The Responsible One

on January 29, 2013 20 Comments

Sometimes I get tired of being the responsible one. The one who gets the kids up on time in the morning, makes their lunches for school, cajoles them into eating a healthy breakfast. The one who makes sure homework is done, teeth are brushed, and reusable water bottles are full so that everyone stays hydrated and the earth doesn’t suffer in the process. The one who’s pretending to be a real adult, because even though I don’t feel like one, there’s really no other choice. There are children to take care of, a house to maintain, pets to feed, and a career to keep up.

teaching responsibility

Hannah drew this picture of me (responsibly) teaching her to cross the street

Before I had all of these responsibilities, I didn’t appreciate my freedom. I didn’t understand what life would be like when it wasn’t just about me. When I would be woken up at 5:00am every morning by little children climbing into my bed, sticking their cold feet on my belly to warm them up, insisting they need me because they’re scared. I didn’t understand the urgency of fighting traffic to make it to daycare pick-up on time, or how hard it could be to visit a grocery store with a two-year-old. I didn’t know what it was like to have to set an example, constantly, all the time.

Now I’ve sacrificed all those little freedoms on the altar of parenthood, and of course I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would give it up all over again in a heartbeat. But sometimes I wish I could be more irresponsible. I wish that I could eat junk food for supper and sleep in, at all, ever. I wish I could spend my Sunday watching a movie marathon and eating ice cream out of the carton. In my underwear. While drinking wine. And swearing out loud without having to explain to anyone what that word means, and why you, as a seven-year-old, shouldn’t really use it.

Irresponsibility is so alluring to me these days. And so, once in a while, I rebel in small ways. I eat chocolate when no one’s looking. I turn on Saturday morning cartoons and plunk the kids down in front of the TV so that I can sleep longer. I stay up too late, almost every night. I let my kids sneak cookies and pretend I don’t see, because I don’t have the energy to call them on it. I hide in the bathroom to escape for a little while. Just little things, small things, that let me off the responsibility hook for a moment or two. These tiny rebellions allow me to maintain the illusion of independence, and let me feel as if it’s okay to get sick of being a grown-up.

And yet, I often find myself regretting my little moments of irresponsibility. Almost like clockwork, the night I stay up too late will be followed by the morning that my kids wake up too early. The bad word I slip up and say in front of my toddler will be repeated at full volume in the grocery store, in front of a throng of grandmotherly women. The cookies I let my children get away with pilfering will be all gone when I really need one. Irresponsibility comes at a price. And so I suck it up, and try to be responsible, even as I chafe against it. It’s tiring, but then pretty much everything is tiring these days. Why should setting an example for children be any different?

Do you ever rebel against responsibility? How do you do it? I’d love to hear!

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    Comments

    1. Andrea
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      January 29, 2013 at 9:52 am

      Yeah. (Esp. staying up late for “me” time and regretting it the next day!) I should rebel more. I sometimes wish there was some kind of club where people my age could go and dance to the music of our youth (and not be cougars :P ). I sort of wish I’d done more of that at the time. It’s not that I want to be back there or would trade anything, but, you know.
      Andrea’s last post … Enough With the Teacher-BashingMy Profile

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      • Amber
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        January 29, 2013 at 1:45 pm

        I wish I’d done more of that, too. For me, going to BlogHer kind of approximated the experience. Lots of women around the same age, getting away from their kids, and dancing their hearts out. I’m not going this year, but I’ll be sad to miss it.

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    2. Melissa says:
      January 29, 2013 at 9:53 am

      Yes – I rebel against responsibility. Very much! This was great to read – I could see myself with the cookies and the Sat. morning cartoons. What a dangerous and daring feeling it can be when a small person asks ‘Can I ______________?’ (where the blank is inevitably a request that a responsible parent would deny, saying ‘No, and this is why….’) and we just say ‘Yes.’ No conditions, compromises, time-limits, quid pro quos, etc. This reminds me of your great post about Mama Confessions.

      By the way – that is an awesome awesome picture of Hannah’s!!!
      Melissa’s last post … Rumi’s FieldMy Profile

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    3. Marija says:
      January 29, 2013 at 2:10 pm

      errr… I’m reading this from my 9-5 work (and it is not 5 yet)

      But I don’t call them irresponsibilities. I call them being human. Occasional curse word is not the end of the world. Nor is chocolate. Yes, I want to model the right behaviour, but I’m not aiming for righteous. Nothing is black and white, there are options and choices, and we can make wrong choice and so can kids. Removing mystique from some of the bad choices, having chocolate, or TV or even big bad Mc just teaches kids there is balance and multiple options. I want my kids to know that none of these choices is the end of the world, and their choices will be valued even if the make a “wrong” choice. Repeatedly.
      Now excuse me while I go pry Wii remote out of my kids hands. ;-) No, wait, I can’t – I have to make up for work not done at, ahem, work?

      Reply
    4. Heather says:
      January 29, 2013 at 2:51 pm

      Some days we all eat junk food just because. Life is too short and it’s not always fun. Some days playing hooky and eating crap is what’s important. Those are the memory days. Do them more often. It won’t hurt your children in the long run. But they will remember them and know how to cut loose and have fun and just ‘be’ when they are parents too.
      Heather’s last post … Growing Up ElectronicMy Profile

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    5. Melissa
      Twitter:
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      January 29, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      First, Hannah’s drawing is amazing. Second, yes to the urge to be irresponsible. Of course I have human moments when I let the wrong word slip or realize how much chocolate I’ve stress eaten, but I guess my biggest way of letting the desire to be irresponsible be, is to simply imagine myself in alternate realities for a moment or two. For a few moments I imagine myself somewhere else. Perhaps napping on the beach with a cold beverage beside me. Then I realize how hot and sandy I’d be and try to get back to embracing the present ;)
      Melissa’s last post … Vegan SnickerdoodlesMy Profile

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    6. Dana says:
      January 29, 2013 at 5:23 pm

      Oh I love this post Amber! I totally hide in the bathroom and i have many moments where i miss those old (er, young) carefree days. As for staying up late I never do because my baby doesn’t sleep, but I fantasize about it (actually I fantasize about sleep). I’m all for sneaking chocolate and like another poster said, saying yes for the heck of it, because I’m tired of saying no.

      Hannah’s drawing is truly unbelievable! I mean, it looks like it could be in a children’s book. That is serious talent.
      -Dana
      Dana’s last post … Meatloaf in a Muffin Tin, no joke!My Profile

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    7. ebbandflo (@pomomama)
      Twitter:
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      February 2, 2013 at 11:27 am

      yes – constantly, in answer to your Q, but i’m not giving away my secrets (except that confining my curse words to ones that are not recognised round these parts is extremely liberating, and i get to snigger knowingly when my Wee Guy drops one in public)
      ebbandflo (@pomomama)’s last post … self – portrait thursday : pull up a seatMy Profile

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    8. Francesca
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      February 5, 2013 at 3:46 am

      all I can say is that it’s only the beginning – you know when they say: “little kids = little responsibility” and “big kids = big responsibility”? it’s ALL true! :)
      Francesca’s last post … eleven years laterMy Profile

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    9. christy
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      February 9, 2013 at 10:42 am

      My moment of irresponsibility was this morning. I stayed up way to late with my husband to carve out some much needed couple time last night. 3 yo woke up at 7 am (a sleep in for her no less) so I told her to go wake up her older sisters (8 1/2 and 6). They took her downstairs, turned on the tv, made something for her to eat and played with her.

      My payback was coming downstairs an hour later to find a carpet of chocolate cake crumbs all over my kitchen floor.
      christy’s last post … Communication is KeyMy Profile

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