicing leading up to the show. It started in mid-November and culminated this week in dress rehearsals and performances for the rest of the school and finally the big day itself. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard “Paint the Town December” in the past four weeks. Six-year-olds take rehearsing seriously.

Six-year-olds take performing pretty seriously, too. While the older kids at Hannah’s school had clearly been there, done that when it came to holiday concerts, the little kids were extremely enthusiastic. They sang at full volume, performed all their movements with great gusto, and paused every so often to wave to their relatives, who were snapping photos from the audience. To borrow a phrase from sports, they gave it 110%. When they were finished, they took a bow and drank in the applause. This was their moment in the spotlight, and they felt it.

When adults perform as a group they usually try not to stand out. If you’re in a choir, for instance, your voice is supposed to melt in with everyone else’s. The goal is to sound as if you’re all singing with one voice, instead of dozens of different voices. Everything should blend melodically. I’ve sung in a few choirs, and I understand that. In the same vein, any movements you make should be choreographed to perfection. If they’re supposed to be synchronized, they should actually be synchronized. There’s no “I” in team, and all that jazz.

In an elementary school concert, there are nothing but I’s in team. While the kids are more or less singing together, and they try to perform their actions on cue, they’re a collection of individual performers. They’re not a single body performing in unison. Each one will bring his or her own individual touch to the performance. When they mime painting, everyone will be painting their own picture. Some kids will make big sweeping motions, some kids will pretend to jab with their brush, and some kids (like mine) will paint fine details and pause to dip their brush in more paint. It won’t occur to them to try to match up with their classmates. They’ll do it on their own.

There are downsides to the elementary school approach to performance. When we’re all doing our own thing, we miss out on the beauty that can take place when multiple people really work together to create something. When we cooperate with others, we really can do great things, and build something that is much more than the sum of its parts. The choir with the voices that blend in perfect harmony really does sound better. When the Rockettes are lined up doing their “eye-high” kick in perfect unison, it looks spectacular. Sometimes, it’s good to not stand out.

On the other hand, I think that when we start trying to blend in, we lose something. The unbridled enthusiasm of children exists, in part, because they’re throwing their whole selves into what they’re doing without concern for others. They’re acting with passion and doing their own thing, in their own way, without apology. It doesn’t occur to them to stop and wonder what other people will think of them. They’re not in it to make someone else happy, they’re in it to make themselves happy.

I sat and watched as the kids performed their big finale number. They were supposed to all sway in unison, but they didn’t quite achieve it, so they ended up bumping into each other periodically. The effect was more like drunken lurching, but they didn’t seem to care. They continued to sing their hearts out, and sway in time to their own inner music. As I watched, it occurred to me that a life of passion requires a balance. Sometimes, we need to work with others and do our best to synchronize our efforts. Sometimes, we need to do our own thing without apology. The real secret to life, I suspect, is knowing when to do which.

I don’t think there’s a single answer that’s right for everyone, in terms of when to cooperate and when to follow your own heart. But for many adults, the reality is that we haven’t followed our own hearts in some time. If this is where you are, then why not follow the example set by elementary school performers? Sing your own song, without apology. Spend a little less time blending, and a little more time doing what pleases you. In the process, maybe you’ll find your own perfect balance.

Tagged With: Christmas, Crafting my Life, Navel Gazing, Seasons

Of Sickness and Signs

Amber on December 8, 2011 1 Comment

I’m just getting over a cold. It’s not a particularly bad cold, and it hasn’t really slowed me down. And yet, as colds are wont to do, it arrived at exactly the wrong time. Which begs the question: when is the right time for a cold? I’m not sure there is one, especially when you have two little kids to take care of. If that’s the case, then pretty much every time is exactly the wrong time for a cold. And I am now completely off topic. Let’s see if we can get back on track here, shall we?

When you get sick and you have about eleventy-billion things that need to be done, people like to say things like, “Oh, you’re worn down. This is your body’s way of forcing you to take a rest.” These people may have a point, because research confirms that both lack of sleep and stress can weaken your immune system. Or, to put it another way, when you’re worn down you really are more likely to get sick, because your body can’t fend of bacteria and viruses as well.

At the same time, this well-intentioned wisdom is not particularly helpful for that person who has eleventy-billion things to do. It’s even less helpful if a good portion of those things could be summed up with the phrase parent young children. When I have a cold, my kids don’t cut me any slack. They don’t stop eating, and they don’t start sleeping more. Unless they’re sick, too, which is a whole other kind of stress. My point here is that no matter how many signs I get telling me to take a break, I’m still a mom, and moms don’t get sick days. Sure, they may get a little time off work, but there’s no time off from being a parent, regardless of how snotty your nose is.

I’m working hard to live a life of intention and purpose. I have to tell you that getting sick is about the least intentional and purposeful thing you can do. And yet, even as I chafe at instructions to “take it easy” when my kids won’t let me, and my work on my e-book gets delayed yet again because I’m feeling under the weather, I can see that maybe there is a message in a stuffy nose if I look hard enough. I don’t think it’s that I need to stop and slow down, though. I think it’s simply a reminder that I’m not entirely in control of my own life. Things happen. People get sick. Weather doesn’t cooperate. Car batteries die. Little things crop up all the time to disrupt your plans.

When you’re faced with something unexpected that’s messing up your plans, you have a few choices. You can get angry at it. You can throw up your hands in defeat. Or you can accept it, and build a little bit of space into your life to deal with the unexpected. If you’re feeling really evolved, you may even welcome the unexpected. Because while it’s rarely convenient, sometimes it brings delightful moments of serendipity, chance encounters with greatness or even deep transcendence. The unexpected lives in the dark and secret places, popping up when you least expect it, bringing a mystery. And mysteries can have surprisingly fabulous endings, if you let them.

My cold, sadly, does not appear to have a fabulous ending. Although I’m always happy to say good-bye to a virus, this one isn’t leaving great things in its wake. But maybe the next unexpected thing will. I’ll just have to wait to find out. Until then, I’ll be waiting over here with a tissue.