It’s Thursday, and I’m Crafting my Life! Today I’m talking about making the decision to work from home while also taking care of my children.
This week I gave up my 16-month-old’s toddler daycare spots. We put him on the daycare wait lists early, the first one when I was pregnant and then a couple more in the first month after he was born. I was planning to return to work, and I wanted to be sure that I would have childcare when I needed it. Then I was was laid off, so in early May I called the daycare centres and changed my request from part-time care in August to full-time care in February. I had decided to give myself an extra 6 months of maternity leave, and I wasn’t sure what would happen when it was over so I covered my bases.
A few things happened in the 7 months since I made that call, as it turns out. I got a freelance gig. I have submitted a couple of articles for publication and have not received any reply yet, but it feels like movement. I am forming some idea of what I want my life to look like. And what I want is to be able to work part-time from home, in a way that allows me to generally carry my part of the financial load for our family.
While I’m making headway, I am not yet in a position where I am making much money. This is OK, because I don’t expect to be. I have a financial plan in place because I am charting a new course, and that is going to take some time. However, taking on the added expense of daycare right now would change the picture significantly. It would mean I would need to be making more money on a shorter timeframe. I would lose a lot of the flexibility I currently have to see how this path unfolds.
It is possible that signing up for daycare and giving myself a deadline would motivate me. It would certainly force the issue and reduce the dithering I’ve got going on. But you know what? I don’t really want to force the issue. I don’t really want to leap before I’m good and ready. And I think that’s OK. In our culture we place a lot of value on action and productivity and Getting Things Done. These are all good things, for sure. But taking some time and being in contemplation and moving slowly are also good things. Maybe we all need a chance to dither once in a while.
I have worked for pretty much my whole adult life. I have Gotten Things Done and jumped in and motivated myself into action. I understand what that is and how it works. If I needed to, I could do it again, and do it well. But this journey I’m on to craft my life isn’t about that. While I liked having the safety net of daycare as an option, the lovely daycare providers are not in the business of providing me with an out. They needed to know whether I would ever really use the spot, and I needed to accept that maybe it’s OK to not have all my bases covered all the time.
So, I turned down daycare. I have accepted that I am working at home with at least one toddler for company, and usually a preschooler to boot. I do not get nearly as much done as I otherwise could, because I am frequently interrupted to deal with crises or change diapers or visit the playground. I am learning to prioritize and let things go. I just can’t get as much done as I could when I had many hours a week to myself in which to do it. Even something as basic as calling and making a dentist appointment was much easier from the privacy of my office at work than from my living room with children underfoot.
I still face a lot of self doubt. What am I doing? Can I hack this work from home thing? Was I foolish to let daycare slip through my fingers? I don’t know the answers to these questions. But that is the gift I’m giving myself – the permission to not know. To, quite possibly, make some horrible mistakes. But also, I hope, to have some great successes. As I type from my keyboard covered in cookie dough and crumbs, in a room strewn with toys, I am mostly satisfied with my choice. And what more can I ask for than that?
PS – Voting is almost over for the Blog to Inspire contest and the first round of the Canadian Blog Awards. I would still really appreciate your support! You can find out how to give it by reading Stumping for Votes.
Everyone second guesses their decisions. It seems like you’ve thought this out and determined it’s be the best option, so now you just have to look forward and go with the flow.
You’ll be fine.
Boy, I so know what you mean about not being able to make a phone call with the children in the house. There were definitely some things that were a whole lot easier to accomplish when I was sitting in an office all day.
But right before Thanksgiving, an former coworker called and offered me a position doing what I used to do, and while I thought briefly about it (because of money only) I ultimately decided that now was not the time for me to be working outside the house. It took so much courage for me to leave my job, and ultimately being home with my kids is so much more satisfying than some job I don’t care about. I mean, the heavens would have to align, and a 10-hr a week, high paying, super fulfilling part time job would have to fall in my lap before I’d consider taking work outside the home before I finish my law degree.
I think you’re making the right decision. If you’ve got the chance to really set yourself up for the future, then take it.
.-= TheFeministBreeder´s last post ..Wordless Wednesday (Cartoon Couple Style) =-.
Good for you for making the decision that’s best for you and your family right now and sticking with it! I don’t think you’re foolish at all, and I hope you get pieces picked up for publication soon
.-= Maya ´s last post ..The Breastfeeding Doll =-.
From one work-at-home mom to another, I know it is stressful leaving the daycare option.
JUST make SURE you keep in touch with other moms that have similar aged kids! When you do get that dentist appointment booked, you may want to ask a favour from one of these peers. And in return have their toddler/preschooler over for a playdate another day for them. Strangely I have found that I can often get MORE done if my kids have a playmate in the house than when we are alone together. Invite the mom over for tea while the kids are playing too, it keeps the comfort level there and the lines of communication open, amazingly comforting and therapeutic for you and her. AND that way you don’t have to feel you are taking advantage of the other mom’s time to meet your own agenda. Otherwise you may be at the mercy of drop-in daycare centres, and my experiences with them have been extremely mixed and stressful on me and the kids.
You WILL need alone time occassionally (girl-thing doctor appointments for example)… but it CAN be done with a good network of 3 or 4 moms in place! (Or a really available grandparent, if you are so lucky).
.-= *pol´s last post ..NEWS FLASH!!! =-.
I make and take important phone calls in my bathroom…
I am so excited for you and this path you have chosen to take. I cannot wait to see where it will lead you and your family!
.-= Heather´s last post ..Holidays =-.
I admire you for canceling daycare. I know how difficult it was for me to drop that life-line when I did it last month so I can understand how difficult it might have been for you.
I think it’s great that you have managed to find some work to help out your family. I hope I’ll be able to do something similar. Without the cost of working (clothes, parking, insurance, daycare) even a small amount would help. Although I’ve been keeping my eyes open for work I often wonder if I will be able to hack it as having a 3 yr and a 14 mth old underfoot will make it tough. I admire you the ability and energy to do it.
Although I sometimes question my decision to leave my well-paid job I think that this time in our lives (meaning being in our 30s with a break from our original careers and with small children) is a pivotal one and, like you, I’m trying to take the time to really consider what I want to do with my life. Good luck!
.-= Marilyn´s last post ..Preschool Drama =-.
I’m happy for you. One of the greatest gifts children give us is to shake us out of our routines. You’re living an adventure. The fact that you’re making ANY money? Insanely awesome. Being there for the cookie crumbs and sparkle-strewn pasta? Priceless.
.-= Allison´s last post ..*************Flying by the Seat of Pants Recipes: Citrus Almonds =-.
Good luck and hope this works out for you Amber – you're doing a thing that most of us only think 'That would be nice'…you've done well in everything in life, I have no trouble believing you'll do great at this as well…
I think you are going to do it. It may be tough at times but I think it is going to all happen.
.-= Capital Mom´s last post ..Double =-.
I am so excited for you and more than a little jealous. If finances were different I would be working on a whole new path. I would be working from home and focusing on my passion. I have to also worry about health insurance since I carry it for our family. That is something I am not looking forward to dealing with when I leave my job one day. Private insurance in the US is a joke. In time I will get there. First tackling debt… Congrats to you!!
Crystal
I voted for you… and yea, I agree, it’s confusing? They didnt even notify us?
Re not working at an office, I’m kinda jealous. I’m new to this mat leave thing but already I worry how I’d ever want anyone else raising my kid. Working from home would be ideal.
.-= chicklet´s last post ..Vote for Me? =-.
“Permission to not know” sounds like something we all need to give ourselves… well said
Hang in there working SAHM (Stay at Home Mom). You can do it! Sometimes we surprise ourselves at what we end up accomplishing. I’m sure your kids will admire you one day for doing it too. I hope you get that freelance gig 
Thanks so much, Gary!
Good luck with this next stage of your life! Sounds promising and rewarding! I was so fortunate to be home with our children when they were young, working in our family business around their schedules. I now work full-time (actually more than full time!) and don’t know how people with young children balance it all; I would always feel guilty for something!
.-= Everydaywoman´s last post ..Aloha Friday #23: Weekend Plans? =-.
I can’t remember the last time I was able to make a well thought out plan, and carry it out without anything (big or small) coming in the way. For me, it’s been more a case of imponderabilia than permission not to know. I know you’ll do very well, and you’ll always come up with an equallly good plan B.
.-= Francesca´s last post ..Preemie =-.
In this life you just have to do what feels right for you, and what will make you happy. We don’t live long enough to put off chasing our dreams. So I think you’ve definitely done a sensible thing, and I hope you writing works out.
.-= Cave Mother´s last post ..I Never Knew What Nursing Meant To Me… =-.
I don’t know when I finally “accepted” the fact that I’d be staying at home for the (un)foreseeable future (which is a strange way to put it since *I* am the one who wanted to stay home in the first place. It just took some time to convince Tom).
I suppose any major change brings some kind of loss and some kind of gain. It’s ok to mourn the loss, even if you’re where you want to be. (Maybe mourn isn’t the right word to use for a daycare placement . . . fret? Second guess? I’m clearly not up to waxing poetic today.)
At any rate, congratulations on making the decision!
.-= Dionna´s last post ..Kieran’s Second Year =-.
Good for you! Venturing into the future takes bravery.
Childcare is so pricey, but I remind myself that it shall pass, and in half a dozen years I’ll need to worry about keeping enough food in the house for tween boys.
.-= Lady M´s last post ..Corn Dogs and Ice =-.
Congrats on making this choice for yourself and your family. It is HARD being a work at home mom, but I’m so happy at the same time I wouldn’t trade it for any other situation. I love the “permission to not know” it is so freeing.
.-= AmberDusick´s last post ..Rainy & Cozy Weekend =-.