It’s Thursday and I’m Crafting my Life! February’s theme is time management. In the past few weeks I wrote about the nature of having no time, how I’m learning to seize the moment and how it’s hard to find time with small children underfoot. This week, I’m talking about recognizing when the time isn’t right. I also have links at the end of this post to some other fabulous bloggers and their thoughts on time management, so be sure to check them out!
At the end of my post last week I said that if what you’re doing is soul-destroying, it’s probably not your dream. And back in January when I talked about goal-setting I said that you don’t have to run off and achieve all of your dreams right now. Dreams have no expiration date. Today, I’d like to explore both of these ideas a little further, in the context of BlogHer 2010.
BlogHer is a big annual conference of women bloggers, and it’s being held in New York City from August 5-7 this year. I really, really wanted to go. I didn’t go last year because Jacob was not even 1 year old yet, but he was mobile and not-so-portable so I settled instead for attending the I’m Not Going to BlogHer Pity Party. I made grand promises that next year, which is now this year, I would make it to BlogHer. It’s a huge networking event, and it would be chance to meet all the bloggers I read and love. It’s being held in a city that I’ve long wanted to visit. My husband has more than enough frequent flyer miles saved up to send me there and back.
But. But, but, but. New York is very far from Vancouver. The conference is the week before Jacob’s 2nd birthday, and I expect that he will still be breastfeeding. I don’t think that I will be ready to be away from him for 3 nights. I tried to convince Jon to come along and turn it into a family vacation, but he doesn’t relish the idea of spending days and nights alone with a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old in a bustling and busy city, and I can’t blame him. While I could see taking the kids to New York at some point, the ideal time would not be when they’re still so young. I could bring Jacob myself, but traveling alone with a 2-year-old scares me, and would seriously limit my ability to participate.
This has been a months-long internal struggle for me. I want to go, but I most emphatically do not want to leave my nursling for several nights. I know that other moms make different decisions, and I support their choice. Please do not read judgment here, because I honestly have none. I have waffled back and forth on this so many times, convinced I should just go and that it would all be fine, and then equally convinced that my toddler would hate me for leaving him. The longest I have ever been away from my 5-year-old is 24 hours, and usually around the 23 hour mark I get antsy.
A couple of things helped me to make my personal decision. The first was reading Annie at PhD in Parenting’s thoughts about leaving her kids. She said that when her kids were old enough to hold a phone conversation and understand when she would return she found that she was able to leave them with family members. Jacob is not at all verbal and has no idea what time means, and I doubt that will change substantially in the next 5-6 months. The second thing that helped me was listening to Meagan Francis and Gina Crosley-Corcoran talk about raising big families on BlogTalk radio. Meagan is a mom of 5 and she pointed out how short kids’ early months and years really are.
Here’s the thing – some times are harder than others. Some times are not the right times to pursue one particular dream or goal. And that’s OK. It is OK to put something on the backburner for a while as you have a baby or finish school or deal with a health issue or save up your downpayment. It does not mean the end of your dream. If the struggle is driving you crazy, you can let it go, at least for a while. I was so caught up in BlogHer 2010 that I forgot there will be a BlogHer 2011 and a BlogHer 2012 and a BlogHer 2017. No, they won’t be the same. But they will be fabulous in their very own ways. They might even be a little bit closer to home or more accessible to me for other reasons.
If you can’t work around your toddler right now, or you can’t make it to a particular event or training session, it is going to be all right. Sometimes the best way to manage your time is take things off your plate and lower your expectations. Free yourself from the guilt and remember that 2 years from now things will be totally different. And maybe along the way you will discover other options, and other dreams, that you’d never considered while you were beating yourself up because you couldn’t make it to BlogHer 2010.
Now it’s your turn. Have you written a post about time management? If so, enter the details below. And whether you have or not, go check out these other blogs and get a time-ly dose of inspiration. (Ha! I am punny.)
I pretend to be Jon and truck around that amazing city with Hannah and Jacob, no problem! When do we leave again?
PS…I will leave mine behind so I will only have to focus on yours.
.-= Heather´s last post ..Perfectionist Picasso =-.
I’ve had it on my calender all month to write a post for this link up; I guess since it’s a short month I didn’t have the time! I love your post and have marked my calender for next month’s link up.
The post I was cooking up was about making the time for practicing yoga- which I do in the kitchen while making dinner. This might not sound like the most yogic practice, but I am a mama yogini and it’s when I have time. I can hold poses while the water boils- the kids running in and out of my downward dog tunnel. It’s fun, I feel better afterward and my body enjoys it. And as with most mother, it’s efficient doing two things at once!
.-= Shannon´s last post ..What’s Happening Wednesday =-.
So very interesting, I wrote about this very topic myself just last night. My perspective is quite different but for very different reasons. I’ve been away from my nursing baby for a couple of nights in a row. It was hard, but I suspect more on me than on him. In fact, the nights that I was away and he was with my parents, he slept through. Lucky them! The first night we were back together, he decided he would resume waking up a couple of times a night. Funny how that works.
I completely understand your decision, you need to do it in your own time and when you are ready.
Really good post!
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last post ..Time away =-.
I’m definitely more okay with being away from my kids than you are BUT I will say I don’t really want to do a multi-night trip away from Amelia until she is finished nursing.
Since you can’t(or won’t
go to BlogHer’10 will you be attending Northern Voice in May? I’m considering attending for one day of it (I don’t have that particular Friday off so it will just be the Saturday if I go)
Let’s plan for BlogHer ’11! Maybe it will be closer than all the way across the freakin’ continent (tho going to NYC would be awesome!)
.-= Carrie´s last post .."But {insert name here} doesn’t have to!" =-.
I would say the issue isn’t that he will be okay when you’re away — he very may well be. But if you’re not okay, you won’t be able to fully engage in the experience and it would be a tragic waste of air miles
. You have every right to decide what’s best for you and your kids. (Big talk from someone who waffles endlessly about missing one book club meeting or volunteer day when I have a migraine that would ensure that I am a danger while driving. Should I? Should I not? Am I just being lazy? It’s a wonder my husband doesn’t smack me more often. I mean at all).
.-= allison´s last post ..****************Balance. On skates. While swinging a bat. And eating McDonald’s. =-.
It sounds to me like you are very intune with your own instincts.
I also have only left my 4.5 year old for 24 hours (when he was 2) and we came back pretty much right when he was at his limit. When you co-sleep, nights away are much harder to plan. For me, as long as my nursling is not night-weaned, I don’t consider a night away – it’s not fair to nursling (who is easier to distract with activities in the day than at night) and it’s not fair to the temporary care-giver.
I know a time will come for time away in the future. I’m not in a rush. I gained a lot of perspective about the swiftness of childhood by having a second baby. I just couldn’t wrap my head around that one when I only had one child.
.-= BluebirdMama aka @childbearing´s last post ..On Finding Time =-.
There will always be a next time. And as everyone already said, you do have to do what is most comfortable for you.
If BlogHer’10 wasn’t on my side of the continent I don’t know if I would be going. Somehow a one hour plane ride doesn’t seem so far away.
.-= Capital Mom´s last post ..Some =-.
Glad you made a decision you are comfortable with. For what it’s worth, I left my nursling at home for what was supposed to be a 3-day trip. He did ask for me and was sad that I was gone, but he has a great dad who took great care of him. The day I headed to the airport, I was SO ready to get back to my boys. Then I got bumped off my flight and ended up stuck in Seattle for another 3 days. It was a nightmare. That was WAY too long to be away from my kid. I am going to BlogHer, but I want my family to come with. It will be a long time before I travel without them again!
I so know where you are coming from. “Not now” doesn’t mean “not ever”.
.-= Mel´s last post ..Love Thursday: TTV and weirdos. =-.
Amber, I can just feel my opinionated self bursting with LOTS of good advice I’m sure you don’t really need. I’ll come back to this in the morning.
.-= Francesca´s last post ..In & out of these doors =-.
I totally understand why you aren’t going to BlogHer. Even though I am and don’t have to worry about the breastfeeding issue (since Em went and weaned herself a few months ago) I’m still a little bit antsy about leaving the kids. I’ve never been away from Em for more than 5 hours and the longest I was away for K was when I was in the hospital having Em. NYC seems really far away…cause it is! It’d be cool if you could of gone though. Next year.
I apologize for not writing a post, Amber. I left it to last night (cause that’s just how I role) and I absolutely drew a blankity-blank. In the end I’ve posted zilch today.
Sorry! Next month.
.-= Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves´s last post ..Dancing: Wordless Wednesday =-.
OMG. That’s how I roll…not role. D’oh! Today is not going well…
.-= Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves´s last post ..Dancing: Wordless Wednesday =-.
My time management usually consists of trying to find ways to include my kids in the things I really want to do that could otherwise keep me away from them. For example, they’re coming with me to BlogHer ’10. My husband is coming too, so he can be with them during the day, and we can all be together at night. In planning to spend 5 weeks in Rome this summer, we decided to do the same thing – bring the kids and husband (and my mother-in-law) with. Of course, that’s not always possible, but that’s usually the first thing I’ll try before counting myself out of something. I have a lot I want to accomplish, and much of it is time-sensitive (like Rome, this will be my last summer that I can do an international program before graduation.)
I like that you’re able to take things off your plate though. I’m always finding ways to overfill mine. That’s just my personality – but it does motivate me to accomplish things that I may otherwise procrastinate about.
.-= TheFeministBreeder´s last post ..A Fish Potty Trained My Child =-.
I totally understand how you feel. What are you going to do? I mean, it’s far, it’s impractical. Too bad though, I’m in NYC! Should you ever convince Jon to venture out from Vancouver, come on down and say hello!
But I understand how he could have reservations about being along with the kids for that long.
The time isn’t right, and that’s okay!
.-= Old School/New School Mom´s last post ..Fighting With Text Messaging =-.
Love this!
.-= Kristen´s last post ..Because January 1 always has to have an awkward moment =-.
I think when you go over and over all the possibilities for doing something and it just doesn’t feel right, you know the answer.
Come to Northern Voice instead! >> http://2010.northernvoice.ca/
hehe…
.-= harrietglynn´s last post ..WP.com Downtime Summary =-.
I would love to see you at Blogher ’10 (or ’11 or ’12)!
I went to Blogher ’08 when Buster was 3 months old, because the site was only 50 miles away. He did great. I did terribly, because the breast pump experience was a disaster. I ended up driving back many times during the weekend to nurse him. Ouch! (The conference itself was fun though.)
.-= Lady M´s last post ..Fashion, Self Defense, and Technology in One Glossy Package =-.
What the hay. Totally late to the party but I ended up writing my Friday post on time management (or lack thereof) so thought I’d submit it. Night!
.-= Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves´s last post ..An Excess of Questions (or I Got, Got, Got, Got No Time) =-.
Thank you so much for adding my post in the link up. When you published, I was away from any computer, here in France!
But I’d have done it this morning.
I find myself choosing to miss out on fun opportunities, but like you mentioned… these kids are babies once. When I look back on the past year, I have no regrets. As much as I want to have my ‘girl’ time, I love my ‘mommy’ time.
.-= Sara´s last post ..Rainy days =-.
You’re right…there will be BlogHer ’11 and BlogHer ’12 and each one will be better than the one before! Look forward to meeting you then, if not before.
.-= Annie @ PhD in Parenting´s last post ..Healthier Olympic Sponsorship Videos =-.
I’m afraid, I haven’t changed my mind overnight. Of course you can leave your kids for THREE days! And when you come back you’ll be a better mother! Of course there’s BlogHer … 2020, but that’s down the line! Freeing yourself from guilt means that occasionally (like once in 6 years) you do what’s best for you and not feel guilty. And what’s best for you is best for your family ultimately. That’s my bottom line. Baci.
.-= Francesca´s last post ..In & out of these doors =-.
Reminds me of a post I read last year before BlogHer where someone felt like she’d be missing out and wanted to figure out attending despite being due to give birth very shortly before the conference! Nope, sometimes the time just isn’t right.
I always struggle with leaving my kiddos – whether to go out for an evening or for a couple of days. Until last summer and BlogHer I had never left them overnight except with DH. They loved the visit to grandma and grandpa’s though and this year I am much more comfortable going without them – New York seems like a more adult vacation than my 2yo could handle anyway!
.-= Laurie´s last post ..WAHM Wednesday: Working Alone =-.
Oh, good, I was trying to work through this with Sam last night, whether going to BlogHer made any sense for me right now. I decided no but was wondering if I made the right decision. Maybe in August I’ll be kicking myself. But Sam said much the same thing you’ve said — that there’ll come a time when Mikko’s older than this and not so hard either to leave or to take along, and that would be a better time to manage a conference. Thanks for blogging about this!
.-= Lauren @ Hobo Mama´s last post ..Wordless Wednesday: Planting seeds =-.