I am going to warn you right up front that this post is not for those who don’t enjoy slightly humourous discussions of women’s preventive health procedures. Or my father-in-law. You don’t really need this info unless you have a cervix, so if you’re still reading Ted, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Ahem.
As you may know, I am a lady. This means that I have lady parts. It also means that I need to visit the doctor on a regular basis to have those lady parts checked out. Because while a date with a speculum is not exactly my idea of a good time, it beats undetected cervical cancer hands down. If you want to hear more about why you should be proactive and make that appointment, chat with Betsy. Or really, if you just want to laugh your pants off, chat with Betsy. Either way.
(I’m having the same problem with this post that I had with the poop post – what photos to use? I’ve decided that this time I’ll go with cute shots of my kids.)
I have a daughter! She is cute!
It occurs to me that all of us ladies have this shared experience in common, and yet we do it so very much on our own. Visiting public bathrooms in a group may be cliché, but I don’t know anyone who rounds up her girlfriends before heading to the doctor. You may compare notes or crack jokes about it, but when you find yourself on that table wearing a hospital robe, you are hopefully the only one in the room. There was one time I had to take my 4-month-old, but really, I don’t recommend that if you can possibly avoid it.
Since I’m left to my own devices as I head to the doctor, I have my own comfort measures that I employ. For example, I wear my warmest, fuzziest socks. Sexy? No. But I’m not trying to come on to my doctor, so I’m cool with that. I also wear a big sweatshirt and skip the contacts. If I am going to have to put my feet in stirrups, I want to be as comfortable as possible before and after. I don’t know how other people do it, but that’s just how I roll.
I also have a son! He is cute, too!
While I still wouldn’t say that a pap test is my idea of a good time, my views towards it have changed over the years. Today, I am in my mid-30s. I have given birth twice, one time in front of an entire team from the NICU. I always have an audience in the bathroom, and I have had the joy of answering explicit questions about my period from my daughter who thought I might be dying. When I was 18 I found the idea of baring it all for the doctor embarrassing. Now? She could parade a class full of medical students through for observation and I would probably just shout out tips.
Shame? I have none anymore.
Beware a toddler with a spray nozzle!
In fact, taking a solo trip to the doctor is kind of relaxing. I get to drive there in the car and listen to whatever I want, without anyone complaining. I can read a magazine while I wait, or just sit and enjoy the novelty of not having anyone climbing on me. Because I don’t really give a flying fig, I can chat with my doctor about how she can travel now that her daughter is 19 while she gives me a breast exam. It sounds sort of like this: “Lift this arm. So, yeah, when she was younger I didn’t really want to leave her, but now that she’s older … my hands might be cold, sorry … I can go away for a week and I don’t have to worry.”
Although I will admit it is a little surreal to discuss good places to travel with younger kids while someone is knuckle-deep in your vagina. But I’ll take her tips no matter what she was doing while she gave them.
Sometimes my children actually play together, yay!
The best part of going in for my appointment, though, is the smug feeling of satisfaction I get after it’s over. I’ve done my part. Held up my end of the bargain. Taken a step for preventive medicine. All that good stuff. I feel like I’ve earned a gold star, and I’m free and clear until the next time. As I leave the office in my glasses, baggy sweatshirt and fuzzy socks, I give myself a mental high five. My health will thank me!
So, what is my point? My point is that all of us ladies should make sure that we get our lady parts checked out on a regular basis. Because we owe it to ourselves. And when you have little kids at home visiting the doctor by yourself may be the closest thing to a spa visit you ever get. Plus, you can keep your socks on.
Do you have any comfort measures you use when you need to go in for The Appointment? What are they? And do you need to book yours soon? Because you totally should. And then share your funniest or most awkward moment in the comments. Use a pseudonym if you have to, I won’t judge.
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I’m really shy in person, but childbirth has definitely eased me up in this area. Before I’d be trying to keep that film of paper over as much as possible. Now I’m all, “You need to check there, and you have a class of medical students coming in to take notes too? OK, just give me a sec to take off my pants!” Fun times.
C @ Kid Things’s last post … Counting Down
When I go for my annual exam I’m much the same, I chat away with the doctor and just relax. That’s really the only way to go. I remember when I was a teenager I dreaded these visits but now it’s just routine. I actually had three this year, fun times. I like your fuzzy socks idea.
Twitter: pomomama
says:
me and countless women back in the UK have what are called ‘doctor’s knickers’ – they’re that special pair which are not string thongs, too lacy, racy or even granny-ish but look respectable with no stains cos they’re only worn to doctor appointments. no fuzzy socks though
i chat too, when he’s knuckle-deep into my innards – he has five kids so my doc is a mine of valuable child-rearing info. i’m not going to waste any time with him.
as for ‘funny’ tales [stop reading here if you are about to have an internal exam with a speculum]
la la la la la
ok – the nurse doing my exam (back in the uk, so it’s safe here in N America, OK) got the speculum stuck up around my cervix. yes. she had to wriggle it free with a lot of pushing and pulling. not so hilarious, but when i eventually got in to work and recounted my tale i had to take one of my male co-workers for a cup of tea so he could recover.
pomomama’s last post … saturday shout out- the two of us
I haven’t been for a pap smear since I was pregnant with my almost 4-year-old. I am probably going to go to a nurse midwife for one in a couple of months after I recover from this birth
Jenny’s last post … WW- My favorite photos from Roberts birth
I just remember she’s a woman too and I’m pretty darn sure she can’t do a pap smear on herself and if she can that’s pretty dang impressive. lol. She’s not my regular doctor, but my doctor (a male) thought I’d be more comfortable with a female doctor –either way it doesn’t bother me…it’s only once a year.
Sophia’s last post … Dandelion Flower Fritters
The first time I visited the lady doctor for this fun procedure I was 18 years old and living on my own 3 states away. The lady was about 70 years old, and a Mennonite. I was super nervous until I saw her. Then I jumped up and gave her a hug, stating that we should at least hug before she got to see my vagina. Luckily, she had a great sense of humor and laughed for a long time after I said that
Twitter: AmberStrocel
says:
I love that you hugged her. So. Awesome.
Don’t like them but I always go. My doc calls to make sure of it, and she’s a woman, which helps frankly.
Twitter: AmberStrocel
says:
To be totally honest, I have never seen a male doctor for my pap. I’m sure it would be fine, but there’s something about knowing your care provider has been on the other side of the speculum that makes me feel better.
Twitter: bitterindigo
says:
Why would you need good underwear when you’re going to strip naked and put on a paper robe? Just hide them under your other clothes like I do!
Also, what a coincidence – I was JUST chatting with Betsy. And laughing.
allison’s last post … Better Living Through Plastic Explosives- Book Review
This summer I am hoping to have a partial hysterectomy. It has been a long time coming (starting with a 7 month absense of my period followed by a 63 day hemorage!). I too completely agree that all shame is lost once children come.
I am looking forward to my operation however. I am considering it my ‘summer break’. I will have 3-4 days stay in the hospital and I am excited. Why? Because I will sleep by myself. I will eat by myself. I will do all the things one does in the bathroom all by myself. I will bring a stack of book. I will bring my ipod. I will have peace and quiet and rest. Ahhhh. Only in parenthood does one consider a partial hysterectomy a ‘holiday’. The cherry on this sundae? I won’t have a period every again! You heard me! No more tampons, pads, non swimming days, aching backs, headaches. I can’t wait. My husband points out that there will be no more excuses for me not putting out anymroe either! I can live with that though!
Twitter: Miss_Scarlett99
says:
How appropriate. I just went for mine
I’ve never had an issue with the PAP test. Male doctor, female doctor, whatever. They all went to school and they all have the skills…I assume
My current family doctor is male so I really have no choice in the matter. I will say it’s hard to remember to go when you don’t need to see your doctor yearly for a prescription re-fill (gotta love the IUD)
Carrie’s last post … A New Swear Word
Twitter: AmberStrocel
says:
I love the “…I assume” line.
I heard of some guy getting charged with practicing medicine without a license for giving out breast exams at a flea market. What woman decided to sign up for these, I have no idea. But now I’m picturing some guy getting led away in handcuffs for offering pap smears just for fun.
Twitter: ladymrules
says:
Yep, definitely less embarrassed about privacy since um, six years and one month ago. Someday, I’ll be able to use the restroom without an audience.
Lady M’s last post … White Belt- Plus Dance Geeks and Math Geeks Unite!
Twitter: thejaninefowler
says:
Before I had my appendix out, I had a pelvic exam to rule other things out. I was in the ER with my now-husband, who at the time I had been dating for just about a year. Thank God for Vicodin, making it so much less awkward for a male doctor to get all up there while my boyfriend watched.
I always thought it was funny that my doctor would leave the room for me to change into a gown even though 5 minutes later she would be “knuckle deep in my vagina”, as you so eloquently put it.
She was my pregnancy doc and after a couple visits I teased her about it and she would just stay in the room while I disrobed. The weird thing? I sort of liked it better when she waited outside!
I find lady appointments to be (physically) uncomfortable but I am not sure I’ve ever had an ounce of modesty so the rest is no big deal. I do agree with the person above who described “doctors panties” though!
Ya, why do they leave the room when you change, I would really rather they just turn around. I don’t know about your Doc, but mine is gone for a good 5 minutes… 5 extra minutes shivering near naked with my squirmy boys out in their waiting room creating who-knows-what kind of messes! It would be in my doctor’s best interest to stay put and get it done FAST.
BTW, why do I have to drive the samples to the lab myself? Don’t they have medical couriers for that?
*pol’s last post … I dont know what to say
Twitter: AmberStrocel
says:
I have NEVER had to drive my own samples. Weird!
At my 6-wk postpartum check up, My robe was SOAKED with my leaking milk. Dribbled all down while I waited! When the doc did the breast exam, it was squirting! I was so embarassed, but he said “I deliver babies for a living, a little breast milk doesn’t bother me.” Still, I was mortified! I brought my soin with me and the nurses loved holding him during my exam
Abbie’s last post … Hopping Down the Bunny Trail
Twitter: fuoriborgo
says:
My medical check ups are soo overdue. I’m so sick of doctors and hospitals and tests … not a good reason, I know.
Francesca’s last post … Thanking the generations
Ugh, thanks for the reminder. It has been much too long since my last lady appointment. I’ll focus on the good bits – the alone time, the chance to read an unshredded magazine, and being able to use my iPhone without a small face peering over my shoulder demanding to watch Elmo clips.
Amanda’s last post … Wordless Wednesday
Twitter: torturedpotato
says:
When I was about 20 I had a pap / exam and the doctor asked if she could take my vagina et al’s photograph for a paper she was working on. Apparently I looked ‘typical’ and she needed some ‘typical’ shots. Of course I said yes!
Since the parade of on-call OBs and random nurses doing cervical checks during my 2 labours I pretty much don’t sweat it. And I don’t have a family doc so I go to Options for Sexual Health (formerly Planned Parenthood) where I used to volunteer, and can’t recommend them enough. Easy-going, happy women who are quick and professional.
Twitter: AmberStrocel
says:
I think I would consider being “typical” a compliment, in this case.
Because, really, do you want an ATYPICAL vagina? I would think not.
Twitter: osnsmom
says:
Dude, next time I go to the lady doctor, I am wearing the fuzziest socks I own. You’ve inspired me. It is nice to have alone time, even if it comes in the form of a doctor’s appointment. Cute pictures of the kiddos by the way!
Old School/New School Mom’s last post … Please Refrain From Flash Photography
Twitter: JnJGoGreen
says:
I just want to find a female doctor in our area! I have been searching for 4 years now and nada!
Jen’s last post … Earth Day!
Ha!!! The last time I went to the doctor by myself (not for a lady visit; just to get a prescription refilled), I had that same thought – geez! This is sort of relaxing! Why don’t I do this more often?? And my doctor knew it. He told me that when the appointment was over I should take myself out for coffee and just dilly-dally a little bit before heading home. Nice guy! Did I mention he also has small children at home?