13-month-old Jacob is really walking these days. He can handle uneven terrain, he can get up without help or anything to support him, he can pivot and turn. He takes great delight in his new abilities. Sometimes he just walks laps around the kitchen and laughs with glee. It’s fabulous to watch, and even though I’ve seen this before with my daughter Hannah, it never gets old. I bet you it would still be miraculous to see if I had 12 children.
Jacob walking one month ago
I could not wait for those first steps. I wondered when my little man would stop clinging to my hands, and then my hand, and then just my finger for dear life. When he would have the confidence to venture forth on his own. I was so eager and excited on his behalf. Let’s face it, watching a baby master new skills is inspiring and exciting.
Jacob walking last week
And then Jacob reached the same point that I remember Hannah reaching. He went from sort of being able to walk but mostly crawling, to walking. It was as if he just got up one morning and decided, “All right, then, henceforth I shall walk.” And he did. He falls down, and he gets back up. He doesn’t resort to crawling when the distances are great or he wants speed. Sometimes he even walks with no particular destination in mind. (Or, at least, no destination that I can see.)
Mid-step
But. But. It’s suddenly become very bittersweet for me. I offer Jacob my hand, and he bats it away. I try to help him up, and he declines. I kneel in front of him with my arms out and he walks around me. He is going places, and he doesn’t need my help to get there thankyouverymuch. I was handy as a sort of learning aid, but he’s not learning anymore. And I feel sad.
Escaping from me
Parenting is this dance. You’re trying to help your kids learn new skills, and it’s fun. You help them on the path to independence and you love each other fiercely and that’s all good. But the inevitable outcome is that they, well, become independent. Sometimes, when I am alone with two cranky children and it’s dinnertime and I’m all out of ideas and don’t want to cook that sounds fabulous. I dream of being able to say, “Fend for yourselves, children, and make a little extra for me.” But the truth is that I will miss this time terribly, when I was the sun, moon and stars to two little people. I know I will.
I can’t be the only one who becomes nostalgic every time my kids master a new skill. I know I can’t. Please, commiserate with me as my baby turns into a toddler before my very eyes.
Its been an adventure for me too. My moment of “oh wow, my baby is growing up AHHH!” was when my son figured out how to get off the couch by himself without needing my help.
Now that my son is walking (nay, he is RUNNING) he likes to grab my hand and pull me along to wherever he is going, and makes “Bah!” noises at me to play with the toys or show me the thing he was looking at. So, even though I may not be holding his hand so he can walk, he is holding mine to include me in his discovery. I love that!
.-= caroline´s last post ..Alien Al =-.
My son is a little older than yours – he’s 18 months – and I do miss those times when he was more dependent on me. I’m so, so thankful he’s a snuggly guy, because he still runs up and hugs me all the time.
It’s so fascinating to see what they are learning and yet we miss the old days of dependency. Parenthood is so full of mixed emotions. No wonder my husband always says “You have to be crazy to have kids.” (He’s just kidding.)
So true. My little one is just now learning to babble, and I get so terribly excited every time he says “Ba, ba, ba.” We get into little “conversations” where he says “ba, ba, ba” and I say it back to him and then he says it back to me and then his eyes just light up with excitement at being able to “communicate” like he sees the big people doing. I can hardly wait until we can exchange words with real meaning behind them. What will this little creature of mine choose to say?
So far, I’m not nostalgic for those early days of hyper-dependency and every new skill my son acquires towards more dependence is a huge relief to me, but perhaps that’s because he is my first child and I plan to have more. I can imagine such milestones are really bittersweet when it’s your last baby who’s doing them.
.-= Sarah´s last post ..Now we are six =-.
Oh Amber we’re JUST getting to that point now! And I’m so excited! But I know exactly what you mean, it’s such a mixed feeling. Everyday he’s leaving more and more of his babyhood behind and every milestone is both a celebration and a letting go.
Kai’s been a little slow getting going with walking, being completely enamoured with crawling but all of a sudden he’s decided that walking is the way to go. He’s sooo close too! He’s not quite got the confidence to let go yet but has just spent the whole afternoon toddling round holding on with one finger. I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest with pride and love.
Every day he gets that bit more sure of himself, he’s started taking that little one-two step to me. I know it’s not going to be long before he’s charging round and I have to say goodbye to my little baby for good.
Hurray for our fabulous boys, hurray for toddlerhood and all the amazing adventures it’s going to bring. And goodbye to the little babies that they were and will always remain so in our hearts.
xxx
xx
.-= Josie´s last post ..Yo Mama =-.
Just remember… he’ll never stop needing you. You’ll still be who he goes to to learn new things, to try out new skills, to test things on. He’ll continue to need you greatly, just for new and different things. It only gets better. You’re his mama… his moon and stars still.
.-= Jasie VanGesen´s last post ..Being subversive and controversial again. Imagine that. =-.
I am 28 years old. I consider myself to be a fiercely independent woman, and yet when life gets overwhelming, I still call mama. Because she knows me, and loves me, and I don’t know what i’d do without her.
waaaah, I remember that bittersweetness.
Wait until they leave you at the classroom door without looking back — ouch!
Thankfully they still let me hold their hands in parking lots (it’s a safety thing, and I won’t go even a step without a firm grip on them). But it’s not the same really. What I really like is when they reach for my hand on their own…. that still melts my heart in a big puddle of love!
.-= *pol´s last post ..Bribery in Parenting. =-.
those pics are so cute!
they grow up too fast.
.-= Rebecca´s last post ..A Book for her Brother =-.
Oooh, a walker! Congratulations. It’s amazing how challenging walking is, or many of the other skills that babies have to master in those first months and years.
.-= Lady M´s last post ..A Closet More Ridiculous Than Mine =-.
I love it! Mine will be walking soon, I’m sure. He’s already into everything crawling.
I hear you! Every single day there is a moment when I look at the almost 3 year old girl in front of me and wonder where time has went. After all it was only yesterday she was born. How can she then today put her shoes on herself? Put on her coat? It’s sad and exciting at the same time!
.-= Mel´s last post ..Tea break =-.
Yup. Going through exactly this. First they stagger into a standing position. Then they take those first few steps. And then they run away! My baby! Running away! From me!
.-= Betsy´s last post ..I’m So Pregnant =-.