I love my children to pieces. They are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. But like a lot of parents I look back on my carefree youth wistfully. I didn’t appreciate how good I had it before I had kids. Here are some of the things I miss from my child-free days:
1. Sleeping in. What I wouldn’t give to just lay in bed uninterrupted for as long as I wanted.
2. Cute summer dresses. I have been nursing almost non-stop for over 4 years. Yes, you can find cute nursing dresses. But they’re expensive and you have to mail order them. The result is that I haven’t worn a cute summer dress in a very long time.
3. Afternoon reading. I used to spend weekend afternoons curled up with a good book. This is pretty much impossible with a 4-year-old and a 10-month-old constantly vying for my attention. Sigh.
4. Having two free hands. Sometimes the most basic tasks just feel totally impossible when I have a baby on my hip. Thank heavens for baby carriers or I would never get anything done!
5. Grown-up music. I listen to a lot of Raffi and Wiggles these days. ‘Nough said!
6. Eating junk food. Back in my kid-free days I could just decide to eat a chocolate bar if and when I felt like it. Now I’m trying to set a good example. Plus, it’s impossible to eat a treat in front of a preschooler and not share. I need to sneak treats, and it’s rather tedious sometimes.
7. Weekend getaways. I would like to be able to drive someplace for the weekend without risking a screaming baby and having to pack more gear than our car can hold. Plus, there’s nothing terribly relaxing about vacationing with children.
8. Singing. I used to sing in a choir. I would now, too, except the choir practice doesn’t mesh with the kids’ schedule. I miss it, and I really look forward to the day I can take it up again.
9. Easy shopping. I used to try on shoes just for kicks, or take leisurely trips to the grocery store. But now there’s just so much crying and whining. Please can I just have the Dora fruit snacks? How about these cookies? Please-please-please-please-please! And don’t even get me started parking lots. Toddlers and parking lots will be the death of me.
Jon and I in Nova Scotia, on our last big trip pre-kids
Oh, how I wish I’d enjoyed my freedom more while it lasted. What about you? If you could go back in time what would you appreciate more than you could ever have imagined?
Thank you Amber, I appreciate that you've reminded me to enjoy this pre-children time. I can imagine it is like my youth, I wasn't fully aware that that was one of the best times in my life until I was able to reflect on it.
Going to movies… I used to go to about 2 per month, now I'm lucky if it's 2 per year. And the 2 I DO see now are more likely than not to be kids' movies.
Well at least you HAD those carefree childless days. Imagine if Jonny had knocked you up when you were 20?
I really miss the ability to go out somewhere with my husband. Since we don’t have any family here in town, we usually have to go out by ourselves to various sports events, movies, or parties, while the other one stays home to sit with the kids. It feels so strange now when we are both sitting in a car with no kids in the backseat — like we’re on the lam!
I know exactly how you feel. But, I always remind myself that in a few years I will probably be willing to give anything to have my kids be young again, so I just do my best to enjoy it as much as possible.
Sleeping in!
I also miss dancing. We don’t get to do much of that, even as exercise, since I’d miss “prime time” with the boys if I went to ballet class in the evening.
That is a good list. I miss reading and traveling most.
My husband and I like to do our little routine where we say “what should we do today?”. “Go to a movie?” “nah, there is nothing good on.” “Go to the new Mexican place?”. “No, we were just there last week. I am so tired of Thai food too.” “Go for coffe?” “Okay, I guess since there is nothing else to do. Let me grab my book”.
Now it is a toss between the park and the museum.
I keep telling myself I will miss this time when the kids are older…
Travelling. I wish I’d travelled even more than I did and am already wondering if its at all possible. I even dreamt last night about driving around Europe with a baby in a sling!
sigh! so true – totally with you on all these.
i’m just hanging in there waiting for september when grade 1 ie. fulltime (cough) school starts. in some ways i’m really glad i only have one child – the second one would be subject to all the mounting frustrations re: my constant shadow.
however, on the last day of kindergarten i was almost a basket-case thinking how fast my time with my wee guy was slipping thru my fingers and it would never come back.
ach motherhood!
PS: travelling with one child has been wonderful – i’ve travelled solo with the wee guy back to the UK a few times and made trips around and about the island. this summer we’ll be back in scotland by ourselves with a side trip to grandparents in spain. i’m looking forward to more adventurous travel once he can carry a back pack of size! he’s interested too!
I miss deciding on a whim to go to the movies. Now that involves planning a week ahead of time. I hate parking lots too, and right now I only have ONE toddler. Yesterday at the library I made her hold my hand to walk to the van (that’s the rule–she’s still little), so she screamed “NO I WANT TO DO IT SELF!!!” Then she started pulling the old “if you won’t let go of my hand, I’ll just go limp like a dead fish” trick. I had to drag her because if she’d put her little legs on the hot pavement it would’ve burned!
You may not be able to envision it, but once they've grown up all is possible again. I've passed this on to my daughter as I know she can relate!!
I hear you, although I’m a few years further on, and a lot of those things are possible again (and I do miss a lot of things, although every stage gives you new great things too). Next year Eve will be in grade one and my mind boggles at what I’m going to do with myself with SIX free hours every day.
I have cautiously started introducing my kids to some grown-up music, which is fun and entertaining (Eve does a mean Fred Eaglesmith imitation. Angus loves “Englishman in New York” by Sting. Pregnancy hormones and asthma medication seem to have eighty-sixed my formerly good singing voice, so that’s a lasting regret.
The really great thing I think is, as you said, we didn’t really appreciate our freedom before kids. Now when I get a chance to do something by myself unencumbered or alone with my husband, I really appreciate it. And I think as we have more of those opportunities, we will savour that freedom more than we would have if we hadn’t lost it (willingly) for a while.
brain, child’s topic for letters next month is just this. send a letter!
Definitely expose them to grown up music. My daughter prefers it now. One of her favorite songs since she was a toddler is Parliament’s “Make My Funk the Pfunk.” One morning I found her curled up in my bed listening to Cindytalk’s “Camoflauge Heart” at top volume. She recognizes Sigur Ros by sound, and has asked me to play “The Crying Light” by Antony & the Johnsons “again” after it finished. Of course, Mommy has weird taste in music and now so does she.
What I miss most about pre-Mommy days is simply the opportunity to do whatever I want when I want and to do it with with little or no interruption. The opp to just sit quietly and concentrate on something without someone screaming “Mommy” every 30 seconds or kicking my chair.
I don’t know if I can find much to add, you hit on so many! I wish I could share this with my younger, childless friends who say they’re “ready for kids.” You’re never ready! I laughed when I got to the one on junk food. For everyone who thinks their bodies go to pot when they have kids, I have to agree that I eat better now than I ever did (although I have zero time for exercise). Just today I took my 23-month-old out for lunch to a favorite sandwich place, and I found myself ordering the shrimp and watercress salad with a blueberry smoothie, just so I can be a good role model. I guess it’s paying off though, because he’s not a picky eater, and he loves fruit and broccoli. I don’t know too many mothers at daycare who can say that!
Hey, I guess I do have it pretty good!
going to the bathroom by myself….I mean, I can go in there bymyself now, but then there is all the banging and sreaming if I lock the door, and if I don’t, well, then there are the little ones you come in and want to have a conversation with me, and then comment that it is stinky!
I also miss listening to my music in the car…really loudly. I love angry music every once in awhile…Tool, Limp Bizkit, Metallica. It just seems wrong to scream “break your F^&%ing face tonight!” while I have my children in the car with me.
There are so many things I miss. Sleep has to be the biggest one. After that, freedom. Deciding I want to go and just getting up and going. That’s a luxury you don’t realize you have until it’s gone.
I relate to all of that….. and making what I want for dinner (or even skipping a meal if I felt like it). I am very tired of planning aroud 4 different stomachs for three meals a day.
I so relate to many of these things!! I was just saying about the sundresses to someone else!
I miss eating out, and as someone said, skipping/winging meals…
But, I wouldn’t trade it for the world what we have with the kids -we’ll recapture all of that stuff in a few short years I suspect…
Great post!
Oh, this is another amusing post (just found you through GardenMama). You know, I never gave up my afternoon reading, no matter how messy my house is, or how tired and how busy I am, or what deadline I have, I always get to read 20-30 mins at “nap time” (my boys went from nap time to quite and reading time for mommy, and I’ll do just the same with my youngest).
Given that I don’t yet have kids, I really like looking that this list. I feel like I’ll be sligggghhtly more prepared when it happens, and know for sure that it’s worth it
Thanks for posting.
Sleep.
Going to movies in the middle of the afternoon because we were walking down the street and saw that something good was showing. This is a rather specific example of the spontaneity theme, which as you’ve mentioned includes reading a book all afternoon just because you feel like it.
Going to good restaurants, being able to linger over the menu, eat slowly and actually stay for dessert and coffee.
Go to shows at the Commodore and dancing to the wee hours of morning.
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