I have a podcast now, did you know that? I started it sort of accidentally, when I was interviewing people for Crafting my Life. I discovered, much to my own surprise, that I like hearing other peoples’ stories. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I love hearing other peoples’ stories. And I especially love having the freedom to ask slightly impertinent questions.
The impertinent questions are the best part of interviewing someone. If I were having coffee with you, and I didn’t know you that well, it would be totally rude of me to ask about things that you struggle with or inquire into how your husband views your business. It would feel uncomfortable to me, anyway. But when you’re interviewing someone, the rules are different. You assume the persona of the interviewer, and interviewers are allowed to make people cry.
Not that I’ve made anyone cry, or that I want to make anyone cry. But let’s consider, say, Barbara Walters. If she makes someone cry during an interview, it’s just part of the deal. In fact, her interviewees often blame themselves, saying things like, “I promised I wouldn’t do this.” But if Babs made someone cry at the grocery store by probing a little too deeply into their recent divorce? That would be the height of rudeness. The rules of the interview are different.
When I talk to someone about their Thing, I’m not trying to be nosy or make them uncomfortable. I want an interview to be pleasant and relaxed for everyone. In fact, much of the time my interview subjects tell me how much fun they had. And I tell them that I had fun, too, because I did. As I said, I love hearing other peoples’ stories. It’s why I want to write a whole book filled with other peoples’ stories.
For the longest time, I would have told you that interviewing someone was the last thing I wanted to do. I have had telephone anxiety for as long as I can remember. It used to take me several days to work up the courage to make a doctor’s appointment. I was worried that I would say the wrong thing, or not have the right answer, or generally flub up the conversation. I’m not sure why, exactly, because I’ve never had the same fear about in-person conversations. But add in a telephone and I was all freaked out.
Interviewing people has not only given me the gift of hearing and sharing stories, which is amazing, but it has also largely cured me of my telephone anxiety. When I first started contacting people for interviews – and often strangers that I admired, no less – it was intimidating, to say the least. I was really freaked out. But it quickly became apparent to me that they were often freaked out, too. That helped to reduce at least some of the fear.
But the real clincher, for me, was developing my Interviewer Persona. It’s not something I did consciously, exactly. But when I sat down to do an interview, I tried to do the things I thought an interviewer would do. When I’m asking people to share their story publicly, I speak to them differently, and I react to their words differently. For example, if someone says something awesome in an interview I’m likely to answer with, “I love that,” and then just pause to let it sink in. Because it’s not about me. In a casual conversation, on the other hand, I’m more likely to interject with my own opinions and go off on tangents, never pausing to let words just sit.
It is this new realization that it’s not all about me that has ultimately freed me. Interviewing is about giving someone else the space to share their story, and giving whoever listens to it the chance to learn from it. And I have carried that lesson into other areas of my life. When I make phone calls, for instance, I am less likely to freak out if words get garbled or I need to stop and clarify myself. It’s not all about me, and it’s OK if there’s some confusion or I don’t get the answer I want. I am still OK, and it’s not particularly a reflection on me, it’s about allowing space for things to unfold as they will.
And so, I will continue to do interviews, and I will continue to ask others to share their stories with me. It has become the most exciting part of my life, and the interaction that I value most. Our stories are precious, and being the guardian of someone else’s story is both thrilling and deeply humbling. It’s a sacred responsibility, and I am doing my best to fulfill it fully and authentically. I hope that you will continue to share your stories with me, too, by reading along and sharing your thoughts with me here on my blog.
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